samhowletts

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Hot damn 🔥

↳INSTAGRAM: @ivy.rogers uploaded a photo:

chess is having too much fun using me as her own personal barbie doll

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: You had me at drinks.

↳INSTAGRAM: @jayneumann uploaded a photo:

Visual evidence of me being so fuckin done with the week. Drinks, anyone?

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: I’m her lawyer and she did nothing wrong.

↳INSTAGRAM: @jayneumann uploaded a photo:

Taken moments before she yanked my earring clean out. Still fuckin love her though

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Max has two hands, I guess.

↳INSTAGRAM: @scottycarterauthor uploaded a photo:

📸: Max. We go on sexy rides together now. Sorry Ives. ;)

[samhowletts]

TEXTING: JESSIE Sam: Happy birthday, Jess. Jsyk you're boyfriend not showing up for it is genuinely shitty as hell. Sam: I'm so serious, you need to dump him.

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Yeah, not bad.

↳INSTAGRAM: @jayneumann uploaded a photo:

Kinda enjoying the long hair, not gonna lie

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: A ponytail AND hair down? What will she do next?

↳INSTAGRAM: @jessortease uploaded a photo:

getchu a girl who can do both

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Debatable.

↳INSTAGRAM: @flynnmoone uploaded a photo:

Sam loves me really.

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett liked this post.

↳INSTAGRAM: @scottycarterauthor uploaded a photo:

Joey days are kinda the bomb.

[samhowletts]

TEXTING: NATALIYA Sam: Happy birthday, Nat. Sorry if you didn't want everyone to know. Ace is hanging up a banner in the weights section as we speak.

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Ohhhh, THAT explains why three of our bath towels are covered in bleach. Kinda worth it though.

↳INSTAGRAM: @ivy.rogers uploaded a photo:

new highlights who dis

[samhowletts]

Life was easier when Scotty had just been the hot guy at the gym. It meant that she never had to talk to him, past the muttered, belated “oh, hi.” she’d give him whenever he walked past her with a casual greeting. Back then, he’d been unattainable and a complete stranger and for Sam, who liked to hold everyone at arms’-length, that had suited her perfectly fine.

Then she’d moved in with Ivy and found out that not only did Ivy know Scotty, but they were sort of friends. Not if you asked Wardo, but Ivy insisted that they both liked the other man well enough.

Any other girl might have rejoiced at the idea of their new friend and roommate giving them an in with their gym crush, but Sam wasn’t any other girl. Not in a particularly unique or special way, but in a horrible socially awkward way. When they’d first hung out outside of the confines of the gym, Scotty’s face had lit up in recognition as he pointed at her and name dropped the gym they both went to and Sam had panicked, blushed and pretended she didn’t know him. The look Ivy had given her had made her want to crawl into hiding for at least a decade.

Then she’d befriended Amy and fallen completely in love with the other girl, which meant that her path crossed with Scotty’s over and over again, whether she liked it or not.

Now, it seemed like all Sam did around the man was turn red and trip over her words. Gone was the usual smart-mouthed , tough-as-nails mechanic that people like Jay and Ivy and Amy got to see, and in her place was an awkward, gangly girl with peeling tape on her hands and a gormless expression on her face.

“Oh. Cool,” she said, when Scotty told her he had a big fight coming up. She’d been to a few of them with Amy before. He was good, and if she was a little bit braver then maybe she’d tell him so. As it was, she stayed silent until he nodded to the tape on her hands.

“No, it’s okay,” she said automatically, then blushed deeper.

What was wrong with her? She’d have liked to blame her visit with her dad for her mood being so off-kilter, but she’d have probably acted this way with Scotty even if she’d had the best day possible. She could have spent time goofing off with Amy, tinkered away with the engine of a beautiful, vintage car and hung out with Jay and Devi without the little girl throwing food at her this time, and yet she’d still have probably come face to face with Scotty Carter and fucked up the interaction.

Looking down at her hands, the tape slipping loose from them, she winced and looked back up at Scotty again. Her heart was thundering at the way he referred to her as ‘my girl’, although she knew better than to read too much into that. If anyone was Scotty’s girl, it was Laura. 

She hadn’t been able to hide her jealousy when the girl in question had waltzed back into the lives of Scotty and Amy and even Ivy, and for all of them to immediately fawn over her. Sam supposed that the worst thing about Laura was that she was so damn likeable even she couldn’t find an issue with her. Laura had even tried to talk mechanics with her. Apparently her dad owned a garage downtown and Sam had tried to keep up a decent conversation with her but she figured Laura had gotten tired of her monosyllabic answers and had eventually redirected her attention to Louis, who had plenty to say to her.

“I mean,” she said again, a little loudly. She hitched back a breath and lifted her gaze to Scotty, forcing herself to maintain eye contact with the other man. “Maybe I could use some help. If that’s okay.”

She took a step closer to the other man, nodding to the bag behind him.

“When’s uh, when’s your fight?” she asked then screwed her face up at herself. “This weekend. I know you said this weekend. I was just wondering… what time?”

April 16th was as insignificant a day as any other, just a random Wednesday that would pass everybody by as they ambled towards the weekend. It should’ve been the same for Scotty. Today, he should’ve been at his desk and mindlessly drumming a beat against the softwood, eyes tired as he tried to hit his daily word count so his publishers wouldn’t throw a fit. He should’ve been slipping out into the city for lunch with his roommates, Scotty and the girls laughing while Louis pouted as the waitress inevitably informed him they were all out of smashed avocado or oat milk or whatever component of his meal happened to be trendy around about now. 

Instead, he’d gone for a morning run at 6am, came home, showered and paced the apartment for another few hours. Then, when the ache in his chest and the tremors in his hand persisted, he’d pressed a kiss to a worried Cassie’s temple, grabbed his gym bag and slipped out. His phone had lit up with texts from his dad, Lucy and Mike, all checking in and making sure he wasn’t beating himself up all day. Not wanting to worry them, he’d supplied them with a thumbs up emoji and some mindless babble about how it was just any other day, before slipping his cheery mask on for the rest of the world too. When he’d bumped into Louis on the stairwell of their apartment complex, he’d beamed, all smiles and an air of merriment when he’d kissed him on the cheek and told him to have a good day with Max. He’d been the same when Amy had spotted him as he’d entered the gym, Teddy at her side as the boxer had simply nodded from across the room, an obligatory wave sent in their direction before rerouting and heading straight for the locker rooms. 

Scotty Carter had been a toddler when his mom had decided she wanted nothing to do with him. He’d been three years old, building blocks in nursery and laughing with the other kids as two teachers shot each other worried glances while their superior had been frantically trying to phone his father, tones littered with distress as they wondered why Scotty’s mom was over two hours late to pick him up. He hadn’t known that his world was about to change. That over the years that followed – before his stepmom, before Mike and before Lucy – his dad would be partially gone, too. Bright eyes and warm smiles replaced by a vacant, lonely stare, the question of why always on the tip of his tongue. 

It didn’t matter that Scotty couldn’t quite recall the hours leading up to it, only that he remembered the fallout. The suffocating feeling in his little chest as he’d slowly started to wonder where mommy was, tantrums thrown and toys destroyed as he’d sobbed and begged his dad to bring her back. He’d always wondered if it was somehow worse knowing that she was still out there, capable of returning but never wanting to. He’d spent hours staring up at the stars with Cassie as she asked herself the same questions, fingers entwined as they found solace in knowing that there was one other person that could empathise, that they could look to one another in those darkest hours.  

When Cassie had left – after Louis, after Laura, and then Amy too – he'd had nobody. Only his drumkit, soon sent to storage after meeting Indra, his poetry, and the leather and foam of the swinging bag he’d found himself situated in front of for the last few hours. 

His body moved with ease, so accustomed to the weight of his target, light on his feet as he circled it. Between boxing and football, there’d never been any room for Scotty to stumble. And credit where it was due, when the cheer squad had encouraged the footballers to help them out during practice, he’d found his footing even moreso. Scotty could wax lyrical about Rosy and Lydia and their sunny dispositions, and he’d always go a million steps further just to praise their athletic prowess and leadership skills. 

As soon as he rounded the bag once again, Scotty halted to a stop, eyes widening when he caught sight of Sam. The throb in his skull seemed to dim, the tension leaving his shoulders ever so slightly as he spotted her. While he doubted all his problems were about to suddenly wash away, he’d always had an immense soft spot for Ivy’s roommate. 

“Yeah, well. Big fight this weekend,” Scotty grinned, the skin feeling tight around his jaw. The smile felt forced and his cheeks seemed to ache from all the being okay that he seemed to be doing today. That wasn’t her problem, though. 

His gaze flickered to the tape in her hand, not missing the way she’d been biting down on it, struggling to get a firm grip. 

“You want some help with that?” he asked, nodding in the direction of her hands. “I can wrap those babies and get you fighting fit if you need. Gotta make sure my girl’s all set.” 

[samhowletts]

“C’mon, Sam, don’t pout with me.”

“I have to go,” she said, swiftly standing and grabbing her gym bag, throwing it over her shoulder.

“Sam, please.”

Immediately, she turned her back on her dad. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but she supposed there was something poetic about the fact that she was doing exactly what he’d done to her most of her childhood. All under the guise of providing for her, but she thought about all the other kids in her class whose parents had looked out for them, just by putting in a day’s worth of honest work. Those kids hadn’t grown up into scowling, distrusting adults who could only see their dad at certain hours, him wearing an orange jumpsuit.

A hand suddenly encircled her wrist and she froze, not from fear, but because the security guard slammed his baton against the door to get her dad’s attention.

“No touching!” he shouted, making Sam flinch. 

Quickly, her dad let go, and she sensed him sitting back in his seat. After taking a deep breath, Sam glanced at him over her shoulder, her heart thudding when she saw how small and pitiful he looked.

No matter how much he’d irrevocably fucked her up for life, she doubted that anyone could stay stony-faced at the sight of their dad shrinking under the scrutiny of a man paid to hold power over him. Her chin wobbled a little and she quickly looked away, blinking the tears from her eyes. 

“I’ll see you next week,” she promised, not quite being able to look at him properly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him visibly deflate. But he didn’t argue.

On her way out, she glared at the security guard. She felt her stomach curling at the smirk he gave her and stormed out.

By the time she found herself on the subway, the skin between her thumb and forefinger had been chafed by how tightly she was holding onto her gym bag. It looked red and raw and sore but the pain in her chest felt worse. She knew she couldn’t stop visiting her dad, because it would kill him and wreck her, but everytime she saw him in that damn prison, she got sulky and upset and instead of coming across even marginally contrite, Derek Howlett found a way to try and play the victim. Like he couldn’t allow himself to reconcile with the idea of his daughter being in the state she was because of his own actions. He wanted to be blameless in Sam’s eyes, and all she could do was look at him and find fault.

These visits always made her feel wound up and irritated - partly because of her dad, but also because she had to go to New Jersey, of all places, to see him. Hence the gym bag. 

She knew she had the option to go home and unwind with a pizza and whatever water-cooler TV show everyone online was yapping about these days, but that would do nothing to release the tension that was pulling her shoulders rigid and taught. Anxiety had hooked itself around her spine and, for Sam, there was only one way for her to alleviate the feeling.

As soon as she got to the gym, she changed in the locker room and scraped her hair back in a ponytail to the symphony of barbells hitting the floor in the background. As she headed out to the main ring, tape clenched between her teeth as she awkwardly tried to tape her hands by herself, she nearly choked on the damn thing when she realised Scotty was already there.

With his back to her, it would be easy for her to admire the way his tank top clung to him, soaked with sweat as he went to town on the punching bag. His shoulders flexed with each movement and if she was more comfortable in acting like a normal human girl, she might have let her eyes linger.

As it was, every day for Sam felt like she was navigating the Earth as an alien. She was spiky and awkward and each interaction with the man in front of her always left her wondering if throwing herself off the top of the Empire State Building would be less painful than trying to talk to him and sound normal.

Teeth still biting down on the tape, she missed her window to turn around and leave when Scotty rounded the bag and spotted her.

“Hey. Didn’t realise you were here today,” she said, forgetting about the tape situation, so her words sounded more like a mangled bunch of nothing.

Quickly, she spat the tape out, her cheeks turning red as she stared down at her sneakers. 

“Didn’t know you’d be here,” she rectified after awkwardly clearing her throat.

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Wardo came to the apartment every day, wandered around the living room and sighed dramatically then left. Every day.

↳INSTAGRAM: @ivy.rogers uploaded a photo:

full on pancakes and heading home. nyc did ya miss me?

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: Let the man nap, I overheard Scotty and Louis writing down a list of things they miss about him and they want to Facetime him to read it out later. It's a long list. He's gonna be up late.

↳INSTAGRAM: @ivy.rogers uploaded a photo:

we’re meant to be meeting tommy for dinner in a half hour but max looks 30 seconds away from taking a nap

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: @ameliabarton Was that meant to be an insult? She's hot.

↳INSTAGRAM: @ameliabarton uploaded a photo:

I’m not sure I see the likeness? Swipe for the other girl! She’s very pretty though.

[samhowletts]

@samhowlett: I think you're friends with too many nerds.

↳INSTAGRAM: @ameliabarton uploaded a photo:

I’m not sure I see the likeness? Swipe for the other girl! She’s very pretty though.