mentalamusings

[mentalamusings]

210402 NCT DREAM IG Update with JAEMIN and JENO

“On leisure hours where there are no customers

The two baristas take a rest too

I hope you're having a warm afternoon ☕”

Translated by huangsfjswnls - SM_NCT

[mentalamusings]

When Taeyong's freestyling feels like a scene from a movie

[mentalamusings]

Will: So, if 'K' is short for 'ok', and sometimes you call your grandpa 'pop'. In reality 'k-pop equals 'ok boomer'.

Everyone at Camp: *crying* Please stop, it's 3 AM.

Percy: He's got a point

[mentalamusings]

Hell yes

[mentalamusings]

i dont know why i feel so compelled to write this

its been on my head since thursday night

its just was triggered by my sense of not wanting to switch off youtube. i had a want to keep on playing all those nct videos.

i feel like they have become my emotional support at a time when i am doing quite badly and they became a great inspiration

Whilst I was jobless for 2 weeks, I found them on an mbti video which speaks about songs that each type vibes with

and the songs were bangers

it felt like every song from their pop songs were so lit

i couldnt stop listening all day.

i draw and listen to it, i eat and listen to it.

everything was just so wooooaaaahhh

And I kinda fell off the kpop train for sometime just because kpop industry is always being exposed for being evil, mistreatment and whatnot.

Its only because I really wanted to learn how to dance that I watched blackpink for a bit in March 2020 and now because of great music that I stayed with NCT.

I also really like the idea of NCT because I watched those crack videos where they just vibe and make jokes when they walk around town and how they feel so uncensored. The multilingual bit about them makes me very happy too because I stopped learning mandarin for sometime now and its just amazing to know that they too struggle to speak it but they still wanted to speak it.

So, i basically fell into the rabbit hole and felt quite happy to be there. They cheer me up during lunch and after work after I get shouted at for everything that i do wrong in the office. I watch their amazing talents in dance just to see if its even remotely possible that i could do their dances too.

but obviously, there will always being kpop tea videos that get recommended alongside all the happy ones and that reminded me so much of mistreatment of the members. also, how they get hated for doing controversial things like cultural appropriation or get sasaeng fans that stalk them.

so it shattered a bit of who they are. not that they were angels. but the idea that they were just artists that were able express themselves and their talents in all ways and forms uninhibited by the opinions and the media.

in a way i still really look up to them for it, especially the ones that get put in the SM dungeon or get super overworked. just because they show great resilience in their life. For people who are around the same age as I am and to endure hardship of a crazy schedule, being trained for work at teenage age and the opinions of the media and the mistreatment of a company. they are so resilient. and sometimes when i read fans comments on the videos which expresses what the members wants to do if they werent an idol makes me so sad because they have normal hopes and dreams too but they 'sacrificed' it for a life of dancing and singing on stage.

I put quote unquote sacrificed just because outside of vlive, i have no clue what they do.

i grew up at a young age in a foreign country, in a boarding school and even though i look like i gave everything up for education. i still had pockets of time to return home to see my family.

i think its during this period of time that i experienced that made me think that my life is not as far fetched as being a kpop idol lifestyle. i just studied extended periods of time rather than perform arts for extended periods of time.

what i sort of want to get to ultimately is just that this life of education only and nothing else can seem so toxic that it is unbearable. because it can cause me to wonder if i am able to be someone else in this lifetime. can i ever be able to cook, can i ever be able to enjoy dancing, can i ever be able to just go out and be a normal child and watch tv without guilt. ( i know others were able to balance this lifestyle in the same school as me but because of the money that was poured into my education, i sort of condemned myself into studying all the time and look down upon entertainment. no one else thought me how to think and how to feel.)

And i don't think what i am feeling is something other people have never felt.

people who thought something is their calling and they try their best to pursue it and but it never ever becomes rewarding unless they try to convince themselves every morning to love it no matter the hardship.

And when it goes wrong, there is no one who could really understand what happened. And we try to mask it with some other side hobby, or just go out and leave the dream behind for a bit until we can emotionally capable of taking it back up again. and during this period of isolation from our dream, people question what stupid thing we have done to ourselves. we think ourselves equally crazy but we cant help it but to numb the pain.

so i dont know what is going on within the walls of SM and such talented kpop idols such as nct.

i just want to say that i personally came to know Jesus through such bitter experiences just to be able to come to terms with so much unfairness in the world. And till today i still go through such bouts of anger, frustration and numbness but i dont have to feel helpless and useless in such times.

now i know why i wanted to write this haha

[mentalamusings]

i just wish that when i die i would be in a beautiful place like an ocean on a sunny day and i would be halfway enjoying my day and i would just drown quickly and beautifully

as opposed to being in a hospital bed w tears and friends and family

[mentalamusings]

HAPPY TEN DAY 😺

[mentalamusings]

[mentalamusings]

i am two weeks into my job and i am burnt out today

[mentalamusings]

im just at this stage in life where i learn how to interact w others

[mentalamusings]

i find it interesting that Jesus was a King near the middle east because I recalled that most conquerers invaded Europe because it is a far better climate than the southern hemisphere. Jesus doing the impossible since Day 1