kissof-judas - Tumblr blog

[kissof-judas]

This one kind of looks like Mother Mary is stepping out of a giant vagina.

[kissof-judas]

“Inseminary”

or “Lockpick to the Priesthood” or “Come Unto Me” or “Pearl Necklace of Great Price” or “Faith is Like a Little Seed”

Authentic stolen holy text, Near Clear silicone, gold pigment.

I went to the mormon church’s website, looked up their views on homosexuality, noted the scriptures they referenced, ripped them by hand out of the bible and book of mormon I stole from their chapel, and then mixed them into a silicone dildo of my own design like confetti. A dildo which will of course be used for homosexual purposes.

I’ve wanted to try dildo making for literally over a decade. I don’t have any fancy equipment like a 3D printer or a vacuum chamber, I made the sculpt by hand, and I fucked up a lot along the way, but all that being said I’m proud of what I was able to accomplish and I learned a lot. I put in more gold than I meant to, but honestly, it was meant to represent scripture’s gilded edges, and as it turned out, it looks really beautiful or quite filthy depending on the lighting, which feels entirely appropriate for scripture.

It was hard to read all of those verses. But as I tore them up I bathed them in the intention to take words that were meant to inflict queer pain wherever they go, and say “Actually, I pull those words out when I want some queer pleasure.” Build joy where they want you to have it the least.

Read about/donate to the Timpanogos tribe, for whom brigham young sent out an “extermination order”

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“Eternal or Nothing”

I mean the more literal question is right there - can I wager 10% of my life’s income? Sure, if it’s in the motherfucking casino of zion.

Read about/Donate to the Timpanogos tribe, for whom brigham young sent out an “extermination order”

LandBack

[kissof-judas]

Marina Tsvetaeva, from The Selected Poems of Marina Tsvetaeva; "Epilogue,"

[kissof-judas]

I really think that like. Being an exmo and really reflecting on your experiences, you get an opportunity to understand consent in a way that doesn’t necessarily come naturally to people. You can see how consent is not perfectly contained in “yes”, and how coercion can actually look like and even feel like love at a glance, if you don’t understand the years and years of intense grooming that went into it.

The thing about brainwashing is that it’s not as overt as it’s often portrayed in movies. It has to be something you actually want to listen to, or you’ll reject it. Generally speaking, while the church does use scare tactics, they’re a little less direct than other sects of christianity. No, the threats are crafted to reach your ears as proactive, positive, encouraging, so following the rules is something you actively want to do. You feel good about yourself for doing so, and receive lots of praise and love. There’s no trait more admirable than obedience.

But following the rules in the church means a lot of different things, and some of those things can be really unpleasant. Things that you would say no to in any other context, but because you have been shown that doing these things makes you a good and strong person, you know that not doing them would make you a bad and weak person. You don’t actually want to do the thing, but you don’t want to face the consequences of not doing it. Which is by definition coerced consent.

I mentioned how I hated having a strange man shove me underwater as a teen, but if I did not attend those temple trips, I would get passive-aggressively guilt tripped and receive none of the praise that the other teens did. I think my dad was in the bishopric at one point and he told me to give a talk in sacrament meeting, and, having insane anxiety, I hated public speaking, and eventually had to tell him I couldn’t do it. He was otherwise really warm and kind to me, but he suddenly turned so cold and disapproving. Even my brother came home from his mission after two weeks, and good god. You’d have thought he murdered someone’s entire family with all the shame that caused.

And then you go on with your life and sometimes you’re taken advantage of, and people look at it and go “You said yes, you have no right to be upset at such a nice person” and it’s so impossible to explain how affection and encouragement can be used to manipulate you into situations where you don’t want to say yes, but you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. You’re love bombed when you do things they want you to do, and snubbed and shunned when you don’t. So of course you’re trained to just do whatever they say.

It’s really no wonder that part of the exmo religious trauma, at least for me, is this awful feeling of violation.

[kissof-judas]

Last night, two M/ormon missionaries stopped by my house and I was struck by how friggin young they were. If you don’t know, any “worthy” M/ormon boy can put in their papers to serve a missions when they’re 18, and missions last two years for boys. Most leave on their missions right after high school, and these two guys definitely looked like they were 18 or 19.

So I just want to remind people: If you decide to talk to M/ormon missionaries, please don’t be mean to them. Yes, they’re legally adults, but they’re barely out of high school, and the mission is a huge shock to their systems. I never served (girls can put in their papers when they’re 19), but from what I’ve read from ex-Mos, missionaries often struggle with their mental health and the mission is a period of even heavier indoctrination. Restrictions on how often you can call your parents have loosened a bit. You can now call them once a week instead of just calling home twice a year, but that’s still … Not Great. Other behaviors are also heavily restricted.

When you’re M/ormon, you’re often taught that the secular world is scary and will persecute you for believing the Truth, so being mean to a missionary is also going to further reinforce that belief.

I get that having M/ormon missionaries knock on your door can be annoying. I was kinda annoyed to when these kids showed up, but I talked to them for a minute or two and just gently said I didn’t think I was interested in hearing their message, and they respected that and we told each other to have a nice night. If you don’t want to talk to them at all, you can totally just not answer the door and ignore them. But yeah. If you do talk to them, just say you’re not interested and be polite about it. If they get aggressive about it, then sure, push back more firmly, but generally just be nice to the M/ormon missionaries. They’re usually teens thrust into an intense indoctrination environment

[kissof-judas]

save me loviatar priest....

[kissof-judas]

hercules sweet-talking atlas

[kissof-judas]

“But there are dark, untouched corners within all of us. Sex can be very exciting in one moment and barely tepid the next. It can feel like love but not be love. It can feel like possession and then the person walks away. You can’t possess another person. You can’t make another person not die. If nothing else, at least my vomit fetish is mine. It’s mine and it’s real.”

— Melissa Broder, So Sad Today: Personal Essays

[kissof-judas]

Apollo, Death-bringer, wolf-tamer; o' God as cruel as you are loving.

Apollo, Briton Riviere / The Wolf in the West, Emeline Richardson / The Wolf Hunt, Jean Baptiste Oudry & Apollo's Slaughterhouse, Marcel Detienne, Anne Doueihi / Apollo and Diana killing Python, Marcantonio Franceschini / Apollo, Friz Graf / A Wolf in a Rocky Landscape, Frans Snyders / A New Reconstruction of the Etruscan Heaven, Natalie Stevens & Seven Against Thebes: Three Choral Passages, John Tipton

[kissof-judas]

I have this little Ares pendant on the chain that used to hold my dad's dog tags. I wear it when I'm feeling particularly anxious or scared of something.

I also have a little laurel branch hair clip thingy that I'll put on before working on my art if I'm feeling particularly uninspired and need to feel like Apollo is peeking over my shoulder.

✨📿✨

looking at @satyrmagos 's devotional jewelry posts got a question in my mind

do you wear devotional jewelry? if so, what kind? what does it look like? where did you get it?

bonus points for reblogging with photos! 🤓

[kissof-judas]

sweetheart it's 3am and I'm posting Halsin covered in honey please save me

prints | high res on patreon

[kissof-judas]

[kissof-judas]

🏺Wine and Gold☀️

(Old art from 2020 I still really love). (I was being very indulgent).

[kissof-judas]

Apollo & Hyacinthus

Getting back into my little Greek myth phase💅 so here’s Apollo weaving flowers into Hyacinthus’ hair (pre-wack, of course🧎🏻‍♀️)

[kissof-judas]

1. liu xiaodong, love / 2. jane fisher, black pjs / 3. henri de toulouse-latrec, le lit / 4. lucian freud, two men / 5. leslie allen, sleeping

[kissof-judas]

Honcho Magazine - October 1978