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tire pressure light came on while i was driving home last night, which is bullshit bc i topped them off pretty recently (came on a week ago bc of the cold) and they're still perfectly taut.

turns out when the light comes on and blinks a bunch before settling it indicates a problem with the sensor. learned this from google and had a shounen anime-style flashback ("when did--no, it can't be--!") to when i went over a particularly unpleasant manhole cover fifteen minutes earlier and Felt It.

then had another flashback, but distinctly more faded out and echoe-y, like from a multi-season mystery series where they remind you of some seemingly trivial detail from the first episode, of That One Relevant Tumblr Post, You Know The One

anyway the next morning i deliberately hit a small patch of uneven road on the way to work and voilà. no more light.

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I love the idea of a roomba topography map being the jumping on point for a liminal horror story. House of Leaves II: Roomba.

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can you imagine going through a breakup in 7000 bce china and then they drop alcohol

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russian speaking guy who is like "okay libs this is basic grammar: there are three genders"

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Sleeping bags are so funny like here's this thing it's a bag you sleep in. And then you see it and yeah thats exactly what it is actually

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Damn those were some really informative dreams I had last night. Usually I don't think my dreams have much significance or meaning but those. Definitely did

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major traffic incident

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hello i’m hoziest and this is my song i’m already in church

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openin’ the door to the microwave one second early because you don’t need all the hootin’ and hollerin’

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im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

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They should install public grappling hook points

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this sucks man i ordered an uber and an eccentric inventor drove up in some kind of contraption. you wouldn't believe the number of pipes and tubes on this thing.

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for the last few months, not knowing 100 gecs was a band, ive been saying "100 gecs" whenever i meant to say "lmao", "lol" and "lmfao" as a direct result of me misunderstanding this tweet.

my friends knew the band so they didnt have this misconception. and still they just kinda rolled with it??? like imagine something like your friend seemingly randomly saying the beatles, sometimes in all caps in the middle of their messages HELPP

i also thought the amount of "gecs" would change depending on how funny something was, so for example just sort of saying lol at the end of a message would be translated to about 20 gecs. a standard lmao would be about 60 gecs, and a proper LMFAOO was 100 gecs. i had a whole system

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*eminem voice* *falls into a hole in a sewer grate before saying anything*

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Bites into burger Hmmm this tastes like ash Looks at hands Covered in ash Looks around All is ashes A pitiless waste Resume eating

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Nothing serious, just a little gender bender

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Drinks on the house