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Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

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Yes! It’s okay! Nothing wrong with it!

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As a sex worker i’m begging people to be wary of claims of ‘sex trafficking’. While sex trafficking is a real and important problem that we need to work together to address… There is currently a massive evangelical funded media movement to label all consensual sex work as 'trafficking’. This strategy was successful in attacking pornhub and now it’s being aimed at onlyfans. The goal is to make all online porn as difficult to access as possible. This will do nothing to harm the commercial porn industry but will force thousands of independent sex workers back into street work. Us controlling our own labor is the best thing that ever happened to us They want to end that, and if they repeat 'sex trafficking’ often enough, and loud enough, they will win. it’s an evangelical anti-sex and anti-porn dogwhistle. Be discerning! Is it anti-trafficking or just anti-porn/anti-sex? Speak against it, listen to sex workers. Listen to us.

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OKAY FOLKS, so I am weary about top/bottom discourse in general, but can I just say that I am ESPECIALLY weary of the “X is a top/bottom/dom/sub because [insert description of some neuroses/insecurity/personality issue]” discourse.

And before I get into it, let me just put in a DISCLAIMER here that YKINMKATO and “Fiction is fantasy and is not inherently harmful, people can write/read what they like in fiction” can coexist with “fanfiction is an avenue through which many people form their ideas about how relationships and sex work (for themselves or for sexual minorities that are not their own), so it’s important to discuss those tropes/fantasies which are not healthy for IRL relationships to make sure people know the difference.”

Phew.

Anyway, let’s just put out there for the record that for mature adults who have worked through their shit properly, top/bottom-type dynamics are not determined by some deep psychological issue or compulsion and can’t generally be predicted by how someone looks or even their personality.

For men who have sex with men, in terms of anal, it has more to do with 1) if someone enjoys prostate stimulation, 2) if they have any weird hygiene paranoia, 3) if they have digestive issues or a low pain tolerance that makes anal uncomfortable, 4) if someone has confidence in their ability to pleasure their partner as a top. That last one is a reason that a lot of younger gay guys are more comfortable with bottoming - they’re just not that sure of themselves as a top. Oh, and most men who have sex with other men do enjoy prostate stimulation, so there’s that. That’s why switching is a thing.

For women who have sex with women, I’m v. tired of the talk around like… “so who wears the strap?” It’s usually less of a question of top/bottom and more of an intricate discussion around like… “Do you want to be touched or do you just want to touch me? Where do you want to be touched? How do you like to be touched? Do you want a slow warm-up or to get right into it? Do you want to be touched every time we have sex or do you have to be in the right mood for it? Are there ways we can get you in the mood or do we just wait for it to happen on its own? Do you want to touch me and then I’ll watch you touch yourself? Do you want to use toys?” And, for the record, strap-ons are fucking hard to use if you are lacking in pelvic/abdominal musculature.

In short, the enjoyment of different sex acts should not be derived from some deep psychological well of trauma and insecurity. You should not be trying to exorcise your demons through fucking. Bringing your issues into the bedroom is not intimate or romantic, it’s harmful. Sex is not therapy. It’s sex. It’s a way to have fun and feel close with another person.

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Friendly reminder:

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WHY RAISING YOUR CHILDREN IN A SEX POSITIVE HOUSEHOLD IS BENEFICIAL

**disclaimer age appropriate sex Positivity is being referred to in this post. I am in no way suggesting you encourage your very young children to explore sex, and in no way am encouraging any form of pedophilia**

1. No matter what your opinion as a parent, and how you talk to your children about sexual concepts, they're going to engage in these activities when they feel ready. If they decide that they are ready for sex at the age of say 16, it doesn't matter if you say they need to wait until they're 18, or married or not living under your roof. They'll sneak around behind your back to do it if you express not being okay with them doing it. They'll go to their partners house, they'll find a car, they'll sneak their partner into your home when you're not there, they will find ways if they want to do it. They're going to do it anyway, why not be supportive?

2. If, as a parent, one is not supportive of these activities, the child is not going to have the tools to be safe. Safe sex means knowing about consent, contraceptives, birth control, sexually transmitted infections, and pregnancy. Yes, some of this is taught in school, but if it's also openly discussed in the home it makes it much easier for children to ask for help. If your child is planning to engage in sexual activities but cannot afford condoms, why wouldn't you want them to come to you and ask if you could buy them a box or ask for the money for it? If you have a daughter, whether for sexual or health reasons, why wouldn't you want her to come to you to ask questions about the different forms of birth control to find the right fit for her? As a parent, it's your job to give your children the tools and support to be successful in life, why should sex be any different?

3. Consent doesn't just mean being able to say no...it also means being able to say yes. If you're teaching your child about Consent, that includes both yes and no answers. Consent is a personal choice, not up to anybody but the self. To tell your children they cannot have sex is to take the decision away from them, and completely contradicts the entire teaching of consensual autonomy.

4. To raise your children in a sex positive household, means to have open conversations where questions can be asked and looking things up isn't frowned upon. When these discussions and research topics are allowed, children are given more useful information on sexual topics beyond what sex is. They are free to talk about and ask questions about sexuality and gender, pleasure, masturbation, consent, menstruation and all things sex involved.

5. For most people, sexual pleasure is a natural human function or need. There are benefits to engaging in these activities and exploring them. As adults, we most likely know this because of experience, so why would we want to take that away from our children. You don't need to encourage it by any means, you just shouldn't shame it.

6. Shaming and closing the door on sexual topics leads to shame and guilt. If you talk about sexual activities as being "dirty" and "wrong", you're conditioning your child to be shameful of a natural thing. This will continue into adulthood, when sexual activities become more acceptable in society.

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Hey y'all, welcome to the Not So Dirty Talk blog! I created this blog to be an educational and safe space to talk about all things sex! This is something I am super passionate about and can't wait to share this new journey with you all! Welcome to my blog!!