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quotingtheravens-blog · 6 years

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Mutilate

She had to do it. If she didn't Plasmus would've killed numerous people and so much more. She became her soul-self. The result of it was hearing and feeling the disgust and mortification from the civilians around them. That's all she could hear, at least that's all her mind allowed her to hear. She knelt on one knee after what she did to defeat the villain. Starfire, Beast boy and Beetle were subduing Plasmus while they waiting for the police to arrive. People cheered for the rest of the team but when she came into the picture, the happiness died down. People were afraid of her. Scared of what she would do if someone crossed her. Even she was scared of herself.

Damian could feel her distress. He walked over to her and pulled her to her feet. "Beloved, something wrong?" He asked the sad empath. She just shook her head and opened a portal to the tower. Being the only one there gave her time to grab a small knife from the kitchen. She hesitated to take it but she did. The knife now sat in front of the depressed mage as she stared at it. Thinking about all the names she was called, about the torture she went through in hell. And darker thoughts that crept into her head. Her crying went unnoticed by her until she reached for the tiny yet sharp knife. The left sleeve of her leotard was pulled up. After a few minutes the old smooth skin was covered with random cuts along her arm. Before she pulled the sleeve up, she allowed the blood to dry. The small knife was hidden in her underwear drawer. Her hood was pulled over the tear streaked face that was now underneath the fabric. Trigons daughter made her way down the hall to the lounge/ kitchen where everyone currently was. "Hey Rae! Want some pizza?" Garfield excitedly asked Raven. She shook her head and walked to the kitchen to make her tea. "Raven are you alright?" Kori questioned her. "Yeah." Raven finished making her tea then started for the door. "You're not going to eat?" Her boyfriend asked her. She shook her head again, "Not hungry." And with that she left the room. Though Damian and the rest of the team were worried, they dismissed it because Raven didn't always eat. She usually did but sometimes she was too busy with her meditation to do so.

The rest of the afternoon was normal for the team. Raven hid away in her room, Damian trained, the two gamers played a new game that recently came out and Kori talked to her boyfriend via computer in her room.

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A week had past and Raven had only come out for morning tea, a light lunch, missions and training. Everyone was starting to become increasingly worried. And the amount of Ravens self-mutilation increased too. Of course she hid it well with her sleeve but Damian had a suspicion that something was up. He would watch her carefully when she came out of her room. He made a few interesting observations and decided to bring it up at dinner since he knew his Raven wouldn't be eating with them.

Everyone sat down at the table and passed around the dinner which was pizza tonight. "Kori, I have something to tell you." She looked up at Damian curiously. He began to speak again, "I've made some interesting observations concerning Raven lately." Kori furrowed a brow. "Yes, I too have noticed her odd behavior recently." The talking green bean stepped in. "Yeah dude, she's been acting creepier than she usually is." Damian gritted his teeth, "She's not creepy." He said a little loud with anger lacing his voice. Garfield said sorry in fear of the hot headed teen. "Anyway, I've noticed that when we defeat the villain she stands in the shadows. Like she doesn't want to be seen. And when we train, she holds back more than usual. And she hasn't been eating as much, which you can all see." Damian said before taking a piece of pizza into his mouth. Just as the words escaped his mouth the subject of the matter walked in with her head down. She made herself tea in the matter of a minute thanks to her dark magic. Raven lifted the teacup to her lips but stopped when she noticed everyone staring at her. "Stop looking at me." She said as she quickly walked to the door. Damian's hand on her arm stopped her. "Raven don't leave. We need to talk." She turned around, "I don't want to talk. Leave me alone." She said in a sad tone that everyone could notice especially Damian. Her feet then lead her out of the room and back to hers.

She locked the door to her dark room then she set her tea down on her dresser. Before she had time to control herself she started to cry uncontrollably. She cut herself five more times on her already scar covered arm. She cried herself to sleep that night.

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Damian could feel her sadness through their bond but he couldn't feel the depth of it which worried him. He knew he had to find a way to corner her and make her talk. But he didn't want to do that to his Raven; he loved her too much to force something on her. He decided to give it another week and if her behavior didn't change he would have to force her to tell him.

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Yet again, another week passed and Ravens mood had only gotten worse. She hasn't eaten at all nor has she come out for tea. Of course she still kept her healthy shape, a week without food wouldn't make her anorexic but she was a slight bit thinner. He noticed the slight decrease in her weight and finally made his decision. He would talk to her later that night and he wouldn't leave until she told him what was going on.

Night came for the Titans. Damian crept to his girlfriends room an hour before midnight. He knew she would be awake; she usually didn't go to sleep until a half hour after midnight. He slowly approached the mages door. His hand came up to knock but he stopped when he heard the quiet yet loud sobs of the empath. He decided that knocking wasn't worth it and typed in the override code to her room. Raven sat on her bed with her legs up to her chest and her arms hugging her legs. Her head was bent down into the crevice between her legs and chest. All light was shut out from the room except for the dim light being emitted from her candles. Nothing could be heard in her room except for her cries. Damian's heart broke. The son of batman slowly approached the girl and sat down beside her. She jumped at the sudden weight shift on the bed. "Beloved what's wrong?" He asked uncharacteristicly gentle. He pulled the crying girl into his arms and held her tightly. When her crying didn't stop he knew that she wasn't ready to talk. "Shh. It's alright sweetie. Just let it out.." He cooed his sad girlfriend while he mentally slapped himself for calling her sweetie. It didn't seem like she cared though. He kissed her forehead lightly, and that seemed to calm her down a little so he planted another butterfly kiss on her cheek. Her breathing was uneven but her crying stopped. "Are you ready to talk now?" He questioned her as he wiped a tear from her face. She nodded. "You know how people..watch us when we fight?" He raised a brow "Yeah, what about it?" "Do you ever hear them talk?" He thought about it for a minute, "Yes, quite often." Another tear fell down her face, "I feel their emotions whenever they talk about me. They're scared and disgusted..they call me names..whisper death threats..talk about how much they want me gone..and I agree with them" She started to cry again. Damian felt his own eyes water. "Beloved look at me." She didn't respond. "Raven look at me." He lifted her chin to look at him. He somehow let a tear escape the confines of his eyes. "Do not listen to them. You are so important to me and the thought of you..gone.." he cut himself short before a few more tears trailed down his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" She wiped her tears. "I didn't want you to think I was weak for letting something like that get to me.." She admitted to Damian. "No beloved, I don't think you're weak. I never thought you were. Now get that idea out of your head, okay? Next time this happens tell me right away. I don't want you suffer by handling it on your own." He finished the sentence with a kiss on her lips. She lightly kissed back. After a few minutes of them pressing their lips together Damian asked another question. "Is there anything else you want to tell me?" He asked her. She stared down at her wrist which was in her lap and shook her head. He noticed her eyeing her arm. "Beloved, is there something wrong with your arm?" She tensed up and quickly shook her head. He narrowed his eyes before he picked up her arm and started to feel back the fabric. She yanked her arm away before he saw anything. "Okay now I know something is wrong. Now show me or I'll do it myself." The boy challenged her as she held her arm close. He furrowed his brows together and quickly grabbed her arm away from her body. She looked away with shaky breath, soon her body began to shake. "Sweetie it's okay..I won't hurt you." He said before he peeled back her sleeve to reveal her mutilated arm. His heart skipped a beat before he started to slightly cry. He kissed her scars and cuts. Hoping that would give her the hint that he wasn't mad. She repeated an apology over and over. He lovingly shushed her, "Don't worry about it beloved. I'm not mad..I just wish you would've told me.." she sighed and tried to even out her breathing. Damian rested a hand on the side of her neck. "That's it, just calm down."

Once her breathing evened out, Damian left the room and came back with gauze and antibiotic cream. She pulled her sleeve up all the way to give him access to all of her cuts. After he applied the cream, he wrapped her arm in the gauze. "I'm going to go change. Then I'll come back, okay beloved?" She nodded and slightly smiled, "Okay.." His lips curled upwards. "There's that beautiful smile." She blushed as her door closed. The mage changed into athletic shorts and a loose long sleeve shirt to sleep in. Her boyfriend came back in pajamas of his own. The empath sat on her bed as she stared out of the window. She was whimpering, obviously holding back a cry. Damian's semi-happy expression faded when he heard her attempt to keep her tears in. He sat down next to his girlfriend and wrapped his arms around her waist. Knowing that being in his embrace would calm her. "I'm sorry.." she apologized to him. "Sorry for what?" She looked away and pulled herself from Damian's arms. "For crying.." he looked at her sympathetically then he held out his arms. "Come here." She took the hint and crawled back to him. He held his sad empath again. "Don't be sorry for crying beloved. I just hate it when you cry, but don't hold it back. Let it out if you need to." He kissed her forehead and noticed a few tears fall down her face. Damian lazily brushed his fingers through her hair while he held her. "I love you." Raven admitted to her boyfriend. "I love you more beloved." She looked up at him with a query in her head. "Damian, why did you call me 'sweetie'?" His cheeks flushed red. "I- I don't know. It just slipped out." He said trying to justify the fact that it was accident, but it wasn't. "D-did you like it?" He asked nervously after not getting a response from her. She nodded slowly then rested her head on his chest. He turned the lights out and lied down with his girlfriend tucked beside him. "Raven?" She looked up at him. "Yes love?" She used that nickname again. Not that Damian didn't like it, it was just a name that she barely used. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore." She sighed and buried her face in his chest. "I swear I won't." Damian held her closer and tighter, "Goodnight sweetie." Damian said faintly as the couple drifted off to sleep.

#damirae #damian wayne #ravenanddamian #cutters #angst #romance #depressing thoughts #crying #teen titans #tears

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