khonichudail - Tumblr blog

[khonichudail]

I've these days where I feel like doing nth where i feel so numb so empty that I can't even breathe all i do is lay down and listen to music. I can't even cry. I'm j there but not really? I'm simply being nothing.

[khonichudail]

[khonichudail]

Being sick teaches you that reasons are just poor attempts at justifying misfortune.

[khonichudail]

i refuse to be the girl who understands. I'll always be the girl who'll stay hungry for better.

[khonichudail]

if I can't be pretty then I'll be dead.

if i can't be dead then I'll be pretty.

[khonichudail]

I wish i cld be sunshine but I'm always going to be midnight rain

[khonichudail]

being a south delhi girl is actually pretty amazing. Everyone around me is an it girl 😋🙏🏽

[khonichudail]

baby see hoe main south delhi ki vegan wali diet almond wala ghee mera man jo karega nah main wahi krugi aisi choti moti gadiyon main mein nahi bethungi (this part of the song is stuck in my head for some reason 😭😭😭😭)

[khonichudail]

I refuse to have friends or lovers anymore. I'm not mentally stable and i always fuck the other person up. Having unstable relationships is litreally part of my symptoms it's better this way i hate everyone anyways.

[khonichudail]

maybe i genuinely have blood on my hands lmao 🤣

[khonichudail]

oh everytime i relate to a charchter who's fucked up in the head and harms others I hear my psychatrist's voice in my head telling me how he's protecting other ppl because he cares for them from me because idgaf. 💀🙏🏽

Makes me feel so unhinged like these mere neurotypical ppl are trying to change me and tame me into smth that's more acceptable by the society

[khonichudail]

I relate to them and aspire to be them fr 🙏🏽

They're my everything to me they're goddess heart eyes frfr 😍👍🏽

[khonichudail]

On this valentine's day I hope everyone i hate gets crushed by their lovers and get broken up w. Amen.

[khonichudail]

coffee will rescue me 🙏🏽

Cold coffee w no sugar strong enough to last me throughout the night. Early morning we see sunrise as we used to and then sleep for 2-3hrs or j not sleep at all cuz who cares I don't need sleep anyways

[khonichudail]

alright I've five nights before my exams start.

the night before my eng exam goes to eng ofc. The rest four goes to one subject each. So I've an entire night (roughly 10hrs) to finish off the entire syllabus for that particular subject. I j skim thro everything and revise whatever I've learnt in mid terms. For finals I'll focus on what i already know and have been taught in schl. The ones I haven't studied they don't matter I j need to pass. I'll go thro everything and get 70-80% that'll be more than enough considering my mental health and how lil i care ab exams rn because i obv wanna kms and die but i also know I've to earn my freedom and in order to do that I've to pass 11th. I can't fail at any cost. I'll do whatever i have to. Idts I'll need to cheat to pass but if my anxiety is too much and i think I'll experience brain fog then I'll cheat as well. It's alright by me frfr. I j gotta focus my entire attention on studying.

[khonichudail]

wearing a saree used to make me feel like the prettiest bahu alive 😭😭😭

Having many of your mom's dupattas reserved for you playing ghar ghar as a kid was a hot girl thing.