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samxid · 4 months

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Hey guys, I'm pretty sure this painting is haunted (SM64 Theory)

What a God awful thing to have in your basement. But let's wind back and talk about why this thing is so out of pocket.

So in Super Mario 64, we control Mario as he goes to princess peach's castle only to find out she has been kidnapped by Bowser, and he has hidden the 120 power stars in a bunch of paintings. The thing is, as the years have gone by, it has been pretty much implied that the castle from super Mario 64 is NOT princess peach's real castle, and it's instead it's just a private art gallery she has because OF COURSE SHE WOULD HAVE A WHOLE ASS CASTLE THE SIZE OF AN IKEA JUST FOR EFFING PAINTINGS ONLY SHE GETS TO SEE. In any case, most of these paintings have been turned to portals that lead to the places depicted inside of them, or something.

See, the thing about the game is that not only do some paintings send you to different worlds. Pretty much everything and anything can do that if Bowser's right testicle told him to do it at the time. What i mean by that is that there are a LOT of things that are not paintings, but still contain levels.

The first time we interact with such an instance is on "Bowser in the Dark World", where i shit you not, you fight Bowser in the Dark world.

pictured above: Mario gets canonically invis-walled. thanks nintendo.

This level is accessible by being swindled by a literal fucking painting, only to have the literal floor pulled from under you. This, as you might imagine, is not a painting, but rather a black void that somehow contains the level. Cool. What does this mean? let's keep looking at more examples and then schizo out come out with an explanation.

The next time we find something like this, depending on how you play the game, will be at either big boo's mansion, or at the water moat level. We might touch on those on a later post, but for now, let's just head to the basement and see just how non-painting centered the whole thing is.

So the first level you can access (besides lethal laval land) is a hidden level under the name "Shifting sand land."

You can make the argument that this level counts as a painting. And depending on who you ask, you might be correct. Slight issue, though.

Pictured above: The beautiful painting of shifting sand land, depicting all the people that have played this game and not punched air while trying to talk to toad. It might looked like a literal wall with nothing interesting, but that's because, save for the level it leads to, this wall is meant to look like any other wall.

The level is, in fact, not meant to look like a painting, but rather like a wall. This is because you are meant to chase mips around and dive into them, before accidentally face-planting into this wall, thus realizing it moves like a painting, and then going ' 0: ', because you just found a secret level.

In any case, this is a hint that this floor of the castle has an identity crisis and thinks it's cool to make everything levels. The next thing that is not a painting is this tech demo disguised as a subtle design element.

Pictured above: Mario jumps out of a septic tank like the turd he is. It's amazing how, despite jumping into human waste, he somehow comes out shinier than before. This has deep implications about Mario's personal hygiene.

Hazy maze cave is a weird fricking level that has you jump into something that looks like liquid mercury, has the same texture as the metal cap, and we all think is supposed to be a septic tank. This is because the room is surrounded by pipes, and the level itself contains both rolling rocks that have literally no explanation for existing (and only appear on this level, mind you), and it contains a whole maze filled with toxic gas that will kill Mario if you are either caught with low health courtesy of some real strong enemies, or are somehow stupid enough to just stand there and breath it in for too long (otherwise known as "being a game journalist").

In any case, we can laugh at the idea of funny feces on the funny nintendo game all we want, since it PROBABLY means nothing and it's not like we can schizo out find other similar things in the same floor, right?

Anyways, here's yet another similar thing in the same floor. If you are somehow skilled enough to play the game and get things done, you might eventually find yet another tech demo, this time colored blue to make it look like water.

Pictured above: Wait, what the fuck? that's not what the level looks like! the wiki got it wrong! can't a lazy fucker gamer™ steal source credible images anymore?? Where did they even found this? Fine! Let's me steal someone else's picture instead. I'm too lazy to get there on my own anyways. you need, like, 30 (thirty) stars, a rabbit, or a very snappy finger to get it, and i don't feel like dealing with that nonsense.

Pictured above: A picture of dire dire docks, proudly stolen from a nibirus gaming let's play without his consent, like, at all. Hi, nibirus! It's fine, youtubers don't have humans rights anyways, i think... or was that vtubers? meh. he speaks spanish, it's not like he could also happen to know english, or that we have the tools to translate stuff or anything.

ahem! This is dire dire docks. A level that only features a submarine dock on the last half of the level, and is not really dire under any metric. Why they named it that is beyond me. It's likely that this is supposed to represent the water supply of peaches castle, considering it's location near both the way out to the moat on the front of the castle, and of course, being right next to Bowser in the fire sea.

Picture above: Mario ponders what kind of hellish alternate reality he has wandered up in where the room containing both levels isn't the fancy schmancy room it normally is. You might say it's the game's personalization, but i think it's the guys at the wiki getting sloppy on their ploy to make SM64 look like a real game. YOU CAN'T FOOL US FOREVER! I KNOW IT'S JUST A REALLY, REALLY GOOD MOCK UP MADE IN PHOTOSHOP!

That is, the level named "Bowser in the fire sea". Why they named it that when it is not really a sea made of fire, but lava, and Bowser it's not really in the sea of lava is beyond me. It would have made sense to name it Bowser in the lava sea, or Bowser's super lava structure, or something. whatever. Anyways.

By looking at the little chimney thingy you have to jump into, we can infer that this actually part of the heating system, which would make sense to have in an art gallery, since paintings need special cares, including specific temperatures to avoid damage. It's also right next to the thing we established as the water supply, so it checks out.

Now, looking at all this, you might have noticed that there's something that sticks out like a sore thwomp. It's quite obvious that the castle's basement is supposed to be off limits to any and all visitors, and as such is kept under key so only authorized personnel can come to do repairs and such. Now, with this in mind, tell me, WHY THE F U C K IS THIS HERE?

Pictured above: Mario stands in the water of a flooded basement he was probably supposed to unflood. come to think of it, how come there's still water here even after you unflood the moat outside??

Like, hello?? this thing has a little stage to itself, two torches to keep it bright, and it's the only real painting in the whole basement! (fuck you shifting sand lands. more like shitting sand lands ammairait? jk, love you baby gurl ❤)

It's almost like it's meant to be unseen! like it was... vanished.

Think about it! The first floor of the castle (main entrance) seems to contain paintings of historical significance:

Bob-omb battlefield probably depicts some kind of big war that took place.

Cool cool mountain depicts a cool cool mountain... three times, so it's probably important.

Whomp's fortress has an enemy fortress or something of the kind.

Jolly roger bay has some kind of important port that used to have a big-ass ship on it. Not to mention they literally have a whole aquarium with live fishes next to the painting, so it's definitely important.

The room that has the trap probably is supposed to be a room containing all previous rulers of the mushroom kingdom, but Bowser probably fiddled with it to turn it into a trap, (which, by the way, in the old footage of the game, it was meant to cry out for Mario with peach's voice, which means that it was most definitely tampered with by Bowser even more heavily than all the other rooms)

and the room with the stained glasses also probably has some kind of other relevance under normal circumstances. Probably a secret escape route as some people theorize, though i think the way out to the moat through the basement seems to fit this use better, in my opinion.

Also, the top floor is most likely either the main attraction or something of the kind, since it has all the more eccentric exhibits, such as the mirror room, the tiny huge island room, and the clock room, which is yet another floor, mind you.

So, back to Lethal lava land, why the hell would that painting just be down here? as is? for no reason!? because it's haunted, or too scary to display. It probably gives peach the creeps, at the very least. I mean, hell, where would you even display that to begin with?

Seriously! this thing has a damn Mr. I in the level! those things are associated with haunted or cursed levels!

So yeah, i think this thing is haunted and was left down there to rot. never to see the light of day again. What do you think?

Credits to the mario wiki for the pictures and that one youtuber i stole that one picture from lmao.

Thanks for reading all these dumb words i wrote out. this was really eating me up inside. Also, i can't believe i spotted a mandela effect on those pics of BFS and DDD. By the way, my internet went out thrice while trying to post this, so you goddamn know how damn right i am about this.

#mario #mario bros #super mario bros #super mario #mario 64 #super mario 64 #sm64 #theory #fan theory

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