penandpapertrails

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I don't know how deep this love will go...

All I know is day by day it grows – our hearts continuing to make room for each other

Who knows? Years down the line, we've built ourselves a home – a warm sanctuary against this harsh cold world

[penandpapertrails]

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I wanted to say goodbye to the ones I love in person, but I know it'll be difficult to push through with my plans if I did that.

So I'll quietly go, and if they ever get to find this, let me say: Thank you for everything. I was never angry with you. I just hated myself.

[penandpapertrails]

Just one bad day can push a person over the edge. Be kind.

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Less than a month. That's all I keep thinking about. I'll finally be free.

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Most times I just want the earth to swallow me whole, not see another sunrise, or fade into non-existence. But some days give a glimmer of hope and life is something to look forward to.

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I wish I had the courage to go through my initial plan. Why did I ever change my mind?

There's nothing left for you here.

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–Mary Oliver

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Because beguiling Death has come for me clad in irresistible charm

–The Thing Is, by Ellen Bass

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Nightmares embrace me in the night and greet me in the morning.

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I've been thinking more about timelines and permanence these days. The sad truth is I haven't much time to mull it over. Rumination is not for those whose time is running out.

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I think I'm better off alone. Can I just drop everything in my life right now, move to a foreign country, and restart my life as a new person with no past?

I am badly tempted to do it if only I had the resources to go through with this plan.

[penandpapertrails]

Staring Into the Abyss

Will I have the courage to stare into the abyss of suffering? Gaze into its darkness with trembling, yet not run away. What will it take to have that kind of strength to know the certainty of pain and sorrow in this life, and yet also believe in the existence of joy and comfort in the midst of it?

I will have to fully surrender and trust in God – in His goodness, faithfulness, mercy, and love – and everything that He is, allowing Him to lead me on a journey where I am not promised to be unscathed, but a promise that there is hope in the end. I’ll have the scars as proof of this hope that never fades – of the One who heals and has made me whole.

In the midst of doubts, chaos, and suffering, my only prayer is that it’ll lead me not into anger nor blaming. Even if I am not satisfied with the answers to the evil and injustice in this world, I’ll be satisfied with the conclusion and certainty of God and who He is.

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I don't mind

Reblog if you wouldn't mind some curious anons

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Flame

Embraces had, embraces given

Upon the grayness of the world

One touch, and suddenly all brightens

Though it is day upon the night

One smile shown upon the glimmer,

And seeds begin to fully sprout

Though smiles are intended  for them,

Peonies bloom as if  it’s spring

Although it’s snowing in the distance,

I’m warm within your ardent flame

©6.5.2022 - MyPoeticSoulNy(-mps)

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𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟸𝟽, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟼 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

[ID: start seeing what you are instead of calculating what you should become. END ID]

[penandpapertrails]

Untitled: September 2, 2022

Countdown starts today

Trying to think of ways to enjoy these final days

Grand adventures are not for me

The only things I ever sought in this life were joy and peace

So, maybe quiet nights and tranquil afternoons will do

Spontaneous visits to hole-in-the-wall places for a day or two

These simple things will surely fill my heart to the brim

Savor them to the fullest because the end is near