nicoloud-blog - Tumblr blog

nicoloud-blog · 7 years ago

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I'm a mistake

Always a winter. My frozen bones cracking under chains' weight.

Everybody sleeps in this town. One of the easiest death.

Snow crunches under my feet. He's speaking to me. Only with me.

I know that he's lying. I want to break free. I want to break free!

I move forward - and in a bigger snowdrift. It's harder to breathe.

Do I deserve all of this? Certainly not, but do I deserve what I want?

Maybe come back?.. There's always some stupid thoughts in my head.

It got warmer; welcoming light lit up my arms. I can't believe it! Did I...

Escaped?..

No.

Something always prevents me from making last step.

I have a metal rings around my limbs, one around my neck...

I've got it from ancient myself. He said it's an "adorable friends". It's a "gift".

And it's again dragging me back, strangling me, leaving a scars on my feet.

The snow laughs at me. But you shouldn't listen to him.

I'm used to give up. I can't fight with that: once I stripped all off my bands.

They came back. Now every stranger has a few more gifts to me to hang.

All I have is to watch how slowly my tunnel changes the shape.

And that's all?

Yes.

That's all I have got by the years I have passed.

Every single day was a reflection of the next.

You wonder who I am? I'll tell you my dreams, I'll try to show you my best.

I don't want to pretend... But you can't imagine how I want to...

Pack it up. Get rid of a past and just move - towards the warm sun.

Where I wouldn’t be shivering from unbearable loneliness.

Where I’d fill up my hollow heart and become someone.

Even though I still did not finish my hopeless fortress.

I'm thirsty to speaking, to being with people you love.

To the good old days when I wasn't worried about how I should act.

I’ve tried so hard to become a bit more than just another birth fact.

How pathetically! I end up with my emotions locked.

I used to have wide eyes. They greedy waited for tomorrow.

Didn’t even realized how fast my days shifted to sorrows.

Today it’s impossible moving under this pain.

But I still alive! Can't I forget the life from which I want to escape?

Can't I just restart my whole game? Can't I forget the mistakes that I made?

Can't I forget that I always make a mistakes everywhere where I am?

Can't I just stop writing this poem and... Ha-ha. Wait... You know! You know that I can't!

I can't handle this headache. Not by myself. I'm seven around the eights.

Nobody will help me. There's no escape... I'm not just not good enough...

I'm a mistake.

Photos by Jonathan Knepper and Aaron Burden on Unsplash.

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