purplebox

[purplebox]

Just some random stuff while I think about how the day went. It was pretty cool. Work was fine, and, I got enough sleep to be able to be solid for work and after work. In my unrelated blog I have some things ready for my comic as per usual and it turns out the light table I ordered will be slightly delayed, which is disappointing but I will make do with that.

Anyway. Nothing of great interest or import at this time that I cannot mention later, literally just writing right now to right, whatever is in my head to dump things out and practice typing and get all this junk down and out of me. So I don’t know. I really want to make some more ideas. I want to make some more art and work on more things. Big ideas, solid ideas. I want to have more ideas. A lot more ideas, that I catch and get done. So that is all cool.

It’s really fun to be typing on this little bluetooth keyboard. It makes me want to write more. There is there weirdness of know I literally, bam, have everything I need to write and realize a project in this little kit. I don’t know if I’d be able to write out a story but certainly a lot would be possible to plan. A lot to think about. As usual.

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Fascinating to feel tired and then be at rest, and then start over again. Life feels very chill. Glad to be able to rest. Glad to be in a relaxing environment. I hope it continues for today. Talking in vagaries but you know. What else do you say. Just having an easy day, I hope. It’s unclear what else is happening, or what will happen, or how easy the next part of what will happen will be. This morning I got up. I washed the rug. I let out the dogs. I cooked breakfast. I sat with the dogs, and I watched some TV. I showered and shaved. I got the rug dried. I put it back. I decided Amar’s bed could also be cleaned. I took out the garbage. I walked the dogs. I prepared for work. I took a small nap. I got ready for work. I’ve taken a single call and now I’m working on projects, reviewing recorded calls, and awaiting the updates that are to come from them. Listening to Antonio Carlos Jobim’s Stone Flower on low. Watching organizational design videos. Sipping coffee. Tapping away into this odd little iPad laptop thing.

My thoughts are basic. Low key. I have modeling clay to the side of me, some projects. The Switch, although that’s unlikely to be used until much later. Also I have a volume of Usagi Yojimbo, a ‘field guide to loss’ titled Ars Botanica. I basically have nearly everything I could use or put to purpose. There’s things around me I want to work on more, but it will probably take more time than I can think of. Over on my computer desk I have my comic waiting for examination.

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Morning, and with morning, no much going on, but pleased on these days, to just be up early and to be doing things in no crucial order, at my own rate. Breakfast, dogs, laundry, shower…my head’s unspooling nicely with no real agenda, just writing to write and have stuff out of my head, a thousand tiny actions entered and entered and entered…

[purplebox]

So. This is the blog behind the blog, congratulations. I’m uncertain if you’re likely to uncover anything of value, most like this will be a place of Burn Drafts and discards and unimportant, no filter filler excised en route to something more productive, more incisive, something worth sharing. Curation is brutal, even if there’s hardly anyone watching in the first place.

So: Have successfully converted my iPad into a weird, small, capable laptop via a keyboard attachment, which really works quite better than it should. The illusion is nearly complete, it really does resemble something of a hardy little laptop, I continually reach for a thumbapd that does not exist. My hope is I can use this to bang out…stuff. Stuff like this, surely, but maybe some higher content aspiring to a form of some sort. It feels good, at least, to bang out on a keyboard, and have this readily available setup. More will be revealed, one could say.

Since there’s no pretense of organization, we can just keep going with this. It’s really about the action of doing this, more so than a greater purpose. Things maybe never meant to be read, the raw mass below the surface to build the shining hill upon. So. Wednesday night. Life is, on balance, more excellent than it has been in some time. I have an excellent job. It is, for nearly all intents and purposes, everything it should be, the stress and personal investment is minimal, I’m doing it from home, I’m doing it very well. I’m hitting the marks I expected to begin hitting six months from now, the game will surely change and there is the side saying there’s nowhere to go but down from here, but…I have a very commendable schedule. I never have to leave the house. I don’t have to see almost anyone at all, nearly ever, and nearly ever am I bothered by coworkers or anyone else, I am largely autonomous even as I work within a department, the pay is good, it’s all an excellent basis to build upon and I am grateful and pleased.

On another note I would like to write down here, I came to realize something I do not need in my life. After extended periods of going without, returning, and going without again, I can finally say that sugar free Red Bull is not good for me. It is not good for my personality, it is not good for my stress level, my ability to accept minor frustrations, my ability to remain civil. There was a small part of me that argued, simply, not to drink it while working, but I realize it does not work that way. Something in it locks into my anxiety levels, ever-ready to capitalize on disturbances, I become less and less able to take things in stride, to communicate concerns, to be an active participant in my own life rather than feel increasingly cornered, increasingly aggravated, increasingly like there is something I am trying to get away from that is closing in on me. To finally know that, to see that, to observe it and realize how unnecessary it is to my day to day experience, has been very eye opening. There’s a lot of things that remain unresolved without enough observation time, and this took such a long amount of observation time to achieve. At the same time it was probably my most favorite thing to drink, I thought it was good for my brain, I thought it boosted my productivity…and, perhaps it did, for a time, for long enough, certainly, and it did disabuse me of soda along the way, but I do not remain the same, my experiences and growth have conveyed how little it does for me now. There is a great deal more that I can do in its absence…

Although this pulls into other challenges I am still working to resolve. There’s always plenty to do. There’s a lot I wish that I could optimize that I have been unable to optimize. I want more time to sink into my art. I want to work on more things. I want more accomplished than just the steady maintenance, the day to day discipline of ensuring house upkeep is accomplished, needs are met-and it’s unmistakable that this is a baseline that has to be maintained, and I recognize and give myself the proper amount of credit involved in achieving these goals, these constant things I have regimented into myself to keep life happening at an acceptable rate.

Not enough time spent listening to music. I have a few ideas about this but it remains…undone. I have a lot I would like to spend on. Time, that is. Time thinking about things. Focusing on things. Resolving visual challenges in the comic that I am, steadily, working away on. It would be a significant milestone if I could achieve fifty pages of work. Presently, that would double what I have, there’s been a lot that’s been worked on and cast aside and more that needs to be done, needs to be kept track of. Massive whiteboard in my room, needs more updates on it, a greater design keeping enough of the ideas in view. It is a very, very strange thing to know what a thing should be, but being unable to achieve creating it. It is only in comics that I become confronted by this challenge, everywhere else it feels arbitrary, everywhere else, there’s