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oh my god, nathan told me he’s active on tumblr again so i logged into his blog and oh my gosddddjg
#yes i still have his login#yes he knows#i used to leave him messages in his drafts#and leave cute selfies or whatever#little things like that
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i got home later than anticipated (four hours was not expected for anton and i) so i couldn’t answer kyle’s call. i gave him a speaking because he gave me such an attitude about it. just because he does all this shit, it doesn’t mean i won’t bite back. i have a sharp tongue that he resists to cut off because he apparently needs me. he’s blocked everywhere but my macbook. he knows i was out with anton, he just doesn’t know the where factor. i know he probably crashed out.
i don’t really care anymore. the fear has left my body. i’m a bitch. i’ve been acting like one all week. if he finds me in public to intimidate me into going somewhere private—i’d tell him it felt great. last time i did that, he pushed me up to a wall. my death is calling me i suppose but i’m not one to ever be quiet about the heavy knocking. i’d claw the door until i could see through the cracks. i want to look at death in the eye and still talk shit.
kyle tells me that i’m bad for him because i don’t stay committed in the talking stage but last time i ever did…i found out they were calling others their wife. it crushed me. i think i sympathise too much with kyle, i understand how he feels but i put this aside to cut him off. and now he does this. i tell him he’s bad for me as well because he physically assaulted me way too many times.
i was so tired, i fell asleep before i could call him. i’m not obligated to anyway. he knows. we both know. i’ll keep ignoring his efforts. he’ll get over it. when we were alone in the elevator together, i expected him to maybe make a move but he just stared at me. his eyes are so hollow. he had a simple plea:
“Please don’t block me.”
“you’ll be fine.”
this is the part where i got followed to my car shortly after for a staring contest while i’m seated inside.
but seriously, he’ll be fine. i’m ignoring the voice in my head that’s telling me that he could get worse. the unexpected. it’s the fog that clouds a person, it is filled with possibilities that could murk me. i’ll be fine. one day at a time. one step at a time.
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got my shit rockedd last night
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i really really needed some peace and quiet to myself so i could at least think.
#i told him. to not contact me until a certain time#i think he will listen because it took me some convincing
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i genuinely don’t know if i can complain on here anymore because of my content’s nature—i know this is my vent space for my obsessive thoughts as well as personal stressors. however i’m feeling hesitant. maybe i’m a hypocrite? but i don’t think i’ve ever encouraged non-consensual behaviours? that’s not really something that i’d promote on my blog even if i interact with such material. it’s such a touchy subject for me because i have a whole push and pull thing towards it (only allowing myself to experience cnc, ect). maybe im overthinking or just really traumatised lol.
i know it seems so ironic and hypocritical that i of all people who is on here—has been experiencing harassment irl from kyle in ways that are actively encouraged on here. i did like him at first, yes. and i have been trying my best to communicate my thoughts to him. he has zero respect for me. i have been coerced multiple times into being sexually active with him. nothing penetrative (thank goodness for my period!), he wanted me to come over to his house tomorrow and i’ve been concerned that he might baby trap me. no thanks.
i’m not ditzy or dumb, it’s a mask i put on when necessary. i was tired one night and he thought i was all vulnerable so he’d ask me certain questions for an honest opinion. he really has been trying to condition me all this time. i thought it was playful banter until i saw him that day and he kept ‘correcting’ my “no” as “yes.” he does it all the time. this is how i somewhat confirmed all of my suspicions. he temporarily backs off if i say i’ll never like him again or that i will leave him.
he is incredibly dismissive. i have been telling him what he does that i do not like and he apologises but repeats. i could say “i’m not in the mood.” or “i’m being serious, please stop.” and he’d continue after reassuring me that it’s okay if i don’t want to do anything sexual. we don’t have a safe word (i brought it up in today’s texts but he dismisses me often) and i didn’t want to bother anymore because i have consistently explained my perspective—it’s all so recent that i have been telling him that i don’t wish to see him again. that day, he physically assaulted me outside of sexual interaction as well to stop me from leaving him many times.
he says he needs me and i tell him he doesn’t know me. it’s only been 14 days since we’ve been talking even though i’ve known of him for longer. at least from my knowledge, i don’t think he knew me before that? i highly doubt it but now i’m getting concerned.
i get paranoid that nobody will believe me even though they do regardless of whether or not i have proof? i don’t have much on me, just a full video—from which i posted snippets of those clips. the entire video is just a bit scary. and text messages.
i sent him messages at dawn trying to explain/voice myself as much as possible. i have been struggling to adequately do so but i tried my best. then i blocked him everywhere but on my number. he thought he was blocked i suppose? i was on dnd so i didn’t see that he had been spam calling me. i then told him i didn’t want to speak to him anymore and that i’m blocking him. he’s been creating new accounts on different platforms to reach out to me in this short period of time. i’ve blocked him everywhere i think.
he knows where i live and what school i’m enrolled at but i think he’s too much of a coward right now to show up. i’m only concerned about the possibility of him getting worse? i answered one of his no caller id calls and he sounded somewhat ‘normal’ to me.
none of his family and friends know about his antics from my knowledge. he doesn’t have direct access to reach me. for now. and he knows i am on here.
if he finds me here then i am gone and i don’t think i will be back in a while.
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A difference in time zone then. I see the 31st, you see a pretty solid April Fools reference from 2007. And don't worry, I'm not with the CIA. I'm sure I'd annoy Narvin too much for that. So no arrests. In fact, I hope you won't report me for being out in the universe and stuff. We're not really supposed to leave our planet for no reason, but I'm a bit of an artist, of the written word. That wasn't really appreciated back on Gallifrey... So I kinda just... Yknow... Left.
Also my name isn't curious Time Lord, I'm The Cryptkeeper, pleasure to meet you. Might I say you're one hoopy frood! I swear it's a galactic compliment. You could probably find the definitions in a copy of Encyclopedia Galactica or a cheap book like The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Those are available on 21st century Earth, right? I was never good at geography.
you’re too quick with it, The Cryptkeeper. for once…i don’t completely understand the references you make. i think you’re so cool for being a rebel. i hope that’s not a trigger word for Celestial Intervention to envelope you. i admire your bravery! i’ll try to educate myself on your otherworldly ways. but i don’t think geography is the right word for your lapse in judgement.
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A curious Time Lord here, definitely not involved with Celestial Intervention, but how did you set your post to be from March 31st, 2007?
i swear it’s the 1st of april, curious Time Lord. i js edited the post on my macbook so any computer would work—it gives the option to change date and time of the post.
please don’t arrest me . . . that is if you are involved with Celestial Intervention.
#not my actual bday#funsies#i was bored …#i should’ve done valentine’s day#.ᐟ.ᐟ#The Cryptkeeper anon
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