Tumgik
samsthoughts · 3 years
Text
welcome
After years of writing in half-finished journals, keeping typed notes of random thoughts in my phone and laptop, and recording uncomfortable voice memos of internal monologues... I’ve decided I want to start writing again. I don’t really know how or where or WHAT to write/start - so I figure I should just do SOMETHING. Here I am. I logged into my old tumblr account from when I was 19 to see what I used to post on there, maybe I could salvage what I used to have... trust me, it’s better to just start fresh. 
I’m 24 now. Graduated with a BA in Television Production. I won an Emmy within a year of working in the industry and now I am living back home with my mother, working freelance jobs and navigating this new remote-world of living. My parents have been going through a divorce over the past 3 years. I felt like I had a closer relationship with the both of them when I wasn’t living with either of them. That’s usually how it goes, though, I know. 
I’m not really sure what to write about at this current moment in time. I feel like most of the time people can’t wait for me to stop talking. But the truth is, there isn’t really much going on to talk about... that’s a lie. There’s just not much going on that I am comfortable putting out there to talk about. My problem is that I am crippled by the idea that others’ can judge me and I have no way to control that. I’m working on it. I think I’ve gotten a lot better. But this isn’t just something that goes away overnight. I feel like I keep saying “I wish” this, “I wish” I was like that, etc. But honestly I wish I just knew what the fuck to do with myself. It’s so hard to know if you’re making the right choice. I know that I’m supposed to be making all the wrong choices, I am 24 after all. I need to just choose whatever it is that I want to do and just DO IT - don’t think, just DO. JUST BE. BE ME. 
Yeah, much easier said than done. 
You see, I’ve already made decisions that I’ve second guessed (did I mention I’m 24?) and I just want to be the badass woman that I’m destined to be already! I don’t want to regret any other decisions, so I’m afraid to make any... This sounds ridiculous, because making no decisions at all is way worse than making a bad decision. And there are bigger fish to fry than my silly little problems in my silly little bubble on this silly little rock. 
So there, I’m not sure what else to say. I’m insecure, hello. Welcome to my latest attempt at being a writer. 
1 note · View note