Woman: My boyfriend is such a golden retriever
Me (trying to be open minded but clearly disgusted): Oh cool. I didn't know certain laws had changed
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“I’ll just rest my eyes” is the biggest lie you’re going straight to snorkmimimi land
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shoutout to when i worked at an extremely poorly managed farm and my boss texted me only “get pig” and wouldn’t respond to attempts to reach him
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I went to a psychic, and she told me that I would be totally heartbroken in 14 years.
I felt so bad about this, I went and got a puppy.
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