samdeanjohn

[samdeanjohn]

“Dad actually let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?”

[samdeanjohn]

this was Dean while Sam was at Stanford btw. If you even care

[samdeanjohn]

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Tags/Warnings: None

Rating: T

Summary: Alastair is dead. Sam killed him. Somehow, the victory doesn't feel as sweet as it should, not when Dean is looking like THAT.

[samdeanjohn]

but we were so close… in hell

[samdeanjohn]

i think one thing that gets missed in discussions of like. “okay depiction of abuse/problematic dynamics” where the person is on the side of “it's fine to depict problematic things as long as the victim is clearly traumatized/not enjoying it” is that a part of the way in which abuse functions is by changing what intuitively feels good or bad to a person, that is to say, why people stay in abusive relationships is bc your brain can be wired, as a result of sustained trauma, to only feel comfortable or at-home in such situations, and to not recognise that anything is wrong in the first place. that is how conditioning and grooming work, it's how people stay in awful situations for years... and how do you depict that? an abusive relationship is still a relationship, real victims have loved and continue to love those who perpetrate intimate violence against them. you can, from a distance, see and say that the love is wrong and should not exist. but when you're narrating a story from close quarters, you can't effectively differentiate without context, an author depicting as romantic a manifestly abusive relationship and a victim and perpetrator whose inherent sense of themselves, of right and wrong, of boundaries, and acceptable forms of intimacy, has been warped through abuse.

[samdeanjohn]

Wait a minute. I know what this is. This has something to do with your freaky fetish for serial killers.

It’s not a fetish.

[samdeanjohn]

at the end of the day Sam and Dean were both good, lovable characters who deserved so much better than they got. they always did their best no matter how hopeless things got and loved each other with an intensity nearly as dangerous as it was miraculous, and i think that’s beautiful.

[samdeanjohn]

dean doesn't need to be defended for breaking in hell just like he doesn't need to be defended for not being a perfect parent replacement as a child because his worth should not be determined by how good his performance at his own abuse is.

[samdeanjohn]

you can tell how worthy of consideration someone's opinions are (not only on spn but on topics of abuse, torture and autonomy in general) from how they discuss dean's time in hell.

[samdeanjohn]

the landscape after cruelty ↳ supernatural, m/m, nc-17, dean winchester/sam winchester, ~16,000 words

warnings/enticements: implied-dean/john, implied-dean/others, childhood sexual abuse, underage, sibling incest, parent/child incest, rape/noncon elements, rape recovery, graphic violence, caretaking, hurt/comfort, sex work, murder dean's hell trauma, sam's demonic powers

Dean leans into Sam's touch, instinctive, too exhausted to fight the part of him that enjoys the attention Sam gives him, a shameful dirty secret, how much he loves letting Sam do this, when it should be the other way around.

No one else would ever take care of him like this.

OR: Five Times Sam Took Care Of Dean In The Aftermath + 1 Time He Got Revenge On Those Who Hurt Dean.

[samdeanjohn]

sams way of dealing with his issues is yelling at dean for not dealing with his

[samdeanjohn]

[samdeanjohn]

Sammy? Are you in there? Sam, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you.

SUPERNATURAL, Season 5.

[samdeanjohn]

trying my hand at drawing a fem!dean and only going slightly insane

[samdeanjohn]

@anon who asked for recs, i will get back to you in a few days because i need to think about it

[samdeanjohn]

one of the most fascinating recurrent fandom phenomena to me is when people post outright hostile stuff about a character in the character and fandom tag - stuff that is not really even a contrarian position based on a reading of the text, but just like My (Oddly Hostile) Thoughts And Opinions On This Character - and then promptly get upset when people who do...enjoy that character...you know... the people most likely to be following or looking at that tag regularly... push back against this hostility, or even worse, get mean in response. an endless cycle of that one birthday boy tweet, because the same people will also turn around and complain about the fandom's hostility towards them and its like. well. do you understand anything about basic human psychology. do you. do you understand that if people see you saying horrible things about their fave they will get upset, just like you, personally, get upset when you see them saying horrible things about yours, or do you just not have a concept at all of theory of mind.

and then as a result of this failure at a comprehension of basic human psychology, empathy, theory of mind, cause and consequence, how tumblr works, anything at all, we keep having annoying and endless discourse cycles. you know how we can end the hated discourse cycle that allegedly no one enjoys? if people just respectfully learned to vagueblog and keep things out of the character tag.

[samdeanjohn]

tryna get pounded into the mattress... with love & affection