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“go for a run, swede” will never not be funny to me
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I want to write a book called “your character dies in the woods” that details all the pitfalls and dangers of being out on the road & in the wild for people without outdoors/wilderness experience bc I cannot keep reading narratives brush over life threatening conditions like nothing is happening.
I just read a book by one of my favorite authors whose plots are essentially airtight, but the MC was walking on a country road on a cold winter night and she was knocked down and fell into a drainage ditch covered in ice, broke through and got covered in icy mud and water.
Then she had a “miserable” 3 more miles to walk to the inn.
Babes she would not MAKE it to that inn.
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"Izzy Canyon dwellers just want to turn him into an innocent victim who did nothing wrong!"
Actually my problem is that, in hindsight, Izzy didn't do enough wrong to justify the common interpretation of his relationship with Ed. In my book, the first time in the series he legitimately crossed over to villainous antagonist territory - someone you actually loved to hate for it even if you understood his reasons - was when he set the British Navy on the Revenge. That way he not only betrayed his integrity as a pirate by consorting with the common enemy of all pirates, but risked Ed's life too - cause, like, come on, that "plan" to send CJ to convince Ed to leave Stede was so far-fetched it barely counts as a plan. I don't buy Izzy ever looking at CJ and going "yep that seems like a smart, responsible, trustworthy man I could rely on for a delicate mind games operation like this". It was an act of sheer desperation on Izzy's part, but he still chose to do it. IMO this was actually worse than what he said to Ed in S1 finale. Although of course that was very nasty, too.
But the thing is, we don't actually have any info on what their relationship used to be like before S1. We were only ever shown, not told - and both times from Izzy's perspective: the first time in S01E04 during his resignation rant, which was very heartfelt and I'm sure a lot of it was true, but it's still one-sided, and the second time during his deathbed speech, which was, again, one-sided and this time biased in another direction - instead of airing his pent-up grievanced Izzy was putting most of the blame on himself.
Other than this, the entirety of Ed and Izzy's pre-S1 relationship gets extrapolated from one single episode, S01E04. The narrative itself seems to want us to see it as a microcosm of their usual long-standing dynamic, at least on the surface. We see Ed being depressed and suicidal, trying to open up to Izzy about it, and Izzy shutting him down and making him act like Blackbeard again. Since it's already clear that Ed and Stede are the main characters, we're primed to see Ed as the victim here and Izzy being an annoying, insensitive nag.
Except the context of those interactions changes everything. The context being that they are literally about to be attacked by the Spanish - something Ed knowingly brought on them with his decisive power as captain - and Ed is deliberately withholding crucial information from his own first mate and the rest of the crew, making them all think they're going to die and he isn't doing anything about it. Izzy wasn't just being a boring buzzkill not being excited for Ed when he showed him that ship model. He was actively panicking and trying to do his job asking Ed for orders so they don't all get slaughtered.
So, yeah, those are some very exceptional circumstances that don't say anything about their typical day to day interactions go when they're not in immediate mortal peril due to lack of communication. Was this the first time Ed ever told him about not wanting to be Blackbeard anymore? Izzy didn't seem very surprised, so probably not, but we don't know, and if Ed had confided in him before, we don't know how Izzy reacted - but I'd like to point out that this time he didn't ridicule Ed in any way, he simply pointed out that they were about to die if Ed didn't do anything. Does Izzy usually indulge Ed in the stuff he finds fun when they're not about to be killed? Again, we don't know, but Izzy's playfulness during that first confrontation with Stede in S01E02, and his whittling and jokes in S2 showed that he wasn't always as grouchy and joyless as he's made out to be. We actually saw him smile when Ed got excited about Buttons, too. Pretty sure if Izzy always shut him down about things like that, Ed would have stopped trying to share it with him long ago.
And, finally, there's one piece of this puzzle that doesn't seem to fit in with the rest at all. The show both told us and implied that Izzy couldn't let Blackbeard go because his own identity was too tied up in it, and because he idolised the glory of violent pirate lifestyle. But if that's the case, then why did he have no problem with Ed wanting to retire? Izzy literally gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up on the whole "kill Stede and steal his identity so he could live the rest of his life as a rich aristocrat" plan. If Izzy only admired Ed as a pirate, and was so hell-bent on keeping the Blackbeard persona alive, why was he ok with Ed retiring? How does this square up with the idea that Izzy had been keeping Ed chained to piracy?
I'd honestly hoped we would get some flashbacks of the two of them in S2, and then S3 before that hope died too, because there's still so much we're missing.
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Worked 9 hours in this, might be the best shading I’ve ever done
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alright here we go
this one's for "stupid" mentally disabled people. people who can't do basic math. people who are gullible to no fault of their own. people who can't understand nuance in some situations. people with cognitive issues. intellectually disabled people.
hey, you're doin' just fine. doing a great job, even! don't put yourself down or feel like your worth as a person rests on how smart you are. we'll be ok
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The duality of Ferg
@mysteriouslybluepirate @mysanityisinpieces @izzy-b-hands @drlokiren @gydima @theageoldquestionn @feelmyskin
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kashfaksajs I'm sorry but it's genuinely funny how much of OFMD is
Ed: I must Exorcise Blackbeard
Izzy: Okay.
Ed: I mean it this time!!!
Izzy: Great.
Ed: I'm a new man now!!!
Izzy: That's nice.
And people still think Izzy was like this evil, manipulative little gremlin whispering bad things in Ed's ear and forcing him to be violent
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New CalicoJack/IzzyHands Fic!
When Jack Rackham sank into the depths of Blind Man's Cove, he didn't die. He changed. Later he finds a ship missing its usual captains, and Izzy Hands recovering from a shot in his side
A Post S2 [Selkie] CalicoHands story.
Currently at around 6k words, updating as it gets completed! I have this full fic outlined and can't wait to share more <3
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becoming an adult cheat sheet!
learn to coupon
what to do when you can’t afford therapy
cleaning your bathroom
what to do when you can’t pay your bills
stress management
quick fix meals
find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill
resume workshop
organize your closet
how to take care of yourself when you’re sick
what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment
what’s a mortgage?
how to pick a health insurance plan
hotlines list
your first gynecology appointment
what to do if the cops pull you over
things to have in your car in case of emergency
my moving out masterpost
how to make friends as an adult (video)
how to do taxes (video)
recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)
change a flat tire (video)
how to do laundry (video)
opening a bank account (video)
laundry cheat sheet
recipes masterpost
tricks to help you sleep more
what the fuck should you make for dinner?
where should you go for drinks?
alcohol: know your limits
easy makeup tips
find seat maps for your flight
self-defense tips
prevent hangovers
workout masterpost
how to write a check
career builder
browse careers
birth control information
financial management software & app (free)
my mental health masterpost
my college applications masterpost
how to jumpstart a car
sex ed masterpost
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“i’ve seen you get lost on the ship sometimes” said by jim to olu is such an underrated line there are so many different potential possibilities implied by that one statement like
1. olu can near-effortlessly track someone through thick forest brush but has difficulty navigating a relatively small internal space that he’s been living in for months. i don’t even know where to start with this one but it fascinates me
2. olu’s not actually that prone to getting lost, but stede (deranged) designed a ship with an interior plan so nonintuitive you might as well stick a minotaur in there. jim (also deranged) hasn’t noticed any issue with it.
3. the ship is normal and olu hasn’t gotten lost once. what he has done, frequently, is walk with jim to wherever they were going because he didnt want to stop hanging out with them yet, but then once they reached jim’s destination he had to be like “oh yeah wait no i was actually headed for the jam room” and jim was like “we passed the jam room like two hallways ago” and olu was like “did we? oh uhhhh. shhhit i guess we did. well im gonna go now bye”
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The reason Izzy/Ed is sad is that in the quote-
'You came?'
'You called.'
It feels odd to think of a circumstance where Edward Teach would choose follow Izzy Hands... and yet...
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Sailors Superstition Part 2
Somehow I lost the original part two. So I’ll continue here for now.
Forbidden woods If a shipwright planned to build a ship out of walnut or even fruitwood, he could be hanged for it. For a ship made of this wood was considered crazy and they would try to drown their crew. Therefore, this wood was never allowed to be used.
Blue Well, even the colour blue was considered unlucky. Here it depended on the shade of the colour. Navy blue was excluded from this (but it also depended on how the officer who wore this blue behaved towards the crew). If he was OK, the blue was also OK. If he was an ass, then the blue was also a bad one), because medium to light blue was the colour of mourning on a merchant ship. If the owner died, a blue stripe was painted around the hull and had to remain there for a year. If the captain or another officer died, a blue flag was flown to show other ships and the home port that he had died due to other circumstances and not because of mutiny. Some Sailors did not even allow this colour in their house because it was considered the colour of death. This is btw where the term “feeling blue” comes from.
Horses If a Sailor dreamt of horses at home, he had to be ready, because that meant he would be on the high seas again.
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I honestly and truly believe all good AUs should be a little “”””ooc”””” in the sense that good characterisation involves understanding that changes a characters backstory and circumstances will have an effect on how they respond to the world around them
Good characterisation isn’t about creating a perfect 1:1 canon replica it’s about understanding why a character is different in your work and about grounding the changes you do deliberately choose to make in canon character traits
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IZZYYYYYY
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'Tough on crime' should mean proactive policies, not reactionary punishments.
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There’s two ends of the horror spectrum
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it’s wild to me that they took the time to apply a hidden tattoo to izzy every day and never utilized it in the show
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