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How long did you think this would last? The smiles, the hugs and the laughs. How long did you think this would go? Alongside laughter, our faces smudged in snow. How long did you think this would run? One thing the both of us didn’t plan. How long did you think I’ll cry? The lies of yours that I didn’t buy. How long did you think I’ll stay? The tears are blocking my airway. How long?

midnight thoughts. 

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Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.

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#chris evans #in where he is actually steve rogers

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do u ever feel so unwanted and alone and u just sorta want to cry

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Reblog if you're a nobody on Tumblr but you're still very proud of your blog.

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UPDATED MASTERLIST. Proud that I finally updated it :) 

MASTERLIST

hey, since I’m stupid as hell, I cannot use Tumblr anymore. jkjk, but this is a new version of my masterlist, so beware. 

my works are put in an order from oldest to newest, so warning about cringeful writing is necessary. i hope that this masterlist also works from mobile app, so if it doesn’t or you occur any mistakes, please message me!!!

-

Y/N’s friends set her up on a blind date with Shawn ↠ part 2 fluff, fluff, fluff.

Y/N suffers from anxiety and Shawn’s sketchy about it  ↠ part 2 angst with a splash of fluff and asshole!shawn

Y/N and Shawn go official, fans don’t take it well  angst and fluff, a bit of everything

Y/N doesn’t like the PR choice Shawn has made  ↠ part 2 ANGSTY AS FUCK. maybe fluffy at the end. still in work.

SERIES: ‘Faith’  ↠ 0  Rose moves to another city, away from her ex, in hopes to start a new life and perhaps, meet new people. 

Y/N has had enough of stuff that Shawn does  angst, angst, angst. I think I should start writing fluff, like boi. 

SERIES: ‘Tangled’  ↠ 0 ↠ 0.5 ↠ 1 fluff, mixed with angst maybe. social media au, about Elle, getting discovered and moving all her life around to start her career. | A LOT OF PARTS | 

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Tangled [1]

I just want to start this off by saying that Elle's not famous, she's done a few movie gigs, but overall it's nothing much :)

previous part is cast, so if you wanna see it, go ahead. i’ll be putting links to only previous part to the chapter, not all of them if you know what i mean

ellejohnson: starting my day off with sending kisses your way, have a good day everyone x

3,6k likes | 471 comments

*load more comments*

usera: omg, you look so prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

userb: i love stanning this girlie, may God bless you sunshine

userc: ur makeup today is a no no

userd: are you single or taken?

ellejohnson: userd hungry, wanna take me to taco bell?

jakeriley: guuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl, u pretty

usere: new phone who dis

userf: boy alarm just went off

jakeriley: usere userf best.friends.

userg: someone just got friendzoned, oof

ellejohnson: jakeriley my heart :(((

--

[author’s note] 

it’s a bit easier to write social media stuff in tumblr, bc it doesn’t fuck up the whole thing

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Tangled [0.5]

part 0 

CAST (if anyone of you care)

Shawn Mendes as himself

Hailee Steinfeld as Elle Johnson

Chris Wood as Jake Riley (lmao, the real dudes get the joke)

Niall Horan as himself

Dove Cameron as Lucy Wells

ALL SHAWN'S FRIENDS (not celebs) as themselves

ALL SHAWN'S FRIENDS (celebs) as themselves

ALL CELEBRITIES MENTIONED as themselves

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SERIES ‘Tangled’

this is straight up copied from Wattpad, so you all get in this too :) 

               ❝I'm tangled in my own crush.❞

This work is one of the closest-to-heart works I've ever written, it's based on real things happening in my life and I've tried to change the names as much as I can, but I bet I'll mess up either way.

It's based on a real life story (except for the social media part), main elements are taken from my own life - the struggles, the crushes, love and many other things, so beware, I'm a messy person.

P.S.- I'll make a cover, when I have a chance, just so you know - this one is a temporary one.

without further ado, I hope you love this as much as I do x

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ALERT.

I have a Shawn Mendes social media story up on Wattpad, if you’re down to read it. I might as well copy the parts here, but right now it’s there: 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/150030109 

message me if you have any questions about it!!! 

love, el 

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...

Dear reader of this letter,

I don’t know how many of you will take your time to read this, but I just wanted to put this out – for you to read and think, maybe give it a time to sink in and realize new things, and for me, I’ll be using my platform to say a word or two.

Not so long ago, I had a nightmare. I had a nightmare about my best friend committing suicide, because he had enough of this world. He had enough of this world of bullies, selfish people and overall rude ‘friends’ nudging him to do bad things or just straight up saying stuff about him. He didn’t feel needed, in fact, he felt worthless, unwanted and emotionally drained. I remember this nightmare as if I were the one dying in it. I remember the pain, when I got a call from his mom, saying that he wasn’t with us anymore. I remember the ache in my stomach when I woke up, not knowing what was real and what wasn’t, so I texted him and I felt relieved, when he said ‘I’m still here, I’m fine, don’t worry’.

It felt so real. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, when I heard those words on the phone call ‘he committed suicide, El, he’s dead’ and I just fell on the floor crying. But seeing him, in real life, the next day, seeing him alive made me realize how much of time we’re actually given with people. What happened in the dream could’ve been reality, and what I heard on the phone from his mom could’ve been reality and his death could’ve been reality, and there’d be nothing I’d be able to do rather than cry, and hate myself for not being there enough.

We’re given a certain amount of time with people, so I’d just like to remind you – use it for the best matters. Go outside, connect with your friends, because you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I’m not saying you’re going to die or your friend is going to die, hell no, I wish you everything best in your life, not death, but you don’t know whether the friend will have someone else in their life coming, and arguments will happen. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, the next minute or the next hour or two.

Go spend the time you’re given with your friend. Do fun stuff or just spend the time talking, getting to know each other, doing silly things together, because faith can rip your happiness away from you in a snap of its fingers. Thank your friends for being there with you up to this day, go hug them if you can (I can’t, because we’re far away from each other, but mentally I’m doing it every day), be there for them, because they need you and to be happier, you need them too.

Loves,

El.

P.S. To those who are reading my works on here (Wattpad or Tumblr), I’ll post an update today to all my stories, because I’m feeling inspired. I love you all, stay safe.

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Infinity

Y’all, I’m sorry for leaving you without any writing, Wattpad has seen everything first and daily. I’ll try and write more here, than there, but I bet my ass it ain’t going to happen. 

Summary: Y/N and Shawn have a long distance relationship until one fight, where Y/N makes clear that if he goes on that stage with someone else, they’re done. What will be Shawn’s choice? 

- 

Down to Earth Keep on falling, when I know it hurts

It did hurt. It hurt a lot knowing that she could get anyone else in a snap of her fingers, because he wasn’t there for her, as anyone else would be. The long distance, the crying of mostly her, because she missed him took energy from both of them. Sometimes, the lost energy would be visible in their arguments – annoyance, pissed off talking and many other things.

Down to Earth It’s like I’m frozen, but the world still turns

           He couldn’t go on stage that night, she’d end the whole thing. He was frozen, stuck in between his career and his girlfriend, but everyone knew he’d pick his girl over anything – she was the whole reason he was still here, yet she wasn’t really there. The world was turning, he had to make a choice. He had to make a choice, which would affect his whole life in a way no one could imagine.

Stuck in motion and the wheels keep spinning around Moving in reverse with no way out

           He had a way out, though. He could not go on that stage with his female singing partner for the song, who had shown signs of affection and sympathy for Shawn. A girl, who had a major crush on Shawn and she’d do anything to make him hers. She also had a way out and she also didn’t want it. ‘But what about Y/N?’ Shawn asked, to no one in particular – maybe to his reflection on the dirty mirror of the dressing room.

And now I’m one step closer to being two steps far from you When everybody wants you Everybody wants you

           Everybody wanted Y/N. She was pretty, she was intelligent and she was an extremely kind person, but like they say – every kind person has its downfall. You can push the person to the edge and they break, you can push the person to the breaking point and they’re not kind anymore, and Y/N literally wasn’t. She was done with this, searching for her way out of this, but she couldn’t, because she loved him.

How many nights does it take to count the stars? That’s the time it’d take to fix my heart

           Y/N trusted Shawn to make the right decision. Hell, she’d trust him with her own life, if he’d ask her to. Trust was a huge deal for her, something that she used to throw left and right, only for her to learn not to do that. It was different with Shawn though. She felt like throwing her trust for him, left and right, but he only used it for his own benefit.

Oh baby, I was there for you All I ever wanted was the truth, yeah yeah

          He never told her the truth. He felt like she’d be better without knowing it either way, because if she’d find out what was really going on – she’d leave him and no matter how selfish it sounds, he didn’t need that. He needed her, but he realized it only after he enjoyed a night with someone else. Yet, she didn’t know that either.

How many nights have you wished someone would stay? Lie awake, only hoping they’re okay

           Shawn was doing that at that moment. He lied on the couch, not worrying about the fact that he was keeping people waiting, thinking of her. Thinking of Y/N. He was thinking of her beautiful smile, gorgeous hair, that wrapped around her head so naturally and her kind personality. He knew she found out about him, enjoying a night with someone else, but he was scared to call her – scared, that she was crying. And she was.

“How could he do this to me?” she cried, on the shoulder of her best friend. The shoulder, who had never left her on times like this. “H-he promised me.”

Her best friend sighed, ready to call and talk to Shawn, asking if it was true, deep inside knowing that it was not. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m really sorry.”

           On the other side of the world, Shawn picked himself up from the couch and promised, that he’d do this for her. He’d go out there, tell everyone of his management, that he wasn’t going to do this and he was going to go home to his girl, only to find her gone. But he hoped that she wouldn’t be gone, though. He hoped, that she’d have the last bit of strength left in her, to sit down with him and talk to him. Hear him out.

           “Shawn?” a knock balanced him out of his thoughts as the female voice interrupted them. “We have to perform in five. You good? Want me to tell them that I’ll be on my own, so you can go home?”

He opened the door, making up his mind. “I’m coming.”

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Series ‘Faith’

[author’s note]

Hi, y’all, I’m starting a series called ‘Faith’, but nothing will be related to religion, because I’m not religious (kinda am, I believe in God, but I’m not baptized or whatever it’s called).

I chose not to write this in reader’s pov, because I didn’t want to fuck it up and lose the thought. the main character’s name is Rose Johnson - simple, but elegant. enjoy. :) Oh, she’s also played by Hailee Steinfeld, because I like her more than Hailey Baldwin.

I was a big believer in faith, but I wasn't a big believer in dreams. I never thought, that I'd achieve them, because of how bad I was treated at home. I never thought, that I'd learn to live on my own at the age of sixteen. I never thought that I'd have to sing on the streets, when I'd have no shifts at the coffee shop, because I'd need that extra money. I never thought that I'd have to say 'no' to parties and hangouts with friends from uni, because I just didn't have the finances to go anywhere.

But I also didn't know, that I'd meet him. The one and probably only person, who knew what it felt like – to try and go for it. To try and do something about your life, rather than go out every night and get on your parents' nerves with your annoying behavior.

I never knew I'd meet him, the person, who'd know how hard it is, to reach for the stars, when you're deep under the ground. He knew, how hard it was to balance everything, he knew how nice it felt, finally having everything and he knew, how I felt.

He knew.

-

“You’re never the one to accept the fact that maybe, maybe something’s wrong, are you?” she yelled. She yelled louder than she’s ever yelled. “You don’t see a problem or two, with the fact that you’re a lying liar, but relationships are about talking? Communication?! Loyalty, for God’s sakes?!”

She had never seen a man, as disgusting as he was. Hell, she hadn’t even noticed that the pure image of her perfect relationship wasn’t so pure or so perfect anymore. It was lost. It was lost in the dark depths of the harsh reality. He should be let go. But she didn’t want to.

Her best friend had told her multiple times to stay away from that man – she couldn’t. She was so damn in love, that it broke her. She was so damn in pain, that she tried to fix it, by living in it constantly. She saw the painful things he did, she felt the painful things he did, but she still stayed in hopes for him to become a better man. It never happened.

“Rose, please—“

“NO! Get the hell out of here, before I call the cops. I’ve got a lot of things to do.” She said in a calm voice, which even scared herself.

Dan got the last of her. He was never a good man, she had always failed to find good people in her life, but when she felt that Dan was like one – he wasn’t. They had been together for 3 years only for it to end in a screaming match. She was 19 for God’s sakes, but she always thought that maybe Dan…maybe Dan was the right one.

His dark black hair, put together with a hair gel, because he liked it that way, but she didn’t. His blue eyes, which were darker, when the demons of his soul took over, because he was just purely evil. She never hated anyone, she couldn’t possibly hate anyone, but she knew she hated him. The way his smile changed her mind, when she was about to protest about the things he did; the way his eyes made that lighting scene, when he was angry and the way her body relaxed against his, when she felt him there with her. Next to her.

She hated him, she hated the way he made her feel. He made her feel like utter crap, like a useless book, which you had read for several times and get bored of. He had told her multiple times, how useless she was – like that book that she loved, but he didn’t, so he threw it out. Or like that cute couple she pointed out in the park, but he thought she was pointing at the guy, who was clearly better than him, so he took her home.

“Rose, please, let me explain,” he said. Rose gave in. Fine, if he wanted to explain and then he’d go, let him say his golden speech, maybe she was going to change her mind. NO, you absolutely cannot do that. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll give you anything in your life, if you’ll give me another chance. The things I said throughout the relationship, all the bad things – I didn’t mean them—“

“What about the physical aspect?”

He shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry for hurting you, baby.”

The nickname made the whole thing even more disgusting, as if the years of living in such a home wasn’t disgusting enough. So, Rose took this one for herself. She took this as an opportunity to close this eventful, horrible chapter in her life and she did that, by packing her stuff.

He didn’t stop her though. Because, at the end of the day, it was her decision and at the end of the day, he was nothing to make it for her. He wasn’t hers anymore and vice versa. So, she packed her stuff, didn’t even look back to say goodbye and ran.

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MASTERLIST

hey, since I’m stupid as hell, I cannot use Tumblr anymore. jkjk, but this is a new version of my masterlist, so beware. 

my works are put in an order from oldest to newest, so warning about cringeful writing is necessary. i hope that this masterlist also works from mobile app, so if it doesn’t or you occur any mistakes, please message me!!!

-

Y/N’s friends set her up on a blind date with Shawn ↠ part 2 fluff, fluff, fluff.

Y/N suffers from anxiety and Shawn’s sketchy about it  ↠ part 2 angst with a splash of fluff and asshole!shawn

Y/N and Shawn go official, fans don’t take it well  angst and fluff, a bit of everything

Y/N doesn’t like the PR choice Shawn has made  ↠ part 2 ANGSTY AS FUCK. maybe fluffy at the end. still in work.

SERIES: ‘Faith’  ↠ 0  Rose moves to another city, away from her ex, in hopes to start a new life and perhaps, meet new people. 

Y/N has had enough of stuff that Shawn does  angst, angst, angst. I think I should start writing fluff, like boi. 

SERIES: ‘Tangled’  ↠ 0 ↠ 0.5 ↠ 1 fluff, mixed with angst maybe. social media au, about Elle, getting discovered and moving all her life around to start her career. | A LOT OF PARTS | 

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I won’t lie [2]

Part one 

He was right though; he wasn’t going to let you go without an explanation. As if you wanted to hear one, right? But on the other hand, maybe there was something he told you, that’d make you stay. Even though…what were the odds?

You packed your stuff and you listened to his whines and begs, asking you to let him in and make it okay. Once you heard him leave, you didn’t waste any time – you left. He seemed to be out of the apartment, since his keys were gone and so was his Range Rover, so you took it as your cue.

So much for staying and giving an explanation, huh.

You went to your best friend’s house, previously notifying her that you’d be there. She texted you back, that she was ready to listen and that she was down for a movie night, only to be turned down – you wanted to sleep.

You drove to her place and within minutes, you were at her door, trying to keep it together. You bit your lip and looked around, at her garden and her lawn, trying not to cry. But that moment, when she opened the door and looked at you with her painful expression; asking, “Aw, honey, what happened?”

You broke.

You dropped your suitcase and let her hug you, holding your sobbing body close to her. You cried, because you felt betrayed. You cried, because the only man you wanted in your life, was going to do a thing he shouldn’t be doing. A thing he could’ve said no to.

But little did you know, that Shawn knew where you were going. He was sat in his car, watching you – not in a creepy way, break down and it made his heart break. He hated himself for causing this, he hated himself for calling Geoff over to tell him, that the idea was okay and the they were gonna proceed. No. He should’ve stayed with her.

Your best friend calmed you down and took your suitcase, letting you come inside. “Can I just get a spare blanket, pillow and quiet time? I’ll talk tomorrow, if you want me to.”

“If you’re think that I’m gonna let you stay here and sleep alone, crying yourself to sleep, then you’re wrong. You’re sleeping in my bed, with me, like the good old times. End of the discussion.”

She snapped your fingers, making you sit up from the couch. “C’mon, sunshine, up you get. Let’s go.”

-

You woke up the next morning to the smell of freshly made bacon and eggs. You loved your best friend’s cooking, but sometimes she could go wild and burn her kitchen down. Happened once. Soon enough, you smelled something burnt, so you ran downstairs and sure as hell your best friend left the food how it was on the oven, while bickering with someone at the door.

You shut the oven off, opening the window to let the smoke get out and walked towards the yelling. “Y/F/N, what’s going on? You left the eggs—“

You stopped, when you saw who she was talking to. Geoff. While looking Geoff in the eyes angrily, she said. “Y/F/N, go. I’ve got this.”

Your best friend left to kitchen, leaving you and Geoff alone. You didn’t invite him in, hell, you weren’t even going to. “You have three seconds to turn around—“

“Y/N, hear me out, please.”

You crossed your arms, not wanting to, but still curious of what he had to say. “Shawn’s a mess. He saw you come here last night and seeing you break down, broke his heart—“

“Don’t even feed me with this ‘he did this, because he loves you’ speech! I don’t care. If he’d just stay after he realized I’m not coming out of my room, I’d be at home and not here. He’s at fault for this as much as you are. Now please, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and eat my breakfast. Tell him to stop calling, I can’t use my phone if his stupid face shows up at my screen.”

And you slammed the door in his face. And it felt so good.

this is a bit shorter, because I’ll be posting a part three :)