million-with-a-b

[million-with-a-b]

People always talk about non-human alters as if they're this funny little quirk of DID, but no-one talks about the fucking dread you feel when you discover a non-human alter.

How nauseating it is to find out you were abused to such a severity that part of your brain doesn't even believe it's human anymore. And how much worse it is when you can tell exactly what kind of trauma it must of experienced based on the form it takes. And you had somehow forgotten about all of it until now.

[million-with-a-b]

We regret to inform you that you have been pipe bombed by @the-complicity-system

Oh hey a letter in my inbox I wonder what it sayAUUGAUAUUHGAUUHGGG

[million-with-a-b]

[million-with-a-b]

Remembering that instead of justifying my boundaries to strangers/arguing with brick walls I can just block people!

[million-with-a-b]

The ask I got did make me want to say something though

If you are a system/person that used to identify as endogenic, you are welcome here.

This is a safe space for change.

Figuring out who you are is part of being human, and you're not going to get it right all the time. The internet is full of conflicting information and people who dont have your best interests at heart. Its hard to sift through that and find your own way.

I do not want to interact with endos, but recovery and self discovery are incredibly important and I am a huge supporter of it.

[million-with-a-b]

🖕

gatekeeping mental disorders or whatever plurality is is bad

Can we normalize doing our research before jumping to conclusions chat

anyways, I recommend looking up plurality a little more before sending this kind of thing!

But you're right, gatekeeping a mental disorder isnt good. There is a difference between gatekeeping and understanding that certain disorders have certain criteria, however. Like trauma disorders... require trauma.

Endos/endogenic 'systems' are people who believe you can have a trauma disorder without trauma. They tend to romanticize certain symptoms of DID/OSDD, and water it down to "friends in my head :)." Making it more like a fun trend, adding to the stigma around this already very misunderstood disorder, and usually downplaying or ignoring real systems' experiences/voices! Not great.

There are alot of endos who might actually have DID/OSDD and dont remember their trauma (extremely common sign of a dissociative disorder is not remembering the thing that gave you the dissociative disorder.) Source: me! I thought I was endogenic because I was a kid on the internet who was susceptible to fake information. It happens!

However, there are a very big handful of endos who dont fall into this catagory and are hurtful, purposefully spread misinformation, and dont respect people with DID (a marginalized community to begin with), all while playing the victim.

Its not like I (or anyone else) can really tell the difference, and its not my job to try! And if someone has repressed trauma, it is nobody's place to force them to accept that.

Anyways, this is long, but I hope it helps!

[million-with-a-b]

I’m sorry I just don’t believe that most people have an inner voice in their head that speaks their thoughts for them. that sounds made up. why do you need a voice. just think in silence like a goat or a dog, it’s better that way

[million-with-a-b]

when u both have memory prablems 

[million-with-a-b]

what the helly do people even do on syscords

for me its SO overstimulating because of proxy hell and rapid movement from it, i cant figure out pk for the life of me either

which makes me feel like an outsider for being one of a small portion that doesn't use it ...... and its almost like everyone knows each other already, and cant seem to stay invested in small chit chat either

[million-with-a-b]

☆ — meatcore graphics

whoaa going thru the materials to gauge this aesthetic was a weird time

[million-with-a-b]

I like how you sometimes randomly awaken

Reblog a few things

And then vanish into the shadows

What is bro up to I wonder...

shadowbeasts use tumblr too, sometimes

[million-with-a-b]

[Text ID: This system reminds you: Thought crimes DON'T exist. Kill the cop in your head.]

[million-with-a-b]

i sort of dislike how no one in the system community talks about still going through trauma even after finding out you’re a system.

of course i don’t want people to overshare to the point of putting themselves in danger. but im still in an abusive household. i know people who are still in abusive households. the system community always talks about splitting from “minor” things or triggers, but not new trauma or repetitive trauma.

i’m glad some people are doing and functioning better than they were as a child. but don’t forget the rest of us. we’re still here too.

[million-with-a-b]

BY THE WAY . i don’t care how anti—endo you are , you should NEVER make someone “ prove “ they are a system by making them share their trauma .

[million-with-a-b]

having DID with a disability is basically

System: hey we have a disability. This means we should take it easy and listen to our body's limits! We'll feel better if we take care of ourselves. If we push it too much it can have a lot of consequences. :)

Alter that holds internalized abelism: this doesn't apply to me actually and also you're wrong

[million-with-a-b]

Major controversial opinion, and a new branch of syscourse, but if you use ai to visualize your headmates/headspace I’m blowing you up with my mind. Go use a fucking piccrew

[million-with-a-b]

shout out to those alters that fronted once then dipped🙏🙏