maddnedariadne

[maddnedariadne]

i love my mom, i do but i dont know why she has to act like i dont respect her and just shamed her when i argue back when shes challanging my way of life. i want my space to be organised, and ill do it but the more you tell me to do it, the less i want to do it because thats how i fucking am, and its not even like im a jungle freak, its just theres things lying around but she has to act like she lives there every day, i may have an attitude but i dont like it when you call my room a dump and act like its the filthiest place on earth because you have undiagnosed OCD that you havent got treated and are pushing it onto me. dont even get me started on the fact that somehow everything is my fault, the clothes werent folded even thought my brother was supposed to do? scold your daughter about it and act like you always do it to your son as well, our house isnt mysiginistic but somehow she gets to blame everything on me. I can listen to you when im wrong but i refuse to get blamed for something my brother did or my dad did out of pettiness just to get me scolded. and the backhanded statements. 'I know you shave your arms, stop shaving your arms its gonna look ugly', mom i dont care, i have never cared and even if i did, I DONT SHAVE, never have i ever shaved but she still has to act like im a rodent and then when i defeatedly tell her that ok just assume whatever it in your head because theres no point in arguing with you when you always have to be the victim so im not going to waste my mood and then you act like i dont talk to you. you force your beliefs, your religion when i cleary dont believe in it, your way of life and claim that you wont leave me anything in the will if i dont follow your gods? sorry i dont try to justify myself when i knew youre going to play the victim card everytime.

stop pretending youre a saint when you told me straigh to my face that im useless and yet you still keep me around

why do all mothers never like their daughters, im sorry i as ever born, dosent feel so good to hang around everyday either

[maddnedariadne]

i think im gonna miss you when im gone

i dont want to go, to a foreign land, to a land of future and dreams, i want to stay, a land of gold and art. hold your hand and swing them as we walk, watch your eyes as they crinkle, look at them so hard that years later i see you in the oceans waves, in the creases of my shirt or the unfolded laundry dont wake me up, not if it isnt my grey and orange room so bright, dont wake me up if i dont see the fairy lights and your face smiling at me through the polaroids maybe if i fall, fall and fall ill drift so maybe when i look over the horizon i hope ill see you there, standing with your crooked smile with pretty perfect teeth and those silly giggles, and maybe ill weep in your arms still so foreign and hold you so tight ill hear your heart beat deep within my ears and finally will i come home.