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llitchilitchi · 8 hours
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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llitchilitchi · 14 hours
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Do you know how long I've been looking for you?XD?
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llitchilitchi · 17 hours
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Prison arc in a nutshell
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llitchilitchi · 17 hours
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Fruit-Shaped Bus Stops (1990) Location: Nagasaki, Japan
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llitchilitchi · 17 hours
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see, when i think of bread, i first and foremost imagine something like this
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llitchilitchi · 17 hours
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‘victim’ is becoming one of those words that we need to put up on the highest shelf so that internet users are unable to reach it anymore because the gravity of the word has been so watered down where we’re using it to make seriously exaggerate petty grudges and it genuinely demeans what it means to be a victim of harassment, bullying, assault, sex crime whatever . it’s just buzzwords to make sure the internets moral police automatically side with them because you wouldn’t want to be a VICTIM blamer would you
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llitchilitchi · 18 hours
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whoever invented unskippable ads I hope you die a death of a 1000 cuts
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llitchilitchi · 1 day
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llitchilitchi · 1 day
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so I didn't know if female jesters had been a thing in the past and looked it up and was introduced to mathurine the fool, who gave one of the best burns in history in a silly little way.
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also she apparently stopped an assassination?? amazing.
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llitchilitchi · 1 day
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i am. so sorry if i have ever used the phrase “i have an au where—” and led you to believe that there is an actual fic out there for you to read rather than, at best, a post where i explain the concept, and at worst it is simply something that lives in my brain
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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since all new 3d printing & photography is still in limbo, a throwback! this is the first doll i ever made. she is from a couple of years back, though a more precise grip on the timeline is lost to me.
i had a brief fascination with bjd head sculpts as a kid, and did a few frankenstein experiments on barbies, but was never really interested in dolls before. the hobby started in a flash when i happened to see a monster high custom video on youtube. i took one look at a cleaned abbey face, went "monster high face sculpts are like THAT?", and got my boots on to go to the nearest thrift store. did not find any monster high at that time, but bought a moxie girlz doll, and came home to make this.
the spider butt is insulation foam and clay, and the legs are worbla over a thick metal wire, which allows them to bend surprisingly well. also, the tattoos are patterns cut out of my childhood satin pajamas, which is an excellent example how a lot of my material storage may be Old As Balls, but eventually compelling things will have their use.
the arms are super charming when i look at them now; a relic from a time when i didn't just have a bin of spare doll parts to get new arms from. i thought about swapping them out now, but i think i'll keep her as she is, as documentation. the harness i do need to retie though, as i did not know shibari back then and it Could Be Much Better now that i do.
all told, i've made about 80 fashion doll customs. most of them have never been photographed, but i'll do some more throwback dollposting when me and/or my partner get time & motivation to take pictures.
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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[240113]
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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oh that's cool, i don't watch much of k-pop but i like hearing stuff from other people and see how it inspires people to create stuff. It's very cool!! Your royalty au it's so cool, I'll give a watch to video bc it looks pretty good :D
I hope you enjoy :D
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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yeah it sucks how Tumblr works. I hope that with time things will calm down a little and the normal content will return. I hope you're doing okay 🫂 alos the dreamwatcher au is it a fic? I'm curious what is it about?
thank you anonnie, I'm doing okay<3
I think you mean the Dreamcatcher post from last night? they're a k-pop girl group that I really like and they have one music video in particular that I keep falling in love with over and over again that's set in a high fantasy royalty setting, it's really pretty, no clue if you're a fan of k-pop or rock ballads, but the direction and spectacle of it is fantastic so worst case you can just mute the video and watch
youtube
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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Abandoned hotel near Tequendama Falls by Arturo Aparicio
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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more old dreamwastaken art
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llitchilitchi · 2 days
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need to become a guy who exclusively does evil commissions. like this
WILL DRAW ✓ mecha ✓ gore ✓ furry ✓ nsfw
WILL NOT DRAW X ocs X fanart X simple backgrounds
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