lettertolife - Tumblr blog

[lettertolife]

1st January 2024 - 12:24 AM

It is official a beginning of a whole new year. It's 2024. Fireworks are going out loud, lighting the sky - people are celebrating a new year. Hoping and praying for better times and moments. And as much as I wish to do the same I'm still pretty stuck with the miserable emotions from the 2023.

I don't know how to exactly speak of 365 days of 2023 - it was not a good year except maybe two things and they both came conditional. I started the year on a high despite my anxiety and weird mental health I got my passport renewed, gave my English speaking test (scored pretty well), got enrolled in BCD, gave bar exam cleared it. That whole thing was fun. Got an internship at stark place flew away from home to another state, started a whole new alone life. Accident happened, HR fucked me over and pretty much existing in shame, guilt and let down by myself - so yeah not a good year.

And then there is a whole genocide that is still going on while political people stick with greed and power. It breaks my heart to see where the humanity is going on and if I'm being honest 2024 will be successful only if Palestine becomes free and the people live without any fear and with true independence. I honestly wish and pray for the true freedom from genocide going around the world. Humanity comes first.

Apart from this I don't happen to have any excitement or hope from 2024. But it is a new year and I wanted to let out the bad feeling about 2023. Let's see what 2024 is.

Love

~D

[lettertolife]

Dear D,

Hello, I actually saw your post about Kim Jung Hwan from Reply 1988, and I really loved your words that it made me feel so comforted and happy that you thought the same way I do. I later clicked on your account and understood that you probably are going through a difficult time to say the least. Because your words seem like you are truly very upset.

I just wanted to put my smallest effort into offering some comfort to you. I am also going through some turbulent times recently, and the show and your post gave me so much comfort and brought a smile on my face. I would like to tell you that you are appreciated and loved, and I hope you really feel better soon!

I wish your hollow gets filled with happiness and contentment this coming year and that you smile and shine brighter everyday 💖. Thank you for the lovely post and I truly wish you whatever you want in life ❤️.

Ps: I hope I didn't overstep any bounds.

Yours Sincerely,

M

It's 25th here when I finally sit and read your message. It feels like a Christmas blessing - because nothing else can describe it.

Thank you for taking time to read my blogs and lending me your emotional support and as much as I wish to write paragraphs and paragraphs of how you made me smile, I'm embarrassingly awkward at artculating all my feelings. I'm sorry for that.

I'm glad my write up about Kim Jung-Hwan brought some sort of peace to you. Jung-Hwan deserves much better and I'm sure he is living a life with that much better love story. Just like we will♡

Someday both of us will be happy and giggly in our respective lives. These tormented moments will pass making way for sunny happy days. It is definitely difficult to find threads to hold right now but keep trying because we will win. And live the success, love, health and happiness we deserve.

Your comfort has reached me and I hope mine reaches you too. I'll look out for you - remember I'm rooting for you to win and smile bright.

P.S: You are amazing♡

[lettertolife]

Losing Hope.

5th October 2023 - I realised I was now losing hope, I am succumbing to the dark void. I know because today when I fell in despair and shattering - my thoughts weren't "I hope my future self could tell me everything will be okay." rather they were

"maybe she is losing too if not worse."

The tears are blinked away but the hollow remains ...

Your's Truly broken.

Letter to Life, ~ D

[lettertolife]

Me and My sorry excuse of existence~ A RANT

Hello Dear Me!

2023 has been something for us, hasn't it? somethings good and somethings bad. It's been a hell lot weird and I think I am finally tired of being optimistic. It's kinda weird to cry everyday while I try my best not to yet my tears seem to be a natural hot spring - springing out every second.

Oh and I know I need therapy - IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

My entire existence is somehow revolving around validation and the only ones I am getting is out of pity. Or maybe people are just too cautious of me these days because of my suicidal thoughts - and honestly I don't want to die, I'm leaving all these electronic trails behind so that the day I win over my pity self I can look back and be proud of myself. But these thoughts are dominant and pains to know that. It pains to know me that I grew up wanting just nothing but a basic act of love and pampering. 26 years - almost 27 years in and I still be begging for that. It hurts to know my absence will not make any difference. And as a passage of time pass I'll be as forgotten as a fly out of milk.

And it's my fault purely mine. Because if it happens repetitively than the fingers needed to be point at oneself isn't it?

I get a little appreciation or attention and I become this absurd person who needs more of it and in weird ways and it absolutely shackles me to know that I end up distancing people from me. I'm not going to lie and say it's not my fault - it is. I cannot go extremes expect people still accept me but I think I have grown up watching the wrong movies and shows because this ISN'T HOW IT GOES!

It hurts that I'm that side character that think she is main but actually is just annoying.

2023 has been really weird for me - It reminded me what a failure I am. I'm just dumb - plan simple dumb and annoying. I always thought I'll be amazing at work but I'm just a slug and the real truth is I'm so pathetic that my salary remains a debate. I am not making a name for myself, I am not making my parents proud, I'm pretty sure people find my annoying at office and then I picked one habit of writing fanfics and it remains as unknown as the latest person on moon. One thing I was so proud of, my imagination and flair for writing and I found the reality crushing. I know it's stupid but I see how people show love for other stories and how it comes out on mine and I feel ridiculous. Why can I not do ONE Thing right!?

I really hoped I would be flying away to a foreign land for doing my master in September 2023- to live a dream that I have since childhood but here I am in October 1st of 2023 in my room in my country just crying and trying suppress my pain - tired of being optimistic.

I don't want to live but apparently I'll be failure regardless.

It Hurts.

Letter To life

~D

[lettertolife]

Letter to Life turned 2 today!

[lettertolife]

A Letter to 2022♥️

Dear D,

It's 2:11 AM of 1st January 2023 and I generally thought I would write this letter on Christmas day but I was too lazy!

Just like the entire Year! Bro you really broke all records with the laziness. I hope I leave it behind it in 2022.

2022 was a good year overall, I graduated college with Law degree. I discovered that I may have ADHD and clearly anxiety issues. Things at home felt really suffocating and I was really just being in my room this entire year. However I got enrolled in my state's bar and I'm an advocate now. So that's that.

I did nothing very productive this year but I hope I change in 2023 and I hope I achieve my dreams even though it's all very edge cutting.

Dear 2023 please be with me ans let me live the life I have dreamt for so long🥺

A letter from

~D

[lettertolife]

I have always been looking out for attention, to be pampered and loved. To be Someone’s someone nothing fancy but just important enough to not feel the last person in someone’s life. The thing is I never knew it was the hardest thing that I wished for. I’m 25 and soon enough I’ll be 26 - and all this while I have genuinely never felt loved. I have somehow ended up being everyone’s someone last. The people who said loved me showed me in a way that started making me suffocated even though I was readily available for everyone in my life it could be smallest of thing or the most troubled matter - I stuck myself out there and yet I received nothing in return other than the negatives.

I’m suffering literally in every way possible. My near and dear are too in their anger to see how it affects me. I get easily anxious, my heartbeats starts to get high if I someone close to me being even slightly upset- I think it’s all my fault and I start fearing the worst, the fear of being abandoned. The fear that I did something wrong, the fear that I’m not worth it!

I’m not living a life, I’m dreading failures - I’m passing my time to escape my demons. And everything is taking a toll on me and nobody around me is ready to understand me - just because I’m laughing and lively. I need to shed tears to show them that I’m deep down in sorrows and pain. Somehow I need up no one when I need them but they find me when they need me!

This is getting too much for - unnecessary and too much

Help me please!

[lettertolife]

This is how my 2022 looks like🫢

I posted 31 times in 2022

31 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

I tagged 22 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#bts - 6 posts

#bts army - 6 posts

#btsarmy - 6 posts

#jeon jungkook - 6 posts

#army - 6 posts

#kim namjoon - 5 posts

#kim seokjin - 5 posts

#park jimin - 5 posts

#kim taehyung - 5 posts

#journaling - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 28 characters

#forecasting love and weather

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

JaaKaay's Effect 😉

Yesterday on 23/01/2022 (20220123) BangtanTV uploaded a Bangtan Bomb of Tannies having Lunch at the Cross Street by James Corden set. The Boys got Chipotle for Lunch and we have a very adorable Jungkook trying to get the name right but ended up calling it "Chicotle" and also said that he loved it and gonna eat it everyday. and then we enjoyed the regular, BTS joking around and having lunch & fun time.

CUT TO on 24/01/2022 (20220124) we WOKE UP TO THIS;

Chipotle has changed its Twitter Display Name and wished the Tannies a good morning. WHAAATTTT!!!!

See the full post

6 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#4

Historic wave of BORAHE-FICATION.

Well other than the 007 Butter performance, Grammys was nothing but disappointing. However what Grammy did is being nullified by the state itself.

We are talking about the purple blanket Las Vegas has covered itself with. The Boys trip to Las Vegas wasn't for the disappointing Grammys but for their 4 days completely sold out stadium concerts. And Las Vegas understood the assignment, the moment BTS announced their tour in Las Vegas, the state has turned itself into Purple cozy city to serve the ARMYs right.

Las Vegas has officially turned into BORAHAEGAS where the entire local government has thrown itself into making this a once-in-a-lifetime event. Nobody is unaware of the power BTS holds in world domination as of now. BTS are the face of everything in this world literally be it Music, video games, clothes, food, global diplomacy, drinks, gadgets and the list is endless. Hosting BTS becomes a matter of pride as well as duty for each city they hold their tours in. and their last US concert in LA ended up reviving the entire city's economy in just a week. The local restaurant owners, budget friendly hotels, and etc saw huge jump in their profits thanks to BTS and ARMYs. So when BTS announced their tour in Las Vegas they decided to win at the chance.

And here's how Las Vegas is welcoming the Boys & the ARMYs.

See the full post

11 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#3

LOVE IN THE AIR THURSDAY

So this year I got into Boys' Love world and have been hooked to it. although I have watched on-going BLs but I started them after like 6th episode or 7th. After watching a lot of clip and knowing almost most of the story line.

However that wasn't the case with Love In The Air - The Series

I vaguely remember watching the pilot trailer of the show in the first half of the year but completely forgot about it.

However, in late July or early August I stumbled across the actual trailer and teasers of the show. AND I WAS IN LOVE WITH IT! Hence this show became first BL that I watched on-going from episode 1 and discussed passionately about it on Reddit with other watchers.

I wait for every Thursday. THURSDAYs are celebration days Thanks to the series. The series is divided into 2 stories - 1) Love Storm and 2) Love Sky.

Love Storm is Payu and Rain's love story which is Episode 1-7 and Love Sky is Prapai and Sky's love story which is Episode 8-13.

There are a total of 14 episodes. 13 episode (1-7 + 8-13) plus one special episode. And Today i.e., 29th September' 2022 we'll have our 7th episode that will be the ending of Love Storm story.

So I'm excited but as well as sad to bid my byes to Payu and Rain. So I thought I'll make a post here describing how exciting Thursdays are and how excited I'm for tonight's episode.

Here's a glimpse to today's episode.

13 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#2

Vee & Mark- Their Journey to Love♥️ (Love Mechanics) (Boys' Love)

Found this amazing FMV on YT. (I'm not the owner of this video- credits to the uploader)

Thanks to Youtube Shorts I came across this very beautiful show called Love Mechanics. I have been captivated by Vee and Mark, two college boys who fall in love, have a complicated journey but end up together happily.

The most attractive thing about Vee and Mark, after their vein popping hands, are their flaws. The idea of flaws makes a human without the insertion of godly perfection of that flaw. This aspect of their characteristics and love was so real that it made me feel all their emotions and pain they went through together. In the world of fiction- we tend to admire people who go through immediate process of rectification, who have this idea of being perfect in an unrealistic way, people who will realise their mistake without much efforts and as much as this is wonderful and healthy it is equally almost not real life possible. As Humans we do not tend to realise when we have hurt others. We tend to go through a lengthier process of healing, understanding and rectification and this is what this show- these two people had. Real flaws, real healing and real understanding.

VEE- Toxic or just Wrong decisions?

A lot of people find Vee toxic and conveniently the bad guy. Someone who isn't worthy and deserving of Mark. Although what he did is wrong and it did end up hurting Mark but being wrong and being toxic are completely different things. For me Vee is someone who isn't close to himself enough to understand what he truly wants, and hence gets pushed by other peoples emotions and actions. Is he gullible? Yes in a certain way but mostly he is just inconveniently considerate of other people's emotions. Initially Mark was no one but an annoying junior who was pursuing his (Vee) friend, who (Bar) openly declared his love for other person and yet Vee ended up taking care of a drunk Mark, apologising on his behalf and carrying him all the way home. He ended up spending the night with him. And while Mark felt disgusted after the drunk one night stand with Vee , Vee on the other hand was worried about his eating. I'm not sure if I can call this attraction or not but I'm pretty sure it is consideration of Mark's feeling.

Vee somehow ends up feeling some kind of responsibility towards Mark, after spending the night together, although we see Mark drawing a clear line between them but Vee somehow always found a way to cross it and I guess in these moments we see Vee fall for Mark- wanting him (Mark) to be his. Feeling uneasy when Mark spent time with someone else. As audience we know, it is Jealousy but here's when we can have an insight to Vee's flaws and his inability to read his own emotions, to understand that he wants Mark. That there is no more space for Ploy.

Vee was confused about his feelings, he couldn't hurt and leave Ploy but he, for sure, only needed Mark. In all these confusion, impulsive decisions Vee ended up making bad decisions and hurting Mark.

Vee has always been insecure, confuse, couldn't understand if he was strong enough to tell the world that he was dating Mark. But what he wasn't was Toxic and I can say that because we saw the sincerity Vee had for Mark, the way he wanted to change for Mark, for his happiness and we also saw some growth. Vee did not use his confusion as an excuse to escape his wrong doings and continued to repeat his mistakes. That's a sign of wrong decisions and bad timings and not of Toxicity.

Yeah his actions were hurtful and definitely wrong but who doesn't make mistakes? That doesn't mean you are Toxic.

MARK- The Stupid Boy or the Boy in Love?

Mark just wants to be loved by someone sincerely. From his father's not so wise words in episode 8 we get to know that Mark ended up falling into relationships with wrong guys which always resulted in him being left all alone and hurt. People called him stupid for going back to Vee but for me he fell in love with a guy whose sincerity were conveyed to him. Definitely out of the two, Mark is the more mature one. He is clear of his emotions, his liking and what he wants. Not only this but he also has very boldly verbalised how he felt because he was sure and confident of what he was doing.

However Love is complicated and only if it was easy to separate black and white from grey. Mark had fallen in love with Vee and although he saw Vee kissing his ex-girlfriend after which he ended up things with him- he still missed him. Searched for him just for that one look and almost got disappointed at the fact that Vee didn't sleep with him while he was drunk dead.

"Or Maybe you still love Ploy"

That one statement carried so much hurt, pain and regrets. He somehow ended up believing that his love failed in front of Ploy's that his emotions and memories couldn't leave that impact on Vee as did Ploy's. In that moment we as an audience see him holding on to the last thread of hope. Wishing all of this distress and distance to be over and being back with Vee. and the moment the misunderstandings cleared up he rushed to tell Vee the truth. He did not wanted to make this any harder. He wanted to be truthful and he wanted to be loved by Vee again.

He was a man in love, deeply, with Vee and he wanted to give those feelings and emotions a second chance, that man a second chance- who searched for him like a mad man when he went missing. He wanted to give Vee, who made him happy, loved and just smile everyday, a second chance. He isn't stupid but a Boy in love.

THEIR LOVE STORY - A Journey so heartwarming.

Love is complicated, it makes you want to believe in fairytales and unicorns. It wants you to forget pain and only live the happiness. Love isn't always roses and honey but a lot of time thorns and bitter. It is upon the people how to deal with those side of love as well.

Their Love was imperfect but there was sincerity and growth. That distance of misunderstanding between them made them realise how important the other person was in their life. Their love story was not only about tears and pains but also probation periods, shy 'I love you's, a lot of teasing and playfulness. (Also a lot of touching).

There were bad decisions, wrong timings and misunderstandings but there was also waiting, clarifications and second chances.

Their love had warmth and meaning and that is why We were so invested with them. That's why Vee and Mark left a lasting impact when the kissed on the roof and bide their happy byes to us.

Vee and Mark - The Love Mechanics :)

A perfect edit by Kdrama_bl_universe that depicts their love the most beautiful way. You can check out her IG page for more such posts. (This is not my edit I'm just sharing it here)

See the full post

41 notes - Posted August 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

LOVE MECHANICS (Boys Love)- Two absolutely adorable Cutes♥️

So recently this year I got into the whole new world of Boys Love (BL) and its an abyss. You cannot exit from here. Periodt. As of now I have watched Korean BL dramas, Taiwanese BL dramas, Japanese BL Drama and of course the biggest industry of BL dramas- The Thai BL dramas and I have a Vietnamese BL drama on my watch list waiting for me😂

However, out of all those wonderful stories, the story of Vee & Mark captivated my heart. Thanks to Youtube Shorts I discovered this beautiful show- Love Mechanics. sort of a Spin off of the original short drama of the same name.

LOVE MECHANICS

The Story follows:

Approaching his long-time crush, Bar Sarawut with a heart-felt confession, Mark is devastated when his love is rejected. Heart-broken, Mark attempts to drown his sorrows at a local nightclub where he runs into Vee, one of the seniors in his school’s engineering program. Mistaking Vee for Bar, Mark approaches his senior and the two immediately hit it off. 

Realizing what he has with Vee is more than just a fleeting feeling, Mark begins to make room for him in his heart. But will his already fragile heart have the strength to endure what’s to come when he learns Vee already has a girlfriend?

It's just 10 episodes long and keeps you hooked with the story. Both the actors have done fabulous job and portraying the characters, their vulnerability and love. The show has lot of emotional moments, some heartfelt conversations and some comedy too. 8.5/10 to the show I'll keep 1.5 because I wanted few more scenes of introspection and more fluffiness.

I'm literally sold for Yin (Vee) and War (Mark) both of them are just too adorable especially War- whenever he did his nose crunches My heart was solid sold! He has a baby-ish voice and charm to himself. and he literally has Puppy dog eyes. Trust me I had a hard time surviving it! Yin, on the other hand, has a very lovely smile and loveable aura around him. His Eye smile is to die for.

For me the most selling point for this show was the characters and their flaws. Although when I was going through the internet for people's review or thoughts for the drama I realised majority of people saw Vee as someone Toxic but to me that wasn't the case. Yes, Vee made some wrong decisions which ended up hurting Mark but those decisions were a mistake that were the result of Vee's confusion and dilemma in understanding his own feelings and I guess anybody can go through this.

From what I interpreted, Vee was always attracted to Mark that is why even though Mark was drawing lines between them but Vee always kept crossing them, searching for opportunities to spend more time with Mark caring for him. However, he wasn't aware that he was attracted to Mark. So Yeah, I found Vee Flawed, made some bad decisions and clearly did wrong to Mark but for me He wasn't Toxic. He was wrong but not Toxic. There is a huge difference between the two.

I also loved the power dynamic between the two too adorable. I mean most of the times Vee was a puppy with his tail stuck between his legs- Following Mark and his probation period. And Mark, on the other hand, loved being loved by Vee. Always playing along with his playfulness and crunching his nose.

Their relationship was loveable, filled with kisses and smiles but also very playful. Both of them were very obvious with their claims of each other in public. Teasing each other, giggling and laughing. Seducing and spooning and hesitant shy I love you. Just so playful and heart warming.

I LOVE THEM and I'm looking forward to more of Yin & War shows♥️

42 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lettertolife]

So I got News on myself ... :)

It seems like I may have ADHD - Undetected and Untreated. Suddenly a lot of me makes more sense to me:) and as of now I cannot proceed with therapy/ counselling as well gotta wait a wee bit more 🫢

Anyway here's to life & it's unruly ways.

P.S: I suspected myself of having ADHD after reading a post on Reddit, which was about 'How Rain may represent ADHD'. Rain as in a character in Thai Boys' Love show. So Thanks to Frictional Character, Rain, I ended up having some real life moment of clarity :)

[lettertolife]

LOVE IN THE AIR THURSDAY

So this year I got into Boys' Love world and have been hooked to it. although I have watched on-going BLs but I started them after like 6th episode or 7th. After watching a lot of clip and knowing almost most of the story line.

However that wasn't the case with Love In The Air - The Series

I vaguely remember watching the pilot trailer of the show in the first half of the year but completely forgot about it.

However, in late July or early August I stumbled across the actual trailer and teasers of the show. AND I WAS IN LOVE WITH IT! Hence this show became first BL that I watched on-going from episode 1 and discussed passionately about it on Reddit with other watchers.

I wait for every Thursday. THURSDAYs are celebration days Thanks to the series. The series is divided into 2 stories - 1) Love Storm and 2) Love Sky.

Love Storm is Payu and Rain's love story which is Episode 1-7 and Love Sky is Prapai and Sky's love story which is Episode 8-13.

There are a total of 14 episodes. 13 episode (1-7 + 8-13) plus one special episode. And Today i.e., 29th September' 2022 we'll have our 7th episode that will be the ending of Love Storm story.

So I'm excited but as well as sad to bid my byes to Payu and Rain. So I thought I'll make a post here describing how exciting Thursdays are and how excited I'm for tonight's episode.

Here's a glimpse to today's episode.

[lettertolife]

100 posts!

I hope we celebrate 1000 too and many more♥️

[lettertolife]

1000 Thoughts, 100th Post and A cup of coffee🤍

Helloooo! welcome to my 100th Post!

I wanted something very meaningful to be my 100th post and previously I was going with talking about something that I read in Simu Liu's memoir and had too much to comment about from my personal experience and then I went nah. I created a Tumblr account with a motive to just speak whatever I feel in that moment and that exactly should be my 100th post as well, right?

So here I'm sipping on my coffee and typing away my emotions as a celebration to having written 100 posts on Tumblr.

First of, I wanna start with the fact that I'm a law graduate and as well as an enrolled advocate. Achieved something at the age of 25 :) so behind in life, Yay! (I'm being sarcastic with that yay, Just FYI) Although I wish to continue my higher studies abroad and I'm slightly lazing of there but I'll get there. I think I will - Please pray for me :)

Other than that I'm super invested into a Boys' Love show - Love In The Air telecasts every Thursday from 18th August 2022.and makes me feel super single :) and I MEAN IT. Apart from the single hood acknowledgement from a frictional show I have also been zoning in and out of various thoughts. I think I've too much free time at hand. anyway,

Most of the thoughts I guess suggest me that I should sit down and start working on a time machine and travel back in time to lash out onto all those people who left a scar on me. Have you ever had that hesitation in doing something because you fear the reaction or result could trigger an emotion so unhealthy that it will take away all your growth? If No great because having them is a curse. It literally stops you from doing everything and makes you regret life so pathetically. You wanna know how I know? Answer: I'm suffering from said hesitation and its repercussions. Yay Me!

A lot of these scars however comes from a place that should have been the healthiest place for a young mind- Yup it's school. It's the Teachers. How ironically unfortunate :) I'm fighting my tears back writing this because How could you do that to a young child? You were suppose to be the mature one amongst us then how did it end up like this? Why am I wiping my tears away and feeling petrified of those memories, which by the way, are suppose to be happy and ever lasting. Why am I left feeling like this? Sometimes I'm left questioning myself wether I deserved these traumas and maybe I was just a horrible human being to began with and these teachers had not done any wrong. Maybe.

Because other than that I cannot bring myself to understand why would they do this to a child, to me? I have such vivid memories of those moments even though decades have passed yet one normal moment out of nowhere those memories will be triggered and I'll be left wobbling, trying to grasp that moment. All of the growth and healing I did all these years shattered in seconds and all those insecurities and pain comes rushing back.

I missed school days a lot because my parents were laid back and also I was pretty sick child too. So I would be unprepared and made stupid mistakes and somehow that made me the receiver of disdain and annoyed look from my teachers. I still remember those eyes full of anger and irritation directed towards me. They did absolutely nothing to hide their expressions and words in front of the entire class of 35-40 students. Students who would then have the exact impression of me - annoying kid.

Once in 4th standard my English teacher didn't shy away from making fun of my walking - she called me out "You walk like a Duck" and proceeded to demonstrate that funny duck walk. You know what stayed after the class ended? That jokes on everyone's mouth and feet. Taunts kept coming in, physical jokes lasted long enough. I did complaint to the teacher and that English Teacher did tell the class to not make fun but the damage was done. You know how long that joke lasted? I was in 8th Standard and got shuffled from my section to a new one and one of my old classmate who I had no contact from 6th standard onwards - demonstrated that funny duck walk as my introduction to her friends.

In 5th standard I was giving my science unit test and my parents were waiting for me in the reception because I had a train to catch for outstation and I remember rushing my paper while sitting outside the class (those who were still writing the paper were asked to sit outside the class) while the rest were in the class. The BEST student was with the teacher helping her arranging and collecting the answer sheets. and when I submitted my sheets (Oh Goodness why do I remember all of this so vividly!) she flipped through my sheets, saw a mistake, snarked at it and then showed it to the BEST student and then both of them giggled at my mistake. Somewhere along the line my confident dipped too.

I was a slow child, it took me time to understand the concept- spellings were difficult for me. I kept mixing up letters and them laughing at me, making fun of me only distanced me from anything academic.

I could've done better academically had these teachers paid little more interest in the lacking behind student than the topper. You know how I know? Because in 8th standard my Social Studies teacher ended up making my fun for scoring low marks and it was so snarky and humiliating that in next week's test I scored 27/30. and the teenager me didn't shy away from giving her a look that day while she handed out my paper.

Then comes my P.T teacher from Boarding school, Dehra Dun. That woman found every petty reason to call me out in assembly, shame me and humiliate me. She went ahead with also trying to pair me with one of her friend's school's student. Yeah she went ahead and clicked a photo of mine to sent it to that guy. And when I complained my own very wonderful classmates turned at me blaming me for taking it too far by complaining not just talking it out with her. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TALK IT OUT WITH HER. THAT WOMAN JUST SENT A PHOTO OF MINE TO SOMEONE.

Then comes the most horrible person in name of a teacher- Oh Christ. My heart dips at her image. She created such an environment for me that I started on missing on my meals (I was in boarding school) because she use to be there. I was missing on breakfast, literally inhaling my whatever portion of lunch I had in plate to just exit the mess before her entrance or before we made any eye contact. Dinner time- since I couldn't escape, I would have my head lowered and finish my meal without any appetite. She would humiliate me in front of the entire boarding school and then go ahead and tell that gossip to the entire school faculty. Resulting in my isolation and snatching away my peace of mind. She had me in such a toxic environment that I ended up going absolute silent for 7-10 days. Spoke bare minimum almost next nothing. and I happen to be a very talkative girl. She went around spreading rumours about me. Oh Dear Lord! Eventually the only relation I had with her (because I was suppose to have one) was of material. I was only talking to her because I had work from her. That woman in the authority of House Mistress (a position in Boarding school) called me names in public, got my boyfriend against me and had me isolated. Thanks to her my insecurities have risen a new level. I find myself questioning everything and being afraid of absolutely everything in this world.

And no I'm not saying that I was not a fault. I made mistakes- did things that were wrong. I was supposed to be corrected but at this cost? was this the only way? is this how it's suppose to be? Couldn't these teachers taken a better way out of my problems? With a child and a teenager was this the only way of teaching me about the world? Should I be traumatised to learn the way of the world?

Thousand of such thoughts keep lingering my mind all these times. keeping me up at night and shallow in life.

[lettertolife]

Vee & Mark- Their Journey to Love♥️ (Love Mechanics) (Boys' Love)

Found this amazing FMV on YT. (I'm not the owner of this video- credits to the uploader)

Thanks to Youtube Shorts I came across this very beautiful show called Love Mechanics. I have been captivated by Vee and Mark, two college boys who fall in love, have a complicated journey but end up together happily.

The most attractive thing about Vee and Mark, after their vein popping hands, are their flaws. The idea of flaws makes a human without the insertion of godly perfection of that flaw. This aspect of their characteristics and love was so real that it made me feel all their emotions and pain they went through together. In the world of fiction- we tend to admire people who go through immediate process of rectification, who have this idea of being perfect in an unrealistic way, people who will realise their mistake without much efforts and as much as this is wonderful and healthy it is equally almost not real life possible. As Humans we do not tend to realise when we have hurt others. We tend to go through a lengthier process of healing, understanding and rectification and this is what this show- these two people had. Real flaws, real healing and real understanding.

VEE- Toxic or just Wrong decisions?

A lot of people find Vee toxic and conveniently the bad guy. Someone who isn't worthy and deserving of Mark. Although what he did is wrong and it did end up hurting Mark but being wrong and being toxic are completely different things. For me Vee is someone who isn't close to himself enough to understand what he truly wants, and hence gets pushed by other peoples emotions and actions. Is he gullible? Yes in a certain way but mostly he is just inconveniently considerate of other people's emotions. Initially Mark was no one but an annoying junior who was pursuing his (Vee) friend, who (Bar) openly declared his love for other person and yet Vee ended up taking care of a drunk Mark, apologising on his behalf and carrying him all the way home. He ended up spending the night with him. And while Mark felt disgusted after the drunk one night stand with Vee , Vee on the other hand was worried about his eating. I'm not sure if I can call this attraction or not but I'm pretty sure it is consideration of Mark's feeling.

Vee somehow ends up feeling some kind of responsibility towards Mark, after spending the night together, although we see Mark drawing a clear line between them but Vee somehow always found a way to cross it and I guess in these moments we see Vee fall for Mark- wanting him (Mark) to be his. Feeling uneasy when Mark spent time with someone else. As audience we know, it is Jealousy but here's when we can have an insight to Vee's flaws and his inability to read his own emotions, to understand that he wants Mark. That there is no more space for Ploy.

Vee was confused about his feelings, he couldn't hurt and leave Ploy but he, for sure, only needed Mark. In all these confusion, impulsive decisions Vee ended up making bad decisions and hurting Mark.

Vee has always been insecure, confuse, couldn't understand if he was strong enough to tell the world that he was dating Mark. But what he wasn't was Toxic and I can say that because we saw the sincerity Vee had for Mark, the way he wanted to change for Mark, for his happiness and we also saw some growth. Vee did not use his confusion as an excuse to escape his wrong doings and continued to repeat his mistakes. That's a sign of wrong decisions and bad timings and not of Toxicity.

Yeah his actions were hurtful and definitely wrong but who doesn't make mistakes? That doesn't mean you are Toxic.

MARK- The Stupid Boy or the Boy in Love?

Mark just wants to be loved by someone sincerely. From his father's not so wise words in episode 8 we get to know that Mark ended up falling into relationships with wrong guys which always resulted in him being left all alone and hurt. People called him stupid for going back to Vee but for me he fell in love with a guy whose sincerity were conveyed to him. Definitely out of the two, Mark is the more mature one. He is clear of his emotions, his liking and what he wants. Not only this but he also has very boldly verbalised how he felt because he was sure and confident of what he was doing.

However Love is complicated and only if it was easy to separate black and white from grey. Mark had fallen in love with Vee and although he saw Vee kissing his ex-girlfriend after which he ended up things with him- he still missed him. Searched for him just for that one look and almost got disappointed at the fact that Vee didn't sleep with him while he was drunk dead.

"Or Maybe you still love Ploy"

That one statement carried so much hurt, pain and regrets. He somehow ended up believing that his love failed in front of Ploy's that his emotions and memories couldn't leave that impact on Vee as did Ploy's. In that moment we as an audience see him holding on to the last thread of hope. Wishing all of this distress and distance to be over and being back with Vee. and the moment the misunderstandings cleared up he rushed to tell Vee the truth. He did not wanted to make this any harder. He wanted to be truthful and he wanted to be loved by Vee again.

He was a man in love, deeply, with Vee and he wanted to give those feelings and emotions a second chance, that man a second chance- who searched for him like a mad man when he went missing. He wanted to give Vee, who made him happy, loved and just smile everyday, a second chance. He isn't stupid but a Boy in love.

THEIR LOVE STORY - A Journey so heartwarming.

Love is complicated, it makes you want to believe in fairytales and unicorns. It wants you to forget pain and only live the happiness. Love isn't always roses and honey but a lot of time thorns and bitter. It is upon the people how to deal with those side of love as well.

Their Love was imperfect but there was sincerity and growth. That distance of misunderstanding between them made them realise how important the other person was in their life. Their love story was not only about tears and pains but also probation periods, shy 'I love you's, a lot of teasing and playfulness. (Also a lot of touching).

There were bad decisions, wrong timings and misunderstandings but there was also waiting, clarifications and second chances.

Their love had warmth and meaning and that is why We were so invested with them. That's why Vee and Mark left a lasting impact when the kissed on the roof and bide their happy byes to us.

Vee and Mark - The Love Mechanics :)

A perfect edit by Kdrama_bl_universe that depicts their love the most beautiful way. You can check out her IG page for more such posts. (This is not my edit I'm just sharing it here)

[lettertolife]

LOVE MECHANICS (Boys Love)- Two absolutely adorable Cutes♥️

So recently this year I got into the whole new world of Boys Love (BL) and its an abyss. You cannot exit from here. Periodt. As of now I have watched Korean BL dramas, Taiwanese BL dramas, Japanese BL Drama and of course the biggest industry of BL dramas- The Thai BL dramas and I have a Vietnamese BL drama on my watch list waiting for me😂

However, out of all those wonderful stories, the story of Vee & Mark captivated my heart. Thanks to Youtube Shorts I discovered this beautiful show- Love Mechanics. sort of a Spin off of the original short drama of the same name.

LOVE MECHANICS

The Story follows:

Approaching his long-time crush, Bar Sarawut with a heart-felt confession, Mark is devastated when his love is rejected. Heart-broken, Mark attempts to drown his sorrows at a local nightclub where he runs into Vee, one of the seniors in his school’s engineering program. Mistaking Vee for Bar, Mark approaches his senior and the two immediately hit it off. 

Realizing what he has with Vee is more than just a fleeting feeling, Mark begins to make room for him in his heart. But will his already fragile heart have the strength to endure what’s to come when he learns Vee already has a girlfriend?

It's just 10 episodes long and keeps you hooked with the story. Both the actors have done fabulous job and portraying the characters, their vulnerability and love. The show has lot of emotional moments, some heartfelt conversations and some comedy too. 8.5/10 to the show I'll keep 1.5 because I wanted few more scenes of introspection and more fluffiness.

I'm literally sold for Yin (Vee) and War (Mark) both of them are just too adorable especially War- whenever he did his nose crunches My heart was solid sold! He has a baby-ish voice and charm to himself. and he literally has Puppy dog eyes. Trust me I had a hard time surviving it! Yin, on the other hand, has a very lovely smile and loveable aura around him. His Eye smile is to die for.

For me the most selling point for this show was the characters and their flaws. Although when I was going through the internet for people's review or thoughts for the drama I realised majority of people saw Vee as someone Toxic but to me that wasn't the case. Yes, Vee made some wrong decisions which ended up hurting Mark but those decisions were a mistake that were the result of Vee's confusion and dilemma in understanding his own feelings and I guess anybody can go through this.

From what I interpreted, Vee was always attracted to Mark that is why even though Mark was drawing lines between them but Vee always kept crossing them, searching for opportunities to spend more time with Mark caring for him. However, he wasn't aware that he was attracted to Mark. So Yeah, I found Vee Flawed, made some bad decisions and clearly did wrong to Mark but for me He wasn't Toxic. He was wrong but not Toxic. There is a huge difference between the two.

I also loved the power dynamic between the two too adorable. I mean most of the times Vee was a puppy with his tail stuck between his legs- Following Mark and his probation period. And Mark, on the other hand, loved being loved by Vee. Always playing along with his playfulness and crunching his nose.

Their relationship was loveable, filled with kisses and smiles but also very playful. Both of them were very obvious with their claims of each other in public. Teasing each other, giggling and laughing. Seducing and spooning and hesitant shy I love you. Just so playful and heart warming.

I LOVE THEM and I'm looking forward to more of Yin & War shows♥️

[lettertolife]

Letter to Life turned 1 today!

Thank you to all the handful people who read what I write. and also thank you Tumblr for being a platform where I could open up honestly for my own peace.

[lettertolife]

BTS NOTIFICATION FROM WHITE HOUSE (20220526)

Once they were trying to get audience for their free concert in the U.S and now they'll be sitting with The American president in the White House and put forth their thoughts and words on Anti-Asian hate crimes and also celebrate Asian American and Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander Heritage Month.

I understand that Fate & hardwork are not intertwined always however the will to change the world and Believe are plants of the same seed. BTS has put in hardwork, passion, belief and their honest selves into their music and the end result is forcing the world to bow down to their power and aura. These Seven men focused solely on their music and helping the people through their music and words, living life innocently and lovingly to each other and even without trying their bond with each other also started impacting the human race and helped people find relationship so true and warm.

I'm proud that I listen to BTS, I'm proud that I followed them through their entertainment shows, I'm proud that I felt connected to BTS and I'm proud that I'm an ARMY.

Cheers to infinite and more such platinum success. 💜