matrixsss

[matrixsss]

commission for @darkstarcore 🤲❤❤!

of their ocs isrose and gilroth 🫶 the pookies..

[matrixsss]

(Cock)Blocked By AutumnalFoxes

A gift for @matrixsss for a fic of hers i enjoyed immensely, it was so fun ( and very hottt ) and amazing to read, if you haven't read it please do its worth it. Make sure to check out her other fics too, they're really great.

[matrixsss]

[matrixsss]

Why is it when I sleep for only 5-6 hours I feel rested but when I sleep for 8 or plus hours I wake up feeling like I was run over by a goddamn truck?

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ACOTAR Collaborative CHAOS (aka Drawing Session) - PART 3 progressively more chaotic by the day by @copypastus @taymartiart @lucychanart @trash-shrike @geniemillies @olenvasynyt @pegasus-anarchy @irithiadourden @matrixsss @fourteentrout

With every new board... the chaos grows...

[matrixsss]

I can’t believe I forgot to post this here but here’s (after a million years) more fire sprite eris!! For a prompt game I did, the words I had to incorporate were “stool”, “sentient”, and “frankness”. Fire sprite eris is Azriel’s favorite sentient flame. Not sure if i got “frankness” across though lol

[matrixsss]

ACOTAR Collaborative CHAOS (aka Drawing Session) - PART 2 be nice to chinchissian! (chinchilla cassian) by @copypastus @geniemillies @highlordofkrypton @trash-shrike @taymartiart @olenvasynyt @matrixsss @irithiadourden @lucychanart

Hey, so we did a thing and shared a canvas for a week. Keep an eye out for two more parts coming up! Tag yourself, I'm Chinchilla Cassian with his hair stuck in the dyson 😂

[matrixsss]

congrats Lulu, the prize is yours!

[matrixsss]

PRO TAMLIN & FRIENDS JOINT DOODLES (PART 1)

(Click for full version sans cuts)

I'm going to try and tag as many people as I can, but some of you joined under anonymous and didn't do the self-portrait doodles. If I've missed you, let me know and I'll add you (for this post and part 2)!

collaborators, viewers & everyone in between: @trash-shrike @olenvasynyt @copypastus @mt-jupiter @geniemillies @highlordofkrypton @nezumez @tamlincest @samhatch @pitohiu @s1rsh4rks @my-acotar-thoughts @taymartiart @umthisistheonlyusernamenottaken @bonecarversbestie @themadmorrigan @pegasus-anarchy @irithiadourden @flat-neines @xxxmystica-mysteryxxx @r-biter and probably many more!!

Part 2 will be posted tomorrow or so!

[matrixsss]

Tis I… Jun for the ask game…

6 and/or 47, unrequited Tamcien? 👉🏻👈🏻

jun…jun in my inbox…your first ask 💥💥. u ask and i deliver (3 days later).

Watching Tamlin fall in love is devastating.

It’s the little things that get to Lucien. The small gestures that nobody else notices, but it’s all he can see. Like the way Tamlin’s eyes light up when he’s looking at Feyre, subtle but a gleam Lucien catches nonetheless. Sometimes it lingers and, for a moment, he’s on the receiving end of it. Experiencing its warmth before it dims, and it makes him think this is how he’d look if he was in love with me. He can’t dispel the thought just like he can’t stop himself from soaking up the look, no matter how fleeting or misplaced it is. It doesn’t belong to him. Never has and never will, but in those short few seconds when Tamlin’s eyes are on him, twinkling and love struck, he can imagine it does

And again, it’s the little things that twist Lucien’s stomach into ribbons. It’s how Tamlin admires Feyre when he thinks nobody’s looking, when she’s across the room from him and his eyes helplessly follow her. Lucien sees it all, every yearning glance that’s never once been directed at him.

Tamlin makes falling in love look so easy, like a fairytale straight out of a book. Simple, slow. A sweet push and pull from both sides. Reciprocated.

It’s never felt that way for Lucien.

Because Tamlin never looks at him like that; like he hung the very stars in the sky. His eyes don’t sparkle the way they do around her. It’s all he can think about when Tamlin’s talking to him; why won’t you look at me the way you look at her?

The scent of him has never made Tamlin go mad with hunger. He’s never pushed him up against a wall and bit into his neck for all to see even though Lucien has craved nothing more. That possessiveness, the utter loss of control, the pure need Tamlin felt that night—only Feyre brings that out. Only she makes his heart of stone long to beat.

She’s the real thing.

But seeing Tamlin fall in love is so, so different than hearing him say it.

“I think I’m falling for her,” Tamlin says to him one night. Hushed, like it’s the first time he’s admitted it out loud. And with that confession any illusion of what him and Tamlin can ever be shatters. Just like that, gone with the utter of those six words.

Lucien thought he was okay with it, that he’s made peace with Tamlin loving Feyre but hearing him say it makes it real. Solidifies it into existence instead of it being some made up thing in his head. It’s happening, a tangible fact spilled between them.

It’s strange how he he already knows all of this yet the world tilts around him anyways. His chest caves in, and the urge to be away from Tamlin amplifies with the crackle of the burning fire.

“Am I allowed to?” Tamlin looks at him, green eyes wide with expectancy. What a strange, cruel question, Lucien thinks.

What’s he supposed to say?

No, you can’t love her because she’s a pawn in freeing us.

No, you can’t love her because I love you.

“I don’t know,” he says instead.

It’s the easy answer. Not truthful but selfish, easier than telling Tamlin it’s okay to love Feyre, blessing their relationship. Easier than confessing he’s in love with him and has been longer than he hasn’t. He’s not sure he can even speak those words into existence, if his tongue and mouth can make out the shape of them.

Tamlin frowns at him, blatantly confused. “You always know,” he says with a desperation Lucien feels so deeply in his bones. His throat tightens.

Good friends aren’t in love with their best friends. Good emissaries aren’t in love with their High Lords.

Lucien stopped being what Tamlin needed a long time ago.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Lucien mutters, unable to meet Tamlin’s eyes. The disappointment coloring them hurts too much.

Tamlin scoffs, bitter. “I’m not the one that’s gonna get hurt.”

There are no comforts Lucien can provide against that, and he hates it. If he could, he’d whisper broken promises in the crooks of Tamlin’s body, kiss away every smudge of fear plaguing him. He’d take care of him. Show him how much he loves him. He’d fix it all if he’d let him.

But he’s not the one Tamlin wants holding him.

“I’m sorry,” is all he has to offer on this cruel night.

Perhaps it’s twisted fate that him and Tamlin both fell for people they can’t have.

[matrixsss]

THANK YOU SO MUCH @geniemillies, you are the absolute best most amazing and everything. I cannot express how grateful I am for this, it is absolutely perfect! Better than anything I could have ever imagined. I have no words this is just amazing and perfect.

I comissioned this because 1 Millie had her comissions open and 2 because I couldn't get the scene - from the cellar from my latest (and longest) fic (Cock)Blocked - out of my damn head.

Again thank you so much @geniemillies this is absolutely perfect, go check her out because she rocks!!!

[matrixsss]

THANK YOU SO MUCH @geniemillies, you are the absolute best most amazing and everything. I cannot express how grateful I am for this, it is absolutely perfect! Better than anything I could have ever imagined. I have no words this is just amazing and perfect.

I comissioned this because 1 Millie had her comissions open and 2 because I couldn't get the scene - from the cellar from my latest (and longest) fic (Cock)Blocked - out of my damn head.

Again thank you so much @geniemillies this is absolutely perfect, go check her out because she rocks!!!

[matrixsss]

Doodles

[matrixsss]

24. and 40. for the microstory for tamcien?? 👀👀🙏🙏🫶

sara…sara…i wanted to write something fluffy for you bc ik you’ve had A Day but the muses took over…IM SORRY 💥💥

There’s a quietness in Spring that Lucien hasn’t felt since the day it was cursed. It’s subtle, not distasteful just…noticeable. A hum in his ears that buzzes whenever he sits in it for too long.

It’s rather poetic that same quietness would come back as the curse meets its end.

Beginning and end, life and death. All followed by that distant quiet, entrapping and hypnotic. Lucien wonders if tomorrow, when the sun sets for the last time, he’ll hear it. Lulling him into the depth of under the mountain, soothing him as the darkness takes over and becomes all he knows.

He doesn’t just wonder; he hopes.

Tonight, he soaks up the silver of the moon. The shine of the stars next to it. The cool wind brushing his skin. He wants to bury the feel of the grass into his fingers. He wants to remember it all—every bit of Spring that he’ll never see again. He wants to encapsulate it into the palm of his hand and take it with him, carve into his skin or mind or somewhere inside him where it would stay. Immortalized as it is. Somewhere she won’t see and take away from him.

It’s late and tomorrow keeps approaching despite all Lucien still yearns to do. His lists of wants are ever-growing; he’ll never get to them in time and it’s rendered him immobile. Stoned to the grounds of this court, looking up at the moon with the longing wish to scoop it out of the sky and keepsake it for the days to come.

But he can’t. Can’t do anything he wants to do. He had dreams before all this, but that all feels so far. Like some distant dream. There’s only tomorrow now; he knows nothing else.

“Are you afraid?”

Tamlin breaks the quiet that’s naturally fallen between them. Lucien looks down at his lap where Tamlin’s head lies. Lit green eyes of a beast gaze up at him, swimming with more emotion that Lucien can stand.

Is he afraid?

Yes.

He’s afraid. Hasn’t been anything but for fifty years. He won’t pretend to be strong; what’s the point? He’s afraid and shaking with it, and Tamlin wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t too. In his beast form studying the stars with him , head in his lap like a wounded child.

Maybe his beast gives him the ultimate feeling of freedom. Maybe he knows she’ll never allow him to exist like this again and he’s mourning it.

Lucien didn’t ask.

In his own way, he’s mourning, too.

“I am,” he breathes, unapologetic. It’s harder reading Tamlin in this form, but he could swear his expression grows tender.

“I never wanted this for you. I thought I could give you a better life,” Tamlin rasps, softly rubbing his chin over Lucien’s thigh.

“You did. I don’t regret a thing.”

“You should’ve ran when you still could.”

Lucien nearly scoffs. As if he could ever abandon Tamlin. As if that was ever a thought he had.

He rests his hand atop Tamlin’s head and buries his fingers in his golden fur. He hasn’t touched him like this in ages, especially not since Feyre came along. He pets Tamlin’s head the way he remembers he likes and Tamlin purrs, a low groan under his breath. They’ll never get to do this again. Sit under the moon with no one but each other, Lucien’s fingers in Tamlin’s fur, comfort blurred with intimacy.

It’s a realization he won’t stop having.

“I wouldn’t change anything,” Lucien says, demanding Tamlin to meet his eyes. “Not when I got to meet you.”

It’s softly whispered, meant for no one’s ears but Tamlin’s. He can’t seem to handle it, fluttering his eyes shut like he can maybe will the moment away. But it’s the truth, as fragile as it is. Lucien has no regrets except not fighting harder for Tamlin.

“I’m sorry,” Tamlin whispers, the burden of an entire court weighed on those words.

Lucien is so tired, past anger and resentment. Perhaps when he first learned Tamlin sent Feyre home, he was angry but now…they were never going to win this battle. Some part of him always knew that.

“I forgive you. I’m not mad.” He strokes Tamlin’s back, meaning to bury his forgiveness into his skin and bones. His final want before the sun rises is that Tamlin will believe him. Because tomorrow is their doom dressed as a new day.

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yeah im just going to quit

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I want him sooo bad

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Never got very far with mermay stuff lol