potlattice

[potlattice]

Moth To A Flame

Rafe Cameron x reader

Warnings: mentioned underage drinking, toxic!Rafe, implied drug-use, manipulation

Rafe gets Topper's girl under control...

"Get your bitch under control." Rafe snapped at his friend, rolling his eyes at your sorry state.

Topper kept quiet, trying to get you to drink the cup of water he held to your lips but you slapped his hand away.

"Fuck you, Rafe." You slurred, eyes blurry as you stared up at the tall figure that stood behind your boyfriend.

He took a threatening step towards you but Topper quickly intervened by placing a hand on his chest.

"Don't touch her bro."

"He already has." You scoffed, leaning your head against the wall behind you and closing your eyes with a painful sigh.

Your head was pounding and your legs weren't working, so the cold floor felt harsh against your thighs. You had been sat, propped up against the brick wall outside the Cameron mansion for about ten minutes now while the boys argued.

"The fuck?" Topper asked aloud at your mumbled words. "What does she mean, Rafe?"

"She's wasted. She doesn't even know what she's saying." Rafe reassured him with a shake of his head. "Just get her out of here. She's ruining my party."

"Yeah, whatever." Topper nodded, running a stressed hand through his gelled hair.

"Put her in my room." Rafe said, looking down at you like you were gum on the floor. "Then come join the party again."

"I can't just leave her there alone. Someone might...find her." Topper frowned.

"Dude, my door locks from the outside too." Rafe rolled his eyes at his friend's hesitance. He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and passed them to his friend.

"You want me to lock her in?" He asked doubtfully. "What if she needs help? Wha-

"Fuck sake! Enough with the questions." Rafe groaned out, taking a step back from the both of you. "You're ruining my high. I'm going back inside."

He headed for the patio door but just before he went through he turned back to look at Topper.

"And bro, if you start feeling guilty, just remember that she put herself in this position...and deserves to be punished, okay?"

Topper just sighed and stared down at the keys in his hands.

You were laid out on the soft cotton sheets, lightly singing to the music that played a floor below you.

Although your body hadn't sobered up yet, your mind was coming around.

You felt awful for your boyfriend. Even though you were slightly mad that he'd abandoned you in Rafe's room with nothing but a lamp on and a glass of water, you knew that you'd ruined his night. Again.

What was wrong with you? For the last few weeks, every time you went to a party with your boyfriend and his friends, you lost control and took it too far.

Last time, you said it wouldn't happen again but you knew it wasn't true.

Rafe knew it too.

You closed your eyes at the thought. Shame pommeled your stomach and you clutched it as you felt nauseous.

You were starting to believe he wanted you and Topper to break up now. If you so much as put a toe out of line, he was the first to notice, and the first to tell Topper to 'sort it out'.

At the thought, you scoffed and looked around the room that had become very familiar to you.

He was a very possessive person. It was obvious even through his belongings. The room was bland, but Topper had mentioned one time that Rafe kept most of his possessions locked away in his wardrobe or under his bed.

That's why you'd been pleasantly surprised when he had barely reacted after you started dating Topper.

A year ago, you had met Rafe first. It was for a birthday party at some frat house off the island but he'd also been there because you shared a mutual friend.

You had kissed a couple times and split a cigarette but after you caught him talking to another girl later in the night, you had stormed up to him and demanded he give your number back. Rafe refused but you were good at hiding.

Until your boyfriend introduced you to him 'for the first time' six months later...

"Well, well, well."

You barely had the energy to lift your head, but you recognised the deep voice and didn't give him the satisfaction of your attention as he locked the door behind him.

"Look at you." He mused, standing over you with his hands buried in his pockets, a grin pressed to his face. "Comfy?" He asked with a snicker.

You frowned at him. "Where's Topper?"

"Don't worry. My sister's keeping him entertained."

Your heart clenched at his words and you licked your lips. "He'll come get me soon."

"No..." Rafe drawled out, taking a seat beside you. "I think we'll be alone for a long time."

"Get away from me." You gritted out, shifting your body away but your head spun as you lifted it from the pillow.

"You should relax. It must really be kicking in now."

You frowned at his words but reached a hand out, trying to grab your phone from the nightstand. Rafe saw your actions and tutted loudly. He leaned over your body, uncaring that he squashed you below his heavy frame, and snatched it from your weak grasp.

"You can stop panicking. I won't do anything tonight. I've taken too many drugs." He rolled his eyes and started to scroll through the contents of your phone, already knowing your password. "You got any good pics on here?"

"Fuck you." You muttered with a deep exhale.

"Is this supposed to be me?" He laughed, turning the phone screen to you and you squinted at the bright blue light before your eyes managed to focus on the contact name:

X DO NOT ANSWER X

You would have blocked him but as your boyfriend's companion, it was handy to have his number when Topper wasn't answering.

Your eyes began to get heavy as he took up a relaxed position beside you, resting against the headboard as he had fun on your phone with no regard for your privacy.

His face was lit up by the glow of the screen and your eyelids finally fell shut just as his expression changed to one of elation.

"Bingo." He said lowly and you hoped he hadn't forced his way into your hidden photos.

back from holidayyyyy, just dropping an idea for a series i had in mind...

[potlattice]

Roots Before Branches (Rafe Cameron x reader)

Rafe Cameron x reader

Family day at the beach and Rafe is stressssssed-

***not based on the song

You enjoyed the gentle sea breeze as it gave you a break from the sweltering heat of the Outer Banks sun.

Rafe on the other hand found it inciting.

"It's blowing sand into her eyes!" He complained with a sharp glare towards the sea.

He was in a bad mood since Sarah had shown up to the beach with her friends to show them her baby niece. It wasn't a coincidence his heated glare was pointed in the direction the Pogues had taken up surfing.

"She's okay." You said, pointing to her little sunglasses. She also had on a bucket hat for good measure. "Did you want to swap seats?"

Whilst you lounged in the sun on a towel, Rafe sat under the umbrella in a beach chair beside you. Bea sat on his lap holding a red plastic spade. You wondered when he'd set her down so she can actually play with it...

He shook his head and kept his gaze on the sea.

"How about we build some sand castles?"

"The sand's too hot for her." Rafe shook his head again, taking a sip of his beer with a sigh.

You didn't grow up with a beach and wanted your daughter to enjoy every minute of the seaside whilst you were here for the summer.

"So we'll play by the shore." You said, standing up and brushing off the sand from your hands. "I could do with cooling down."

"But the water-"

"Is fine Rafe." You cut off before he could find another problem. You placed a quick kiss on his cheek. You loved that he was a protective person by nature, but you also missed the fun, care-free side to him from when you first met.

"Race you there."

"Wait-"

You didn't wait and ran for the water, wincing at the heat beneath your feet. You hated when he was right...

"You call that running?" He asked, jogging past you with a smiling baby.

Rafe waited for you at the shore as you caught your breath, quickly dipping your feet in the water as they burned.

"I had sand in my eyes." You excused with a shrug. He rolled his eyes but pulled you into his chest regardless.

"You were right." He said into your hair and you pulled back to look at him. "The water's a nice break from the heat. She'll love it."

He adjusted his grip on Bea and held her just slightly above the water, where it came to just below your knees and the tops of his ankles. Her toes skimmed the blue water and she immediately lifted her legs into her chest with a whine.

"Oh." You commented with surprise. "I guess she's not much of a water baby then."

"What?" Rafe said with a frown and looked down at his daughter as she actively avoided touching the water. "No she is." He insisted.

He lowered her a little more and she whimpered as a small wave splashed her legs.

"Oh dear." You recognised that pouty lip and grimaced as it wobbled before turning into a cry.

"Shit." He said, pulling her into his chest as she sobbed.

"She's a city girl." You laughed, holding onto your baby's foot and feeling the soft bottoms as she calmed down. "Aren't you?"

Rafe scowled. "She loves the bath. I thought she'd be happy here."

"She is happy here." You disputed with a frown.

"Clearly not." He said, visibly agitated with the situation.

You put your hands on your hips as you stared at the both of them. They shared the same unhappy frown. "She'll get used to it."

"I don't want to put her in the water if she doesn't like it." He snapped at you. "And there's no point living here if she doesn't like it." Rafe stormed out of the water and back to umbrella as Bea began to cry again.

You watched him leave with a narrowed gaze. His words settled in your mind and you speculated that the discussions of where Bea should grow up were grating on him.

As much as he wanted to move back home to Kildare, you put forward the point that you didn't have the money to live on Figure 8 and it's tormented him ever since.

You felt guilty at putting the cloudy thought in his mind. It wouldn't have bothered you, but it certainly bothered him to live as a 'would be Pogue'. If only he could see it in a different light...

"Hey, yo!" A voice called out from behind you. "Are you joining us, city girl?"

The figures of Sarah's friends were dotted in the water. A few on surf boards, including the Cameron girl herself.

"Yeah! Y/N come join me on my board!" She suggested with a wave.

You cast a glance back to shore. The rainbow umbrella was visible from here. Maybe seeing you have fun in the water with the Pogues would prompt Rafe to see they weren't so bad, or maybe he'd even join you himself.

"Just for a bit." You said, swimming over. You weren't the strongest swimmer but with Kiara's help, you were pulled onto the board and settled in front of Sarah.

You were in the water for about thirty minutes, most of which were spent laughing as the boy's wrestled in the water for a place on one of the surf boards. Or watching JJ wipe-out when he tried to surf as the waves on this side of the island were apparently not suited for surfing.

Sarah paddled around until Pope tipped you two off the board and you took it as your chance to head back to the umbrella, knowing you had two very grumpy baby's waiting for you...

You collapsed onto your towel with a tired huff.

It seems like you weren't the only tired one as Rafe had laid out a towel under the umbrella and lay on his side, blue eyes watching as your baby sat up on her own and played with wet sand. He must have collected it with her bucket.

"Thank you, sweetpea." You said as Bea passed you a chubby handful of the dark sand. She smiled at you from behind her pacifier and you bit your tongue, not wanting to argue with Rafe even though you'd spoken about stopping her using one.

"It stopped her from eating the sand." He voiced quietly, also accepting a handful of sand. Although he didn't manage much of a smile. "She's sitting up on her own." He noted.

You nodded. "She's growing up fast."

He didn't like the sound of that and shut his eyes, turning to lay on his back. Bea didn't mind and started piling sand on his chest.

But you didn't want him to remain in a glum state and knew you had to do something to lighten up his mood. The dilemma of your baby growing so fast, and the struggle to provide a stable place to raise her was causing a stress in your lives.

A frat house was no place for Bea to take her first steps, and now that you had both graduated, it was time to make your roots in the world your daughter would grow up in...

You stared at the ocean and then smiled.

"If you're anything like me, you'll give it one more try." You mumbled to your daughter, lifting her into your arms with a heave and standing up.

"What are you doing?" Rafe asked, sitting up in a panic.

"I'm trying again." You said with a shrug and he followed after you with protests as you hurried to the water.

But this time, you went deeper until it was at your hips before you called Sarah over.

She immediately spotted the two of you and paddled over. "Does bumblebee want a spot on the board?" She asked with a smile for the little girl.

"No, absolutely not." Rafe interrupted, coming up behind you, placing firm hands on your waist to help give you stability in the water.

"Rafe I've got her." You assured him, as Sarah hopped off her paddle board and held it still.

He said nothing but you felt him squeeze you in fear as you sat Bea gently on the wet board, not letting go of her as the water gently rocked it.

She looked at her father with watery eyes, her bottom lip sticking out and her arms flapping in protest as you and Sarah reassured her.

"Is that fun?" Sarah asked with a coo.

The other Pogues gathered round in interest as the baby sat on the board with a sad pout.

"Aww, she's not sure about the water." Kie pointed out with a sad smile.

"Here, this'll help." JJ said, using his fingers to flick some water at the baby and you froze as you waited for not only Bea's reaction, but Rafe's.

"You little fucker-"

He was cut off by his daughter's giggle.

"She loves it!" You cheered as she slapped her hand in the water and made a few splashes. It hit your chest and she laughed again.

JJ breathed a sigh of relief. "You see, I knew it'd work."

"Shut up." Rafe mumbled but splashed Bea with a flick of water against her leg anyway. He smiled as she laughed like she found it the funniest thing in the world, her big head titled back and everything.

"We're gonna go to the beach all the time!" Sarah celebrated, pressing a kiss against Bea's wet cheek.

You turned your head over your shoulder to look up at Rafe, trying to gauge his reaction to his sister's words. As if he read your thoughts, he stared down at you and smiled.

"Topper, Molly and Kelce won't be happy to find new roommates..."

"They'll just have to move here. Like us." You suggested and turned to face your happy baby again as he laughed at your words and lay a kiss on your shoulder.

"I love you."

You watched contently with Rafe pressed warmly against your back, as Sarah and Bea splashed John B playfully and he tried with little effort to splash them back.

You will uproot the life you started together in the city and move your family here, a place for your family tree to grow in the sun and by the water.

y'allll, i don't thrive under pressure and i didn't expect such a positive reaction to my stories... my writing abilities and moods fluctuate as im bipolar as fuck so i fear living up to expectations but here's a nugget of my appreciation for the love 🫶

[potlattice]

She Who Brings Happiness (Rafe Cameron x reader)

Rafe Cameron x reader

Frat baby goes to her first family Christmas and Rafe's on edge...

"It's okay." You murmured to Rafe, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

He barely heard your words of comfort as his eyes were focused elsewhere.

A few feet away, Ward paraded your baby around the room, showing her off to the family members.

"She's being held hostage." He scowled, taking a sip of whiskey.

The moment you'd entered the Cameron estate, she'd been plucked out of your arms and passed around the family like a box of chocolates. However, you handled her absence a lot better than Rafe did since you were used to your friends always wanting to hold her.

When Rafe and his boys took her to golf days or the bar, she was usually in the stroller or her father's arms. He didn't trust his friends to hold her right.

You rolled your eyes at the thought. Rafe was definitely a helicopter parent, always hovering over her.

"She's fine. She likes the attention." You snorted at the sight of your happy baby. She was currently flapping her arms for Rose.

It was Rafe's turn to roll his eyes. "That's the Sarah Cameron in her." He mumbled lightly.

You noticed him fall into a painful silence and take another swig of alcohol. Although he'd never say it, you knew he was disappointed Sarah wasn't here.

Apparently, she was with her boyfriend, which Ward and Rose only accepted since he was orphaned. But when she'd heard Rafe would be here this year, she had apperently refused to come.

But it was Bea's first Christmas, and family meant a lot to Rafe.

"I think you're right. It looks like she's getting a little fussy. Maybe you should go over?" You suggested, despite the fact the little girl seemed content.

He finished his drink and set it down on the side.

"Or we can go together?" You prompted at his hesitance and he nodded, following your lead towards his parents.

You didn't take Bea from Wheezie's awkward hold, but the baby noticeably brightened up at the sight of her parents.

"I'm not good with babies." Wheezie said with a grimace, trying to bounce Bea as she babbled, reaching a chubby hand out for Rafe. "She doesn't like me."

"She does. She just likes me the most." He told his sister with a smile. "First one in the family to."

Wheezie looked down at his words, but he barely noticed as he watched Bea stare at him with owlish eyes.

"If she didn't like you, she'd spit up on you. Or pull your hair." You smiled at the thought. She'd yanked Topper's blonde hair when she first met him.

Rafe smiled too, looking to you as you shared the memory fondly.

As the evening settled, Rose announced dinner was ready and the family shifted into the dining room. Ward had forgotten that he'd thrown out Wheezie's old high chair after a leak in the basement, so Bea was plonked on a pillow on Rafe's lap because she had whined when she couldn't see over the table.

"This is so lovely, thank you Rose." You said with a smile and she returned it.

"I love cooking for the family."

All tension from six months ago had been let go when they saw the Bea. They had wanted to come to the hospital but Rafe didn't want them there, and so he didn't tell them you'd had the baby.

Since she was born quite early, it was easy to hide. And so you'd had two months of blissful silence before they began badgering about visiting, and with the winter break approaching you'd had no excuse of work or school.

You had let things go as well since you saw how eager Rafe was to be back home. He missed the Outer Banks and you didn't blame him. It was beautiful here.

He also missed his family, as much as he claimed he was hated by them. He cared for his sisters, and he sought the approval of his parents, even now; one year away from completing his business and law degree and a father at 22.

"Was that the door?" Ward asked with a frown at the sound of a lock clicking.

Rafe's head raised and he clutched Bea a little tighter as the family stared at the doorway just as a figure appeared.

"Hey..." Sarah smiled with a wave. "Sorry I'm late."

"You came." Ward said with a pleasant smile. "We'll make some room."

"Well actually...I'm not alone." She said, and looked to Rafe. "I heard from Wheezie we had a couple extra guests this year, and so I hope it's alright with everyone that I brought my own."

Her boyfriend then hesitantly appeared by her side, taking her hand in his own.

"Hi." He looked around the family dining table and then looked at Bea with a smile. "Cute baby."

"Thanks." Rafe accepted with a sharp nod, his jaw tight. You placed a hand on his knee and he sighed, looking down at the wispy hairs on the baby's head. "Do you, er, wanna hold her?"

Sarah raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Of course I do!"

You smiled fondly knowing that this was a big deal for him as he stood up to pass the baby to his sister.

"You've washed your hands, right?" He asked, snatching Bea back before Sarah could take her.

The blonde rolled her eyes and nodded, making grabbing hands for the baby. "I'm not dirty, Rafe."

He shifted distrustful eyes towards John B but handed the baby to her nonetheless. Sarah shifted the little girl to hold her face-to-face and gasped.

"She's so tiny!" She cooed, bouncing the baby in her arms. "Ouch!"' Sarah gasped as the baby yanked on her long blonde hair. She went to do it again but Rafe stopped her.

You hid a laugh behind your hand as Wheezie cheered.

"Yay! Sarah's finally not the favourite."

"Shut up." Sarah grumbled to her younger sister, allowing Rafe to take the baby back as she started to whine and wriggle in her aunts arms.

"You're welcome to sit here." Rose said to John B, placing down a plate for him beside where Rafe was sitting.

The men stared at each other for a moment, John B hesitating to make a move for the space before Rafe nodded in approval. "You're better off next to me than Wheezie. She stinks after a few sprouts."

"Hey!"

You smiled as your baby and Rafe returned to your side and you fed Bea some mashed potato. Your eyes drifted to Rafe's face as he neglected his food, instead he was quietly watching the interaction between mother and baby before he caught your gaze.

"Don't give me that smile. I see it enough everyday." He joked in reference to your smiley baby on his lap.

"You love it." You teased and he didn't deny your words. "I'm just happy you're happy."

"I'm always happy when I have my girls." He said, leaning forward to kiss you and you met him in the middle, breaking apart at the whine that came from between you two.

"Sorry." You apologised to your baby who'd been squished in the middle.

As soft and tiny as she was, your baby managed to bring together a broken family, and build the bridge they'd take to healing its fractures.

i love frat baby...i called her bea cuz it's cute and felt right for the family Beatrice: "she who brings happiness; blessed"

[potlattice]

Black Out Days (Rafe Cameron x reader)

Rafe Cameron x reader

Warnings: mentioned drug-use, toxic!Rafe

Following a tumultuous split from the Pogues and after continuing your relationship with Rafe, Y/N reflects on the person you used to be...

You continued to stare at the phone as it sat on the dresser, lighting up every few moments. The screen displayed a picture of you and Rafe, taken roughly four months ago.

You had disliked the photo as it depicted you in a rather revealing bikini. You were uncomfortable with the idea that anyone could pick up his phone and see it. Including members of his or your family. But he said he liked looking at it. So it remained.

That was the way it went in your relationship.

Your eyes shifted to the mirror above the dresser and you stared at your reflection, perched on the edge of Rafe's bed.

He said he preferred it when you wore no make-up, so you'd tossed your entire collection away.

He told you that you looked better in gold jewellery than silver, so you wore whatever he gave to you.

He liked the waitress at the fancy restaurant in town, so you said nothing when her name flashed across his screen.

It stung that he'd met her on one of your dates.

A year ago, you'd have never thought you'd be getting served $100 champagne in the most expensive restaurant in Kildare. Back then, you were more likely to be found on a rickety, old fishing boat, shot-gunning beer with your friends.

Now you watched as the HMS Pogue passed by from Rafe's yacht.

You fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was a hole in it from where he'd angrily thrown his gaming controller one time. You were just glad it wasn't aimed at you.

You wouldn't put it past Rafe.

Although, despite his temper, he had always been careful not to damage you. But you wondered if that time was running out.

The door to his ensuite opened and he came out, a towel slung lowly on his hips. You felt a stir of emotion, a prick of desire, but otherwise remained motionless on the bed.

You were still bare, covered only partially by a blanket.

"You waiting on a round two or something?" He asked giving you a quick glance. Rafe turned his back to you as he rifled through his chest of drawers and then pulled on a pair of basketball shorts. His back muscles rippled with the movement. There was a time you forgot he was human too, he'd been so perfect in your eyes.

The drugs helped to keep that varnish from disappearing entirely.

He pulled out a baggie from his bed side table and tossed it onto the bed by your head.

"That's all you want now, right?" He said with a bitter tone, sitting on the end of the bed by your head and exhaling deeply. "It's as if you don't care about me these days."

"I do." You denied with a calm demeanour.

"Oh, really? And if I stopped your supply?" He asked. The question hung in the air between you.

Maybe you'd go back to your old life, before the drugs, before him. Maybe your friends would forgive you.

But you both knew the truth.

He wouldn't let you go, and you didn't want to leave. You were more addicted to him than the drugs, they just helped you get through the harder days.

You sat up before reaching out to lay a hand on his back. He craned his neck over his shoulder to stare down at you.

"It's always gonna be us." You reassured him.

It seemed to work as his cold expression slipped away and he reached forward to lay a warm hand on your face.

"There's nothing else." He agreed, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips.

There was nothing else because he wouldn't let there be. He controlled the way things happened and any threat to that was dealt with by him.

At the end of the day, the other girls didn't matter. You could see no way out now, because Rafe wasn't one to let things go.

The gold 'R' that hung around your neck was the physical evidence of your tether to him.

You clutched it as he turned you around on the bed and pushed you into the mattress with firm hands. He was quick with his movements and pulled his shorts down as the blanket fell from your body.

The plastic bag of coke was in front of you and you grasped it with your other hand.

Rafe pushed a hand down on your head so it was turned to one side and had your cheek pinned to the mattress, he liked to be on top, but he also liked to see your face. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror beside you just as he entered you.

You watched the way it didn't take much for him to slip in, or how it didn't stimulate a pained expression from you despite the abrupt intrusion.

You had only one fleeting thought before you let yourself fall into waves of pleasure:

i don't recognise you anymore.

he's a tad toxic...

[potlattice]

Get My Shit Together

Rafe Cameron x Reader

It was positive.

You sighed and handed it over. It was the fifth test you'd taken, but he wanted to see for himself. Rafe wanted to watch as it changed, just to be sure it was true.

And when it was confirmed you were pregnant, he snapped it in half.

"Fuck."

You nodded solemnly in agreement.

You'd had more time to process the heavy news and allowed him a few minutes to himself as he cradled his head in his hands, the broken pregnancy test laying in pieces at his feet.

The both of you had met at a party a few months ago through mutual friends. You didn't hit it off right away, in fact you argued most the night.

But after he pulled out a bag full of pills, you'd stuck to his side like glue.

And you rarely separated since.

However, Rafe was on the verge of getting kicked out due to a growing drug problem, and you were over the party scene at college by now. In fact, the two of you were anticipating going your separate ways very soon.

You were both just waiting for something to give.

And then you missed a period.

And everything suddenly became undeniable and permanent.

Two words you hated.

"So, uh, you're not gonna like..., keep it, are you?"

You shrugged your shoulders.

"I don't know yet."

"W-what do you mean you don't know?" He scoffed, standing to his feet hurriedly. He began pacing the room. "I can't be a dad! I don't know what to do with a baby. Do you?"

You looked away from him. "No...I guess not."

He wiped a hand over his face and huffed. "Right. So that settles it."

"-But that doesn't mean I know what I want to do yet." You reasoned.

"For fuck sake!" Rafe cursed and kicked your dresser.

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

"I'm about to get kicked out. My grades are shit, my attendance is fucked and I don't care to fix that." He told you honestly. "So do what you want, but I won't be here."

You watched silently as he took his jacket off the hook and left without a second glance back.

5 HOURS LATER

You put your phone down as an insistent knocking at the door sounded. It was nearly midnight and you hadn't moved from the bed since Rafe left.

You'd simply tucked yourself under the covers, ignored the broken test on the floor and scrolled through your phone aimlessly. It was hard to want to do anything.

Shuffling to the door, you sighed at the sorry sight that greeted you through the peep hole.

You unlocked the door and stepped back as Rafe wasted no time falling through. He was a little unsteady on his feet and you allowed him to grasp your shoulders for support.

He carried the scent of beer and cigarettes into your dorm and you led him to your bed.

He was mumbling incoherent words and you handed him a bottle of water but he pushed it away.

"You hate me-"

"No I don't." You shook your head with a frown and sat beside him but he sniffed and nodded nonetheless.

"Yeah, yeah, you do. Everyone does." He shrugged his shoulders and sniffed again.

You thought it was because of the coke, but you realised he had tears in his eyes. And they weren't red from weed. He'd been crying.

"I'm not on anything." He admitted as he noticed you scanning his face. "Just a few beers."

You knew it was more than a few, but you were surprised he wasn't on any drugs.

"S'not like you." You admitted lightheartedly, not knowing what else to say.

In the short time you'd known him, either he'd be on drugs, both of you would, or you'd be having sex. Sometimes after taking drugs together.

With that thought, you felt disheartened. You wouldn't make good parents. What was love without stability or affection?

Things you and Rafe lacked.

"I'm gonna get better." He said quietly and you lifted your head at the declaration. "I-I'm gonna get my shit together." He put his hand on his chest earnestly.

"For both of you."

Your chest tightened and you felt yourself drawn to him. You lay your head on his arm, accepting the heat from his body and he immediately moved to lay that arm around you, pulling your closer.

He'd always gladly accepted any intimacy between you, even though you were always more hesitant to give and receive it.

But right now, you basked in the comfort it provided.

You didn't know what you were going to do.

You just knew you were glad you were here with Rafe. For all his faults, he was there for you.

It meant everything to you.

...i have no idea what i'm doing