salti-thelatediagnosedautist - Tumblr blog

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

is waking up supposed to hurt? I never really thought about but I wake up in pain nearly every day lollllllllll :/ My wrists always hurt so bad

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

I have an update to this post. I finally went to the doctor and talked about my joint pain. Talked about how my wrist and fingers get hurt easily and are weaker. Talked about my knee injury that has been causing me pain for multiple years, talked about how I can't stay still when laying, sitting or standing because different joints will start to hurt, etc.

So he gave me a blood test for the obvious stuff, rheumatoid arthritis and something else I can't remember. Those tests obviously came back negative.

So he told me that the blood tests didn't show anything and he basically just went "whelp, idk what else we can do lol" so that was an experience.

I'm gonna keep doing my mobility and joint strengthening exercises at home as they seem to help but I still have no idea what is actually wrong so that's fun

part of being autistic is slowly realising that you actually live in chronic pain and all your random little physical blips and errors might actually be caused by a chronic illness???

No, but seriously, no one told me that it doesn't hurt their elbows when they shake sauce bottles... it doesn't hurt their wrists and hands to write.... it doesn't hurt their feet to drive.... they don't randomly "lose grip" on objects or find keyboards or controllers difficult to hold... I was under the assumption this was all relatively normal?

Part of the reason I didn't realise this is because I don't always realise I'm in pain. My autism already makes me hyposensitive to pain, but because my "neutral" is to always be in like a 3/10 pain state, I don't always know that I'm in pain...

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

do many other autistics struggle to understand "intuitive" concepts that neurotypicals seem to grasp easily?

A few examples of the top of my head:

Icons on air conditioning units/heat pumps. Like, I always forget, does the snow symbol mean cold air, or does it mean "this setting is for cold weather". Because they specifically use a Sun and a Snow flake which are usually weather icons, not temperature icons. If anything I would expect a fire for warm air, and a snowflake for cold air, idk.

Menus in video games. Most people I know seem to be able to EASILY figure out menus in videogames. Whereas I really thrive in word based menus like photoshop. And neurotypicals seem to endlessly complain about how confusing they are? For me they make so much more sense than icon menus because it literally just says what it is.

Left and right. I always get left and right so totally mixed up. When someone is directing me while driving I ask them to point, because not only do I get confused, I get it confidently wrong and will argue.

I just wonder because these are things that people call me "dumb" for. Because these concepts just don't make sense to me in the way they do for others :/

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh haha

part of being autistic is slowly realising that you actually live in chronic pain and all your random little physical blips and errors might actually be caused by a chronic illness???

No, but seriously, no one told me that it doesn't hurt their elbows when they shake sauce bottles... it doesn't hurt their wrists and hands to write.... it doesn't hurt their feet to drive.... they don't randomly "lose grip" on objects or find keyboards or controllers difficult to hold... I was under the assumption this was all relatively normal?

Part of the reason I didn't realise this is because I don't always realise I'm in pain. My autism already makes me hyposensitive to pain, but because my "neutral" is to always be in like a 3/10 pain state, I don't always know that I'm in pain...

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

I only occasionally remember my dreams (I only remember the ones from early morning when I'm half awake. Never any other time of time of night).

They are almost always nightmare-adjacent and the scary parts are always social blunders, being late for work/being fired OR being abandoned lol

Autism and Dreaming

Hello everyone, I'm back with another poll - my second poll! Today I want to gauge how many Autistics and other neurodiverse people dream, and what kind of dreams you have. Dreams have always been a special interest of mine.

Comments are encouraged!

I would love to know the differences between dreaming and Autism, ADHD, and other neurodiverse people, and hear some of your dreams / stories if you're comfortable going into more detail!

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

my dumb, autistic ass (not related, i just happen to be both dumb AND autistic) is SO confused by the plot/analogies/point of the Barbie movie?

I loved the humour, the characters, every visual aspect of it, the everything!! Very Funny Nice Movie

But I am SO confused on what I'm meant to take home from this movie lol, someone please explain it to me? I don't get how the Kens are reversed to be women and how their whole arc with discovering manliness and taking over relates to the oppression of women or what? im just so lost

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

Some of my main advice for restricted eating (coming from a place of semi-experience, not a professional. I struggle with mild restrictive eating behaviours):

1. As suggested before, focus on one food at a time rather than the whole food group.

2. Try preparing that food in different ways and see how it changes the texture. Try air frying, puree-ing, mashing, eating with other foods.

3. Don't get too hung up on a single food if you really can't tolerate it. For example, I have never been able to eat sultanas/raisins. Whether they are by themselves, in a cookie or in a savoury dish I always pick them out. And that's okay! You don't have to eat foods that you absolutely hate. Many people, including neurotypicals, have specific foods that they cannot eat no matter how hard they try.

4. Try and "hide" the foods you don't like much. If you hate cauliflower, try it blended into a soup or a pasta sauce, where the texture no longer becomes an issue. And don't worry if you are "making it unhealthy". Eating a deep fried broccoli is still eating broccoli (just as an example).

5. At the end of the day, remember that the most important thing is to eat SOMETHING. If you make a plate of food with veggies and you can't eat it today? Heat up some chicken nuggets. Eat a piece of chocolate cake. I don't care what it is just eat something. Don't ever skip an entire meal just to punish yourself.

Exposure to new foods is scary and hard. Take things slow, one bite at a time. You don't even have to swallow it at first. Just try and desensitise yourself to the idea of the food. Then you can slowly work up to eating it :) And if you can't eat it, no biggie! Try a different food and come back to this one later on

Cw: food, mention of disordered eating

I’m autistic and am very sensitive to food texture and taste. I also struggle with food restriction, and I’m working very hard to increase the number of foods I can eat. And I am improving! However, I especially struggle to eat vegetables. I really hate the taste and texture, and they often take lots of energy to prepare if I want to make them taste better. But veggies are very important obviously! Do you have any suggestions of how I can add more veggies to my diet and/or another place I can get some of those nutrients until I can get to a place where I can handle eating vegetables? Also, thank you for running this blog, I very much appreciate all of your wonderful advice and information!

Please note, whilst I have suffered with disordered eating in the past, it has never been of a restricted kind. My tips may be far off the mark and others are welcome to add.

I'd first recommend taking a multivitamin whilst you're working on this. Multivitamins aren't very helpful for people who don't have a restricted diet, but are vital for those who are currently struggling. It's best to get these vitamins and minerals in food (as we don't absorb the multivitamin that well and urinate out most of it) but they are still better than not getting any of them. Alternatively, a vitamin and mineral drink like Sustagen may help.

Next, I'd personally work on just adding a handful of vegetables that you can tolerate rather than looking at them as a whole food group. That way it doesn't feel so big of a task! "Working on eating broccoli" is a lot easier than "working on eating vegetables!"

You can also try adding them to vegetables you already tolerate, such as mashing broccoli or carrot in with your potatoes if you like mashed potatoes.

Or perhaps trying a dip? I'd rather see someone nibbling vegetables covered in dip than not eating them at all.

Do others have tips?

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

A new study finds that nonautistic trans people experience alexithymia at an elevated rate, just as Autistic people do.

Perhaps BOTH trans and Autistic people have trouble knowing our feelings because we're used to dissociating from them due to trauma?

Alexithymia is the clinical term for the inability to recognize or name one's emotions. Clinicians have long assumed that Autistics lack the ability to know how they feel, when in reality most of us have continually been silenced all our lives for feeling the wrong thing.

Many people discuss alexithymia as if it were an innate characteristic of being Autistic. But this study suggests that any group that is told that how they move and present their body is "wrong" may cope with that by detaching from their body and its internal states.

If alexithymia is really dissociation due to trauma, we can expect to see a high rate of it among chronic illness patients as well as fat people, since both groups also have their internal feelings invalidated a ton.

Unfortunately, the authors of this study conclude that if a trans person can't name their emotions, that might be because they are subclinically Autistic. But that assumes that alexithymia is caused by disability rather than being a means of coping with having one's body othered.

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

I want to talk about grammar on AAC.

Using proper grammar can make it a lot easier for people to understand what you mean, but sometimes, it can be difficult for us to use proper grammar when using AAC. The limited space and time on our devices can make it challenging to construct grammatically correct sentences. And let's be real, typing out every single word and punctuation mark can be time-consuming and exhausting.

I understand that grammar is important. However, I wish that people would recognize that difficulty with grammar doesn't diminish the value or the validity of AAC user's (or anyones) thoughts and opinions.

I personally don't tend to struggle with it, and I've always been skilled in both reading and writing. This gives me privilege, because when I share my experiences and thoughts as a nonspeaking autistic with high support needs, people listen. I've noticed that when its other people like me, but they struggle with grammar, the post gets so few notes and nobody listens.

This isn't okay.

I have learned so much from people that type in more simple or ungrammatical ways, and I guarantee you could too.

Stop skipping over AAC user's who don't have perfect grammar.

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

part of being autistic is slowly realising that you actually live in chronic pain and all your random little physical blips and errors might actually be caused by a chronic illness???

No, but seriously, no one told me that it doesn't hurt their elbows when they shake sauce bottles... it doesn't hurt their wrists and hands to write.... it doesn't hurt their feet to drive.... they don't randomly "lose grip" on objects or find keyboards or controllers difficult to hold... I was under the assumption this was all relatively normal?

Part of the reason I didn't realise this is because I don't always realise I'm in pain. My autism already makes me hyposensitive to pain, but because my "neutral" is to always be in like a 3/10 pain state, I don't always know that I'm in pain...

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

become best friends with your ten year old self im so fucking serious

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

WHAT THE FUCK 💀💀💀

I'm so sorry someone said that to you, I am genuinely shocked for you 💀😭

part of being autistic is slowly realising that you actually live in chronic pain and all your random little physical blips and errors might actually be caused by a chronic illness???

No, but seriously, no one told me that it doesn't hurt their elbows when they shake sauce bottles... it doesn't hurt their wrists and hands to write.... it doesn't hurt their feet to drive.... they don't randomly "lose grip" on objects or find keyboards or controllers difficult to hold... I was under the assumption this was all relatively normal?

Part of the reason I didn't realise this is because I don't always realise I'm in pain. My autism already makes me hyposensitive to pain, but because my "neutral" is to always be in like a 3/10 pain state, I don't always know that I'm in pain...

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

part of being autistic is slowly realising that you actually live in chronic pain and all your random little physical blips and errors might actually be caused by a chronic illness???

No, but seriously, no one told me that it doesn't hurt their elbows when they shake sauce bottles... it doesn't hurt their wrists and hands to write.... it doesn't hurt their feet to drive.... they don't randomly "lose grip" on objects or find keyboards or controllers difficult to hold... I was under the assumption this was all relatively normal?

Part of the reason I didn't realise this is because I don't always realise I'm in pain. My autism already makes me hyposensitive to pain, but because my "neutral" is to always be in like a 3/10 pain state, I don't always know that I'm in pain...

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

sometimes its easy to forget that skill regression after a late diagnosis isnt my fault too

hi ! you ! please don't blame yourself for the secondary effects of your disability. the weight changes are not your fault. the muscle atrophy is not your fault. the malnutrition is not your fault. the new/worsening mental health condition is not your fault. the low hygiene is not your fault. none of it is your fault!

are there areas of your self care that need improvement? of course, that's true for everyone! but it's hard to be kinder to yourself when you're disabled. sometimes we downright can't do things because of our disabilities. and it all snowballs and self perpetuates. that's not a moral failing - that's scary and difficult to go through!

you don't deserve blame, ridicule, or hatred. you just have limits. you just need support. and that's, morally, neutral. it's okay. you're not doing anything wrong, and i hope things get easier soon. give yourself a little more grace, okay?

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

A key factor to consider when looking at traits of autism and adhd is the internal motivation/cause behind certain traits.

As you said with the eye contact, you tend to not make much eye contact because your ADHD makes you restless. Whereas an autistic person will avoid eye contact because it fills us with anxiety and dread (literally makes my skin crawl).

An ADHD person might like to plan things out carefully to prepare for their inevitable forgetfulness or time blindness. Whereas an autistic person likes this carefully planned out so that we can prepare ourselves mentally. Like knowing which people will show up, where to park their car, because not knowing those specific things makes us anxious.

Taking things literally. An autistic person may take things literally because we struggle to differentiate tone and to "read between the lines". An ADHD person might take things literally because they were struggling to pay full attention at the time.

Then another factor to consider is some "autistic traits" aren't really autistic traits, just human traits.

For example, preferring to be alone. Yes it is true than many autistics like our own company. BUT many of us actually feel extremely lonely and isolated. We want to socialise so badly, but because of trauma or people not understanding us, we withdraw. That's a human experience.

And of course, it's mostly important to remember that both ADHD and autism are spectrums. No autistic person is EXACTLY like another autistic person. We are all different and all present differently.

I'm looking up autism symptoms I need to confirm I don't have it.

OK here's autism symptoms that seem to correlate with me

taking things very literally

avoiding eye contact (but I'm pretty sure that's just because I look around a lot 'cause ADHD)

liking to plan things carefully before doing them

having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities

noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not

A fixation on certain activities, ideas, or concepts

A reluctance to engage in new experiences or to disrupt routines

Repeats words or phrases over and over (but that's just because when other people don't respond to something I say I think they don't hear me and I repeat it until they get annoyed and say something sarcastic about it)

Preferring to be alone, (this is just me being an introvert)

Fussy eating habits

Lack of coordination, clumsiness

Short attention span

I think most of these can just be chocked up to ADHD though.

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

How autistic black and white thinking can be dangerous when it comes to food, diet and body image

TW: mention of diets, diet culture and calorie tracking.

Being autistic is annoying in a lot of ways, but one of the most annoying things for me (outside of socialising) is eating.

Not only do the sensory issues suck but I really can't tell when I'm hungry or full. And when I CAN feel how hungry I am it feels like hell on Earth.

So, because my body doesn't like to tell me when I've eaten enough, AND eating is my favourite stim, I tend to over-eat... a lot...

And so because I over eat, I try to track my calories. Because I cannot tell how much I need to eat, I can't accurately guess when I've had enough or not enough food.

But, calorie tracking has not always gone well for me. When I was a late teen I started calorie tracking because I had always been just a little over weight.

However, I didn't really understand any nuance about calorie tracking. My autistic brain went into black and white thinking.

More calories = bad

Less calories = good

So, you can see where this slippery slope ends up. Disordered eating. I was not eating enough food. I was only eating a handful of almonds and an apple for lunch some days.

I was only eating foods with low calories (almond milk, which is disgusting..., fruits and veg, avoiding carbs...)

I did lose a lot of weight over a 2 year period. It wasn't that crazy but for me it was definitely getting dangerous. I was getting thinner and fitter, but it was NEVER enough. I was never skinny enough. I was never cute enough. I was never strong enough. I was never disciplined enough. It become about more than my health. It became about my appearance, my personality, my self control. I acted like I was a beast that had to be tamed and trained with crumbs and hunger.

Because of my disordered eating, starting birth control, stress and genetic factors I ended up getting IBS.

This ended up being a blessing and a curse. It ended up forcefully put a stop to my bad eating habits as I had to figure out what I actually could and couldn't eat. I had to focus on triggers and what I was eating, rather than how much I was eating.

Because of this I switched to intuitive eating. I couldn't calorie track and keep a list of what foods were triggering my reactions (if you know low FODMAP you know my struggle). And this worked for a while. I gained weight but it wasn't a big deal. I was back to being able to eat again so I was relatively happy.

But guess what, intuitive eating didn't work for my autistic body at all.

It didn't work because my autistic body cannot tell me what I need. People say to listen to your body but I often can't even figure out where a random pain is from. I don't feel cold very well sometimes. I don't notice thirst or hunger much at all.

So, with intuitive eating, I gained a lot of weight. And now I'm bigger than ever before. And of course I'm glad that I'm reasonably healthy despite my weight, but I know that this is too much weight for me.

And so where does this bring me back to? Calorie tracking.

For 5 months I tried *just* exercising more, but I ended up eating more and nothing was changing. I didn't want to calorie track again. I was terrified of becoming the shell of a person that I was before. Measuring every almond, every teaspoon of tomato sauce, every grain of sugar in my coffee (which was a treat).

But I needed to start going into a calorie deficit again. My eating was becoming out of control. I know people say "you can't have a food addiction, you need food to survive". But I just feel like the people who say this haven't experienced the pain that comes when all you can think about is eating.

(Disclaimer: eating a lot, being fat or gaining weight is not a morally good or bad thing. I just know that for my body, in my current size, does not feel good physically or mentally. This is a personal evaluation and choice. Fuck diet culture.)

And so recently I've been doing calorie tracking again, but this time with more nuance and knowledge going foward.

Part of my calorie tracking rules include:

1. No food is out of limits unless it physically hurts me (like dairy).

2. I don't calorie track when I'm sick, on my period, or it's a special event (birthdays, vacation, day off work, before blood tests, etc.)

3. I calculated how much calories I need to maintain weight and eat just below that, not trying to eat as little as possible. (There are websites you can calculate this if you're interested!)

4. I try to eat more calories earlier in the day, and more sweet and salty treats earlier in the day, to prevent binging at night.

And so far, it's actually been going really well! This time I am not hungry 24/7 (nor do I feel a weird sense of pride for being hungry). I eat what I want and have relatively manageable cravings. I'm not stressing over food 24/7 because I just add it up before dinner and see how much I have left. I'm not torturing myself through PMS with hunger. I'm not working out my body to the breaking point anymore.

It turns that out that calorie tracking has become a good tool for my autism and my physical wellbeing. It has been a good way to keep track of what I'm eating and!!! It's actually helping me become more in tune with my body and my hunger signals.

Because I let myself eat what I feel like I've reduced cravings.

Because I'm calorie tracking I'm noticing that I feel full when I've eaten my maintenance calories, and I feel slightly hungry when I've eaten not enough. I'm beginning to learn how much I need to eat visually. I'm learning how much energy certain foods actually contain.

With intuitive eating I was just eating whenever I thought about food. Which wasn't always when I was hungry or needed to, because eating has been a major coping mechanism in my life. Stimming by eating has helped me through so many stressful events, but It's begun to jeopardize my health.

So, I'm not really sure what the take away from this post is, I just wanted to share my experience here. Thank you for reading

I just want to double down as I end this post by saying - GAINING WEIGHT, EATING A LOT OR BEING FAT IS NOT MORALLY GOOD OR BAD. YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE ♥️

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

Watch me wait for him infront of Joja Mart all day