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sadsixtynine · 5 days
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im still on his couch i am still on his couch i am here right now i am still here will i ever get the strength to leave will he ever get the balls to do what’s right? i am still on his couch i am still fucking here
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sadsixtynine · 5 days
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sadsixtynine · 6 days
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this is more than i thought i would have to endure. this is cruel.
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sadsixtynine · 6 days
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every time i try to disappear, he calls me back. every time i try to do what’s best for myself, he calls me back. i realize now it has never been for love, but an attempt to appease his own selfishness. its a call he knows i cannot escape. i finally see it for what it really is. selfish. i have been trying to become invisible to him since the night i walked into that apartment 774 days ago. i have known this whole time we could go up in flames and i would end up charred and peeling. skin bubbled and blistered. i knew this whole time. i knew. i knew. maybe he will cry when i am gone. maybe he will understand the pain he’s caused for years now. the pain i let him inflict. maybe he will feel it too.
he may try to call me back yet again. and i will try my damnedest to ignore his selfishness ringing in my ears.
i knew. i knew. i knew better.
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sadsixtynine · 8 days
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-chase elliot, “unless you leave”
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sadsixtynine · 10 days
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manifestation #11: these two years will turn into 20 which will turn into 40 which will turn into the rest of our lives.
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sadsixtynine · 17 days
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sadsixtynine · 18 days
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the night i walked into that apartment, i knew my life had changed. before i even looked into your eyes. patience. longevity.
2.4.22 the day my world was tipped upside down. the day i landed on your couch.
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sadsixtynine · 19 days
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sadsixtynine · 20 days
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waiting for him is like waiting for the drought to end. (the drought in the hilary duff cinderella story of course).
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sadsixtynine · 22 days
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ill wait for you to call by nicole dollanganger
i will wait my whole life. hopefully it doesn’t take that long.
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sadsixtynine · 23 days
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if i don’t capitalize the first letter of your name, it’s bc you are not a proper noun. you are a bitch. xoxo
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sadsixtynine · 25 days
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i held him in my mouth. i don’t know how much time i have. this ache sits at the bottom of my stomach and spins into a fear i am not ready to face. i took a break from morality. stomped on the boundaries i set. my twisted pleasure doubles as agonizing pain.
maybe that was the wrong choice, but i don’t know how much time i have with him.
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sadsixtynine · 29 days
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i was scared i wouldnt be able to move on and forget his face. his warmth. his hands. his love. his everything. but i was also scared to lose him. scared if i moved on he would cease to live inside me. i realized i will hold on forever. and even though i am able to walk away. i do not want to. i will love him forever. i will try to keep every piece of him, every memory, even if he leaves.
i tried to disappear from his life. i wanted to. i mourned him and what we could have been. i cried as i watched him reach out to me, only making it to my fingertips. never fully touching. i didn’t see the possibility of him stretching a little further. i need handfuls of his love. handfuls of him. i need him to never let me go.
when i disappeared. he called me back. it only took 3 days of silence. he called me back. he still only grazes my fingertips, but he called me back. which is how i know he will never let me go. he will call me back. he will stretch. i will get handfuls of him.
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sadsixtynine · 1 month
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i am in purgatory and i am drowning. he is holding my head under water.
I don’t like it. but it’s familiar.
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sadsixtynine · 1 month
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i can finally just be. i don’t have to be frantic. and im not. anymore. i can walk outside and know he will still love me if i fall and scrape my palms. i can sit and think and think and think and know he will ask why i am quiet.
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sadsixtynine · 1 month
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i would give him everything everything everything but only because he doesn’t realize he *is* everything everything everything. i will take what absorbs through me to reflect back to him. we become everything everything everything.
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