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Codependency from buried anger. Take our test for buried anger: repressiontest.com

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The source of codependency is often buried anger according to new research. This mirrors our discovery in KI. To begin our work, visit repressiontest.com

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When Empathy Meets Narcissism— podcast guest Mark Vicente of the VOW on HBO Plus.

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Please comment

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Scott Kiloby’s special guest Mark Vicente of THE VOW. A controversial episode because everyone is equally a target, but mainly ourselves when EMPATHY MEETS NARCISSISM.

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Call for Systemic Change: A Position Statement from the Developers of KI

In recent years, many people have become interested in different ways to find freedom, transformation, awakening, or healing. KI Emotional Repression Inquiry (KI) is a somatic-based inquiry process that targets the mind-body connections associated with repression and makes those connections conscious within present moment awareness to alleviate the suffering experienced in various forms. In simpler terms, KI helps you understand how your emotions and body are connected. When we repress or hide our emotions, it can lead to various types of pain or discomfort. KI encourages people to be aware of these connections in the present moment, which can help them feel better and reduce their suffering.

KI's Link to Science

KI is based on scientific ideas that show many kinds of suffering come from repressed emotions, including chronic pain, diseases, mental health problems, addiction, and issues in relationships. People often come to KI while on a spiritual journey or seeking healing. They may already have been diagnosed with certain conditions or think they have some issues. Many of these individuals are considered traditional spiritual seekers. They are looking to reduce their suffering by getting to the root of their problems through awareness of their bodies and feelings.

KI is not just a spiritual path; it combines spiritual growth with real-life relationships and experiences. This brings up the question of whether KI is therapy, medicine, or something else entirely.

Distinguishing KI from Therapy and Medicine

The main difference between KI and regular therapy or medicine is the idea of "the observer is the observed." This means that our understanding of ourselves and our feelings is closely connected to our own experiences. In KI, this concept implies that those who guide others must also work on their own emotional healing.

Even though we have tried to mix KI with therapy and medicine, a big challenge is that neither of these fields requires professionals to do their own personal healing work. The rules and ethics in these professions do not insist that therapists or doctors address their own emotional issues, which can lead to problems in helping others. Because people don’t fully understand the idea of "the observer is the observed" or the need for a practitioner to do their own personal work, we cannot currently bring KI into therapy. Therefore, KI stands apart from that field. It focuses on teaching people how to take responsibility for their own lives.

We also think there is a lot of codependency in therapy that hasn't been properly addressed. We want more studies on codependency in therapy, medicine, and spirituality to help us see how suppressed emotions cause suffering for both the individuals seeking help and those who help them. This situation can lead to a lack of empathy or, conversely, excessive empathy that comes from codependency and unresolved anger. It's important to recognize that sometimes empathy can arise from buried anger, which can be divisive and is linked to what is known as pathological altruism.

Barbara Oakley provides valuable insights on this topic. She states, “Pathological altruism can lead to a situation where the helper is more invested in their own emotional gratification than in the needs of the person they are helping.” This highlights the importance for helpers to engage in their own transformative work to ensure they are truly focused on supporting others.

The Importance of Personal Transformative Work

It is essential for professionals in all fields to prioritize their own personal transformative work. Well-known authors and leaders, such as Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, and Gabor Maté, have all stressed how important personal healing is for effective practice. Each professional should take the idea of transformation seriously to better assist those who are suffering. A person can only help another to the extent that they have achieved their own healing. You cannot simply go to a university and learn how to help others; those who teach or help must also have experienced their own freedom. If they haven’t, they don’t have anything truly transformative to offer.

The Call for Systemic Change

The current state of mental health and medical practices needs significant reform. Institutions must evolve to place a higher priority on personal transformation among practitioners. This change is not just about helping individuals heal together but also about making therapists, doctors, spiritual teachers, meditation instructors, counselors, and anyone who helps others aware of the principle that "the observer is the observed." When looking at something or someone, we view it through the filter of our own emotional experiences, history, and intergenerational trauma. If professionals do not do their own transformative work, their filters and conditioning will directly influence their experiences with clients.

Moreover, we must stop measuring individual diseases or conditions in isolation, as we now know that repression creates many different forms of suffering. Instead, we should measure holistically how repression is being cleared from the body over a lifetime. We must look at all forms of suffering, recognizing that chronic pain, depression, anxiety, and even cancer may share similar roots in emotional repression. The science supports the idea that these conditions often stem from the same underlying issues. Therefore, we need to change the way we study and measure success across all fields, adopting a more holistic approach rather than focusing narrowly on certain conditions or diagnoses.

This lack of communication between therapy, medicine, and spirituality shows a multidisciplinary disconnection that reflects active repression in our world. KI seeks to address this disconnection and foster a multidisciplinary, connected conversation about how we treat suffering as a subject. If we are often unaware of our own suffering, we may unintentionally negatively influence those we seek to help. This includes the stress that therapists and doctors may experience at work, which can affect their patients and clients. We are looking to partner and collaborate with individuals and organizations that share our vision for integrating KI into these fields. Together, we can create a more holistic approach that addresses the whole person, including their emotional, physical, and spiritual experiences.

Conclusion

KI Emotional Repression Inquiry offers a unique approach to transformation by focusing on understanding the mind-body connection and addressing repressed emotions. It emphasizes the importance of personal transformation for professionals in therapy and medicine while advocating for a systemic change that promotes awareness of how our emotional histories shape our interactions. By fostering collaboration across different fields, we can create a more integrated approach to healing that acknowledges the complexity of human experiences. Together, we can enhance the ways we support those who suffer and promote a more compassionate and effective healing environment.

Disclaimer: KI Emotional Repression Inquiry is not a substitute for therapy, medical advice, or treatment. It does not involve diagnosis or therapeutic intervention as defined by licensed practitioners. Participants are encouraged to seek professional medical assistance as well as mental health support for any issues they may face. It is important to note that KI teaches individuals how to engage in the inquiry process for themselves rather than guiding them through it like a therapist would. Our role is to empower participants with the tools to explore their own emotional and bodily experiences, fostering an ongoing relationship that is distinct from the typical therapist-client dynamic.

References

1. Oakley, B. (2016). *Pathological Altruism*. New York: Oxford University Press.

2. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). *The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma*. New York: Viking.

3. Levine, P. A. (2010). *In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness*. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books.

4. Maté, G. (2010). *In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction*. Toronto: Knopf Canada.

[scottkiloby]

On a personal note, I’m loving life beyond measure. ❤️ You should see an accurate picture of me. I don’t always share that. It’s not all teaching and inquiry for others for me. 😀 I have an active life now at 55. Anything but sitting quietly in meditation. Everything feels alive. I dance around my house like a kid in joy now. It is interesting seeing how teaching is itself a spiritual path. I simply could not have real freedom and authenticity as long as I focused on teaching. I needed to feel. I needed to hurt again to embody the realization. I had bypassed. I didn’t have my joy. That makes me cry. I focus on my joy now. It includes the tears and anger. It’s all me. That’s why there is such joy. 🤩

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The Importance of Processing Buried Emotions in Present Moment Awareness

When we refer to borderline or codependent personalities, it often feels disconnected to label our experiences in that manner. I prefer to work with therapists who focus on deeper issues for various reasons. In my experience with mental health treatment centers, I've observed that people who bury their anger may often display codependent traits, as they become people pleasers, prioritizing the feelings of others over their own.

Conversely, individuals with borderline personality traits frequently grapple with a profound fear of abandonment and deep-seated hurt that remains buried. The most effective approach is to work from within the body, addressing repression and emotional wounds, rather than attempting to fix or change the other person. At KI, we emphasize the necessity of processing these buried emotions that contribute to suffering in relationships.

Ultimately, transformation is far more significant than diagnostic labels. If we only achieve symptom relief from a diagnosis, it isn't particularly valuable. We must focus on genuine healing and emotional processing to foster lasting change and healthier relationships.

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“True transformation occurs when individuals shift from merely surviving to thriving. This shift requires confronting buried emotions, fostering resilience, and embracing vulnerability.”

Read “What Motivates Us to Suffer and Why Do We Care?“ by Scott Kiloby on Medium: https://medium.com/@skiloby/what-motivates-us-to-suffer-and-why-do-we-care-0bd1be4a9f7b

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Why do we experience separation and take it to be real? As Carl Jung suggests, the shadow contains repressed parts of our psyche, leading to buried traits and emotions that manifest in others. This dynamic can trigger or attract us to those traits, creating feelings of separation and conflict (Jung, 1953).

Rooted in unprocessed trauma, this duality can foster feelings of

powerlessness and anger in the face of external suffering (Van der Kolk, 2014).

The great spiritual traditions emphasize recognizing our interconnectedness to achieve true freedom (Tolle, 1997). By clinging to our shadows and duality, we risk perpetuating our suffering, mistakenly believing it originates outside of ourselves (Wilber, 2000). To transcend this cycle, it's crucial to process these buried emotions, allowing us to embrace our wholeness and unity with the world. For a deeper exploration, take the free test at repressiontest.com and start your journey towards healing and understanding.

#NonDuality

#HealingJourney

#EmotionalHealing

#Trauma

#BuriedEmotions

#EmotionalRepression

#MentalHealthMatters

#EmotionalWellness

#HealingTrauma

#SpiritualAwakening

#InnerPeace

#Healing

#Awareness

#Awakening

#Presence

#EckhartTolle

#ByronKatie

#Adyashanti

#IntegralSpirituality

#addictionrecovery

#MindBodyConnection

#EmotionalFreedom

#Narcissism

#CovertNarcissism

#GrandioseNarcissism

#Narcissist

#ToxicRelationships

#Gaslighting

#Mindfulness

#Carljung

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Discovering my authentic being and learning to express my boundaries has been a transformative journey. I've realized that establishing safety through these boundaries is essential for intimacy. I invite you to take our free systematic test at repressiontest.com and enjoy our newsletter!

[scottkiloby]

These feelings are not the core of our suffering; rather, they are manifestations created by the deeper emotional repression programs that remain hidden under the surface.

The buried emotions form the foundation of our suffering.

Kiloby.com/toshi

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When Therapy Is Pathologically Altruistic — A Call for Mandatory Self-Processing in the Training and Ethical Standards of Therapists

Introduction

The necessity for effective therapeutic practice hinges on the emotional well-being of therapists themselves. Therefore, there should be mandatory self-processing in the training and ethical standards of therapists to ensure they address their own emotional issues, preventing the transfer of unresolved trauma to clients and enhancing the effectiveness of therapeutic practices. This principle is crucial not only for the integrity of the therapeutic relationship but also for the overall mental health landscape. By fostering a culture where therapists are encouraged and required to engage in their own emotional exploration, we can create a more effective, empathetic, and ethical practice that prioritizes the well-being of both therapists and their clients.

Freud's Insights and the Cultural Landscape of Therapy and Personal Practice

In 1900, Sigmund Freud published *The Interpretation of Dreams*, where he boldly stated that emotional repression produces suffering. His ideas were groundbreaking yet faced significant resistance from the mainstream medical and psychological communities of the time, which largely dismissed the notion that unconscious emotional processes could influence behavior and mental health. This skepticism not only hindered the acceptance of Freud's theories but also created a cultural environment where therapists were often reluctant to acknowledge their own emotional struggles. As Freud's work evolved, it became evident that unresolved emotional issues could lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms, including codependency, a dynamic that many therapists continued to overlook in their practice.

Freud's theories laid the foundation for later thinkers like Carl Jung and Alfred Adler, who expanded on the importance of understanding the unconscious and emotional conflicts.

Pathological Altruism and the Ignorance of the True Root of Suffering

Therapists who do not process their own buried emotions may unknowingly act from codependent patterns, similar to how spiritual teachers can be driven by their own trauma. This phenomenon is often referred to as "pathological altruism," where individuals engage in helping behaviors not purely out of selflessness but to fulfill their unmet childhood needs for love, approval, and safety.

It is important to note that any therapist who helps clients access and process buried emotions and also engages in their own emotional work is completely excluded from the criticisms outlined in this document. This critique specifically targets a class of therapists who may be unaware of the findings of modern science that support Freud and Carl Jung or who are still practicing therapies that do not align with current scientific understanding. Even if these therapies are evidence-based, those therapists might also have buried emotions and could be acting from codependent patterns. By highlighting and pointing out this group of therapists—regardless of their size—this critique focuses on those who are potentially harming clients.

Accountability and Ethical and Training Standards

Currently, ethical codes and state laws for therapists do not mandate that they engage in their own self-work. For instance, the American Psychological Association (APA) and the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) emphasize the importance of self-awareness and competence but do not explicitly require therapists to undergo personal therapy or emotional processing. The APA’s Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct (2017) states that psychologists should "take reasonable steps to avoid harming their clients," but it does not mandate personal therapy.

There's no way to know if an individual therapist is actually causing harm, as we currently lack standards in place for governing boards to examine these issues. This results in a silent phenomenon that will continue unless clients or others affected by the system speak up. One notable voice in favor of therapist self-processing is psychotherapist and author Irvin D. Yalom. In his influential book, *The Gift of Therapy* (2002), Yalom emphasizes the necessity for therapists to undergo their own self-exploration and emotional work to be effective in their practice. He argues that therapists who do not confront their own issues may unintentionally project their unresolved feelings onto their clients, thereby compromising the therapeutic process. However, despite Yalom's significant contributions, there remains a lack of widespread acknowledgment within the therapeutic community regarding the importance of implementing mandatory self-processing in training and ethical standards.

Research supports the notion that therapists need to engage in their own self-exploration and trauma processing to provide effective care. Studies indicate that therapists who have not processed their own trauma may project their unresolved issues onto clients, negatively impacting the therapeutic relationship (Norcross, 2010). Additionally, research by Hill et al. (2000) found that therapists who engage in personal therapy experience enhanced empathy and a deeper understanding of client dynamics. Furthermore, studies suggest that therapists with unresolved emotional issues may experience burnout and a reduced capacity to provide effective support (Figley, 2002; Smith et al., 2011). These findings underscore the necessity for therapists to delve beyond conscious thoughts to uncover hidden motivations and emotional repression that could hinder their practice.

The lack of requirement creates an environment where therapists may engage in codependent helping behaviors without processing their own emotional baggage. As a result, they are not held accountable by their clients, who may lack understanding of these dynamics, or by governing boards that oversee their practice. This absence of accountability allows emotional repression to persist, as therapists may unconsciously seek to meet their own needs through their work. Furthermore, the culture surrounding the profession often instills a sense of shame in therapists regarding their own emotional struggles. This shame acts as a protective layer over buried emotions, which can further inhibit their willingness to seek help for their own issues or engage in necessary emotional work.

The lack of standards regarding buried emotions and codependency in the therapeutic setting compounds the problem of discouraging therapists from reporting their issues and seeking the help they need. This ultimately undermines their potential to become better vehicles for transformation for all of their clients, raising serious concerns about the effectiveness and integrity of therapeutic practices.

The Problem of Underreporting Among Therapists

A significant issue within the therapeutic community is the underreporting of therapists’ struggles due to stigma and institutional pressures. Many therapists feel discouraged from disclosing their unresolved issues, fearing judgment or repercussions within a profession that emphasizes emotional strength and resilience. This culture of secrecy creates an environment where therapists suffer in silence, grappling with their own emotional repression while attempting to support their clients. Compounding this issue is the alarming fact that there has been no prominent public figure or therapist who has made the bold statement that ethical and training standards need to change to require therapists to engage in their own self-processing around trauma and emotional repression. This absence of advocacy is incredibly disheartening, especially for someone like me, who has given up credentials in the addiction and mental health field to act as a whistleblower for the treatment community.

Research by Figley (2002) emphasizes that compassion fatigue and emotional distress can arise in therapists who do not address their own issues, leading to decreased effectiveness in treatment. Similarly, Harrison (2007) found that therapists who maintain unresolved personal issues reported higher levels of stress and burnout, which negatively impacted their therapeutic effectiveness. This underreporting not only perpetuates the stigma surrounding mental health in the therapeutic community but also exacerbates the emotional suffering of therapists themselves.

While there has been some recognition in studies about the need for therapists to avoid burnout, this focus often obscures the deeper problem of emotional suffering. Current research indicates that emotional repression can lead to various forms of suffering, including chronic pain, disease, addiction, and mental health issues (Pennebaker, 1997; Goleman, 1995; van der Kolk, 2014). Smith and Jones (2011) further highlight the correlation between therapists’ unresolved emotional issues and their ability to provide effective client care, emphasizing that therapists who do not address their own emotional struggles may inadvertently transfer their unresolved trauma onto clients. This dynamic hampers both the therapist's healing process and the client's therapeutic journey, preventing the exploration of buried emotions crucial for both parties' well-being. Under such circumstances, therapists may unwittingly perpetuate cycles of emotional repression and codependency without recognizing the impact of their unresolved issues on their practice.

Conclusion

The interplay between therapist self-awareness and client care is crucial. There should be mandatory self-processing in the training and ethical standards of therapists to ensure they address their own emotional issues, preventing the transfer of unresolved trauma to clients and enhancing the effectiveness of therapeutic practices. This is not merely a suggestion but an essential requirement for fostering a therapeutic environment that prioritizes the health and well-being of both therapists and clients.

As we work towards improving the therapeutic landscape, visit us at kiloby.com to learn about our mentorship and training programs if you are a therapist. We invite all therapists interested in exploring these ideas to collaborate with us. Whether you're looking to integrate new practices into your work or want to learn more about KI Emotional Repression Inquiry, we welcome you to reach out and engage in this critical dialogue. Please feel free to email us at support@kiloby.com for more information on training opportunities and collaborative efforts.

Author Bio and Disclaimer

Scott Kiloby is the author of eight books on non-dual awakening and emotional consciousness, and the former owner of the Kiloby Center for Recovery and the Natural Rest House, the first mindfulness-based and trauma-focused emotional repression treatment centers in the U.S. Alongside his co-developer of KI Emotional Repression Inquiry, Dan McClintock, Scott left the treatment and therapy fields, closing their centers due to their concern over how these professions and governing bodies failed to address the harmful effects of codependency on clients.

In their journey, Scott and Dan developed KI to confront their own pathological altruism and codependency arising from buried anger, recognizing that existing therapeutic modalities did not adequately address these issues. They believe that KI could make a significant positive contribution to the field of therapy.

Having done their own emotional work, Scott and Dan do not harbor resentment towards these professions. Instead, they aim to foster an open and inviting atmosphere for debate, collaboration, and training, integrating insights from KI with the gaps in traditional therapy and related fields. This document does not prescribe treatment; rather, it emphasizes the importance of collaboration across disciplines, merging spirituality, therapy, and medicine. Current scientific research indicates that emotional repression is a significant contributor to the various forms of suffering addressed by these fields.

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The Burial and Resurrection of Sigmund Freud—The Impact of Ignoring Emotional Repression in Therapy.

Emotional repression has been increasingly recognized as a significant factor contributing to various forms of suffering, including mental health issues and chronic physical conditions. Freud's fundamental conclusion was that emotional repression produces suffering. He posited that unresolved conflicts from childhood could manifest in various psychological issues. While many evidence-based therapies have successfully helped individuals manage specific conditions, a critical question arises: How do we define "helping" someone? If a therapy provides temporary relief from anxiety, for instance, it might be measured as a successful outcome. However, if that relief only addresses conscious thoughts, feelings, or behaviors without delving deeper into the underlying emotional conflicts, then the effectiveness of that therapy can be called into question.

After much criticism of Freud's work, modern science confirms his basic conclusion regarding emotional repression being a major contributing factor to many forms of suffering. Research supports the notion that buried emotions can create anxiety and other mental health challenges. Studies, such as Gratz and Roemer's (2004) work on emotion regulation, highlight how difficulties in processing emotions can lead to substance use disorders and other psychological issues. Similarly, Gatchel et al. (2007) demonstrated that emotional factors play a crucial role in the development of chronic pain, indicating that unresolved emotional conflicts can manifest physically over time. These findings underscore the importance of exploring deeper emotional issues rather than merely treating surface symptoms, reinforcing the need for therapies that address the root causes of suffering, which often lie in emotional repression.

The importance of depth work in therapy is becoming increasingly recognized. For example, Martin et al. (2000) reviewed the therapeutic alliance's role in treating depression, emphasizing that understanding and processing emotions within the therapeutic relationship can lead to better outcomes. This suggests that therapies incorporating depth work can provide more comprehensive relief, addressing not just the symptoms of anxiety but also the root causes stemming from repressed emotions. Moreover, the connection between emotional repression and addiction illustrates the broader implications of neglecting to address underlying emotional issues. Miller and Smith (2015) found that individuals with higher levels of emotional repression were at greater risk for substance use problems, reinforcing the idea that surface-level interventions may overlook deeper issues contributing to a range of mental health struggles. Aldao et al. (2010) further supported this by summarizing evidence linking repressive coping strategies to various health problems, including both mental health disorders and chronic physical conditions, highlighting the critical need for thorough emotional processing in therapeutic settings.

The history of therapies following Freud is rich and varied, often responding to or critiquing his ideas. Behavior therapy, emerging between the 1920s and 1950s, was shaped by pioneers like B.F. Skinner and Ivan Pavlov. This approach focused on observable behaviors, emphasizing that actions could be learned and modified through rewards and punishments, thus shifting attention from internal thoughts to measurable external behaviors. While this method offered practical techniques for behavior modification, it often sidestepped the deeper emotional issues highlighted by Freud, neglecting the emotional repression that underlies not only mental health challenges but many other forms of suffering.

Humanistic therapy, developed in the 1940s to 1960s by figures such as Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow, sought to promote personal growth and self-acceptance, reacting against Freud's more negative view of human nature. It created a safe environment for clients to explore their emotions, valuing personal experience and feelings. However, even this approach sometimes fell short of fully addressing the root causes of emotional distress by focusing primarily on personal growth without adequately processing underlying repressed feelings.

Cognitive therapy, which gained prominence in the 1960s and 1970s through the work of Aaron Beck, taught individuals to change negative thought patterns that lead to distress. This approach marked a shift from examining unconscious drives to focusing on conscious thoughts, offering a structured and practical method for improving mental health. While cognitive therapy has proven effective, it, too, may neglect the deeper emotional processing necessary for lasting healing, leaving many unresolved issues that contribute to ongoing suffering.

Meanwhile, psychodynamic therapy, which evolved from Freud's original theories, has continued to adapt since the 1960s by focusing on relationships and social factors rather than solely on sexual repression. This modern adaptation retains some core Freudian ideas while broadening the emotional landscape explored in therapy; yet it still risks becoming too focused on surface-level dynamics without addressing the underlying repression that Freud emphasized.

In recent years, trauma-informed therapy has emerged as a critical approach, particularly since the 2010s, with contributions from figures like Bessel van der Kolk. Highlighted in his influential book *The Body Keeps the Score*, this therapy emphasizes the impact of trauma on mental health, recognizing that unresolved emotional issues, including repression, often stem from traumatic experiences. It addresses the limitations of Freud's focus on the unconscious by providing evidence that trauma can manifest in both physical and emotional symptoms, reinforcing the need for therapies that explore buried emotions to foster recovery and healing. Certain techniques within trauma-informed therapy specifically target these buried emotions, making them distinct from other approaches.

Currently, a trend toward integrative approaches is evident, combining various methods to address emotional regulation and nervous system health. There is a growing recognition of the importance of mindfulness and somatic practices alongside traditional talk therapies. Evidence-based practices are increasingly prioritized, with a focus on measurable outcomes and scientific validation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), supported by over 1,000 studies, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), particularly effective for borderline personality disorder, are notable examples of therapies grounded in research. Trauma-informed approaches are also gaining traction, especially concerning PTSD and anxiety, bolstered by a strong evidence base.

In conclusion, while many evidence-based therapies that emerged after Freud have proven effective in providing relief from specific conditions, they often operate at a conscious level, addressing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without adequately processing the deeper emotional repression that underlies not only mental health challenges but many other forms of suffering. This oversight risks leaving individuals with only temporary fixes rather than truly resolving the root causes of their distress. What stops someone from developing chronic pain or even cancer later in their life from the same emotional repression that created the anxiety? The very anxiety that the therapist helped them address may leave them with a false sense of resolution, as they may have only managed the symptoms of their emotional repression rather than achieving a true and lasting resolution. This underscores the critical need for therapeutic practices that prioritize deeper emotional processing, enabling individuals to confront and heal from the buried emotions that are essential to achieving lasting well-being and comprehensive mental health.

Scott Kiloby is the author of seven books on non-dual awakening, an attorney, and a former registered California addiction specialist, as well as the co-developer of KI Emotional Repression Inquiry, a transformative spiritual practice that addresses emotional repression within an awareness-based context. To learn more about KI, visit kiloby.com.

Scott Kiloby trains therapists and other licensed health care professionals in KI. To be mentored/trained in KI or to collaborate with the co-developers of KI, email support@kiloby.com.

Scott Kiloby is not a therapist, doctor, or current licensed healthcare professional. KI Emotional Repression Inquiry is not therapy or medicine. The mentors and trainers of KI do not diagnose or treat any health conditions.

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The Interconnectedness of Awareness, Conditioning, Environment, and Genetics—An Exploration of the Historical Insights Leading to the Development of KI Emotional Repression Inquiry

Introduction

With KI, we've discovered an experiential way of experiencing directly the interconnectedness that has been referred to throughout history regarding awareness, environment, conditioning, and genetics. These ideas have often been intellectualized or even crystallized into being separate things.

In fact, the wisdom of the great non-dual traditions tells us that the reality of separation is an illusion. This document points to how KI brings about a deep embodied realization of the interconnectedness of these areas of awareness, environment, conditioning, and genetics. It shows that they are inseparable from each other. This insight or understanding then shapes a spiritual practice that mirrors and confirms many of the great insights discussed in this document, including the groundbreaking insights of John Wheeler and his contributions to quantum physics, the role of genetics, key thinkers in experiential realizations, trauma research, and other important historical discoveries that made it possible for KI to be developed.

A Brief History of Human Beliefs About Reality

Throughout history, humans have held various beliefs about the nature of reality and the relationship between thoughts and experiences. Ancient philosophies, particularly from Eastern traditions, often emphasized the interconnectedness of consciousness and the universe, suggesting that thoughts and awareness shape experiences. However, these ideas were not universally acknowledged.

In Western philosophy, thinkers like Descartes proposed a dualistic view, separating the mind from the body and external reality. This separation led to a fragmented understanding of human experience, where thoughts were seen as disconnected from physical and emotional realities. The scientific revolution further emphasized objective observation, sidelining subjective experiences and emotions.

The groundbreaking ideas of John Wheeler in the 20th century shifted this paradigm. Wheeler proposed the participatory universe, suggesting that reality is not merely observed but actively shaped by observers. This concept introduced a new understanding of the interconnectedness of consciousness, environment, and experience.

John Wheeler and the Participatory Universe

John Wheeler, a groundbreaking physicist, proposed the idea of the participatory universe, suggesting that reality is shaped by observers. He emphasized that our observations influence the outcome of quantum events, implying that the universe is a co-creation between consciousness and the physical world.

This idea fundamentally challenges traditional notions of reality and encourages a deeper exploration of how our upbringing and environment shape our beliefs and experiences.

Quantum Physics and Related Thinkers

This section explores key thinkers in quantum physics who have expanded upon Wheeler's findings and connect these ideas to a broader understanding of human experience. Their contributions highlight the shift from a purely scientific perspective to one that embraces the spiritual implications of interconnectedness.

David Bohm expanded on Wheeler’s ideas by introducing the concept of holistic interconnectedness. This means that everything in the universe is connected and works together as one big system. Imagine how all the pieces of a puzzle fit together to create a complete picture; that's how Bohm saw the universe.

Bohm's relationship with J. Krishnamurti, a prominent spiritual teacher, emphasized the importance of direct experience and awareness in understanding reality. Their discussions bridged the gap between science and spirituality, showing how insights from quantum physics resonate with experiential realizations in non-dual traditions.

Niels Bohr contributed to quantum theory with his principle of complementarity. This principle states that things can be seen in different ways depending on how you look at them. For example, if you look at a light beam, it can behave like a wave (like ripples in water) or like a particle (like tiny balls). How you observe it changes what you see.

Albert Einstein, despite having different views, supported the idea of non-locality, where information can travel instantaneously across distances without being physically connected. This concept reflects how our experiences and emotions are interconnected, even if we don’t see it.

Erwin Schrödinger introduced the idea of wave function collapse, which explains that possibilities become real when we observe them. Before we look, things can be in many states at once, like a spinning coin. When we check, it stops spinning and shows us one clear result.

Lastly, Fritjof Capra, in his book "The Tao of Physics," connects quantum physics with Eastern philosophies. He explains that both ideas suggest that everything in our universe is connected and that our environment and experiences are inseparable.

The Role of Genetics

The history of genetics is also important in understanding our interconnectedness. Genetics is often viewed as something separate from our environment and experiences, but research shows that this is not the case. Genes are influenced by environmental factors, meaning that the experiences we have can turn genes on or off.

For example, studies have demonstrated that stress or trauma can lead to changes in gene expression, impacting how we feel and function. By understanding genetics in the context of environment and conditioning, we can see how our biological make-up interacts with our emotional experiences and the environment we live in.

This interconnectedness helps us comprehend how trauma and conditioning not only affect us individually but can also be passed down through generations. Trauma research illustrates how the imprint of our experiences is not only present in our adult lives but can influence future generations as well.

Neuroplasticity and Trauma Research

Neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, is a crucial concept in understanding how trauma impacts our emotional and psychological well-being. Research shows that when individuals experience trauma, it can lead to changes in brain structure and function, affecting their emotional regulation and behavior.

However, engaging in practices like KI Emotional Repression Inquiry can promote neuroplastic changes that enable healing and transformation. By processing buried emotions and traumas, individuals can create new pathways in the brain that facilitate healthier emotional responses and decision-making.

This means that as we make the unconscious conscious, we can change our conditioning and, in turn, affect our environment. For example, individuals may find themselves more willing to speak up in situations where they previously felt silenced, pursue careers that align more closely with their authentic selves, or leave relationships that no longer serve them.

This illustrates how emotional healing through KI can lead to profound changes in both personal and relational contexts.

Key Thinkers in Experiential Realizations

The older non-dual traditions, including Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta, made the important point that direct experience or realization is crucial for understanding our reality. They emphasized that true insight comes from experiencing awareness directly, rather than just thinking about it or measuring it like a scientist would.

This emphasis on direct experience is vital because it allows individuals to connect with their reality in a profound way. Some Western thinkers, such as Carl Jung and Friedrich Nietzsche, recognized that while the focus on direct experience is essential, there are also deeper aspects of our psyche to consider.

Sigmund Freud's notion that emotional repression produces suffering was groundbreaking, but it faced significant societal resistance. This resistance stemmed not only from individuals' personal repression—which prevented them from feeling their buried emotions—but also from broader cultural factors, including a general disdain for discussions about sexuality, which Freud focused on extensively.

Freud pointed out that repression—the act of pushing painful feelings and memories out of our conscious awareness—creates suffering. If we do not include these concepts in our understanding of direct experience, we risk overlooking important parts of ourselves.

Many non-dual traditions and teachers emphasized how the observer is the observed, contributing significantly to our understanding of awareness. They showed that everything that arises does so directly in awareness, allowing us to experience our reality from a place of awareness rather than merely conceptualizing it, as many scientists tended to do.

Nietzsche emphasized the importance of personal experience and self-overcoming, proposing that individuals must confront their own conditioning and limitations to realize their true potential. Direct realization provides insights that lead to transformation, which is different from just gathering information; insight allows us to change how we experience our lives.

In non-dual traditions, such as those taught by Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj, the importance of seeing no separation between self and other is central. They taught that in non-dual realization, we directly perceive the interconnectedness of all things. This realization helps us understand that our individual experiences are part of a greater whole.

Missing Piece in Spiritual Experiences or Realizations

When discussing the importance of direct experience in transformation, we must mention the bypass or the missing piece. Many Eastern teachings emphasize awareness and non-duality, but they often overlook the emotional aspects that are crucial for an integrated understanding of ourselves.

This bypass refers specifically to the tendency to seek deeper understanding while neglecting essential parts of our emotional experience, particularly buried emotions. This neglect can lead to an incomplete realization of ourselves and our connection to the world. Research has shown that many individuals who engage in spiritual practices may inadvertently bypass dealing with their buried emotions, leading to ongoing suffering and unresolved issues.

For example, articles by psychologists such as John Welwood have pointed out how spiritual bypassing can manifest when individuals use spiritual beliefs or practices as a means to avoid confronting their emotional pain. Welwood emphasizes that this bypassing can lead to a disconnection from one’s feelings and unresolved traumas, ultimately hindering genuine personal growth.

Similarly, Ken Wilber's work on the shadow illustrates how individuals often miss the importance of integrating repressed emotions within spiritual practices. He argues that without addressing these shadow aspects, one may remain stuck in a limited understanding of their true self. This shadow represents the parts of ourselves that we have denied or buried, often due to fear or societal conditioning.

Bessel van der Kolk, in his article "The Body Keeps the Score," discusses how unresolved trauma can become trapped in the body, leading to both emotional and physical issues. He emphasizes the necessity of acknowledging and processing these buried emotions to achieve true healing. This aligns with the concept of emotional repression, which, if left unaddressed, can manifest in various forms of suffering and disconnection from one's authentic self.

The bypass or avoidance of buried emotions is not only a hindrance to self-realization or personal growth but also impairs our capacity for understanding and insight about our reality. Many spiritual practices lack access to the very root of our suffering—the buried emotions that create the duality and suffering we experience. Without addressing these emotions, individuals may find themselves caught in cycles of suffering that prevent them from achieving genuine insight and freedom.

By recognizing and integrating these buried emotions and shadows into our understanding of ourselves, we can move toward a more complete realization of our true nature. This process is essential for achieving the depth of freedom and understanding that many seek through spiritual practices.

Case Studies to Connect the Science with Direct Experience

The stories of Jack, Jill, and their cousin Bill illustrate that no matter how profound our scientific insights may be, suffering remains a deeply human experience. These narratives highlight that the greatest contribution of science may lie in its ability to help us relieve ourselves from the shackles of duality and suffering.

Understanding how to achieve this requires a deeper comprehension of the emotional roots of our suffering, as well as an awareness of how genetics and environment interplay in shaping our identities.

Jack's Journey

Jack grew up in a family with an alcoholic father and a distant mother. In this environment, he learned to suppress his anger to maintain peace at home. This repression shaped his ego and led to lifelong struggles with addiction, depression, and anxiety. Jack discovered through KI Emotional Repression Inquiry that his struggles were not just personal failings but were also influenced by genetic predispositions to emotional dysregulation and addiction.

Initially, Jack believed that his family history dictated his future and that he was trapped in a cycle of dysfunction. However, as he engaged with KI, he began to confront the buried emotions that had festered within him for years. Jack realized that the separation he felt between his genetic predispositions and his ability to change was an illusion. Through this work, he could transform his understanding of himself and break free from the cycle of suffering.

Years later, armed with a new understanding of neuroplasticity, Jack embraced the idea that he could reshape his brain and emotional responses. The non-dual realization he experienced through KI was embodied in his daily life, allowing him to explore healthier coping mechanisms and take control of his life. This realization empowered him to share his insights with others in a way that was inviting and joyful.

Jill's Journey

In contrast, Jill's experience was marked by a more direct trauma. As a child, she was sexually abused by her father, which left deep emotional scars. She grew into adulthood suffering from unexplained pelvic issues and allergies that doctors could not diagnose. Unbeknownst to her, these physical ailments were manifestations of the sadness and hurt she had buried from her childhood trauma.

Through KI, Jill learned that her genetic makeup might have predisposed her to anxiety and stress responses, but she also recognized that her emotional repression prevented her from fully processing these experiences. Initially, Jill believed her traumatic past defined her and that she would always be at the mercy of her environment and genetics. However, engaging in KI allowed her to confront her buried emotions and the belief that her past was unchangeable.

By acknowledging her trauma and understanding the concept of neuroplasticity, Jill could create new pathways in her brain that facilitated emotional healing. The non-dual realization she experienced was not just an intellectual understanding but an embodied transformation that profoundly impacted her relationships and professional life. This transformative experience not only alleviated her suffering but also revolutionized her therapeutic practice, allowing her to help others achieve emotional freedom and insight into the nature of their experiences.

Bill's Journey

Bill, Jack and Jill's cousin, offers a unique perspective shaped by his upbringing in a seemingly stable household. Despite this, he felt the pressure to be the "perfect" child, suppressing his own emotions to maintain the family's image of success. Bill's genetic predispositions, coupled with his environment, led him to believe that he could never truly express his authentic self.

Initially, Bill thought he was different from Jack and Jill, as he had not experienced overt trauma. However, he eventually realized that the emotional repression he faced was just as significant. Through KI, he learned that the beliefs instilled in him about perfection and success were not fixed and could be transformed.

Bill's journey emphasized that even those who appear to have it all together can carry unacknowledged emotional burdens. By working through his conditioning and recognizing the interconnectedness of his genetics and environmental influences, he understood that the separation he felt between himself and his potential was an illusion. The non-dual realization he experienced through KI became embodied in his life, empowering him to pursue a more authentic existence, aligning his career with his true passions and enabling him to express his emotions more freely.

Collectively, the journeys of Jack, Jill, and Bill illustrate how KI Emotional Repression Inquiry provides a framework for understanding and transforming the interplay of genetics and environment. Each of them learned that they were not bound by their past experiences or genetic predispositions; rather, they could reshape their realities through awareness and emotional processing. The emotional processing of KI was essential in manifesting the non-dual realization they sought, impacting their lives and relationships in profound ways.

The Contribution of KI to Experiential Realization

KI Emotional Repression Inquiry, co-developed by Scott Kiloby and Dan McClintock, serves as a bridge between Eastern and Western approaches to understanding our experiences. By integrating experiential awareness with the processing of buried emotions, KI embodies the principles of non-duality in a practical way.

The participatory universe concept, as proposed by Wheeler, resonates with the idea that each individual's direct experience shapes their reality. This realization emphasizes that the observer is, indeed, the observed. KI provides a transformative experiential approach that allows individuals to explore and understand their unconscious conditioning.

This conditioning is the result of past experiences that we may not even be aware of, but they affect how we feel and act today. But it doesn't normally arise to awareness in any spiritual practice. NKI individuals do something unique to most forms of spiritual practice in that they bring up mind-body connections that are completely buried and associated with trauma and buried emotions from childhood.

It took the developers of KI to develop a special skill to make this particular conditioning conscious. KI employs a unique method called Intentional Rapid Fire Inquiry, which helps people make conscious the conditioning that creates the duality in their lives. This approach allows individuals to experience the direct connection between their past conditioning and their present experiences, offering insights that transcend mere intellectual understanding.

When individuals bring these mind-body connections into awareness, they see how they are responsible for the duality they experience. The identities formed in childhood, the shadows of past experiences, and the coping mechanisms developed in response to trauma all replay in their adult relationships, often mirroring their childhood dynamics with caregivers.

In conclusion, KI's contribution is experiential and transformative. It allows us to synthesize the scientific insights from thinkers like John Wheeler into a context that leads to direct experience through KI as a means of achieving freedom from suffering. Moreover, it corrects the missing pieces present in many Eastern practices, enabling individuals to embody non-dual awareness fully and live the insights that Wheeler and others have inspired.

By addressing the conditioning based on survival from childhood and bringing buried emotions to light, KI offers a pathway to a depth of freedom previously unimagined. The neuroplastic changes that occur as individuals process their emotions illustrate how we can actively reshape our lives and environments, making decisions that align more closely with our true selves.

We appreciate the great thinkers who have pointed us in the direction of experiential understanding, allowing us to bridge the gap between intellectual insights and lived experience.

To explore KI Emotional Repression Inquiry, visit repressiontest.com to take our free somatic test and be automatically added to our newsletter.

**Disclaimer:** The co-developers, trainers, and mentors of KI are neither doctors, therapists, nor other licensed or credentialed healthcare professionals. KI is a personal transformative practice that people learn to do on their own outside of the clinical setting. If you are interested in collaborating with the co-developers of KI, contact support@kiloby.com.

[scottkiloby]

The Skillful, Compassionate KI Approach to Recovery

In exploring recovery from addiction, it is essential to understand that attempting to eliminate all addictive behaviors before addressing the underlying buried emotions and trauma that drive these addictions can be counterproductive. Scientific literature supports the notion that emotional repression is a significant factor in addiction. For instance, a study by Sinha (2001) found that individuals with a history of trauma and emotional repression are more likely to develop substance use disorders. This suggests that unresolved emotional issues can manifest as addictive behaviors, as individuals seek to cope with their emotional pain through substances or other addictive activities.

When individuals attempt to stop these behaviors without first resolving the emotional turmoil, they may face overwhelming shock to their system, as they are driven by a fundamental need for safety. The high relapse rates in addiction recovery, often cited between 5% and 20% (McLellan et al., 2000), may stem from this approach. When individuals attempt to cease harmful behaviors, they are often motivated by shame, which is itself a protective layer over buried emotions (Brown, 2006).

Research by Dearing et al. (2005) emphasizes that shame acts as a barrier to addressing repressed emotions. Their findings indicate that individuals experiencing shame are less likely to seek help and more likely to engage in avoidance behaviors, perpetuating their addiction. Furthermore, a study by Gilbert & Andrews (2010) reinforces the notion that shame can directly correlate with relapse rates, underscoring that unprocessed shame raises the likelihood of returning to addictive behaviors. This cycle reinforces the idea that a shame-based recovery model can perpetuate a circular pattern where individuals find themselves trapped in their addictions rather than genuinely recovering.

The fear of feeling repressed emotions is a primary driver of addiction (Miller & Rollnick, 2013). When individuals engage in recovery without addressing these buried emotions, they navigate their journey through fear, which can further entrench them in their addiction.

Many individuals may find that their addiction is tied to a longstanding desire for parental approval or love, which often remains unfulfilled due to unresolved childhood dynamics. This insidious cycle can lead to a focus on external validation in recovery rather than addressing the underlying emotional needs that drive addiction. The challenge lies in recognizing that the conscious thoughts surrounding addiction—such as feelings of being a loser or having something wrong with them—are merely distractions from the buried emotions that require attention.

It is crucial to understand that recovery must go beyond merely thinking about recovery or trying to rearrange thoughts, which often means attempting to believe something more positive than the negative belief system associated with pain or addiction. It is also essential to recognize that simply feeling and allowing your feelings is not enough, as buried emotions are repressed and require deeper engagement. The focus should be on emotional repression, as supported by scientific evidence. While not everyone may be ready to engage with these deeper emotional issues at a given time, it is essential for individuals to understand that emotional repression is the target when they are prepared to confront their struggles. Recovery cannot solely hinge on mindfulness or processing shame and limiting beliefs if these are rooted in emotional repression.

KI Emotional Repression Inquiry

KI emotional repression inquiry is an innovative approach developed by Scott Kiloby and Dan McClintock at the Kiloby treatment centers in Rancho Mirage and Indio, California, from 2017 to 2022. Scott Kiloby is a former registered California addiction specialist. Introduced to the public in 2022, this method specifically targets the mind-body connections responsible for the suffering experienced in daily life. KI focuses on teaching individuals how to process buried emotions while regulating their nervous systems, recognizing that habits formed in response to childhood trauma serve to protect individuals from facing their buried emotions.

KI is not therapy or counseling; it is a personal transformative practice that one must learn on one's own with the help of a mentor. Unlike traditional recovery programs, the mentors in KI are not sponsors as found in 12-step programs. Instead, the role of mentors is to help individuals become skillful in this process and to provide the context needed, including the science, to focus their recovery on what matters—the root of the issue.

This approach provides a supportive community and mentorship to help individuals develop the skills necessary for deeper emotional work, enabling them to process their emotions at a pace that aligns with their personal readiness and nervous system regulation. Through the practice of KI, individuals are empowered to own their emotions, express feelings that were previously suppressed during childhood, and ultimately free themselves from the shackles of addiction.

To begin your journey with KI, take our free somatic test at repressiontest.com, which will automatically add you to our newsletter to learn about the services we offer.