schzd-pd

[schzd-pd]

It is hard, when I retreat into myself, to feel empathy. Especially after I had split on a friend or multiple of them. It was not a violent one, but the schizoid part of me has made me retreat a lot more since then. Even months after, but I need more energy to deal with them. I feel like I am a therapist or usage to them, which would be okay if they would take any advice

But I truly only split and lose a lot of empathy when they admit to not wanting to help themselves or do something egregious, which both happened. I can't put my energy and emotions into someone who is not wanting to grow right now, if they ever will

So here I am, avoiding them. I can't help but think constantly in my mind that they did it to themselves, that they are the cause of their own problems currently. Which right now in the present, they did. Nothing from the past came up and kicked them down. They had such a windfall and wasted it all in barely half a year

I logically understand why they have trouble in the now, but also logically I understand that the past can only excuse so much. I empathized and sympathized with them throughout it all, but they need to help themself more now

I hit my limit of being close friends with them and this is me distancing. When they ask for something, I am saving money and can't. When they vent, I offer sympathies/hugs but don't let them completely unload. So on and so on

It hurts to do this, in a very faint way. Like from the past memories of when I genuinely had a lot of empathy. It's all run dry now, and I need to focus on myself and my own things

Maybe I should write a letter to let my other parts express their feelings to unburden myself of it and let it all go

[schzd-pd]

I have only been up for 24 hours and already I have a weird auditory noise in my left ear like music. I promise I will not take my meds so late again (literally will do the same thing tomorrow)

Either that or I am just extremely sensitive to the fans

Turned the fans off and wow— I guess I'm that sensitive. Good to know, now let me sleep pleaze

[schzd-pd]

Savannah Brown, from a poem titled "Unmute me unmute me unmute me!," featured in Closer Baby Closer: Poems

[schzd-pd]

[schzd-pd]

The Schizoid Disappearance: Feeling Too Much... Then Feeling Nothing

We don’t show it... but many of us feel everything far too deeply. Sometimes it’s so much that we pull away from the feeling itself. Not in a conscious, planned way... but more like a sudden shrinking back, a refusal to stay where it hurts. And because we don’t want to be caught in something we can’t manage, we end up detaching from those feelings before we even get a chance to understand them.

That detachment becomes a pattern. We don’t mean to become strangers to ourselves... but we do. The emotional parts of us drift into the background, and over time we stop recognizing them as ours. We keep functioning, thinking, observing... but the part of us that feels gets sealed off. It’s a way to avoid getting overwhelmed, but it costs us something important. When we cut ourselves off from our emotional core, we lose track of what makes us feel real.

And when we feel less real to ourselves, it becomes harder to relate to others as real, too. Not out of cruelty or selfishness... just because emotional recognition starts with knowing our own inner state. If that part has been muted, it’s easy to miss the emotional reality of the people around us.

So we pull further away. Isolation becomes a kind of safety. Not because we don’t care, but because everything in us says that closeness will be too much. And maybe deep down we hope that by staying away, we won’t hurt others with our inability to be fully there... but that distance can hurt too. It’s not always visible, but it shapes how relationships form... or don’t form at all.

Some of us are only starting to notice this now. Some of us have known it for years. And some of us still feel like shadows inside our own lives, trying to figure out whether there’s a way back toward something more connected... without losing what little stability we’ve managed to build.

We’re not empty. We’re full of what we haven’t yet faced.

Schizoid Education Videos

[schzd-pd]

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This mainly describes my experience. My "splitting" is over safety, comfort. I do have BPD that only comes out when I have that "safe" person which influences me a bit. But overall, all the times I had "split" on my partner was when I perceived that comforting safety as being gone, unreliable, or withheld on purpose

The BPD only makes me more sensitive to these things and also harder to let go when needed. I'm very lucky to have gone through a lot of therapy to help ground me. When the SzPD part of me wants to retreat into the solitude of, "I knew it, close social ties are not worth it" while the BPD part wants to cry, "I opened up my fragile being to you" in betrayal...I can try to breathe and logic it out, give some chances, try to communicate

Everytime that happens it feels like hell, but it has so far been worth the trouble to go through with my partner and a few friends. It does get muddied with the "emotional" vs "logical distancing" of BPD vs SzPD though...

I could ramble on more, but I should sleep. Good night

Splitting and the Schizoid Experience: A Personal Take

For those of us with schizoid dynamics, splitting doesn’t always show up the way it’s described in most clinical writing. We don’t tend to flip between loving and hating people, or shift from idealization to devaluation in a dramatic way. Instead, our internal compass often revolves around one primary distinction, whether something (or someone) feels safe or unsafe.

This binary creates an internal threshold. Once someone crosses it, it can feel like there’s no going back. Even if the shift looks subtle from the outside, something has been internally reclassified. And that reclassification tends to lead us straight into withdrawal...

1. Safety vs. Danger as a Relational Filter

I think most of us aren’t operating on a spectrum of how much we like someone. Instead, we’re trying to calculate whether it’s safe to keep them psychologically near. If someone feels safe, we might let them orbit us maybe even with a surprising level of internal fondness. But if they feel unsafe, that fondness often shuts down immediately.

It’s not always a conscious decision. There’s usually a felt shift (something in the body, or a sudden distancing in the mind) that signals it’s time to pull back. It can feel like that person no longer exists in the same way. Not because we hate them, but because our inner structure has flagged them as dangerous.

2. Emotional Distance Isn’t Indifference

I’ve noticed that emotional distancing after a breach of safety doesn’t mean we stop caring. It just becomes too dangerous to keep caring actively. It can be difficult to keep someone in view internally without reverting to extremes, either too close or completely severed. So we cut contact, emotionally or physically, not to punish, but to stabilize.

Many of us have trouble with "whole object constancy" holding someone as both good and bad at the same time. If someone lets us down in a way that hits the wrong nerve, it may feel safer to view them only through that new filter, even if part of us knows the full picture is more complex. That awareness doesn’t always override the internal demand for safety.

3. The Role of Dissociation and Detachment

In situations where we don’t or can’t physically withdraw, some of us dissociate instead. It’s like we retreat to another layer inside ourselves. We might still talk, still nod, still function... but we’re not really present. I think of it as shifting operations to a more internal control panel, where emotions are muted, and thoughts are screened.

This is especially likely to happen if a situation feels emotionally loaded, but we don’t have the tools or bandwidth to process it in real time. It’s less about being cold, and more about needing a buffer from what’s coming in.

4. Why We Might Not Return

One of the hard things about splitting in the schizoid experience is that once someone feels unsafe, there often isn’t a reset button. Even if they apologize or circumstances change, the shift in our perception tends to hold. I think this is because reestablishing trust would require lowering our defenses again, and for many of us, that feels more dangerous than staying detached.

This can create long-term isolation, even when we miss the connection. The protection instinct overrides the relational impulse.

5. What It Means to Understand the Pattern

Understanding that splitting can be based on perceived safety instead of moral judgments has helped me a lot. It reframes those internal cutoffs as self-preserving responses rather than cold dismissals. It also helps explain why others may not understand our sudden emotional retreat, because from the outside, nothing has visibly changed.

If we can start to track what makes someone feel safe or unsafe to us, it might be possible to hold more nuance over time... or at least to understand our responses with less internal confusion.

We may not always be able to change the pattern, but recognizing the structure behind it can give us some grounding. That grounding can help us make clearer decisions, and maybe even open a few internal doors that would otherwise stay shut.

Schizoid Education Videos

[schzd-pd]

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Yes I'm a schizoid. Yes, I have other issues as well*¹

This blog is mainly for me to reblog, like, and look for things I feel like is my experience. It helps me articulate to my partner better. This blog is not really for discourse. You can follow/unfollow/block as freely as you want, become mutals, etc.

There is no guarantee I directly interact with you

I don't have a firm dni except minors do not dm and such. Otherwise I block as needed.*² However, I will say that all personality clusters are welcomed and trying to argue that a personality disorder automatically makes someone "bad" will get you nowhere with me

Under more is just additional information

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*¹ other issues being BPD, DID, ADHD, etc.

*² I usually soft-block "non-trauma sourced plurality" for comfort if they try to follow. Otherwise interacting with posts is fine. I will block extreme discourse blogs though. I am not looking for discourse discussion mutuals on this blog

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