livebloggingmydescentintomadness - Tumblr blog

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

A whole new perspective

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I love you. I love you. I know. I know that.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Psychosis and schizo spec experiences are messy, and complicated, and often don't fit the societal narratives.

Many psychotic people have experiences that look like symtoms of other disorders, and strict categorization and separation between symptoms and disorders often don't take schizospec and psychotic people's experiences into account.

Schizophrenia, as an example, is commonly classified as a neurodevelopmental illness, and comes with a range of experiences of neurodivergency that do not neatly fit into any one box/neurotype, yet can be both very disabling and very profound. Similarly, most schizospec people are prone to dissociation, and there's an overlap between plural people and psychotic communities.

For this reason and others, I'm not a fan of separatism in the neurodivergent community, which too often targets psychotics, by focusing on proving that this or that group is not "crazy" like "those people".

Occasionally this takes on some insidious forms within the different communities, where "deviant experiences" of odd symtoms that don't align neatly with the narrative of the associated disorder, are dismissed as fake, problematic, harmful - occasionally as ableist in and of themselves. This narrative is actively harmful to psychotic people.

I'm not a fan of arguments that hinge on the notion that large numbers of people are lying or mistaken about their lived experience, and sincerely, as someone who has read an unreasonable amount of research throughout my studies, psychological science is interesting, and useful, but it is never exact, and it is full of biases, blind spots and bullshit science hidden behind statistics and overreaching conclusions. Pointing out bad research is not "anti science", it is in fact pro science. I am a scientist.

I consciously reject the notion that the diagnostic manuals are anything more than a semi competent attempt at making a comprehensive classification of symptoms. This doesn't mean that these constructs aren't hugely influential, or that they don't describe real symtoms, but it is important for Mad and Neurodivergent activism to move beyond this reductive understanding of mental diversity.

So while I'm happy to provide info on the definitions of various disorders etc, because it has real world applications, I am more interested in what we all have in common, and in finding solidarity across diagnostic borders.

In the end, my solidarity is with the weird kids. The quiet ones, the fucked up ones, the ones who don't feel like they belong or fit anywhere. With symtoms and experiences and diagnoses like an ill-fitting set of clothes.

I want to fight the stigma, but I don't want to fight it by assimilation. It is not our job to be "normal" or "easy to understand and categorize".

I want radical inclusiveness, and I want it now. I want the judgement of harmless odd behaviours to stop, I want the mental health communities to stop fighting each other and throwing each other under the bus in the name of being palatable.

We don't have to be palatable to be worthy. We don't have to fit into a neat little box to be taken seriously. We are all deserving of non-judgemental love and support.

Our goal should not be to be neurotypical, it should be to live happy and fulfilling lives within the circumstances we were dealt.

Us psychotic weirdos need better options than to be monsters, or to be invisible.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Besides, I'm better off here.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Mine

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Jonmartin twitter doodle :)

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[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Shadows and light ~

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Eliot: I stay close to protect Hardison and Parker. I suppose I’m third wheeling but if that’s what it takes to keep them safe then so be it

Hardison: Eliot is our boyfriend. We take him on dates all the time

Parker: he hasn’t figured it out yet

Hardison: I suggested we tell him

Parker: but this is more fun

Hardison: yeah it is

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

"i can't think straight when your head's at that angle either" ok jensen

from this video

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One thing I haven’t seen anyone post about yet is the “should’ve used our left hand” conversation, and it is so so so important to me.

It’s very rare that we get any verbal confirmation that John—who for all intents and purposes only exists in a meaningful physical capacity through Arthur’s left hand—interacts with the world at all unless it’s in dire circumstances where he has to, like the mines in Addison.

We don’t hear him say “let me get that” or anything active almost ever, and we have to infer that maybe he’s moving around, touching things, gesticulating, guiding Arthur in some small way when he says “here!” but it’s never really said explicitly that he touches things idly sometimes. He usually only helps Arthur, like holding the torch, and doesn’t do much for himself. And yeah, perhaps that would be clunky writing, but it bothered me for a little while. I’ve always wanted to see him interact with the world more, touch more things, take a little initiative with the body they’re sharing, even if for practical reasons, but if it’s important to him that Arthur has some semblance in control? If he is considering Arthur’s feelings constantly by tamping down the urge to find and seek and know for himself, increasing that sense of isolation? If he’s trying even harder now to take up less space, to make himself small, in order to assuage the prickling guilt he feels for threatening taking that control back from Arthur? If he’s going to do his fucking damnedest to resist the urge to manifest even when the power is right there at his fingertips? Well, then that’s fucking delicious.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

"As a young parent, being shamed for the decisions you have made and being stigmatized for your identity⁠ makes navigating through the world very difficult. We are more than just young parents; we are sisters, brothers, partners, students, hard workers, friends, and always more than one single identity. Stigma can keep us from wanting to go back to school, or returning for a visit at the doctor’s office, or feeling like we are capable of making the best choices for ourselves and our children. Stigma can pressure us to avoid making ambitious goals or striving to overcome challenges. Stigma keeps us in a place where others can still narrate and dictate our lives."

Shame & Stigma: How It Makes Young Moms and Dads Feel by Natasha Vianna

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

A malevolent entity realizing he can gain more autonomy by threatening yours-> he does not know what an owl is

((Small self promo I’m streaming at 4 pm est today! Come say hi!))

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Malevolent AU but Arther can only play the otomatone:

"Play something for me Arthur"

"...Of course"

And Arther fucking pulls out this

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These guys really can't survive an hour in medieval England without immediately falling into mystery flesh pit national park

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Thinking again about how Harlan says that he chose “You Call It Madness, I Call It Love” because it encapsulates a lot of the themes within Malevolent.

Thinking about that idiom about how ‘the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results’. Thinking about how Arthur trusts John, over and over again, without fail.