r0tchild - Tumblr blog

[r0tchild]

relapsed. 462 days down the drain.

[r0tchild]

Saw these and found them really helpful, take care of yourself💜

[r0tchild]

omg i just logged in after six months and uhhhh i am still working there and it is going great so pro tip brains are stupid and don’t listen to them when they spiral 👍

just mentally ill things as i listen to deftones <3

ok as we know i am undiagnosed but highly suspect i have bpd and here is another moment i am going to share that reeks of undeniable mental illness:

i applied for a job at a fast food restaurant and went in to my interview and got hired on the spot even tho i had a dumb moment (yay) and they said “we’ll send you the hiring paperwork, fill it out” and i said yes and so i filled everything out and was wondering “well they didn’t say anything about how i’ll be contacted after this” because i was told which days i work, but not the specific time- which stressed me out a ton because what if they just forgot to tell me and i miss my first shift?? i can’t screw up my first job? and its been two days and i’ve still heard nothing and LOGICALLY THINKING it probably just takes a bit to set everything up, confirn my identity, set up stuff with my bank, confirm my bank info is correct, etc. etc. but OH NO logic is never good enough around here, of course not

so i ended up in an obsessive spiral thinking “omg they decided they didnt want me after all and after my dumb moment i cant be trusted with the responsibility and they don’t know how to tell me so theyre just ghosting me and they didnt tell me the exact shift date so they have an excuse to get rid of me when i mess things up” AND my account on their site wasnt letting me log in so i convinced myself they deleted it as part of the ghosting process (telling myself rn that’s not true even tho idk the logical alternative even is) 

anyway figured i’d get this out there so yeah, idk if this if this relates to the possible bpd but whatever its from its clearly not Healthy <3

[r0tchild]

just mentally ill things as i listen to deftones <3

ok as we know i am undiagnosed but highly suspect i have bpd and here is another moment i am going to share that reeks of undeniable mental illness:

i applied for a job at a fast food restaurant and went in to my interview and got hired on the spot even tho i had a dumb moment (yay) and they said “we’ll send you the hiring paperwork, fill it out” and i said yes and so i filled everything out and was wondering “well they didn’t say anything about how i’ll be contacted after this” because i was told which days i work, but not the specific time- which stressed me out a ton because what if they just forgot to tell me and i miss my first shift?? i can’t screw up my first job? and its been two days and i’ve still heard nothing and LOGICALLY THINKING it probably just takes a bit to set everything up, confirn my identity, set up stuff with my bank, confirm my bank info is correct, etc. etc. but OH NO logic is never good enough around here, of course not

so i ended up in an obsessive spiral thinking “omg they decided they didnt want me after all and after my dumb moment i cant be trusted with the responsibility and they don’t know how to tell me so theyre just ghosting me and they didnt tell me the exact shift date so they have an excuse to get rid of me when i mess things up” AND my account on their site wasnt letting me log in so i convinced myself they deleted it as part of the ghosting process (telling myself rn that’s not true even tho idk the logical alternative even is) 

anyway figured i’d get this out there so yeah, idk if this if this relates to the possible bpd but whatever its from its clearly not Healthy <3

[r0tchild]

[r0tchild]

claiming this energy

I HAVE WINE COOLERS! I AM GOING TO EAT! I AM GOING TO DRINK! AND I AM GOING TO FUCKING WRITE!

[r0tchild]

Your trauma is valid even if you know people who have been through “worse.”

It’s important to note that there is no magic scale that trauma falls on. What makes trauma traumatizing is not the “severity” of the event but the emotions that we experience as a result of it. Thinking that your trauma isn’t “bad” enough sounds like ‘trauma imposter syndrome’ which you can read about here.

[r0tchild]

[r0tchild]

am I just really detached from what happened or am I just not as traumatized as I think I am

[r0tchild]

Ethel Cain // Bruises

[r0tchild]

[r0tchild]

you ever see a kid that’s the same age as you were when your abuse first happened and you’re just like holy shit that’s a baby

[r0tchild]

[r0tchild]

i’ve been actually suicidal recently for the first time in about three years and god, i forgot how much it hurts. it’s so, so painful, and i hate that i’ve gotten bad again.

[r0tchild]

hiiiiiii guys <3 this weekend has been rlly rlly good!! i got my nose pierced which i’m in LOVE with- it looks sososo good. i hope it heals well tho i’m scared of it getting infected or a bump or something. but as long i take care of it properly i should be fine? we will not manifest anything bad <3 also ive been good abt not binging this week and im so fucking proud of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i also resisted a binge just a bit ago and i feel so in-control and happy rn. i literally had the food out and put it back. i like,, never do that. so this is me starting off the week with the right energy, i will meet my goals and im sending these vibes to all of u too <3

[r0tchild]

[r0tchild]

me as a kid: when i live alone i will be able to buy all the sweets and snacks i want!

me now: if i lived alone i might not buy food