living-dead-girl515 - Tumblr blog

[living-dead-girl515]

To The Man Who Saved My Life

I will never forget what you did for me. I know you think you didn't technically do anything, but you did. You just kind of, showed up one day; took a look around, and told me I could be better. Not even so much that I should be better, but that I actually was better; capable of so much more. Lots of people were telling me I should be better. Lots of people made me feel like should be ashamed. You didn't do that. You loved me, all of me, despite the fact that I was living like some manner of degenerate. You're the first person that just, looked at me and said this isn't really you. You're more than all of this. It turns out that was all I needed. A year ago, I honest to God did not believe I was capable of any of this. All you did was show me I am, and I will never forget that

[living-dead-girl515]

Gaza rubble is painted with blood

a land of god upon arrival of death

children scream and ask for forgiveness

to save them from doom they don’t understand

The sea waves with corpses

of mother’s who lost their lives

of husband’s who lost their wives

on blaming children upon holding knives

the star of Bethlehem has lost its spark

the eyes look up in the sky expecting it to not scar

that the blues dont turn to grey and reds

Gaza is a mortuary for white men’s rest

And they scream “run to Rafah”

Run away like the sheep in wolf’s clothing

escape abhorrent death of your kids

because death is only natural for those who have power trips

“bury your newborns” they’ll say

with a big smile of privilege on their face

they’ll go down in books,

we’ll use their deaths as a moral excuse, like we did to the jews.

because we failed to avoid history from repeating itself,

leaving the book of needed defence rotting on the shelf

Yashveer Vats Gaurav (14/03/2024)

[living-dead-girl515]

I've never been loved

Like this in my life

It's me and you

For the rest of our nights

Don't need no one, else

As long as I have you

I'll always know in my heart

That the rest will fall

Into place

[living-dead-girl515]

I don't have the words, to spell out this feeling. This coldness, like glass, wrapped around me. Inside the quiet is loud, but the noise is unbearable. I didn't know, that I could feel cold, like this.

[living-dead-girl515]

It was a slow decline

So slow,

The way you broke

My mind

It took years and years

Of hard work, dedication

For you to suck

My soul

Till it was dry

How does it feel

That I

Undid all of that

In much less

Time

[living-dead-girl515]

What colour makes you think of me?

Is it blue or is it green?

Does it radiate a soft glow,

Of lovely pink or deep purple

What colour makes you think of me,

What colour do you see when you see me?

[living-dead-girl515]

Love should be freeing. It should not be restricting. Love should be a sanctuary you return to, not a prison you are confined to. Love should be encouraging, of progress, of growth, of friendship outside of your love. It should not be confined within the terms of me and only me. Love should be accepting and grateful, not expecting and entitled. Love should be fun, and euphoric, and full of laughter. Most importantly, love should be gentle.

[living-dead-girl515]

I'm so much better without you. I was so, profoundly, fundamentally unhappy when I was with you. I was so unhappy, yet so in denial about how unhappy I was, that I convinced myself I was actually incredibly sick. So sick that I needed 4 different medications to function and live my life (most at pretty high doses). Now that I'm not with you, now that I'm in a place where I actually like my life, I've remembered how well I used to function on one low dose antidepressant to manage my anxiety. I've been weaning off my medications to get back to this. I was scared at first. I was scared I was wrong and I really was sick, and once I lowered these meds I would get bad again. But I haven't. I've gotten better. I'm more clear, I feel more awake. I'm more present and engaged with my children. I'm less irritable. I wake up feeling rested instead of groggy. I'm so thankful that I woke up from the trance you had me in. I'm so thankful I opened my eyes to how brain washed I was. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done, you made sure of that. Thank you. Now, now I know there's nothing I can't do, if I managed to leave you.

[living-dead-girl515]

No one prepares you for how deeply it will change you when your self esteem improves. No one prepares you for how different people close to you will look to you once you can see that you deserve to be valued, or that you deserve to have what you want in life. No one prepares you for how stupid you're going to feel for letting yourself be stuck with the wrong person for so much of your life because you honestly believed you couldn't do better.

[living-dead-girl515]

I was your hostage

You held me captive

Blocked all my exits

Cut off my life lines

I was your prisoner

You'd never let me go

I made it out anyways

Now watch how far I'll go

[living-dead-girl515]

You are my sunshine

My soft moonlight

And my twinkling stars

Forever lighting up my sky

[living-dead-girl515]

I just needed you to hold me a little longer, kiss me one more time, wait a few more minutes. I wasn't ready but maybe I never am, I can't bear it when you have to leave again

[living-dead-girl515]

It's the little things. Like, when we're driving and a song comes on that I love. I'll start to do some silly dance, and you'll start to copy whatever little dance I'm doing. If we're parked at an intersection someone might look from another car and just see two idiots dancing in unison. That's it. This is the love I was yearning for.

[living-dead-girl515]

You'll know when they're the one. You'll know because, suddenly all of you comes out. Suddenly you're more you than you've ever been in your life. And the more that you comes out, the more they love you. Don't settle for places where you're not 100% you 100% of the time.

[living-dead-girl515]

I got so used to people that didn't show up

When someone finally did

I was just so happy that they did

I didn't realize someone could do more

Than just show up

But here you are, showing up

With more than I ever dreamed

[living-dead-girl515]

Every narrow path

Each new start after all those dead ends

Every broken dream, every tear cried

Lead me right where I was supposed to be

Here, in this moment, with you

[living-dead-girl515]

don't leave me!