maiya-da-boss - Tumblr blog

[maiya-da-boss]

I hope one day you will forgive me

I’m factory resetting the iPhone today

[maiya-da-boss]

I give my all to you

[maiya-da-boss]

I sent you the flowers on Valentine’s Day <3 4ever ~s

[maiya-da-boss]

https://g.co/kgs/szQvsW

[maiya-da-boss]

Maiya, I miss you so much

[maiya-da-boss]

Kanye West - Last Call

It’s just playing in the mix right now and I don’t know what else to name this prompt. I pulled this phone out of a box of chords last night and I thought that it was factory reset, but it wasn’t. I’m surprised, disappointed , and bummed out after turning it on. I’m writing this for me, because maybe Ill feel better just getting some feelings off my chest. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I wish I was able to see my friends before they moved away from Fredericksburg. It’s really hard trying to make and find friends in the area with COVID going on. Scratch that, I’m too old to make friends and meet new people I should be focusing on a house or something.

Maggie wanted to talk to me last night I’m sure she knew I was bummed , but after turning on the phone I just got upset and went to bed. I have so much to write about, I feel like I could pen a book. I wish maiya was there for me, but she thinks the worst of me. I look down at that scar whenever I shower. I’m so embarrassed about the fact I’ll have to explain that to the next woman I’m with. I think manifestation is real too. I read she said that she’s been feeling off and I wonder if it’s because I’ve been thinking so hard about her. I really am trying to send those vibes out. She doesn’t have to hate me the way she does, I feel like the people around her made her that way. After what I read what avian said about me, I know that to be true. I wish that dude would put his hands on me. What a selfish person. I feel like he told maiya to leave me that night so that he can have her uninterrupted again. What perfect timing of him to take advantage of her emotions. Disgusting. Never woulda happened had I not slapped maiya so ultimately that’s my fault.

The whole court thing was fucked because now it’s like I’m in the wrong for trying to reconcile our feelings. Jail because of a relationship. Real jail for reaching out to who I thought to be my best friend and confidant. This is so fucked I wish we could have went to like a relationship therapist. Maiya thinks I got a “slap on the wrist”. Smh. I’m back in the nightmare jail system. I’m on fucking probation. This is wack as shit. I’d rather just went to fucking jail and did my time. I have to come back to Spotsylvania Virginia in 2022 to get this bullshit dropped. I’m not saying what I did wasn’t bad, but by no means was it terrible. I’m glad it wasn’t any worse than it was. I wish I had a time machine. I wish I could change the past. It sucks waking up and that being your reality. It almost feels like it’s not real. But it’s very real. I’m so hurt I wish I could just message maiya but she wants me in jail. Imagine just messaging her a meme and the cops knock on your door to take you to jail. It would almost feel like a nightmare, but it’s real. It shouldn’t be this hard, but it is.

They say “you don’t know how good you got something till it’s gone”. Damn true okay I want my boo back cause man this sucks.

She went right back to doing drugs, meanwhile I’m on probation. I wish she stayed sober but not everyone feels the same about drugs. She’s entitled to enjoy what she wants. I tried so hard to not like indulge in drugs while we dated and it’s like as soon as we break up her sobriety means nothing to her.

The fact I found out she’s stalking savanna is a real disappointment. Savanna is a piece of trash. What a terrible way to spend your time. I ain’t never honestly have any real feelings for savanna relationship wise and maiya for whatever reason think I did. It was never a competition and I feel like she felt like it was. Granted I may have texted some foul things but the in person vibe is a way different one. That’s part of what made our friendship special I think. I’m glad I stopped fuckin with savanna though I really am, she was such a bum. I wish she’d take me off her social media’s, she only puts me up to make herself look cooler and at least somewhat desirable.

It’s crazy how i get called crazy for trying to hit up my ex girlfriend who ment the whole world to me, but she’s out here studying witchcraft and stalking my old platonic friend. OK. I can’t blame her for the witchcraft or magic, It’s real but I gave all that up years ago. Evil energies can be manifested and utilized. She doesn’t understand why I said the disrespectful shit I did to savanna. The cringe factor was part of our conversational entertainment. We’d often say mean or nasty things to each other for shits and giggles. That was established years before I met maiya. Women are jealous creatures.

I wish she didn’t feel so insecure. I didn’t mean to help flame that fire. It’s really hard to not think about how much I fucked my life up.

All I ever wanted was that golden marriage and a 50 year anniversary with the cookout and family everywhere. When she told me she was maybe pregnant, I was shocked, but also ecstatic. To be a good father feels like the most important goal in life and I was so excited to start on that. I thought I was gonna be a daddy. Wtf. I wonder if she was pregnant and the accident she had in the Uber killed our baby. Did we have a baby at one point? Did I have a living being that never saw the light of day? Did she have a miscarriage? I’ll never know.

I can’t believe what I read last night: some guy that just got out of prison ? Ducking kms. That really makes me feel like trash. What a downgrade on her part. I know I’m better than that. That’s been on my mind since we broke up : “who’s she going to be with”. I wish I didn’t turn on the phone.

The lawyer told me “look man,write the bitch off”. That was extremely crude. I wish i was strong enough to think like that. I wish I was strong enough to think like that so that I could do something with myself. Sitting around dead inside everyday doesn’t feel good. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled about something. Living at my dads house isn’t the life I wanted to live.

It feels like a bad dream I wish I could just wake up from. I just wish I could wake up and it was all a big bad dream. My dad always said that they don’t make an instruction book on life. I didn’t know what to do, I made a bad decision. I wish it didn’t bring Maiya so much pain inside. I wish she didn’t get upset when I messaged her. It’s really hard just being alive sometimes. I hate living with my dad and I haven’t seen my mom since I wrecked my car. I feel like such a loser for wrecking my car. I should’ve just ignored my phone.

I wish a lot of things, but I can’t change the past. Only work on the future.

Maiya messaged me and said she doesn’t want me to go to jail. Come to find out she messaged me because she wanted to talk. She can talk to me at any time, I wish she would. I can imagine her talking to me stirring up negative feelings though and I get that. I don’t know if it would help us or not. She thinks I’m the “same ol piece of shit” , but I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know myself. I barely use the computer I bought and biking doesn’t fill the void in my heart. Chasing booty isn’t thrilling anymore. Getting laid without the love isn’t fun. It makes me miss maiya and like the connection we had. Hanging out with new people doesn’t feel fun because I’d rather hang out with the person I was building with.

I miss all the little things we used to do, and I wouldn’t dare do that with anyone else, because it just doesn’t feel right. Falling in love with her made me a sappy bitch. I don’t want to date again for a long time because I don’t want to be hurt like this again. I feel depressed every day I can only imagine that my brain looks like a raisin. It feels like one. My feelings are utterly decimated. I feel numb and upset.

My dad pretty much makes fun of me at this point for being so upset about maiya still. It hurts my feelings a lot. Throughout this whole process I’ve been expected to just brush her off like she never even happened in my life. She did happen though and she was a big part of it. Her crazy made me this way. The way she cared about me was the best and I just want to give it back. I wish she’d just have a heart to heart with me.

My day begins. I need to get out of this mood I’m in so that I can have a good day today. Lord give me the strength I need to get through the day. Lord, please take care of Maiya. I hope that you can bless us with patience, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lord give me the strength to not do anything stupid that will jeopardize my freedom and Lord give me the strength to smile again.

[maiya-da-boss]

Who I gotta talk to so that I don’t come back as a human in the next lifetime? And what do I gotta do to prevent that shit?

[maiya-da-boss]

yuck

[maiya-da-boss]

I can’t wait to get old, with my curly grey afro or locs (not sure yet), wrinkling brown skin and my nice ass dentures, talking that SHIT like I always have.

[maiya-da-boss]

I swear to god I feel like jumping off of a building

[maiya-da-boss]

[maiya-da-boss]

Put on a happy face!

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[maiya-da-boss]

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[maiya-da-boss]

[maiya-da-boss]

everything is perfectly fine, and I mean it

[maiya-da-boss]