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marvel-lous-guy · 10 days
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*in the lab*
Tony: Hey Pete could you stand up for a sec?
Peter: yeah, sure
Tony: *takes chair* thanks
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marvel-lous-guy · 11 days
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Tony: what the hell happened to you!?
Peter: Well this guy tried to steal a bike so I stopped him but he stabbed me with some scissors
Tony: I thought you had spidery senses and could sense danger?
Peter: well I stopped the guy then there was a dog so I was busy petting the dog and then he stabbed me with the scissors.
Tony: ...
Peter: thats not the worst part
Tony: theres more!?
Peter: There was still some paper on them so I have a papercut too
Tony: THAT'S the worst part to you!?
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marvel-lous-guy · 24 days
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Peter: are you sure this is a good idea?
Harley: trust me.
Friday: protocal 'they're about to almost blow the building up by accident again' has been activated
Peter: that can't be good
Harley: oh come one! That was one time
*sprinklers spray directly at Peter and Harley*
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marvel-lous-guy · 30 days
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Peter: *distraught* Mr Stark! I'm a criminal! I'm a criminal Mr Stark!
Tony: what!?
Nat: join the club kid
Sam: You're already a wanted vigilante
Tony: Peter, what are you talking about?
Peter: I have this guys knife and I don't know how to give it back to him so I'm a thief
Tony: so some guy tried to stab you, you grabbed the knife and now you think you're a criminal?
Peter: Yes.
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Peter: Why do we even celebrate Valentine's Day? It's just a made-up holiday to sell greeting cards and chocolates.
Pepper: Oh, come on, Peter. Don't be so cynical. Valentine's Day is a time to show your loved ones how much you care about them.
Tony: Yeah, and it's also a great excuse to get drunk and hook up with strangers.
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Peter: I would die for you Mr Stark
Tony: No. We're not gonna do that
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Peter: how do you have such good stamina?
Clint: I sleep with your girlfriend a lot, that's pretty great cardio
Peter: that's pretty creepy Mr Barton. My girlfriend is a minor
Clint: what.
Peter: what?
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Tony: what do you do of multiple gang leaders break into your appartment and try to kill or kidnap you and your aunt?
Peter: I can take them I'm spiderman
Tony: for the love of God kid please just call me or even the cops next time
Peter: I think I handled this pretty well *squirts fire extinguisher again*
Tony: Kid you made the bathtub catch fire
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Tony: I've figured out your plan on how to sneak out and be Spiderman!
Peter: Well that just proves you're an idiot because I don't have a plan!
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Tony: *pours coffee onto his spanner* shit. Thats not my mug
FRIDAY: boss. It has been 49 hours since you last slept more than 6 consecutive hours. May I recommend you get some sleep?
Tony: I'm fine, 6 hours is a long time, when was the last time I got any sleep?
FRIDAY: you got appriximately 5 minutes of sleep 26 hours ago sir
Tony: ...good enough for me
FRIDAY: may I recommend you get some rest before Miss Potts is made aware of this?
Tony: I didn't make no snitch, keep your damn mouth shut
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Tony: What the hell was that!?
Peter: A calculated risk!
Tony: you shot me!
Peter: I SAID IT WAS CALCULATED! I NEVER SAID I WAS GOOD AT MATH!
Tony: it doesn't take a genius to understand that if you pull the trigger an arrow will be fired at whoever is at the end of the bow!
Peter: It's a HARPOON
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Peter: Mr Stark I'm going to hell
Tony: You're not religious, Pete. You don't even believe in hell
Peter: I beat up a blind man
Tony: What. The. Fuck.
Clint: Not cool, man
Peter: I didn't know he was blind!
Tony: how could you not tell he was blind!?
Peter: he was wearing a costume and I thought he was trying to mug some guys so I stopped him but it turns out he was stopping them from chasing this other guy!
Tony: A blind man was beating people up? Thats pretty impressive
Peter: Right!? Then he went to a dumpster-
Clint: Oh don't worry about that Pete- that's just Matt
Peter: you know him?
Clint: yeah he's a great guy, we shared a dumpster once. He always loses his canes
Tony: a deaf guy is friends with a blind guy? How do you talk?
Clint: we usually just skip the talking and get straight to the vigilante stuff
Peter: awesome
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
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Tony: What the hell happened to you!?
Peter: So this nice guy stabbed me with some-
Tony: YOU WERE STABBED!?
Peter: Tony shush. I'm telling a story here. So he stabbed me with scissors then he ran away and I knew I shouldn't take them out because they were stopping the bleeding
Tony: at least you have some common sense
Peter: But then I chased him down 7 blocks on foot and swung 4 and I think all the motion made it worse
Tony: how much worse?
Peter: I can't reach the handle *passes out*
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marvel-lous-guy · 3 months
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Tony: How was patrol?
Peter: yeah it was good. Got a paper cut though.
Tony: how do you get a papercut as Spiderman?
Peter: this guy stabbed me with some scissors and they still had paper on them somehow...
Tony: YOU WERE STABBED!?
Peter: It doesn't count! It's fine!
Tony: HOW DOES THAT NOT COUNT!?
Peter: SCISSORS DON'T COUNT
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marvel-lous-guy · 3 months
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Tony: What the hell was that!?
Peter: what was what?
Tony: you shot me!
Peter: no I didn't
Tony: Yes you did
Peter: *awkwardly hiding a paintball gun behind his back* when was the last time you slept? Maybe you're hallucinating again
Tony: ...I literally just woke up 5 minutes ago
Peter: maybe you hallucinated going to sleep
Tony: what
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marvel-lous-guy · 3 months
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Happy Halloween
Happy easter
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marvel-lous-guy · 3 months
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Tony: What the hell was that!?
Peter: A calculated risk!
Tony: you shot me!
Peter: I SAID IT WAS CALCULATED! I NEVER SAID I WAS GOOD AT MATH!
Tony: it doesn't take a genius to understand that if you pull the trigger an arrow will be fired at whoever is at the end of the bow!
Peter: It's a HARPOON
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