nefarious-minds

[nefarious-minds]

Dean’s hand sits on the Impala’s seat between them, palm up and fingers curled. The fingers flex, slowly and unconsciously, as if they want something to hold.

They do want something to hold. Castiel can feel it. He always feels it. Dean’s longing is the background noise to Castiel’s existence, always there, always on the edge of his perception. 

The first time Castiel feels the pull of Dean’s longing, Castiel tries to follow it. He steps in close to Dean, leans into him, stares into his eyes, and tries to see into his mind. 

That is how Castiel learns about personal space.

The longing, however, never stops. It is a constant prayer, a continuous plea, emanating from Dean. Castiel, at first, only feels it when he is near. Now, however, it becomes stronger the farther he goes and more muted when he returns. 

Castiel inches his hand closer and closer to Dean, listening to the sound of his soul. Dean’s eyes are on the road but, the more Castiel leans in, the louder his heart sings. 

When Castiel takes Dean’s hand, the song reaches a joyful crescendo. Dean finds the spaces in between Castiel’s fingers, fills them, and squeezes. 

It is not enough. Castiel takes his other hand and places it on the back of Dean’s neck. His thumb rubs circles over the spot just below Dean’s ear. Dean gasps. Before Castiel can pull away, Dean leans into the touch. 

“Stay,” Dean whispers.

The longing still sounds; the song still sings. Castiel slides across the seat and presses against Dean’s side. He rearranges them until Dean’s arm wraps around Castiel’s waist and rests their joined hands on his thigh. Castiel lays his head on Dean’s shoulder, his other hand running through Dean’s hair.  

They stay like that for the rest of the drive. When Dean parks the Impala in the bunker’s garage and turns off the engine, he does not move.

“Dean?” Castiel asks, concerned.

Dean shakes his head. He grips Castiel by the shoulder with his free hand, holds him close. 

“Stay,” Dean whispers against Castiel’s hair.

The longing surges. The prayer, before wordless, is now loud and clear.

“Of course,” Castiel replies. “Always.”

The longing bursts. The song quiets. 

Dean kisses the crown of Castiel’s head and releases a long-held breath. 

The prayer remains but it is reborn. It is something soft, something sweet, something solid. Castiel hears the words.

I love you.

[nefarious-minds]

Takes one to know one

You’re a cowboy like me

And I’m never gonna love again

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I think it says a lot that other actors from the show are speaking out about how things don’t make sense and calling out lies.

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my dreams lie buried in autumn leaves

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“I don’t wanna be the one that reveals these state secrets. Um, although what are they gonna do fire me? I mean the shows over.”

I love Misha so much 😭

Maybe one day we’ll finally learn the true ending for Cas.

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I’ve watched supernatural for 15 years. I didn’t have high expectations about the ending, but damn. I had hoped for better than this. It really was just a big slap in the face to the fans who’ve supported them for years. The writing was just so lazy. How can they even justify that? Someone please explain how logically they went from 15x19 to that shit show.

What was the point in even adding these scenes if they weren’t going to mean anything? Dean was obviously upset about Cas dying. He told god he would kill Sam, that Sam would kill him. They’d kill each other. If god just brought back everyone. Brought back Cas. Dean gets a phone call that he logically knows is not Cas. But still runs to that door in the chance he really is there.

And after all of this, in the final episode. Dean just doesn’t care? Sam even brings up missing Cas. This isn’t even about a destiel canon at the point. It’s about giving an ending to a 15 year show that actually makes sense. Because none of that did. Even if Dean didn’t feel the same about Cas, he was still his best friend. He wanted Cas back.

So the fact this episode didn’t even explore that in the slightest, is a fucking joke. The main character of your show dying in a lame MOTW episode, not even addressing the fact his best friend admitted to loving him. It’s such bullshit.

The very least they could’ve done was have Dean search for Cas in heaven. They didn’t even have to show anything. Just acknowledge that after all these years Dean would’ve wanted to see Cas in heaven after Cas literally sacrificed his life for him. And even taking Cas out of the picture. That ending was the worst possible ending for Sam and Dean. That’s the ending you could expect if Dean never went to Stanford to get Sam.

Sam would’ve grown old with a family without Dean. And Dean would’ve died on a hunt. So the fact that that was the ending is just so unsatisfying. It made it feel like everything they went through, everything that happened was pointless.

The actors deserved better. The characters deserved better. The fans deserved better.

[nefarious-minds]

waiting 3 years for a 4th season that ends up being so bad that people legit believe its fake and theres another secret episode coming

VS

being queerbaited for 12 years only to have half the ship confess before immediately being sent to super hell specifically for being gay

[nefarious-minds]

“I’d say go to hell, but I never want to see you again.”

— Sylvia Plath (via hplyrikz)

Clear your mind here

(via hplyrikz)

[nefarious-minds]

Moonlight Magic

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: language, mentions of abuse, alcohol use, and some smut.

Word count: 2000+

                “The backseat of Billy’s car became your

                              new favorite place.”

It was 1am and the whole town was dead silent. Nothing ever happened in Hawkins, Indiana at night. You leave the house after a particularly brutal beating from your father and go to the one place you could clear your mind. The Hawkins Pool. The first time you ever broke in after hours you were 10 years old. Eight years later and things are still bad enough at home that you have to find sanctuary here.

You climb over the fence and change into your swimsuit. It’s a perfect night, the full moon overhead lighting up the sky. You dive into the pool and begin swimming laps, enjoying the feel of the cold water against your bruised skin. You get lost in the motions completely tuning out the world around you. In just a few months you would be at college in California and this town and everyone in it would be nothing more than a bad memory.

 “Hey! What are you doing in here?”

 In all the time you had been coming to the pool after hours you had never been caught. You come up from under the water to see Billy Hargrove standing above you. Billy was in a few of your classes at school, he had made a name for himself as a bully. You knew he started working as a lifeguard but had no idea why he would be here this late. “Sorry, I just needed to get out of the house. Why are you here?” You ask, swimming over to the edge of the pool where he is standing. “None of your business. Now, get out of here.” Billy demands hatefully. 

 “You’re just a lifeguard, you’re not allowed to be here any more than I am. What gives you the right to tell me to leave?” You were getting beyond sick of everyone bossing you around. “Go. Before I kick you out of here myself.” Billy says, pulling out a flask and taking a big drink. Another drunk is the last thing you want to deal with tonight. Deciding an argument just wasn’t worth it, you get out of the pool. His eyes scan your body, the constant scowl on his face changes slightly when he sees the bruises and cuts. “What happened to you?”

 “My dad is a piece of shit.” You answer, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around your body. No one else knew of the horrible things that went on at home, you always kept to yourself and hid the marks well, but you hadn’t anticipated someone seeing you tonight. Billy took a few more sips from his flask and held it out for you. “I don’t drink.” He started laughing and threw the flask onto one of the chairs. “Maybe you should. It helps with the pain.” You roll your eyes assuming he’s just making fun of you and grab your things to leave. “Wait,” Billy grabs your arm to stop you, you flinch slightly from the contact and look up at him. You could get lost in those blue eyes… “You can stay, if you want. My night is already ruined anyways. You couldn’t make it any worse.”

 There was something in the back of your mind that told you being anywhere near this boy was a bad idea. But going back home was the last thing you wanted to do, so you decide to stay. You look down at his flask and pick it up. “Might as well.” The liquid burns the back of your throat and tastes awful but you try to not let it show. You can see Billy smirking from the corner of your eye as you take another drink. 

 “You’re easily corrupted.” Billy says, taking off his shirt and jumping into the pool. “I’m trying to gain some perspective. Understand how a drink can turn a person into an asshole.” You try not to stare as he comes back up out of the water. “How have I not seen you around before?” He asks. “We had classes together. You’ve seen me plenty of times. I guess you just never bothered to notice.” You didn’t intend for that to come out as bitter as it sounded.

Thankfully, Billy ignored your comment and continued swimming. You sit down on the edge and put your feet in the water. Billy came over to you and reached for his flask. “You’re eighteen right? Why don’t you move out of your house and get away from your dad?”  

“I don’t have the money to move out right now. I’m going to college in California, so I’ll be out of this town soon enough. I just need to survive until September.” You confess. Billy has a pained look on his face, the first real emotion he’s shown so far. “I used to live in California. I want to go back more than anything. I miss everything about it.” Billy finishes off the flask and throws it aside. “What’s stopping you?”

“A lot of things. Enough of this shit, lets have some fun.”

Before you can protest or stop him Billy grabs a hold of your legs and pulls you into the pool. You scream as your body submerged in the cold water, giving Billy an incredulous look once you return to the surface. Billy was laughing at you, a real laugh too. One that was extremely rare for him. You couldn’t help but smile.

Billy swims over to you, getting really close. You can smell his cologne and the whisky on his breath. Everything about him is intoxicating. You were both just staring at each other, the moonlight illuminating his face. He reaches out and runs his hand over some of the bruises on your arm. “My dad is a piece of shit too.” His voice is soft, almost a whisper. You didn’t know what to say. Had Billy really admitted something so personal to you?

In this moment he didn’t seem as bad as his reputation made him out to be. 

“I want to show you something, will you take a ride with me?” Against all your better judgment, you nod your head yes. Billy smiles and makes his way out of the pool. Your can feel your heart race as you follow Billy, collecting your things. Neither of you bother to change out of your wet swimsuits before getting in the car, Billy seems to be in a hurry. As if he’s excited for what he is about to show you. 

Billy drives insanely fast but it doesn’t scare you. You watch him as he grips the steering wheel, water still dripping off his body. This felt like a dream. As if in this moment you were no longer the loner girl who was abused home, but someone interesting enough to be in the passenger seat of Billy Hargroves’ car. 

Billy pulls over on the side of the road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. You look over had him, beyond confused. “Come on, we have to walk a little ways to get to it.” He says, getting out of the car. “You didn’t bring me out here to kill me did you?” You were joking, but the situation did seem rather sketchy. 

“No, I’m going to show you the best view in this shit hole of a town.” You follow behind Billy as he climbs over the fence alongside the road. “Are we trespassing?” You ask, trying make it over the barbed wire unscaved. “You just broke into a city pool, and you’re worried about trespassing now?” Billy laughs and helps you over the fence. The feel of his hand on your back causes you to shiver and you hope he didn’t notice. 

You walk for about fifteen minutes before arriving at the towns water tower. “A water tower? The best view in town, is a water tower?” Maybe Billy had more to drink than you thought, because he had to be insane. “The best view is at the top, darling.” You want to protest, to turn and run while you still had the chance. But there was something about the way he looked at you that made you throw all rational thought out the window. 

“Come on, I promise it’s worth it.” Billy says, motioning to the ladder. You step up to it, looking up at the top. “I don’t know if I can do this.” Your hands are already shaking. “Yes you can. I’ll be right behind you. I won’t let you fall.” 

You take a deep breath and let Billy give you a boost up to the start of the ladder. You grab onto the rails and begin to climb. This is by far the craziest thing you have ever done. After what feels like an eternity you make it to the platform alongside the water tower. Practically crawling, you make your way over to give Billy room to come up. There’s barely any room between the railing and the side of the tower. You hold on tight as Billy stands beside you. “What do you think?” 

In all honesty, you were still scared to death. But the view of the town was amazing and Billy seemed genuinely happy. “I think this is the best night I’ve ever had.” You say, looking up at him. Your eyes fall on his lips and the words you are thinking come out before you can stop them. “Kiss me.”

Billy doesn't hesitate, he grabs your waist and pulls you in. The feel of his lips against yours sends shivers down your spine. He slowly moves his hands up to your neck, caressing your body along the way. You lose yourself in the moment, forgetting all about the troubles at home and the pain you feel. Billy pulls away for a moment as you both catch your breath. “Let’s get to the car.” He says, a wicked grin on his face.

The climb down the water tower seems to go much faster than the climb up. All you can think about is Billy, and wanting to feel his touch again. Once you reach the bottom of the tower he grabs your hand and you both practically run to the car. Your heart feels as if it’s going to beat right out of your chest. The moment you reach his car Billy’s lips find yours once again as he presses you up against the passenger door.

A moan escapes your lips as he begins to kiss your neck. Everything is happening very fast. “Is this okay?” Billy asks as he starts to pull down the top of your swimsuit. You were a virgin, had only ever been kissed once before Billy. But you want him in this moment more than anything. “Yes.”

Billy completely removes your swimsuit, his hands exploring your body. He reaches behind you opening the door and you climb into the backseat. Watching Billy take off his shorts, you are very thankful for the darkness of the night. Maybe he won’t be able to see how red your cheeks are. He gets in the back seat with you and pulls you on to his lap. You squirm with anticipation as Billy teases you.

“Fuck.” Billy groans as he finally enters you. There’s a sharp pain at first but it goes away in no time, replaced by pleasure. He grabs your hips, rocking them back and forth. You give into Billy completely allowing him full control over your body.

The backseat of Billy’s car becomes your new favorite place. You would give anything to stay in this moment forever. Captivated by ocean blue eyes and the scent of leather and whiskey. Maybe there is something in this town worth staying for after all...

[nefarious-minds]

Dacre Montgomery as Billy Hargrove in Stranger Things 3 (2019).

[nefarious-minds]

if you cosplay my otp with me i’ll let you kiss me

if you cosplay my otp with me i’ll let you kiss me

if you cosplay my otp with me i’ll let you kiss me

[nefarious-minds]

Northern downpour sends its love.

[nefarious-minds]

I’m the kind of person that will restart a song because i got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

[nefarious-minds]

- From me, to you -

by Pedro Gabriel

[nefarious-minds]

All Wrong //Billy Hargrove Imagine

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 2000

A/N: I got inspiration from this video. 

*Requests are open* 

"You're late." Billy says as I walk up to his car. "5 minutes. I think you'll live." I push past him and get in the passenger seat. "Where's your sister?" He asks. "I don't know. Probably as far away from you as she can get." I can tell I've made Billy angry when he gets into the car and slams the door. "She can find her own way home then." He says, recklessly pulling out of the parking lot.

My mom married Billy's dad a couple years ago and my life as been hell ever since. His dad, Neil is an asshole and Billy is no better. Max, my little sister, used to get the brunt of his torment but since we moved to Hawkins it seems that it's falling mostly on me. Which I don't mind at all if it means he leaves her alone some. I know his dad abuses him pretty bad but that's no reason to take it out on other people. Max and I have tried to get our mom to leave Neil but she won't listen to reason.

The house is empty when we get home and I'm grateful. Any confrontation between Billy and Neil always ends in disaster. I get out of the car and head inside to my room but Billy grabs my arm stopping me. "I'm going to a party tonight so I want you to stay here and not cause any trouble. You understand?" Billy demands. "We're the same age. You can't order me around the way you do Max. I'm going to that party tonight too. I was invited."

"Like hell you are. Who invited you?" He asks, tightening his grip on my arm. "Nancy." I push him, trying to make him let me go. "Harrigntons' little whore? Absolutely not. You're staying here." The front door starts to open and Billy finally let's me go. He wouldn't dare let his dad see how he was acting. "Mom, there's a party tonight and Nancy Wheeler invited me. Can I go? I'd like to make some new friends here." I say, and smile at Billy. "Sure, honey. Just don't stay out too late."

Billy looks like he could kill me if given the chance but I don't care. I'm sick of being bossed around by him. "Billy, give your sister a ride there and watch out for her." Neil says, coming in behind my mom. "She is not my sister." Billy shouts, sounding disgusted. I see the expression on Neil's face and head to my room to avoid having to listen to the yelling. I turn on my stereo and play the music as loud as possible. After a few minutes my door is pushed open and Billy walks in. "I'm leaving in one hour. You better be ready. And if they ask, Max stayed after for some project. That's why she didn't come home with us."

I roll my eyes as Billy leaves and head to my closet to find something to wear. I scan through all my clothes before settling on a simple grey top with a black mini skirt. I do my makeup and then lay down on my bed, reading a book until it's time to go.

After a while, I look at the clock and notice it's been over an hour. I leave my room and as I walk past Billy's I can hear that his still inside. I'm surprised he didn't come bitch at me for taking longer than what he said. I open his door and walk in. Billy is shirtless, with only his jeans on. As much as it pains me to admit it, I can hardly advert my eyes from his exposed skin. "Thought you said one hour?" I ask. He grabs a leather jacket and throws it on. "You're not wearing that." He says pointing at my skirt. "You can go without a shirt, but I can't wear this?"

"Exactly. Go change." Billy demands, lighting up a cigarette. "No." I say crossing my arms. "Y/N, you are seriously testing my patience." I ignore Billy and walk out of his room. I knew my mom and Neil were still home so I could get away with virtually anything, where Billy was concerned. I make my way to his car and climb in the passenger side. The ride to the party is a quiet one, Billy doesn't even turn on the radio. It reminds me of that one phrase, the calm before the storm. Billy glances over at me a couple of times, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he does so.  

As soon as we arrive at the party I get out of the car and head in, not giving Billy a chance to say anything. I spot Nancy with Steve, standing next to a table full of drinks. I walk over to them and say hello. Nancy grabs a cup and reaches into a punch bowl filling it full. She passes it over to me before getting one for herself too. Steve looks at her disapprovingly and I can sense some tension between them. I take a sip of my drink and look back to see that Nancy has already finished hers and started filling the cup back up. “Want some more?” She asks me. “Might as well.” I say, downing my first drink. 

It doesn't take long for me to find myself in the middle of the floor, dancing with a guy I’ve seen around school. I have my arms wrapped around his neck, swaying with the music. I hear Billy’s voice in the background, taunting Steve about a beer keg. He sees me for the first time since coming into the house when he turns around. His smile fades and be begins walking over to me. He pulls the guy I was dancing with off of me and punches him in the face, knocking him to the ground. “Stay the hell away from Y/N.” 

“We’re leaving.” Billy tells me, grabbing my arm to pull me along with him. “I don't want to leave.” I say, jerking away from him. He lets go of my arm and for a moment I think I’ve actually won. Then he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. “Put me down!” I yell, but it’s no use. Billy doesn't let go of me until we’re outside and back at his car. As soon as he puts me down I lose my balance and grab onto him instinctively. “Why are you such an ass?” I ask, my words sounding slurred. “Get in the car, Y/N.” Billy doesn't seem as angry as I had expected him to be. “Just answer my question. Why do you treat me the way you do?” Billy is silent for a moment, as if he’s processing what I asked. “Because I have to be. Now get in the car.” He opens the door for me and I get in. I rest my head against the window and close my eyes. 

I’m woken up to Billy nudging my arm. “We’re home.” He says getting out of the car. Billy walks over to the passenger side and helps me out, placing an arm around my shoulder to keep me steady. All of the lights are off in the house and I am very thankful no one is still awake. Billy walks me to my room and I fall into the bed. “I wish you weren't my stepsister.” He tells me, and for once it doesn't sound like he’s saying it to be mean. Before I can respond, Billy leaves my room and closes the door behind him. I rest my head into the pillow and fall back asleep in no time. 

A couple hours later I wake back up with a pounding head. I glance over at my clock, 3:40 in the morning. I can’t stop thinking about the party and how Billy reacted. Everything is a little fuzzy but I know something was different about him tonight. I crawl out of bed and tip toe as quietly as possible to Billy’s room. I knock on the door once before opening it and walking in. Billy is laying on the bed, still awake. “What do you want?” He asks looking up at me. “I just wanted to talk.” Billy motions for me to come over to the bed so I close the door behind me and walk over to him. I sit on the edge of the bed, as far away from Billy as possible. “Talk.” He tells me, sitting up. “I want a better answer to my question from earlier.” 

“What question?” Billy asks. “Don't play dumb. You didn't even have that much to drink, I know you remember.” He smiles slightly. “No, but you did have a lot to drink. I was hoping you wouldn't.” I think this is the first time I’ve ever really talked to Billy. He’s usually so cruel and insulting. “Why do you act the way you do? I didn't ask my mom to marry your dad or for us to have to move to this town.” I ask. Billy moves up closer to me on the bed. “Better you hate me, and stay away from me as much as possible than be a constant reminder of what I can’t have.” I give him a confused look and he rolls his eyes. “Who's playing dumb now?��

I’m slightly shocked by Billy’s confession, unsure of what to think. “Why can’t you have it?” I ask, pushing him to say more. “It was like torture, watching you dance with that guy. I could’ve killed him for even thinking about touching you. But I don't have the right to think that. It's wrong.” He tells me, his eyes scanning over my body. “You’re not my brother.” I tell him, remembering how angry he got at Neil for calling me his sister. “I know that. But other people would still see it the wrong way. I will admit though, the way you looked in that skirt earlier, I almost stopped giving a fuck.” Billy says, placing a hand on my bare thigh. I can feel my heart start to beat faster. “Just almost?” I ask. 

I would be lying if I said I never once thought of being with Billy. Especially when I fist met him, before he started acting so horrible. There’s no denying that he’s attractive, but there’s still the issue of our situation and how messed up it all seems. 

Billy removes his hand and sighs. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks around as if he’s torn between what he should do. “Yeah, to hell with it.” Billy says before pulling me on top of him and pressing his lips to mine. He tastes like beer and cigarettes but I don't care. We stay like this for several minutes, just kissing as he runs his hands all over my body. Billy pulls away when he reaches the hem of my skirt and looks at me as if he is waiting for me to stop him, but I don't. I urge Billy to keep going and start kissing him again as he removes my skirt. I close my eyes and give into him completely, ignoring all the voices in the back of mind telling me this is a bad idea...

[nefarious-minds]

[nefarious-minds]

I’m speaking from my heart here. Fuck real life relationships. From now on I’m going to live love through my otps.