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hello trans people stuck in my phone

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i forgot how to flirt but i can gag on your dick if you want

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dude stop telling me to count dracula I only ever see the one

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Kitty Kitty was begging me to turn the sink on, but I was running so hard on autopilot that I didn't register that she wanted the sink to be Just A Little On, and I ended up turning it on full blast while her head was right under the faucet. Luckily she, like me, only possesses 3 brain cells, so she didn't consider getting upset, and instead just stared at me while purring as her forehead became increasingly drenched and I realized what I had done.

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Once I "made" a custom emoji for my mum by crudely drawing a hijab on it and now whenever she wants me to buy a coffee for her I get a text like this

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democrat party loyalists who earnestly believe the party just needs ot keep running the exact same awful electoral campaigns because in their perfect world the voters would #VoteBlueNoMatterWho anyways and there is no incumbency on the party to adjust their strategy to what voters actually do in real life are my personal version of the youtube ads where the guy fucks up playing the game and pours the lava onto the king's head and even though you have absolutely no interest in playing the game a part of you instincitvely wants to slap his hand away and do a better job

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Makeouts that turn into me making out with your pussy.

Reblog if you agree.

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I really feel like tumblr’s fallen down on the job in not properly celebrating this very important holiday

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Happy Neil Day! Please enjoy the very rare alternate Neil images!

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party like a severed head

look like a severed head

smoke like a severed head

fuck like a severed head

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did u see them btw...