patricia-taxxon - Tumblr blog

[patricia-taxxon]

where did you all come from

i will repeat, for no reason in particular

taboo kinks are inexorably queer. as it stands, it is queer to grow up physically or sexually abused, to have your sexuality disorganized instead of understood and reinforced. it is queer to suppress your attraction to kids your age and instead develop a complex around your abusive parent that you feel weird about. it is queer to have notions of consent be corrupted by ritual shame and humiliation. we cannot all be perfect victims of cisheteronormative society, saying otherwise is placing your own feelings of disgust over reality.

[patricia-taxxon]

A doodle I did of @patricia-taxxon after seeing her post about bugs.

I too, admire bugs from a safe distance.

I wish I used a reference to get the markings right, but i still like how it turned out.

[patricia-taxxon]

How did you come up with your last name, "Taxxon"? (If you tell me this is your actual real last name I will explode)

[patricia-taxxon]

Have you played the Celeste beginner collab?

i have not played celeste for almost a year

[patricia-taxxon]

synopsizing the movie that plays in my head every time i listen to nascent by alexander panos

this probably isn't as interesting to read as it is for me to imagine in my own head, but i wanted to write it down. maybe u will have fun imagining it too

1. Q Windswept

This is the intro to the album, you pretty much get every flavor of sound that the album has to offer in one short burst. This is the title sequence & opening credits, where all the nonexistent animators & vfx artists would go. I imagine big bunches of text popping into existence with each impact.

2. Cycles

This track is in a weird spot, it's the longest one & it was made much earlier. It sounds like it's in a different world, so I treat it as an establishing montage of the human world. We're introduced to the protagonist, who I'll call Alex for convenience but doesn't necessarily represent the real life producer behind the music, represented by a live action human actor for the time being. The track feels like writer's block, frustration, pounding on a desk, (the domp domp bit) pacing around the room, moments of existential fear in between the doldrums of solitude, the wubs and crashes are a transformation that is barely being held back. Twilight depression montage.

3. Sutter

Sutter begins the purely synthetic "internal" portion of the record. We enter a liminal/metaphorical space. Alex spasms and transforms into a 2D animated dog furry while floating far above a green field with too much synthetic blue in its hue. Huge wide shots of Alex's body flying backwards with the artificial landscape in the background, hitting with those massive manipulated vocal hits. The track ends with him slowing and coming to a gentle rest on the grass.

4. 36523_red/blue

Alex opens his eyes, sees only the pure "blue screen of death" shade of blue in the sky. Abstract glitches and squiggles zap across the screen in time with the music. Alex is beginning to ruminate, represented by him drawing patterns with his paws in the sky as the track begins to pick up a consistent tempo. The glitches and patterns are played with his fingers, building in intensity until the climax shows a vast mirror that fills the entire sky approaching rapidly, and then slowing, the dog boy in the reflection growing until it comes face to face with the viewer, and then a cut to black.

5. reasonsnotto

Lights are out, audio-reactive abstract animations shudder into being with the synthetic voice, warping and pulsing with the track's modulations. In the moments when Alex's real voice pokes through the synthetic mush, his dog form coalesces, still blurry and struggling to become fully contiguous until the very end, where Alex sings the album's thesis directly to the camera, against a pure black background.

6. Dream Extinction

He breaks the mirror here, the impacts are his fists striking the surface and releasing burning waves of fire and electricity. At the end, the part with the consistent bursts, he begins clawing at his reflection, screaming, seizure inducing flashing lights imply that this hurts him too. As the track calms down, the mirror disintegrates.

7. Equinox (Prelude)

This track begins the portion of the album that is trying to claw itself back into reality. He's not there yet, beyond the mirror Alex finds another liminal space, a primordial river, and as the track builds, more concrete images begin to flash into existence before crumbling again. He can't get out, he doesn't want to get out. He shields his eyes, cut to black.

8. Equinox

This is the bit where Alex says a poem to himself and runs back to reality with all his might. Emphasize the "You flake, you human life" line, he says it with gritted canine teeth and his doggy ears lowered, resolved to claw back to his humanity. After that exalted rush of light and color passes, he opens a door, and slams it behind him.

9. catch it

This track is resurfacing, coming back to reality. The synthetic glitches fall back completely, icons of a city street come into existence, populating the white void in time with those guitar chords. Alex isn't visible yet, but the images are revealed to be the view outside his window. The POV shot looks down, and he sees his human hands again.

10. re:Turning

Ok, this part is so cliched & shmaltzy that it makes me embarrassed to write it out, but there's only one conclusion this story can have. The glitches re-emerge, the synthetic elements that were previously contained come back again. It's his fur. The dog re-emerges, Alex transforms again like a magical girl before opening his front door & singing the final hook, walking through a live action environment with shapes and colors from his liminal space following him. The paradox is resolved. He is multitude.

thanks for reading.

[patricia-taxxon]

Do you think it is based or cringe to be rocking and rolling in the free world, yes or no? Also, is it gay to fart. Thanks

This party's cool, but I wish there was a way to find the Geeks and Gamers in the crowd

[patricia-taxxon]

"she admitted to being attracted to minors" has entered the canon, I have no fucking idea where it came from. also got "defended doing sexual acts on animals" recently too.

its funny, but horribly disorienting when the callouts morph to a point where you can't really identify what event they're misconstruing.

[patricia-taxxon]

its funny, but horribly disorienting when the callouts morph to a point where you can't really identify what event they're misconstruing.

[patricia-taxxon]

fellas i think the first arc of my life is almost over for real this time

When I was eleven or twelve, my sexuality started growing in weird like an unchecked wisdom tooth. I had thoughts that were terrifying to me, sadistic sexual fantasies, specific and comprehensive, ones that I couldn't tell anyone close to me about. I thought it spoke to something horrible within me, something broken, I tried to shove it out but I couldn't. I just groomed myself on niche forums and communities, accepted at the age of 15 that I was a pervert and a pariah. I wrote songs about young gay love, but it was a front.

I'm 24 now. Maybe it's improved theory of mind, maybe it's just cus I've been able to talk about these things with other sexual assault survivors and I'm looking at my sexual self from the outside for the first time in my life. In the past months, I've realized my fantasies were always age appropriate. They were the fantasies of a scared and angry puppy, they were juvenile cries for help, desire for power, for love, a need for the things that were done to me to make sense. I'm autistic, all the interests I had in my youth are still with me, that scared and angry puppy is still here. It's cute, really.

[patricia-taxxon]

When I was eleven or twelve, my sexuality started growing in weird like an unchecked wisdom tooth. I had thoughts that were terrifying to me, sadistic sexual fantasies, specific and comprehensive, ones that I couldn't tell anyone close to me about. I thought it spoke to something horrible within me, something broken, I tried to shove it out but I couldn't. I just groomed myself on niche forums and communities, accepted at the age of 15 that I was a pervert and a pariah. I wrote songs about young gay love, but it was a front.

I'm 24 now. Maybe it's improved theory of mind, maybe it's just cus I've been able to talk about these things with other sexual assault survivors and I'm looking at my sexual self from the outside for the first time in my life. In the past months, I've realized my fantasies were always age appropriate. They were the fantasies of a scared and angry puppy, they were juvenile cries for help, desire for power, for love, a need for the things that were done to me to make sense. I'm autistic, all the interests I had in my youth are still with me, that scared and angry puppy is still here. It's cute, really.

[patricia-taxxon]

there's a conceivable paper trail to follow, maybe, but its a long shot. anyone who finds it will know its me tho.

do you think theres someone that follows you for your incest posting and then just patiently waits through your avant garde film posting

I actually have a nsfw account, I'm waiting for people to find it. i accidentally reblogged it on main once and it has like 5 followers now

[patricia-taxxon]

no it fucking didn't

[patricia-taxxon]

do you think theres someone that follows you for your incest posting and then just patiently waits through your avant garde film posting

I actually have a nsfw account, I'm waiting for people to find it. i accidentally reblogged it on main once and it has like 5 followers now

[patricia-taxxon]

when people go to modern art museums and say "I could have painted that" they don't think they're being elitist but they are

[patricia-taxxon]

it's not just being insulted that you call taboo kinks gross, stop dancing around. it's the constant insinuation from so many people that the only reason someone would fetishize abuse is because they hadn't experienced it. "people without siblings are crazy" idk I definitely had a father

I think im officially fresh out of tolerance for being told my reaction to sexual trauma is insulting to survivors.

[patricia-taxxon]

I think im officially fresh out of tolerance for being told my reaction to sexual trauma is insulting to survivors.

[patricia-taxxon]

that's not what i said

i will repeat, for no reason in particular

taboo kinks are inexorably queer. as it stands, it is queer to grow up physically or sexually abused, to have your sexuality disorganized instead of understood and reinforced. it is queer to suppress your attraction to kids your age and instead develop a complex around your abusive parent that you feel weird about. it is queer to have notions of consent be corrupted by ritual shame and humiliation. we cannot all be perfect victims of cisheteronormative society, saying otherwise is placing your own feelings of disgust over reality.