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[retrospect88]

And again…it’s simply not enough

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“It still hurts. It’s not killing me anymore, but it still hurts.”

— (via satans-ghost)

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I’ve decided that I’m a good person, and that I deserve good things to happen to me—and therefore I’ve decided that I’m going to pamper myself as much as possible. I’m gonna look for as much fun, I’m gonna look for as much fulfillment, I’m gonna look for as much ease, I’m gonna follow my ease, I’m gonna follow my bliss, I’m gonna follow my flow, I’m gonna follow the good feeling. I’m gonna let the good times roll. I’m gonna have a lot of fun, I’m gonna hang around with people that are fun to be with, I’m gonna look for reasons to feel good. I’m gonna keep a diary of good feeling things. I’m gonna call it my book of positive aspects. I’m gonna get a box. I’m gonna call it my creation box. I’m gonna throw all kinds of good stuff in it, and I’m gonna proclaim it as mine. I’m going to accept the reality of this vibrational reality and I’m gonna go there as often as I can. I’m gonna bask. When I find myself basking, I’m gonna milk it with everything that I’ve got. I’m gonna look for other people that are doing the same. I’m gonna trust that Law of Attraction is gonna queue me up with them. I’m gonna feel less responsible to fewer people. I’m not gonna let other people make me feel guilty about what I’m doing. I’m not gonna take responsibility for where other people are, no matter who they are or how related they think they are to me. I’m gonna take no responsibility for how anybody else feels. My marriage vows are going to say, “I like you pretty good, let’s see how it goes! I like you pretty good, let’s see how it goes; I just need to warn you that nothing that you do will have any effect on the way I feel. I’m good. I’ve got that one down. I’m not going to hold you responsible for how I feel, ever. So just please yourself and make yourself happy, because that’s what I plan to do.” And if they go running and screaming away, afraid, then say, “Good! Good. This is good. Because I am queuing myself up for alignment. I had a death experience when I was 17, that showed me that life was supposed to feel good for me, and I am gonna figure out a way to carve that feeling out of every single day of my life experience, because that’s who I really am. That’s what I came to live!”

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Like why would anyone ever like my goofy ass laugh

““How often do you find a person that admires your little weird habits, puts up with your shit, and still can say that they like you at the end of the day?””

— (via radshawty)

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I took grief and made power.

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I pray to God that I find someone who “sees” me

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I miss you Shelly ❤️

Book of the week: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

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bathroom mirror pic is still popping.

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“And I still drive around late at night chasing our memories …”

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I bought MYSELF a whole rack of clothes….took myself on a little shopping spree and for once, I did not feel selfish…I simply enjoyed taking care of myself. I also finished paying off some major debts- yay to adulting 🙄 lol.

Yes to emotional and mental growth

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When people first meet me and learn I’m from bmore they are immediately scared, intimidated, omg the wire..the corner…etc: you’re dangerous.

Bruh, bmore is the most eclectic city you’ll ever experience. So much beauty…yes the bad parts are the most direct picture of gentrification you’ll ever see, inequity, poverty …let’s really be afraid of the depiction of Amerikkka. Yes take a look at the reality.

Are you really afraid of us or them?

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Years ago, I wrote a post that served as a gentle reminder to Native Americans/First Nation's people's that they have every right to not celebrate Thanksgiving if they so chose and they had every right to make that decision for themselves. It got about fifteen thousand notes and the amount of white people who decided to butt in, whether in the replies or their reblogs or directly into my DMs and ask box, were substantial.

So, white people, here's your Thanksgiving reminder:

If your ancestors came here and needed help from mine to survive the cold winters and harsh landscape, keep in mind that they betrayed my people with our food still in their stomachs; that their descendants participated in slaughtering my people and giving their scalps to the government, in exchange for payment; that some of us were forced to adopt the last names of those white men who drove us out of our territories and onto reservations; that there are stories of pilgrims kidnapping native men and crucifying them during their little cult plays about Jesus' crucifixation (don't worry, Jesus was always played by a white man and always just had his wrists bound up with rope; my kin had nails in their palms in the name of your ancestors' devotion and I hope with my whole being that that God abandoned your ancestors out of disgust); that we are still finding children that you stole and then let die and buried on school grounds; that the elders who survived residential schools are still alive and need all the love and support we can give them after being malnourished, assaulted, and sexually assaulted; that my Tsalagi ancestors had to paint our ancient history and stories on cave walls far removed from your people after you demanded us to assimilate and "become white"; my Patawomeck ancestors, after a favorable judgment in court in their favor, were massacred by the state of Virginia and then enslaved—they are still picking up the pieces.

You were told a fairy tale about the first Thanksgiving—i know how Chief Japasaw died. Do you?

You have no right to try to force anyone to celebrate your holiday. If a Native chooses to, that's their choice; but you do not get to argue that we have to. You do not get to argue about this at all.

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