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Fashion Article

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She Bears the Entire Burden

Her pixie cut displayed an exquisite wrinkled face with brown hazy eyes, thin brows, a wide nose, dark lips, and a face shape similar to Bella Hadid. That's what I've been seeing in her face since I was born, and I don't want to miss it.She has a small frame but a big belly full of San Miguel beer, just kidding. This is owing to the fact that she bore my father and three other children in her womb. She has morena skin, but because she doesn't wear short shorts, her legs are really white.

She works extremely hard, and despite being 71 years old, she still gets up at 4 in the morning to make breakfast for her bunso and panganay so they can have a full stomach before they go to work. And after making the food, she would go to the palengke to get supplies for our sari-sari store. Then, after making the purchases for our store, she would take a shower, feed my lolo, who is in Stoke, water the plants, and clean the cat's poop.

She became my mother figure as I got older since she was there for me when I was ill and needed a mother's care. She attended every birthday of mine. When I started having my period, she was there. She was present for all of my successes, and I hoped she would remain so that I could offer her everything she deserves.

In our neighborhood, she is well-known as Nanay Diding. She is extremely religious; in fact, she sings in the choir at our compound's church. She is familiar with several traditional Filipino healing practices including pagluluya or pagpupulso, which are used as diagnostic tools to determine a person's present and potential bodily or spiritual illnesses. I remembered that I kept chuckling at her when she does that because it looks hilarious the way she yawns and whispers. She also prays for the dead on special occasions, such as wakes and 40-day anniversaries.

Despite the challenges she faces in trying to comprehend and care for us, she is a very loving mother and grandma. I think of her problems every time there is a quarrel in our home, every time her kids and grandchildren argue with her, and every time my lolo yells because he is unable to do what he wants due to his stroke. I can't even begin to understand how much stress this causes my nanay.

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ISOLATED STRIFE

Have you ever experienced planning a simple catch up, hangout with your friends but by the time you see and get to talk to them, you feel like going home already? Because I did, most of the time.

I wasn’t the type of person who talks and engages during family gatherings, not even with my cousins of the same age. I am used to receiving gifts during christmas and playing with it alone. Going inside my room after eating from a table full of people with different ages. By that, you may assume I am not a fan of birthday parties and get really shy when groups of kids try to approach me to play with them. I suck at “asking what’s your name” during socialization.

As a person with social awkwardness it's tough to be around a lot of people for a long time. In short, I was alone most of the time but a different type of alone. I was alone but not lonely, not until the pandemic.The pandemic was a different kind of alone for me. Even though I personally liked the thought of being alone I felt being left alone.

The over dramatic scenes that we usually watch in the movies where an outcast eats inside the comfort room was real for me. I don't usually have someone’s back when I have problems. I am used to solving my own problems, trying to figure out what decision to make and not ask or consider second opinions. The hard part of being like this is when it starts to occupy me suddenly. One thing I know is that I am enjoying and the next thing would be, me being perfectly out of my mood. Being put through these kinds of situations are very hard to handle because a helping hand can be no good to a person who is in control of everything that's happening to him/her.

According to a lot of research, social anxiety is caused by environmental influences and stressful life experiences, which I have many. Growing up from a broken family could be anyone’s worst nightmare. I have always thought of living my life the normal way, in a normal household. Maybe if my family was a lot more complete than what I had growing up, then maybe my problems wouldn’t be this complicated.

I have experienced traumatic things in my childhood, growing and up until this day I carry those with me. Every step that I take, I take part in it with fear and different negative assumptions. And the saddest part about it, I have nobody, not even one genuine soul to tell about it. I have to keep myself composed and act like everything is fine even if I wanted to quit already. I have to make sure that everything can still fall into place because I got me, I got me because nobody else does.

And that is how my life worked every now and then. I've had friends, or should I say people who took advantage of me for their own gain. In my shoes, it was obvious that I needed someone to be with, so they acted really good to get me, Since i wasn’t used to getting supervision from elders or my parents. I immediately dig into those excuses and let them use me, without me noticing. You can tell that I may have asked anyone or anything I could possibly ask of how life is so unfair, how unfortunate of me carrying all my burdens everywhere I go. And those questions are still kept as questions up until the present days.

My life dilemma’s are really different from what I hear my classmates say. Sometimes, in my mind, I invalidate their tiny problems because it was literally nothing compared to mine. Social anxiety has taken all over me and my life so much. It affects all aspects of my social stability that leads to affecting my studies and relationships with people. It's hard to keep in the company of different friend groups who don't understand situations and circumstances that I have to go through. In other people’s stories. I was always indecisive and hard to please. In others, I was easy to get and persuade, gets carried away with just one snap. But I couldn't blame them. Their perception of me is not my top priority, never.

Most of the time, I spent my time crying because I couldn't do anything about the anxiety i am experiencing, having breakdowns became normal. It also affected my confidence, every now and then I was afraid of speaking up about what I know and feel. It's hard to express myself in front of people. Most of all, my biggest fear I should say is the fear of rejection or being humiliated in public. We all are, but for me it’s a different type of fear that I personally know would cause me so much struggle to deal with. That is why I don’t join conversations about life experiences. Though, I tried seeking help from professionals and it just led me to be more scared of opening up and remembering all the traumatic experiences in my life.

It's been a lot for me, a lot for a teenager to experience. And being here, at this point is what gets me through everyday. A day that I survive is a enough reason for me to keep going no matter how deep it cuts through. A good day from a bad week is enough to hold on, I am here and trying because I was raised by myself to do so. And for those people who genuinely cared for me, they’re the ones whom I do this for. If they had the courage to believe in me, I myself should also be. Because it’s not yet done, It’s just about to start.

There are no points in living life the linear way, such as our emotions and situations. It may be hard and never ending but someday and somehow, it’ll get better.

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If you do it one time, it's a mistake.

If you do it twice, it's the beginning of a pattern.

If I allow it to happen a third time then, I'm a fool.

Accept what it is,

Let go of what it was,

Be open to what will.

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The Horror of Being In Love

I was mesmerized by the beauty of his eyes, which led me to embrace his lies. I was amazed by his personality, but he's the devil in reality. He worsens me like a poisoned arrow had just struck me. I keep asking why, but he has no words but has something to hide.

Why did Cupid have to strike me in the rain?

What makes love exist beneath suffering?

The blame does not lie with Cupid— because I was struck by a stupid.

I know I made the right choice to never look back when I chose to leave one Sunday evening with the words "I guess this is our farewell now. It was an odyssey. Goodbye." and smiled gloomily.

That was the most courageous thing I've ever done for myself.

That two-year romance was a sailing boat on a rocky road.

I kept thinking, why did I have to run into that boy at this never-ending crossroad? It's kind of a philosophical question; the more I ponder it, the more questions I possess.

Why does it have to be him with whom I share my favorite songs and then despise them when everything about us has ended?

Why does it have to be him who I love and fear after?

Why does it have to be him?

But there was silence. Perhaps it was the wrong place to seek. When someone is in hell, how can they hear a prayer? How can I get an answer when I asked no one but the air?

I had questions like, "If it's not him, who?" despite my fear and anger.

If now isn't the right moment, when will it be?

Why does this need to happen if it is really him?

But that was just a question I wanted answered.

If I had to pass his street on the way home, I would prefer to stop driving. If painting his eyes means each day I miss him, I would rather not paint at all. If every move brings grief, I would prefer to be still.

And then someone enters, who is sensible, and amazing, and unforgettably memorable but he is something so close yet so far, too soon but too late.

But all that I know is that he's the reason I was able to laugh again in earnest. The explanation for why I smiled as I went to sleep, why I'm motivated to get things done again, and why I'm relieved of my worries once more.

All I could picture was the gentle drizzle coming over, staying a little while longer, like small lips missing their long-gone darlings.

Yet why am I still afraid to take the risk?

Perhaps because I think that I am merely a terminal station. People are only supposed to stick with me— briefly.

They sit next to me while we wait for hours, share earphones, and eat. Then, when the time comes, they eventually depart in order to reach their own destination.

Why am I still afraid to take the risk? Because of unlove that masquerades as love

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A Poem of Woe: A Literary Analysis on the Anthology, ”Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories” a Paper by Alessandra Micaella Diaz

While reading the poems, It is evidence that, despite the fact that everything in the world is beautiful, we sometimes find beauty to be heartbreaking. This is similar to how this poem is a masterpiece, but it still saddens me. I'm reminded of a few things after reading it. A flawless sand structure will be swept away by the currents in a minute or two, regardless of how long I observe it. A sunset that is so flawless it overflows into the sky. Or a classical picture, languishing in a museum like a lonely prisoner, can never be finished no matter how long you stare at it. But maybe being fragile is part of being beautiful. Perhaps there is always room for improvement in the arts, whether through erasure or transformation.

I realized as I was reading Dear Diary that nothing, not even you, is ever genuinely eternal. It makes me sad to think that it will always remain a part of us despite our best efforts. The only option left to us is to try our best to cope. Because of this line in the poem, "Meeting strangers for warmth and solace, wanting for more but all was left in me, I ended up alone," the first song that came to mind was I'm With You - Avril Lavigne (Lyrics) 🎵. Her song is about trying to distract herself from loneliness by meeting strangers and figuring out her life. It shows that everything will change, so prepare for it.

One of my favorite poems was the second one. It makes me think of the 2022 election, especially with regard to Leni Robredo, our former vice president. I'll never forget how she raised our hopes for a better presidency, but, as in the poem, she lost. Furthermore, we see how she gets up and continues to think of ways to help us, exactly like in the poem. When you read the poem and the song ROSAS (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO) simultaneously, the music hits differently.

This poem makes me feel as though I could write someone using the most complex adjectives from my vocabulary, write them on aromatic paper, and send them white roses as a gesture of appreciation. However, despite the years passing, I have yet to come up with a different way to quit writing for you. It is as if I wrote everything for the men who crossed my path while still thinking of you. It has some connection to Joji - Glimpse of Us Like Yayi felt between her husband and Dante, the lyrics that truly got to me were "Why then, if she is so perfect, do I still wish that it was you?"

Two Red Lace on the Wonderwall is comparable to meeting someone who then introduces you to an entirely new realm that you had no idea existed. A setting where you can be who you are, even when you're with that person. A world where you can finally hold someone in reality—someone who tells you what you want to hear and listens to what you want to say—and where you can stop visualizing yourself in a make-believe setting. Someone who gives meaning to love songs once more. A person who seems too good to be true but is in fact true. Because of how she describes the man, and if you read the poem again, it states there that she already tried it with several men, it's similar to the line from the song "If Life Is a Movie Then You're the Best Part" Daniel Caesar & H.E.R - Best Part (Lyrics)

It is about a child who values his mother as well as the mother who represents how wonderful ladies can be. Tragically, life keeps us from living in a way that is empty of pain. The poem makes me think of a line from Ariana Grande - God is a woman (Lyric Video): "You, you love it how I move you. You love it how I touch you." The line may not make sense to other people, but it makes me think of a child appreciating and adoring his mother for taking wonderful care of him.

Callousness is shown in the poem RE: Paper (I'm Red, IMRaD)*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with aiming for a greater state of education, but a lack of capabilities can crush the dreams of young people who had high hopes of finishing their studies early to enable them to bring food for their family, to help the parents who has to carry out two jobs to pay for tuition. I am sure that those decisions were carefully considered, but there were numerous students and families who had hardships concerning that statement.The song "Shawn Desman - Difference (Philippine Poverty)" comes to mind when I read this.

It's difficult to forget that everything has an end because of the cruelty of this world, but it must be remembered. Our daily burdens might be small or so heavy that we are no longer able to shoulder them. If we don't correctly employ our thoughts, it will poison us. It creates scenes and motion pictures that could exist inside of us. Just terrible that some people allowed it to enter their minds. The poem gave me a glimpse into the mind of a self-murderer. $uicideBoy$ – ...And To Those I Love, Thanks For Sticking Around (Lyric Video) is the poem that goes with it.

Our wellbeing is impacted by certain people's viewpoints, which can make us feel alone, unheard, and kept in the dark. The poem My Frail Lady struck me for how inviting and soothing it is to read while still invoking powerful emotion. It shows a young woman who committed suicide after searching for serenity and discovering it. The way they made her dying lovely was so well done.Taylor Swift – peace (Official Lyric Video) comes to mind since all she ever wanted was for there to be peace.

It's wonderful to have loved ones that help, support, believe in, and try to comprehend us during times when we don't know what we're all about. In the poem, the fortune teller is the one who makes an effort to comprehend the speaker, acting as though they were giving a friend who needed some guidance, I may connect this poem to Umbrella - Rihanna (Lyrics) 🎵, whose line "You can stand under my umbrella" is equivalent to the phrase "I got your back, dude!"

Last but not least, it is not our fault that we are simply frail, prone to error. Our shortcomings are not our fault. It has been easier for me to grasp how our experiences have influenced both our lives and those around us since this anthology has made me aware of people's diverse personalities and aspects. It gave me a fresh viewpoint on how someone might maintain hope in the midst of tragedy. It shows that even if everything in the world is beautiful, we typically find beauty to be painful.