mystorythaticantsay - Tumblr blog

[mystorythaticantsay]

I Started This Account To Write About You

It’s kinda funny actually. I made this account as a way to get all my feelings out. I was just some kid who was head over her heels in love with some older guy. I stopped writing about you because I finally got over you. I moved on, I started dating someone new. Then you came back into my life. I thought things were different this time, I thought things were going to be it this time, I thought you were finally going to fall head over heels in love with me too. That didn’t happen. Don’t worry though, you dragged this out as long as you could. Waiting for the perfect moment to tell me. Waiting for the perfect moment to tell me that you know I’m in love with you but that you don’t feel the same. You waited to get me into bed, you waited until I gave you head for you to decide this wasn’t for you. I wish I could be angry, I wish I could feel anything really. Right now I just feel numb, and I feel used. I feel like I was a piece of some really big chess game of your life. I’m tired of your games, I’m tired of the back and forth. This is three years worth of history and now it’s finally coming to a close. My heart is shattered, but don’t worry I’ll pick up the pieces and you won’t get another chance at it. 

[mystorythaticantsay]

To The One Who Made Me Believe I Was Nothing,

I guess it’s time I tell you how I feel about you. I thought you put the stars in the sky, I thought you were going to be the one I gave everything to. Here we are, 9 months since we started and now just speaking your name feels like acid burning in my throat. For 9 months, you never called me your girlfriend, only the girl you were dating, for 9 months you tried telling me I had to fix myself, for 9 months you tried telling me that everything was my fault. I tried to leave you, you told me no. I tried to leave a second time, you told me no again. I guess third time is the charm because I finally got out, though you still reach out to me. I’m no longer apart of your little game, I’m no longer someone who you can gaslight. I know my worth. I CAN do better, and I AM a good person. For 9 months you shoved thoughts down my throat about how I wasn’t your dream girl, how you were settling for me, how you could do so much better and I believed it. I believe every single word you told me, until I felt like nothing. For 9 months I heard about all the more attractive women in your life, and all the women you have been with, telling me I would never be the best. The day I got out, was the day I realized it was all a lie, and my self worth is so much higher than you made me believe. So, thanks for teaching me a few things I guess?

I wish I could tell you I wish nothing but the best for you, but in all honesty it would be a lie. I’m better off without you, and I’m glad I got out when I did.

Hope you treat the next one better.

xx,

Ash

[mystorythaticantsay]

“I have plenty of reasons to leave what do you mean?”

“Your anxiety makes you a mess of a person.”

“I constantly feel like I’m babying you when you shut down.”

“You’re actually the worst.”

“You don't communicate.”

“This isn’t my fault.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“You won’t be the best I ever slept with.”

“This girl I work with is gorgeous, might just go get her instead.”

“Yo, she’s cute can I have her number?’

“You take things too seriously.”

“Stop crying you know I’m joking.”

“Oh hoes mad now”

“Go ahead, leave.” 

“I could have anyone I want, why are you so special.”

“Oh you know I love you.”

- Love Doesn’t Mean Abuse

[mystorythaticantsay]

Dear You Part Three,

I saw you for the first time in eight months last week, and my head has been spiraling ever since. I was finally at a place where you weren’t even crossing my mind that often anymore, and then out of nowhere I picked your face out of a crowd of dozens of people, and you picked mine out too. As soon as I saw you, I felt that familiar lump in my throat and pit in my stomach, two things that left the minute you scooped me up into one of your hugs and spun me around in a circle. You look great, happy even, we talked for a while, all while I was still trying to catch my breath. I always said you could take my breath away with a glance, guess I wasn’t wrong. I wanted to be so mad at you, I wanted to yell at you for hurting me in the way that you did, I wanted to be able to give you the cold shoulder, but I couldn’t it felt so good to see you again. I was calm, I was happy. I don’t think there is another person who could have the same effect on me as you, you make me fumble things and trip over my words but no one can make me laugh as hard or as genuine as you.

The universe works in funny ways, what are the odds that I would run into at a work event, two weeks before I leave for six months, I mean come on the industry is small but it’s not THAT small. We ran into each other several times throughout the night ans things just seemed like they were back to normal. I finally asked the question I had been dying to ask, “what happened to us?” You apologized for how things ended between us, “I’m sorry, I thought about it a lot since it ended, I wasn’t in a great headspace, but I’m glad I ran into you tonight.”  You promised me you would text me, you still owed me a drink after all.  The universe works in funny ways, you’re in a better headspace, I’m a little older. Maybe this is our second shot, maybe this time things will work out in my favor. The universe works in funny ways but here I am still waiting by my phone for your name to pop up. The universe works in funny ways, but now I can’t get you out of my head.

So I’ll keep my fingers crossed that I cross your mind, regardless it was good to see you again. 

I still love you,

The Girl Who Never Left

[mystorythaticantsay]

"I still think you put the sun in the sky and shine like the stars at night."

- the last thing you told me before you said goodbye

[mystorythaticantsay]

To the one who left but blamed me for it,

Hey there, guess it’s your turn for another letter, not sure if you should be happy about that though, I very rarely write letters for happy occasions, though I did write one for you once, this one isn’t that. I tried. Really, I did. I tried for months. I gave you space when you needed it, even if you didn’t ask me for it. I was there when you got your acceptance email to grad school, I was one of the first people you told. I was there when you came home for spring break, we were both counting down the days until we could see each other again, and even if it was only for a couple hours, I was so happy to get to see you. I put you first before myself. I constantly asked how you were, how you day was, how school was going. I was there to listen to you vent about how stressed you were, or how one of your students questioned you. I was there. You were one of the first ones who I texted when I scored my interview with Disney, and one of the first ones to find out when I got the job. You made me feel safe, and comfortable. You had me open up, which is something that is hard for me to do. You saw parts of me that no one ever had, and learned things about me that no one ever did. The distance was hard, but it was worth it, YOU were worth it. Then something changed, you told me that you had doubts, and didn’t want to take something from me and still feel the same. So? I told you to go. I told you to take your out, our life was going in two different directions anyway. The next day you kept talking to me, and I couldn’t understand why. You asked to talk. I talked. You said you felt like I didn’t even care about you because I let you go so easily. I explained that it was the opposite. You knew how much I cared about you, and still care about you. Your response? Act like things were normal. So? That’s what I did, I acted like things were normal until you brought up the doubts again. I tried to say goodbye again, and you pulled me back in, saying it wasn’t fair to end things without even seeing you. You told me that I had ignored every time you tried to come up, even though I knew you only wanted to come up late at night to fuck. Again blaming it on me. You told me I suck at communicating and pointed out all my flaws again, but said you didn’t want me to change.  You told me you wanted to talk. I agreed to let you come up here, I was excited. Excited to maybe work on things and get things straightened out, excited to see you after not seeing you for three months. What happened? Oh, that’s right. You never showed. For someone who wanted to talk, and wanted to actually work on things, you sure know how to give the opposite message.

Before you even say that I’m the one who walked away, you’re the one who pushed me away. You’re the one who stood me up time and time again only to draw me back in with your sweet words. You were the one who caused me to walk away, you’re just blaming it on me. 

I wish you the best, because this is the end. 

[mystorythaticantsay]

"And sometimes you will have to take your days second by second just to make it through. But you know what? That's okay."

- Healing Takes Time

[mystorythaticantsay]

Sweetheart asks: 3, 8, 49 and 98!

3. (How’s your heart feeling right now? ) I’m okay! I’m a little mentally and physically exhausted but I’ m doing okay.

8. (Best trip you’ve ever been on?) When I went to France! Absolutely stunning and wonderful.

49. (Favorite show you own?) Uhh….probably my off brand Vans? or my black combat boots.

98. (how is your day/night going?) Good! I spent the day with my family and now I’m watching GOT) 

[mystorythaticantsay]

Your post about long distance being nothing like what people say really resonated with me every word you wrote I’ve experienced and tonight after a day of crying and sorta arguing and feeling like my relationship is falling apart and he’s drifting away from me it was really nice to see that other people feel this too. So thank you I guess

Long Distance is hard. But it's worth it when you really care about someone. Hope it all works out.

[mystorythaticantsay]

They always tell you that distance makes the heart grow fonder. What they don’t tell you is how lonely that distance is. They don’t tell you how hard it is to have a bad day, and the one person you want is 360 Miles away. They don’t tell you how hard it is to have a great day, and want to share it with the person who is 360 Miles away. They don’t tell you how frustrating it is to try to have a conversation when you both have your own lives miles away from each other that constantly interfere. They don’t tell you that texting and pictures don’t make up for lost time. They don’t tell you that the countdown until you see them again starts the second you say goodbye. They don’t tell you that when plans fall through to see them, it breaks your heart over and over again. They don’t tell you that some days it will feel like this all isn’t even worth it. They don’t tell you about the tears that occur when all you want is to be with them and you can’t. They don’t tell you about the constant “what if’s” playing in the background of your mind. They don’t tell you about when you start to miss the sound of their voice and laugh, and phonecalls aren’t the same. They don’t tell you about the nights when you’re tossing and turning so you text them at 4 AM just to say “I miss you and I can’t wait to see you soon.” They don’t tell you when you miss them, you’ll cry, and you will feel silly for crying. They don’t tell you when you fight, it’s so much worse because you can’t sit and talk in person. Things get more complicated when phone are involved. They don’t tell you when you see other couples together all the time, you get an ache in your chest because you can’t have that. They don’t tell you when girls complain about not seeing their boyfriend in two days you want to laugh because it’s been over a month since the last time you’ve seen yours. They don’t tell you eventually you get used to it, and it’s worth every single struggle when the person who is 360 Miles away knows you every thought and move. They don’t tell you eventually you become okay with the distance, because the only thing worse than the distance is not being with them at all. They don’t tell you eventually you make it work. You ask each other about their day, and you actually listen. They don’t tell you eventually it just becomes routine and the things you share with each other become inside jokes even when they’re two feet from you. They don’t tell you that it’ll be hard, but that it will all be okay.

What They Don’t Tell You About Long Distance 

[mystorythaticantsay]

"Sometimes the past sneaks up on you and can ruin your future plans."

- The Past Doesn't Stay There

[mystorythaticantsay]

Get to know me

Gonna try and start being more active on here again. I have a few free hours today so send me questions and I'll answer them!

[mystorythaticantsay]

"And soon you realize that maybe everyone was right. You fall too hard, too fast and put all your love in people who don't deserve it. You see the good in everyone and that's the thing that destroys you piece by piece."

- Maybe people were right about me

[mystorythaticantsay]

It's been a while. Sometimes I wonder how you are but, I know I'm better off not knowing.

I hope you’re doing well though

[mystorythaticantsay]

"Sometimes with you it feels like cloud nine, and other times it feels like I'm swallowing glass shards."

- Make Up Your Mind

[mystorythaticantsay]

I thought of you today. I thought of you even though I’m with him now. I thought of you today and I hate myself for it..

You destroyed me

[mystorythaticantsay]

36!

Running a restaurant I own, with a good family and making enough money to live comfortably.