kobolds-top-hat - Tumblr blog

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Yeah btw the campaign got canceled like two years ago. Two players were gaslighting me and others in the campaign. One of them just kinda vanished, and the third joined a military and was never heard from again lmao. So that's why no more posts been made.

[kobolds-top-hat]

If you're coming here from the location I sent a link into, hello! I love being ambiguous

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Kobold: I miss Misha being here Irenar: She’s been gone literally 3 minutes. Irenar like 6 seconds after that: I miss her too

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Leona: Kobold found out he could sneakily put post it notes on people’s backs without them knowing Leona: But he doesn’t know they should say things like “Kick me”, so they all just have compliments

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Kobold: It’s times like these I wish I had listened to what Misha told me Val: Well, what did she say? Kobold: IDK I didn’t listen

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Session Update

So we’re in the town, we went back after the monster guy got magicked away. Next day we decide “This river has been out of water for awhile we should go solve that” and we start following the river. I, having read many warrior cats, make a joke “This is where we fight the beavers for the lake water” and then there’s ACTUALLY beavers with a giant dam. These beavers are special though. They’re the size of horses (Big enough to decapitate Kobold if he got bit fun fact, the dm actually told me they counted on me being in stealth because I’ve yet to fail a stealth roll). So Irenar decides to use magic missile on them. Their player thinks magic missile will blow up the dam. But it’s a missile in the “thrown projectile” way instead of the “exploding rocket” way and so it doesn’t destroy the dam, and just upsets the beavers. The beavers are, of course, not happy about being attacked and charge us. So we start fighting them, and Kobold panics a bit and defaults back to the first spell he learned, color spray. Which as you can imagine is not the best spell for firing into a group of beavers and your party. Luckily, instead of color spray, he casts guiding bolt. He doesn’t actually KNOW that spell, which is worrying, but he’s kinda in the middle of something so he can’t think too hard about that. He hides. There’s some more fighting, Leona summons some weird tentacle magic, Val discovers the insides of the beavers are rotting by killing one, irenar keeps having wild magic surges, which cause one of the beavers to heal to full health twice, and ALMOST caused all the cloth in the area (So the clothes Val was wearing and possibly Irenar I don’t actually know what her armor is like) to turn invisible, but it was one off the magic table, instead all our coins teleport on top of one beaver. The beavers do this weird thing where they blur and then you get bit without them seeming to have moved and their bites are poisonous when that happens, I don’t remember the fight too well I’m sorry. And the fight is very abruptly ended when Kobold sprints to the dam, and destroys it with shatter. Luckily, the only ones who fail their dex save to not get swept away are the two living beavers. Also luckily we got our money back on the way back to town (We used the river to get there). At that point, we run into Marcel, who invited us to some fancy party earlier. (His whole deal SEEMS to be that he got a bunch of money off artificial silver (Which has a lot of magic uses) and now he invites poor people to parties, buys stuff from them, hires local musicians, argues with other nobles about that stuff) and he’s like “I was informed you guys were travelers and might not have fancy clothes, so I’ve brought tailors to help” so we all get fancy dresses (Yes even Kobold, he’s fine with this. He doesn’t really know anything about fancy clothing and what kinds are for what, and even if he DID he’d be like “Gender roles kinda cringe” and done it anyways) and then we go to the party, it’s all fancy, there’s lots of food, Kobold knows what none of it is, Irenar dances for four hours, Leona eats an entire baby pig (It was cooked, not a live one dw), Kobold learns that Guiding bolt is a cleric spell, which is weird because he’s not a cleric, and then we all black out for... unknown reasons... and that’s where the session ended

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I love seeing ya’ll reblog my posts with tags related to your own campaigns. That was kinda the point of this.

[kobolds-top-hat]

I feel like if Kobold dies, I’m gonna use this character idea as my new PC. He’s a warforged artificer lol [ID: Gru plan meme but with 5 panels. Panel 1 reads “Escape Illithids” Panel 2 reads Build Robots. Panel 3 reads Become Robot as does panel 4 and 5. Panels 1-4 feature the standard expressions for the meme, while 5 features Gru looking very triumphant /ID]

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It’s one of the many designs of Kobold, as I never come up with a specific design for him like at all so he always looks extremely different. This is by @pizzarollsandpokemon [ID: A drawing of Kobold, it is almost literally every color at once. He’s got spikes and teeth and elf ears and stuff and I am awful at explaining things I’m sorry screen readers /ID]

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Kobold very Aroace.

[id: A series of text reading “Someone trying to bully Kobold: you’re gonna die a virgin haha” followed by more text reading “Kobold’s AroAce ass:” Below that is a picture of some probably cringe white man in a suit on what has to be one of the ugliest “comedy” show backgrounds ever made, it’s all red and yellow stripes going into what looks like a giant wooden barrel??? either way the image is captioned with “First off, get out of here with your facts.” /id]

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Friendship

[ID: a twitter post, with it’s pfp replaced by a smiley face, it’s name replaced with “Kobold” and it’s handle replaced with koboldstophat, featuring text reading “There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your 4 party members, and various pets /ID]

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NPC: Fact: If you strike a capybara it will turn into a cluster of guinea pigs Kobold: Another fact: If you strike a capybara I will personally kill you. Note: Capybara are adorable wonderful animals.

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Kobold: I can be dark and brooding too... GUYS, look! A rainbow! When he’s not being moody, he’s very happy and the friendly type. Which I get this weird feeling is uncommon for rogues.

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Summary of last session part 2

Kobold of course finds the sudden lack of movement a bit concerning, but exits the house quite easily as a result. He reunites with the rest of the party, who took this time to buy and eat pastries for three hours. Val convinces Leona to buy her one, not mentioning that Val got 3 platinum during a point where the party was split and thus probably has more money than the entire rest of the party put together currently does. Kobold points out that Leona is probably going to be the prime suspect for the murder, considering she made clear she wanted Howard dead, and Howard turns up dead right after that, so all in all, not a super good day for Leona. The party goes to talk to some farmers about their monster problem, and get sent to a different farmer, who’s all like “I told him not to get into trouble” and stuff like that, which is worrying for the party because this monster is a bit cryptid like, stands around ominously staring at houses, wanders around for seemingly no reason, opens gates to let farm animals out, eats overripe food, only ever showing up at night, all sorts of not for sure evil things, but also probably not the friendliest of actions. Turns out she has a cat named Monster who gets out at night and digs up people’s gardens, and she thought we meant him. Said cat instantly attaches itself to Kobold. Monster is REALLY REALLY big for a house cat, roughly the same size and weight as Kobold is. Kobold is 2 foot three inches ( 68.58 cm ) and 25 pounds (roughly 11 kg) btw. Big cat. So they hang around helping the farmer with her various tasks until night fall, where they find the cryptid staring at the house. Kobold says hello to it, and it looks at him, where he notices it looks very much like a half dead version of the constructs he saw in Howards house, except with half a face instead of no face. So he starts asking it various yes or no questions since it can’t speak. The party finds out that this thing A. Can’t really move correctly, it’s limbs kinda just flop around, hence why it was opening gates, it was accidentally hitting them open, B. is unrelated to Howard, and C. was originally the farmer ladies son, who had gone missing 10 years prior, apparently turned into this. They also learn there’s something that seems to have control of it, forcing it backwards... somewhere... at high speeds

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Summary of last session, part 1

Summary of events as I remembered them what will be yesterday post session The party ran into the rich guy we were supposed to take care of. Leona decided drawing her sword and saying “I want your head” in broad daylight at the entrance to the town was a good idea. She got laughed at. We ended up finding the house of Rich Guy (Named Howard for future reference) after a baker pointed it out. The party started arguing on how to do that, and Kobold got distracted from that and decided to sneak into the house and wait for Howard to arrive. He got a nat 20, which combined with his stupidly high stealth bonus meant he basically vanished instantly to the rest of the party with that stealth roll. He finds that the house is staffed exclusively by weird scaly constructs with many limbs and no faces, wanders into the bedroom, and hides under the bed for 2 hours waiting for Howard to show up. He does, and starts talking about the demands being placed on him by some other person, and then an hour later falls asleep. Kobold goes to stab him, but is interrupted by a brief “should I REALLY kill this guy?” before he remembers Howard isn’t being forced into this job, he could stop working for mysterious scam ring leader at any time as far as he’s aware, and decides to stab him in the throat. Luckily, him being unconscious and prone qualifies this attack as a Coup De Gras, which allows him to bypass both a roll to hit, and the 4-6 nat ones (don’t remember the exact number) I rolled for the damage portion of the roll. He instantly hears an unknown obnoxious sound. Kobold briefly considers using the window to escape, before realizing he’d probably die from the second story fall, on account of being very small, but not small enough to have a terminal velocity low enough that he’d be okay, so he leaves the way he came, finding that all the constructs have just... stopped...

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We had a session yesterday, and here are some notable events related to Kobold (Because he’s my character so I can show as much favoritism on my blog as I want lol) 1. He learned that cats are wonderful creatures 2. He got to do premeditated murder on a sleeping person 3. He found out that premeditated killing of someone who’s asleep feels REALLY bad, way worse than killing someone who’s actually fighting you.

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He’s not very happy right now, but things will get better.

[ID: A textual post where Kobold states: “After experiencing resentment I have decided that this just isn’t for me but thank you for the opportunity]