natesfm

[natesfm]

desiraes​: 

there’s  a  battle  going  on  in  her  head.  the  logical  part  that  knows  they’re  inseparable  telling  her  to  get  over  it  and  tell  him  so  they  can  quit  this  whole  distant  thing.  and  the  anxiety  ridden  ,  illogical  part  that’s  keeping  her  petrified  in  place.  ❛  no  ,  i  didn’t  —  that’s  not  what  i  said  …  polly  isn’t  a  person.  it’s  called  “  polycystic  ovary  syndrome.  ”  ❜  sighs  softly  at  his  lack  of  understanding  ,  something  that  would  usually  have  her  looking  at  him  with  pure  admiration  before  bursting  into  a  fit  of  giggles.  but  not  this  time  ,  not  with  the  amount  of  tears  she’s  shed  and  the  ones  she’s  yet  to  shed.  ❛  nate  …  ❜  starts  softly  ,  dreading  the  thought  of  having  to  explain  it  to  him  ,  though  she  shouldn’t  have  expected  him  to  get  the  scientific  medical  talk  on  the  first  go.  desirae’s  clenching  her  fists  as  she  tries  to  piece  together  a  way  to  explain  it  to  him.  a  breath  of  relief  (  that  she  hadn’t  realized  she’d  been  holding  in  )  falls  from  her  lips  at  his  words  ,  and  they’re  just  enough  for  her  to  find  the  words  to  break  it  down  for  him.  ❛  this  syndrome  —  not  polly  —  it’s  a  hormonal  disorder  that  affects  reproduction  in  women  and  causes  infertility  and  i’ve  got  to  talk  to  the  doctor  about  it  more  in  terms  of  cures  and  what  to  do  but  to  put  it  simply  …  ❜  she’s  speaking  slowly  ,  and  somehow  calmly  ,  as  if  it’ll  help  him  understand. ❛  nathan  ,  it  means  that  unless  we  can  get  it  to  go  away  ,  i  can’t  have  kids.  ❜  finally  meets  his  eyes  through  her  tear  filled  ones  ,  heart  racing  in  anticipation.  ❛  i’m  sorry  ,  ❜  sobs  ,  even  though  it  was  well  out  of  her  control  but  it  just  feels  like  the  right  thing  to  say.  ❛  i’m  so  sorry  ,  ❜  she  repeats over and over  to  both  him  and  her  as  tears  flow  freely  without  signs  of  stopping.

when she collapses into sobs, his first instinct is to help her. he wants to scramble across all of the space between them and comfort her, but he’s flooded with a freezing cold hopeless upon realizing that he doesn’t know how. nate grasps uselessly at the blankets now pooled in his lap, but lifts his head again, alarmed, when desirae says his name ... and then his full name. he was gobsmacked, but still heard her next words. i can’t have kids. “it’s okay.” nate scrabbled, rushing to try and comfort her before registering the meaning of her words. the instinct to help — to help desirae in specific — is something that nate has always felt, for as long as he can remember. it’s not knowing what to, having no idea how to console the only person in the world he’s always felt like he truly knows which has him feeling helpless. “there’s nothing that you need to be sorry for,” nate murmurs, sounding less rushed and more sincere than when he was telling her it’s okay before he had even registered her words. although, he stood by his initial reaction. it is okay with him. “it’s not your fault. we don’t have to do anything.” nate felt a deep ache as desirae cried and he watched, unsure how how to console her, and unsure if he even could.

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  NAT.

NAT: i deleted mine but i can download again if u wanna watch me swipe through ? lol

NAT: idk what u don't get abt it

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : nah

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : it's not /that serious/

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : i'm just curious

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : i hear my teammates talk about dating sometimes but i've been outta that game for a while

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : so i just don't know how it's done these days i guess

[natesfm]

halstonfm​: 

@𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒃     |      i think it’s been a solid twenty seven hours since i’ve slept and i’ve had six five hour energies …. plus a red bull @𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒃     |      damn really ?? i thought it would have at least taken some convincing to get you to hang out with me   @𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒃     |      okay so hear me out …. we go to the fanciest cafe in the upper east side for brunch, get drunk on mimosas, and annoy bitchy socialites …. how does that sound ??

@𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : a red bull ??????????

@𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : dude, that’s gonna throw off the whole experiment

@𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : how are we supposed to know what energy you’re getting from the five hour energy and what energy you’re getting from the red bull ??????????

@𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : can i bring my cat ?

[natesfm]

desiraes​: 

with  shaking  hands  ,  she  pulls  her  legs  to  her  chest  ,  trying  to  find  some  sort  of  comfort  even  though  she  knows  the  only  thing  that’ll  make  her  feel  better  is  just  being  in  his  arms  again.  all  it  takes  is  his  voice  and  the  lack  of  movement  between  them  for  the  tears  to  freely  fall  and  she  tries  to  hold  her  breath  to  stop  from  sobbing  but  it’s  no  use.  ❛  no  it’s  not  ,  we  —  we  promised  each  other  and  i  —  i  should’ve  just  told  you  as  soon  as  i  found  out  ,  ❜  snaps  somehow  with  a  trembling  voice  ,  her  eyes  flickering  up  to  him  for  a  second.  ❛  i  just  ,  i  didn’t  wanna  disappoint  you  because  …  because  you  just  got  so  excited  about  the  thought  of  us  having  kids  and  …  ❜  she’s  sputtering  through  sobs  ,  and  all  those  nightmares  are  threatening  her  mind  to  make  a  reappearance.  ❛  i  just  ,  i  didn’t  wanna  make  you  feel  worse  with  the  injury  and  then  finding  out  from  the  doctor  that  i  have  polycystic  ovary  syndrome.  i  just  ,  i  thought  that  maybe  if  i  just  told  you  that  we  just  needed  to  keep  trying  ,  then  i  could  figure  out  how  to  tell  you  the  right  way  but  then  i  was  just  so  scared  that  you  finding  out  might  mean  maybe  you  wouldn’t  love  me  anymore  …  ❜  trails  off  ,  finally  taking  a  breath  and  averting  her  eyes  from  him  ,  terrified  by  his  reaction.  not  that  he’d  necessarily  know  the  medical  term  she  used.

nate crumbled completely as desirae began to cry. his own eyes were stinging as he watched her curl up, legs hugged to her chest. seeing her upset is the closest thing to heartbreak that he’s ever felt, he’s certain of it. as desirae talks ( or, chokes out in between sobs, he supposes ), nate’s brow furrows in bewilderment. it is okay. you could never disappoint me. i’ll love you forever. there are several things he wants to say as she seems to trail off. “ ... who is polly ?” sputtered nate instead. he sniffled and scrubbed his eyes until the sting subsided and the slight dampness at the corners was wiped away. “look, dizzy ... ” he paused, unsure of what to say because he wasn’t sure of what exactly she had said to him. he was distracted by the few words he didn’t understand, and the mention of someone named polly who he’s certain he’s never met before. he felt so helpless as his wife cried, wanting to do nothing but help her yet having no idea of where to begin. “ ... whatever it is, i’m not gonna stop loving you. i’m not gonna leave you. i promise.”

[natesfm]

desiraes​: 

with  how  inseparable  the  pair  was  ,  desirae  was  fully  expecting  the  feelings  from  the  bad  dreams  and  nightmares  to  go  away  the  second  they  laid  down  to  sleep.  yet  ,  with  the  secret  she’d  been  keeping  from  him  whirling  around  her  head  ,  she  hated  to  admit  that  she  felt  a  sense  of  distance  between  them.  it  had  been  on  her  mind  the  entire  time  she  was  gone  ,  trying  to  figure  out  how  she  would  even  begin  to  find  the  words  to  tell  him  so  she  knew  at  the  very  least  she’d  be  telling  him  sooner  rather  than  later.  she’s  been  struggling  to  sleep  ,  finding  herself  picturing  the  worst  case  scenario  every  time  her  eyes  fall  shut  but  the  soft  sound  of  his  voice  does  a  good  job  at  keeping  them  open.  slowly  rolls  over  to  face  him  ,  brows  furrowing  in  slight  confusion  before  guilt  washes  over  her  for  making  him  feel  bad.  though  ,  he’s  got  it  right  ,  which  only  adds  more  guilt  to  her  conscience.  ❛  babe  …  ❜  she  starts  ,  propping  herself  and  already  feeling  tears  forming.  ❛  i  promise  you  did  nothing  wrong  ,  it’s  my  fault.  i  mean  ,  i  just  ,  uh  ,  you’re  right  ,  there  is  something  i  haven’t  told  you  and  it’s  just  because  i  was  scared  which  is  a  horrible  excuse  and  i’m  really  sorry.  ❜  still  ,  she’s  scared  for  the  words  themselves  to  fall  from  her  lips.

there is something i haven’t told you. his brow furrowed, mouth twisting into a frown. he got no satisfaction out of being right. nate wished he was wrong. then, it would mean that there was not something desirae hasn’t told him, and their solemn vow to tell each other everything from this day forward that was first forged at the age of twelve and reiterated on their wedding day wasn’t broken. “hey ... ” he wanted to reach out and cup her face, using his big hands to shield her from the desperate, ravenous gazes of those who were only looking out of morbid curiosity or because the pain of other people could always be twisted into some scandal for the school hallways or the internet. the memory of their lukewarm farewell as she was leaving for her trip gave him pause ( again ) and he didn’t move ( again ). he doesn’t how it’s possible to miss someone who’s right next to him, but as his eyes trail across all of the empty space between them on the mattress, nate feels a cold, sinking hopelessness. “ ... it’s okay,” he practically waves off her apology, “whatever it is, you can tell me.”

[natesfm]

halstonfm​: 

･ﾟ. *      ◞  𝒔𝒏𝒂𝒑𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒕   →   𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 !

@𝗵𝗮𝗹𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗯     |       okay bet …. how long do you think i can run on five hour energies before i collapse ?? @𝗵𝗮𝗹𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗯     |      the fact that i’ve had only like five minutes of sleep in the past forty eight hours may or may not be important @𝗵𝗮𝗹𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗯     |      if i win you have to hang out with me, sorry i don’t make the rules 

@𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : idk @𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : how long are you up to so far ? @𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 : dude, i don’t need to win a bet to hang out with you. just gimme a when and where and i’ll be there

[natesfm]

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  SILAS.

SILAS: you're afraid of the pretzel dude or something?

SILAS: you couldn't just tell him in person?

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : i felt bad !

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : and besides, it's kinda fucked up to march up to a pretzel stand and tell the person working that you hate their pretzels when you've never even bought one from them, don't you think ?

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  SILAS.

SILAS: ...touche.

SILAS: so... you saw someone's number scribbled on a cart, and you just assumed it belong to the pretzel guy? and... you decided to text them, to let them know you don't like pretzels?

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : he always ask me if i wanna buy a pretzel when i'm on my way into the building and i feel bad because i always tell him no

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : i felt like i owed him an explanation

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  VIVI.

VIVI: I DROPPED MY PHONE. NATE.

VIVI: ...is this nate?!

VIVI: did someone steal your phone? send the secret code if it's really you.

VIVI: we could have a grocery cart race and loser has to buy winner jamba juice ?? best out of 4 rounds.

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : 😕

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : your reaction is kinda making me wanna change my mind about this.

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  NAT.

NAT : the fact that i have to explain this to you...

NAT : so not all of us have the privilege of finding our forever soulmate right away like SOMEONE I KNOW

NAT : so we resort to this little dating app called tinder.

NÅT: tbh i can't tell if ur fucking with me or not..

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : i think /you're/ fucking with /me/

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : a "dating app" doesn't sound like a real thing

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : but i don't wanna download it to investigate myself because if is a real thing and des sees me using it that could be kinda bad 😬

[natesfm]

*  𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔𝗚𝗘  →  SILAS.

SILAS: spaghetti doesn't come twisty, though. you've gotta twist it yourself.

SILAS: last time i checked... no? i used to sleepwalk though, so maybe i have a night job i don't know about

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : someone twists pretzel dough and licorice strings somewhere along the line too.

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : either that or someone is pranking you

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 : and you might wanna go get your phone number scrubbed off the side of the pretzel vendor's cart outside of tower 28 apartments

[natesfm]

desiraes​: 

it  was  the  same  recurring  nightmare  that  had  desirae  restless  for  the  last  little  bit  of  her  flight  ,  the  same  one  she’s  been  experiencing  the  whole  week  she’d  been  gone.  it  was  relieving  ,  however  ,  that  the  plane  was  landing  soon  so  hopefully  she  could  stop  crying  from  the  horrifying  thought  that  nate  would  forget  her.  though  the  nightmare  left  desirae  lethargic  and  she  quickly  fell  to  the  end  of  the  crowd  when  it  came  time  to  exit  the  plane  ,  dragging  her  feet  slowly  beneath  herself.  it  felt  like  the  only  thing  keeping  her  moving  was  the  knowledge  that  the  few  times  desirae  had  gone  away  ,  nate  was  always  the  first  to  greet  her.  that  ,  and  the  comfort  of  his  hoodie  that  engulfed  her  small  frame  as  she  slowly  collected  her  bags  from  the  luggage  belt.  still  sniffling  quietly  to  herself  ,  she  waits  for  others  to  go  ahead  to  greet  their  friends  ,  family  and  loved  ones  ,  not  daring  to  drop  her  own  gaze  at  the  risk  of  somehow  missing  him.  brown  hues  flicker  across  the  crowd  and  the  second  she  spots  him  ,  her  feet  finally  picking  up  the  pace.  it’s  not  until  she’s  a  couple  steps  away  that  she’s  dropping  her  bags  and  running  up  to  nate  to  jump  into  his  arms.  ❛  oh  my  gosh  ,  i  missed  you  so  much  ,  ❜  she  mumbles  against  his  neck  ,  the  quietest  sniffle  following.

TIME SKIP

he can’t sleep. nate lifted his head to glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table and stifled a miserable, frustrated groan. exactly two minutes had passed since he had last checked the time. he rolled onto his side, facing the other supine form on the bed. before desirae had returned from her trip, nate was so sure that it would be much easier for him to fall asleep once she was home, but now she was right beside him in their bed, and he was peering at the vague shape of her through the darkness hours after he’s used to drifting off with her nestled in his arms. “baby,” he tried muttering very softly at first, “baby,” he said again, extending a hand and giving her shoulder a gentle shake. once he decided that she was likely listening, nate opened his mouth and ... sighed. he dragged a hand through his hair and huffed in frustration. ”look, dizzy ... i feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” nate didn’t want to be right, but he was also terrified that he was wrong. “ ... and best i can figure is that i fucked up somehow. i don’t know what i did, but i’m really sorry.” he sounded as desperate as he felt, he was sure.

[natesfm]

# pls n thx

𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦 | accepting.

what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone

wife 😍

what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone

what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone

no less g-eazy

my muse’s last text to your muse

𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 →  wife 😍 : happy anniversary week baby 𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗘 →  wife 😍 : love you 💕

[natesfm]

do you have or want any tattoos? what of?

* 𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗬 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗥.

“the only tattoo that i have is dizzy’s initials on my hand. i don’t really want any others right now, but i'm not against getting more done.”

[natesfm]

have you ever written a love letter?

* 𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗬 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗥.

“the closest thing that i can think of is this one time where i wrote an essay about the sandlot — you know, the greatest movie of all time ? right, so, i wrote an essay about the sandlot because the assignment was to ‘write about bats’ but i guess my teacher meant the animal so i got an F.”

[natesfm]

favorite pet names? (baby, sweetheart, etc.)

* 𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗬 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗥.

“mvp.”