leafinthebreeze - Tumblr blog

[leafinthebreeze]

[leafinthebreeze]

Hi, Lizzy. Sorry for the phone text, if you got it. I know Ryan delivered you a pizza yesterday and he made it a point to tell me you gave him a $6 tip. So, you're living in Zephyhills again. I know you probably don't feel social--that's okay. Since we were last in touch--I want to say almost 3 years ago, I did hurt for a little while but I understood you were on your own journey. You made it a point to tell me it wasn't my fault which helped me a great deal. I still love you and always will.

I hope you got my messages on here 🫶🫶

[leafinthebreeze]

[leafinthebreeze]

don’t make yourself small for other people. you’re allowed to take up space.

[leafinthebreeze]

Fyodor Dostoyevsky and Alanis Morissette

[leafinthebreeze]

it’s so weird to me how there’s cliques and hierarchies within fandom spaces these days like. we’re all just fucking nerds. how are you gonna try to be popular amongst the nerds. how are you going to feel superior over your fellow nerds. at the end of the day you’re still a fucking nerd bestie

[leafinthebreeze]

Please consider supporting me, any amount even $1 would help 🙏 I appreciate you ❤️‍🔥 my cashapp is $chillizabeth777

[leafinthebreeze]

[leafinthebreeze]

For some, it makes sense that father wound healing would include unpacking religious trauma and indoctrination.

Church became like a club where we were all competing to please our angry father. Which mirrored the narcissistic family I had at home.

Of all the different kinds of abuse, spiritual abuse leaves a special kind of scar... on the soul. Someone who feels very naturally curious/inclined toward spirituality and has childhood wounds of abuse that left them "eager to please authority".... will be like a lamb tossed from one wolf to another in spiritually abusive communities. "Spiritual narcissists" are definitely a real thing... eventually you'll be so disgusted by them that you'll be forced to claim sovereignty over your own spiritual path. ✨️

[leafinthebreeze]

[leafinthebreeze]

For some, it makes sense that father wound healing would include unpacking religious trauma and indoctrination.

Church became like a club where we were all competing to please our angry father. Which mirrored the narcissistic family I had at home.

Of all the different kinds of abuse, spiritual abuse leaves a special kind of scar... on the soul. Someone who feels very naturally curious/inclined toward spirituality and has childhood wounds of abuse that left them "eager to please authority".... will be like a lamb tossed from one wolf to another in spiritually abusive communities. "Spiritual narcissists" are definitely a real thing... eventually you'll be so disgusted by them that you'll be forced to claim sovereignty over your own spiritual path. ✨️

[leafinthebreeze]

[leafinthebreeze]

All amazing points and so important to take in. I think I have done a couple of these, but not habitually or intensely. But it's good awareness for me.

[leafinthebreeze]

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

[leafinthebreeze]

Frustrating that a lot of the behavior that's expected of me now was punished when I was a child

Like, yeah, they're two entirely different networks of people, and the problem comes from the fact that the folks who raised me suck

But like, I remember so many moments from my childhood where I stood up for myself, called out mistreatment, was loud about what I wanted and was justifiably upset at being hurt. These behaviors were punished until doing them no longer comes natural. It's not even a thought in my head, it simply doesn't occur to me, and on the off chance it does, the follow through feels impossible.

But these are the things people expect of me as an adult. The fact that I can't do these things is a problem. Part of improving myself means relearning all the shit that used to be a part of me that I had ripped out because my family didn't want to see that behavior.

The things that made me a "good child" are things that make me struggle as an adult.

The things that made me a "bad child" are considered normal and expected adult behavior.

How can I perform what is expected when I was taught for decades that this behavior is wrong?

Ugh.

[leafinthebreeze]

If someone you know experienced childhood neglect, they may not know things that you or other people consider “basic knowledge.”

Don’t shame them for not knowing. Making them feel bad because you had someone in your childhood who taught you things, while they didn’t, is not even a little bit helpful.

And yes, this post applies even if that person is you. Give yourself some patience and understanding. It’s not your fault.

[leafinthebreeze]

If "loving yourself" seems far away, aim for treating yourself with the basic kindness and respect that you aim to treat everyone else with. Or if even that feels unrealistic, aim for not hurting and neglecting yourself. You don't have to move from 1 to 100 all at once. Just start, even if you gotta start slow, even if the journey in front of you is long. It's okay to be a work in progress. We all are, for life.