karkatspda - Tumblr blog

karkatspda · 2 years ago

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you know, all these years later, and i never once stopped missing him. despite all the manipulation, all the lying, and all the emotional abuse i can recognize now, i still miss dave strider. it’s more nuanced than that, of course i don’t miss the way my dave treated me, but i just found this blog again as well as his matching one, and i know in my heart of hearts that he’s still the one for me. it just kind of sucks for me that he integrated with another alter long, long ago. maybe i’ll find his spirit in another way, if i sit and meditate hard enough. maybe if i pray and cry and beg hard enough some deity will find and give him back to me, and i can finally rest peacefully knowing we’re together again. all these years and i still love him just as much as the day we met.

#i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately #i’m 24 now #so so much has changed and i’ve grown up and so has the rest of his system #or those who remain at least #i’ve been with my (currently complicated) boyfriend for just shy of 5 years #he’s seen me sob my heart out through my throat over dave #and i really do love the man. truly i do #but i’m starting to realize that i still love dave and that i never stopped #and for as much as i love my current man #i love dave more #and i think i always will #Edit almost 9 months later: fuck that asshole actually. My ex was a massively manipulative and cheating fucking asshole #I don’t love that man anymore and i am so fucking thankful i ripped that blindfold off #Still yearn and ache for dave tho

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karkatspda · 8 years ago

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Do not indulge in love. It hurts far, far too bad when it gets taken away, and I really, honestly cannot imagine a greater pain.

#there's nothing i can do he's gone #i still love him #i still love him so so nmuch #'but he's gone and i can't talk to him anymore and i miss him so much it hurts so fucking bad #i am still so so in love with him #i always will be and it's been so long since i've felt anything like this but it hurts and i still ove him #i wanna cry i actually looked forward to talking to him i actually cared about him i actually #i don't feel anything anymore #i rarely ever actually feel anything anymore i just react i don't *feel* anything in my heart #but now i'm feeling something and it's hurting so fucking bad #text #okay to reblog #negative //

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karkatspda · 8 years ago

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I. Had a dream that he texted me on our app

#he texted me and then he was like 'NOPE nope nope nope next weekend lol'#he had texte me a couple time before spaced out over a while and i just got the notif for one of em #i haven't dreamt about him in so long and i don't even know why i did i just. did #i need to ask kitty if he's there i need to #sea if he's ok #i mean kitty wanted to tell me several months ago something about him in headspace but i wouldn't've been able to handle it at that point in #time #but now i need to know #and that wasn't the first text either

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