moodypriest

[moodypriest]

When the priest is talking and says ‘get woke’

👌👌👌

[moodypriest]

Meaning They Dieeeeee

Right so this happens a while ago but I was talking to this guy before the Youth Meeting I was in started. The conversation is quiet and everyone’s a little out of it. So here’s what happened:

Me: Are you sick?

Guy: Yeah, but hey at least I didn’t have to work today!

Me: Nice but it’s just a cold why did you have to take a sick day?

Guy: Well I work with the elderly and well...being sick isn’t the best because sometimes the sick and well they ah....you know.

And that’s when the epic priest jumps in. Note he’s sitting in a chair legs stretch out with his head resting in one of his hands. He’s looking into space looking like he’s having an existential crisis.

Priest, the man he myth the legend: Meaning they dieeeeeeeeee.

He snaps out of whatever dark daze he’s fallen into and then looks at all of us. With a bright smile that only a secretly insane person could wear.

Priest: But that’s okay because then I get called to you know do my job....

[moodypriest]

I’m Just the Prize....

Okay so schools officially a thing and that means that Youth Groups are starting up. A few nights ago this meeting was held where all kids gather around and get the lectures and stuff. Long story short there where a bunch of teenagers that night. The reason was that after a short competition we’d get to sundae, you guest it, the chill priest. So we’re holding the competition and I’m standing by him watching the chaos and here’s how the conversation goes:

Priest: Would you look at all these kids.

I slowly nod unsure of where this is going

Me: Yeah there are a lot of people here tonight

Priest: Do you know why?

Me: They all want to learn about our Lord and Savior Kermit?

Priest: *laughs* Nah look at them running like fools, they’re all competing for me and my suffering. I have become the ultimate prize...

[moodypriest]

It’s Satan’s Way of Punishing me!

Okay so back story I attend this youth group and this really insane priest runs it. He’s this guy in his late twenties and is like the weridest guy I know. So the group was sitting down and chatting waiting for him to get here when he comes running in....

Father: None if you are going to believe this!!!!

We all look at him waiting for whatever madness he’s about to tell us. He pulls out his water bottle and take a huge drink. He then proceeds to sit down taking in deep breaths and those were his signals telling us that it was going to be a long ride.

Father: Okay! So I was out hiking cause...I wanted to find a place to host Mass on one of those really tall mountains near here. So I was walking and getting higher and higher and following this trail. I got higher and higher when I found it. The perfect spot. So I take out my knife and I cut some branches (yes he carries this long ass 8’ inch knife) and made an ‘X’

Person A: You know it’ll probably blow away or something right?

Father: oh yeah obviously. So I start walking down and I find a pile of stones on top of each other. And like there was probably some Salem witch magic going on in the area and I was like: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! And I kicked the stones down. In hindsight that was probably a trail marker. But either way I whip out my holy water and you know bless the area and stuff.....and then I walk in the opposite direction.

We all just kinda looked at him in stunned silence as we all knew this was taking a very dangerous turn

Father: So I start walking and then trip and fall. And then I saw it...the edge of the cliff. Now this wasn’t your typical, oh you might break a leg in this fall, this was a: I’m gonna fucking die if I fall off this thing....so I grab this rock and then a tree and like hang on it for a minute. And then I climbed up. So I start walking and find another trail marker once again it was stones but I was like: Not today SATAN!!!! NOT TODAY!!!! And kicked it down cause you know witch magic! Long story short I fell a lot and I’m pretty sure Satan cursed me either it was for becoming a priest or kicking down his black magic markers. Either way I finally make it to the road and have absolute no idea where I am. So I call the Deacon (keep in mind that guy is like 82 years old) and ask him to pick me up. It took three tries and when he finally answered I had to walk down what had to be another mile to find the street name. Then I had to tell him how to get said street!

We all though he was done at that point and we began to stop laughing as we had to get the meeting started but boy were we wrong. He looked at us dead in the eyes.

Father: you know that wasn’t even the worst part....the worst part was when the Deacon finally did find me...he drove right past me........ I had to call another FIVE TIMES to tell him he missed me and when he finally picked me up he looked at me and said: not gonna lie I though you were a hillbilly hitchhiking.