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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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three dreaded letters

ingrid engen x mapi leon x teen!reader

summary: reader plays for Barca, she gets injured in the match and her mother figures and the whole team support her. ingrid and mapi caring for her

(this is a request)

reader is 18, signed for Barca at 15, amazing I know right?

reader calls mapi mom and Ingrid mama

word count: 1589

warnings: angst, fluff, acl injury, protective team

enjoy!

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There was no secret that the common injuries for footballers, especially women footballers is the dreaded three letters.

Anterior cruciate ligament tear, also known as an acl tear...

Hearing about the experience of your teammates, both club and national team, you pretty much knew what the injury detailed.

You tracked back to defend, when you hit the ground. The fear that ran through your body when you heard the pop. The pop in your left knee felt like everyone described.

The pain in your knee was something you've never experienced before, it was so horrible and painful. It literally felt like a hammer smashed both sides of my knee.

The ball was still in play, but I was in so much pain I could not get up. I played limp on the ground, thinking about everything. How was recovery going to be? Is this the end of my career at 18? Will I ever be the same? Will people support me?

I did not realise I was screaming in pain until Mom and Mama ran over to me, the couple is like you moms, you even live with the two of them in an apartment together.

Then Alexia walked over, she came back recently from an acl tear herself. And exchanged knowing looks, they knew by the look of you holding onto your knee.

"Where does it hurt?" Mom asked, crouching down to you.

"Knee, acl, it popped Mom, i tore it" you responded to her. Then Aitana came running over and Alexia motioned to the medics.

"We don't know if it is the acl, but if it is, me and Mom. Also the whole team will be there with you kid. You are so strong and you will get through this y/nn" Mama said softly.

You started sobbing, leaning into Mom crying. She held you comforting and then literally the whole team stood by your side.

The medics arrived and started to assess me, everyone looked at me, with concerned looks full of sympathy. But you can't focus on them, the only thing that going through your mind is the pain, how will rehab be, will I ever be the same?....

Then I was carried off on a stretcher. All you wanted was your moms, the pain in your knee increased with every second. It was unbearable

Frido already setting with the rest of the team on the sidelines, saw everything, she is like your older protective sister at the team. Her being out with a meniscus injury in her right knee immediately understood the serious situation and rushed to you when the stretcher went past her. Walking through the tunnel beside you holding your hand she felt heartbreak for the teenager, the medics told her what happened and secretly she knew right away what it was.

She could not bear the thought of her little sister being injured.

Walking into one of the medical rooms with Frido whispered supporting words in your ear, the medics sat you on a table.

"We need to take some scans of your knee before we know for sue but it unfortunately seems like your acl. Im really sorry kid" one of the medics said.

I broke down again in pain.

The game was over quickly after your being carried off. Since it was only 15 minutes left. They won the game but felt horribly pain for you, being in the starting line up at Barca as a 18 year old kid. Everyone felt their duty was to protect you.

The scans showed that you had tore your acl

It was the worst thing you've been told ever, the three dreaded letters was something you wouldn't wish on anyone. Not the star player on your rival team, or upon your worst enemy. It is pain through and through.

Frido hugged me lovingly and said "I love you y/nn, we will be with you all the way".

I half smiled to her, appreciating the words.

The door to the medical room opened.

"Knock knock" Caroline said walking in with a supporting but sad smile and behind her was the rest of the team. You allowed them to come in for a few minutes. But really the ones you only wanted was your mums.

You tried to speak, but it got muffled out by tears. Frido seeing that saying.

"It is her acl unfortunately" Frido said, she never thought she would ever say that. The pain in her voice showed that.

The team already knew but the words coming out of Frido´s mouth was something none of the girls would ever want to hear.

"I am terribly sorry my love" Mama said to me reassuring walking over to me with Mom, mama giving me a hug while Mom held my hand softly.

Ona is one of my best friend on the team, she came over to me and gave me a hug. "We are all with you" she said caring.

"Thank you all so much, I really appreciate all of you but I want a moment with my moms, and then you can come in again afterwards".

"Of course bebita, we will pick up some things for you, if you'd like. Some warmer clothes or something to drink and eat?" Alexia asked me with the softest smile ever.

The captain of the team, also the La Reina. Not everyone knows this but she really is a big softie, but really a reassuring and stern captain.

"Yes please, If you don't mind I would love that, thank you so much" I answered.

"No problem babe, but I think you should call Leah and some of our others national teammates after, my phone has blown up with messages from Leah, Beth, Millie and pretty much everyone else", she said.

Yes, I am a lioness. And me growing up in London being an Arsenal fan through and through, I was at the arsenal academy when i got the Barca contract. I immediately accepted, it was my dream club to play for other than Arsenal.

COYG

Some time in the future I want to play in London, not now tho.

"Yeah I know, I will call them after", i said.

I am very close with the national team, especially Leah, I have known her for almost my whole life, because of arsenal academy and because our families has always been friends. So she is like my protective but stern older sister, and I will say I am closest with her on the England squad. The whole squad is very protective so I know they're probably worried sick now.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard the door open again and shut again. The rest of the team walked outside, me being alone with my mom.

I started crying again and they started sobbing too.

"elskling" mama said walking quickly over to me giving me the warmest hug ever. "I am so sorry love" she said to me wiping away my tears.

"Mama and mom, I don't think I will get through this, what if rehab is not worth it, what if this is my career end, what if" a voice cut me off.

"stop, stop, stop my love, me and your mama will be there with you every step of the way. You are worth it, the rehab will be worth it. You will get through this" Mapi said sternly but soft.

"Your mom is right y/nn, you will get through this and we will be there with you every step of the way" Ingrid said holding my hand.

"Every step of the way"

Mom took my face in her hand, so that we stared right into each others eye. she kissed my forehead and gave me a hug saying "You are one of the strongest people me and your mama have met, we promise you. You will get through this and come back stronger than ever".

"I love you so much mama and mom, but I am so scared, is this my fault? what will everybody say?

"elskling" Mama said looking me right in the eye.

"It is not your fault, this can happen to anyone and nobody will think it is your fault. I promise you, you may think it is your fault but bless you love it is not"

"You've got this, we are with you every step of the way and we've got you", Mom said to me with the most heartwarming look ever that wanted me so sob again.

"We love you so much" mama said.

"Always, we will always be here with you" my moms said giving me a bone crushing hug.

We sat like that for a while, just hugging, you have no idea of grateful I am for my moms, my club and national team. They are like my family, blood or not.

My moms pulled away, still holding me softly saying

"We believe in you, this is obviously tough news but you are a thousand times tougher, it is hard but we and the other girls will help you, even if you need to lift a finger. Everyone is there with you, you can do this" they said to me, the tone in the words was familiar. It was voice of confidence and loving.

You smiled accepting them, only nodding.

You leaned into them again hugging, with a sad but meaningful smile on your face. Knowing that you have the best moms and family in the world.

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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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you can't keep secrets from us

arsenal wfc x reader

more of a blurb because i'm tireeeed.

r has a secret girlfriend. the team finds out, and they are NOT pleased.

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You didn't know the hickey was there, truly. You would have to be stupid to knowingly go into the locker room and change in front of your teammates with a hickey on your chest. Anyone would have been made fun of but you? It would be 1000x worse if it was you. You had been with the team for years, since you were 16. Now, you were 19, yet everyone still treated you like the kid you'd been when you'd arrived.

The moment Katie's eyes fell to your upper chest, voice fading out, and you looked down to see what she was staring at, you knew you were fucked. You were thought briefly of throwing a shirt on and taking off out of the locker room, but then everyone would just chase you, and it would be even worse. So, you stood silently, wincing as Katie's loud, loud voice filled the room.

"What is THAT," she shouted, and the locker room went silent around you.

"What's what?" Beth asks, spinning you around. Her jaw drops. You don't blame her; it's ridiculously large, and you make a mental note to scold your girlfriend when you get home. "Who did that to you!" Beth shrieks, and you cover your face with your hands, feeling blood rush to your cheeks.

"You are too young for hickeys, too young for sex," Leah begins, marching over to glare at you from a shorter distance.

"Guys, I don't need a lecture," you say pathetically, bringing your shirt up to cover the mark.

"Well maybe if you hadn't come into the locker room with the worlds biggest hickey," Katie muttered.

"Was it a one night stand?" Alessia asked, and you shoot her a glare. She only smirks mischievously in return. As one of the younger girls, you'd have hoped she would have your back.

"Yeah, y/n, you pick someone up at a bar?" Kyra calls, and you resist the urge to throw something at her. There is a strict no-throwing-things-at-Kyra rule, one that everyone has to fight hard not to break, every day. She just really bring it out in everyone.

You pull your shirt on, finally, but you're boxed in at your locker, surrounded completely by Beth, Leah, Katie, and a silent yet nauseated looking Steph. Steph was your only hope, the only one who you believed could really reign in the others' teasing. You looked pleadingly at her. Just as you're sure Steph is going to tell everyone to leave you alone, Viv speaks up.

"Maybe she has a girlfriend?" She placates. The look on her face tells you she thinks she's being helpful, but her words make the locker room go quiet once again.

"No, no way. She would have told us if she had a girlfriend." Leah scoffs, before her eyes widen at the look on your face. You're completely caught out, and you know it.

The 4 girls surrounding you let out a collective gasp, and Katie drops onto the bench dramatically. Caitlin places her hands on her shoulders, and sighs as if she's just found out she lost a loved one.

"I think I might pass out," Katie says, leaning into Caitlin.

"We'll get through this together, as a team," Caitlin declares.

You roll your eyes at their dramatics, but Steph's hands are on your shoulders, and you're no longer hoping she'll protect you. Instead, you're beginning to think you need to be protected from her.

"Tell me you don't have a secret girlfriend," Steph begs.

"I don't have a secret girlfriend," you say automatically and Leah wacks the back of your head. "Okay okay! She's not a secret girlfriend, I just hadn't mentioned her yet," you say, and the room goes into an uproar. Everyone is asking questions over each other, and you couldn't possibly answer them all.

"Who is she?"

"Are you being safe?"

"What's her name? First AND last!"

"What does she look like?"

"How old is she?"

"What does she do?"

The onslaught of questions is interrupted, thankfully, by Kim and Lia walking into the room. They'd been talking to Jonas, and they'd left the locker room in relative calmness, which is not what they returned to.

"QUIET!" Kim yells, once again bringing silence.

"What is happening?" Lia asks, looking worried.

"SOMEONE has a secret girlfriend, and showed up with a huge hickey on her chest." Leah responded automatically, and you sigh. You shouldn't have come today. You shouldn't have even gotten out of bed.

Lia and Kim look at you in disbelief. Then, Kim goes to the door, and shuts it. They both turn to you.

"How could you keep this from us?" Lia asks incredulously. You groan, looking at Kim as your last hope.

"Can we meet her?" she asks, lips tugging into a grin. The captain has spoken, evidently, and now everyone is grabbing for your phone, and the questions resume.

You groan, sitting down heavily on the bench.

"ALRIGHT. One question at a time."

Surprisingly, it's Kyra's voice that breaks through first. "Is that why you kicked me out last night? So you and your secret girlfriend would have time to fu-"

"KYRA" you shout, interrupting her. She smiles innocently at you, and now the whole room just looks disgusted. Leah raises her hand next, a stern expression on her face that you recognize as the face she makes when arguing with refs. You point to her, gesturing for her to speak.

"I have 5 questions. Should I ask them all together, or one at a time?"

It was going to be a long day.

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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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My new account is @scribblesofagoonerr

Let’s just say I messed up and I’m still trying to figure the app out 🫠

Family, not by blood but by choice instead | awfc x reader

You should have known, there was tell-tail signs all throughout the last several years and yet you were so blind about it all.

Your mother was a narcissist, she was manipulative and gaslighted you your whole life, you were always made out to the bad guy and she was the victim.

It was clear as day to anyone on the outside, but your niave self just chose to always believe different about things.

Looking back on the several years of your childhood, you had always thought you upbringing wasn't completely terrible. It was just the 2 of you, only your mum and you ever since you could remember. Your parents ended up splitting up when you were really little but ever since that day, you had always been made out to be the reason for their seperation.

You had always wonderd how it could be your fault. You was only 3 when he walked out, so how could it really be like that?

"You were always too much to handle. He couldn't cope," Your mum would say, all of them long nights when you would wrap your tiny arms around her and sob your little heart out to her.

"I'm here, you've got me. You've only ever got me," Her words were embedded in your head from the day that you'd decided to try and have an open conversation about the possibility of finding your dad. "Why go and find him? Haven't I been good enough. I'm the one that's looked after you all of these years and this is the thanks that I get in return?" It was always something that like, always a guiltrip and it was something that she knew would work well.

The harsh statement of the most recent conversation with the older woman left a bitter taste in your mouth and make you question every single thing in life.

"Aren't you happy for me? I made it, mum!" You exclaimed, you were happy enough to want to share the news with your mum but you found so dumbfound by her response which left you feeling shame and judgement for even wanting to tell her.

"Yes you have made it Y/N but you know, you only have me to thank for that now, don't you?" Your mum once again found a way to make it about herself, regardless of the situation; It was always and only ever about her. "I'm sure that you can find some way to thank me though. All of those years and the amount I have spent on football boots for you. You'd be nowhere if it wasn't for me and I think you owe me now, don't you?" she told you.

You remember feeling stunned by her words, there was a lot of emotions that you had felt building up inside as you were ultimately confused how she'd somehow managed to twist this to make it all about herself but of course she was quick enough to make an excuse to end the call when she grew bored of talking to you.

You should have knew better, every phone call always ended up being the same way and it always left you with a feeling of guilt for making a life for yourself and that phone call that night wasn't any different. You had just been so excited to spill the news, however that excitment soon faded and was replaced by confused feelings of upset and anger once you'd told her, you fought to hold in your tears during the initial phone call but you were on the verge of breaking by the time she had hung up.

That phone call was the one you told her about making it into the national team, you had only been a part of Arsenal womens' first team for under a year and it felt like a massive achievement to be selected to represent your country and immediately you couldn't wait to share the news with your mum - You thought that she'd be pleased for you but you couldn't be further away from the truth.

Ever since that phone call, you had tried your hardest to distance yourself from your mum but it hurt to do that. The women was the only blood related family member that you had, it had only ever been the 2 of you, together through thick and thin.

Flash forward to now, the current time where you are sitting on the sofa, you had returned home after a long training session and you couldn't help but think about it that conversation on a constant loop in your head.

"You were quiet tonight kidda," Leah perched on the arm of sofa as looked at you in concern. "I'm about to start cookin' tea. How's chicken dippers and smiley faces sound, eh?" she suggested.

"Mhm. Sure that sounds good to me," You mumbled as you kept your eyes focused on nothing but the telly.

The truth was that the conversation was constantly replaying in your head; The conversation, the bitterness and manipulation, every time you thought about it it then made you think of every other time that something like this happened.

Maybe your childhood wasn't as great as you really thought?

"Okay then... Is there anything that you want to talk about?" The blonde questioned, hoping for a bit more of an insight on your mood; Returning from her own rehab session, the entire car ride had been quiet compared to normal and the older woman couldn't help but feel something wasn't right.

"Nope," You stood firm in your reply, shaking your head as you kept your eyes glued on the TV screen; You couldn't really say that you payed much attention to whatever it was, the noise was pretty much a blur that was playing in the background.

"Are you sure?" Leah questioned, frowning worriedly as she took note of the tears welling up in your eyes. "Kidda, what's the matter? You look like you're gonna cry." she stated.

"I... I'm fine," You mumbled, fighting hard to keep the tears at bay until you could escape to your bedroom and allow yourself to be vulnerable and alone. You'd always felt complete shame to show any sort of vunterability in front of anyone, let alone the blonde footballer who'd virtually taken you under her wing ever since you joined during the transfer break of 2022.

You'd always been told that crying showed weakness and you refused to be seen as weak.

"Okay," Leah was quick to drop the subject when she realised you weren't going to open and talk about things. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but just remember that I'm always here to listen. Anytime that you want too, alright?" she told you.

Unfortunately you were stubborn to not give in and blurt everything out in the open. You were just trying to wrap your head around the idea of things and see things for how they really were.

"Uh huh," You mumbled a response as you got up from the sofa and trudged in the direction of your bedroom.

Leah exhaled a sigh as she shook her head, herself heading into the kitchen to make a start on dinner. The woman knew better than to try and get you to talk if you didn't want too.

She'd always been around to witness the moments like this and the backlash of it. Of course the blonde knew this was all stemmed down to one person causing you to be like this and she hated that you were left upset every single time.

Every single time you and your mum fought, you'd always ended up quiet and in a bad mood, often resulting in lashing out at people around you as a coping mechanism.

None of the girls ever took it to heart, they were old enough to realise that none of your anger was directly aimed at them and there was bigger issues to be dealt with.

The Arsenal women all had their own opinions on the teens' mother but they would never voice them out loud to you. It wouldn't be fair on the youngest in the squad even after the countless times they had seen the girl upset by her own mums actions.

Ever since the teen had moved in, there had been several nights where Leah would be the one to comfort the girl and pick up the peices, waking up in the middle of the night to hear the teen's heartbroken sobs and feeling her own heart shatter every single time, wanting nothing more than take away any sort of pain the girl was experiencing.

It was heartbreaking for all of the team to witness and always sought out to comfort the teen no matter the situation. They knew that no matter they say, they couldn't stop her contacting her and she would be able to make her own decision soon enough when she turned 18 and until then they'd be the ones' to pick up the broken pieces when the mum let her daughter down.

They were your family, not by blood but by choice. You'd probably be lost without them sometimes.

"I... I should have realised sooner," You thought to yourself as you lay crumpled up on your bed that following night, it was almost near 4 in the morning and you were still wide awake with things racing through your head.

You couldn't help but think about things, how you should have noticed the tell-tail signs of her gaslighting you were old enough to properly realise, that was your first mistake.

Your second being that you believed her manipulation, she would always twist things to make her seem like the victim in all different situations - back when you were a child and even now as an adult.

How long it had taken you finally realise it after all of these years. Why hadn't you realised it sooner?

Without realising, you were sobbing aloud as you clutched on to your pillow tightly - the pent up anger was replaced by complete sadness and loss. You only ever wanted the approval of your mum about things and you fought so hard for it.

The phone call, the hopeful seal of approval... Every time it always seemed to be the same type of emotions when you spoke to your mum - It was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse, or so you'd been told from other people and you never wanted to believe it.

Only problem was that you'd not been able to see it yourself, even if it was clear as day. Even if regardless of a psychological therapist telling you this, you refused to believe them words. Nor your team mates, who had realised it the first time they had the chance to meet her and even then you wouldn't listen or hear them out.

It was your mum, your flesh and blood so how could she be like that? You had never been able to wrap your head around it.

The sound of sobs were what woke Leah up, she was quick to pad out of her bedroom and down the hall to where your bedroom was. "Kidda?" The women pushed the door open and her heart cracked to see you looking so distraught and vulnerable.

The blonde was quick to move to be right beside you, she was always the one to comfort you and she wouldn't ever stop doing that as long as you needed her.

"Hey, kidda. Come here," The blonde scooped you up in her arms and rocked you all while she ran her slender fingers through your messy bedhead. "You're okay. I'm here," she reassured you.

Leah was always patient enough to wait for you to calm down before she gave you the chance to speak, she wouldn't ever push you to talk if you didn't want too.

"L... Le," You cried aloud as you clutched onto her. You breath became shaky as sobs wracked your body.

"I'm here, it's okay," Leah spoke calmly, continuing to try and comfort you the best way she knew but she already knew it was going to be a long night ahead of them - An emotional night that would leave you drained tomorrow.

A vicious cycle of on a loop.

"Ready to tell me what's going on inside that head of yours, huh?" The blonde tried to carefully ask.

There was another brief pause of silence, nothing but the quiet sobs coming from you as the blonde continued to comfort you and reassure you that she was here and not leaving you.

To Leah's surprise, you did open up this time around, even if you didn't mean too.

"I should have realised. I should have... I should have realised," You made the mistake to speak aloud rather than think it like you thought you had.

"You should have realised what, kidda?" Leah questioned, confused about what you meant.

You snap your head in the blondes' direction as you bit your bottom lip, debating whether to be open with your thoughts that you tried so hard to keep buried inside.

"About my mum... I should have realised," You repeated your words as you fought the tears from spilling. "She's so... She's so-- Why does everything I tell her, why does it always get turned back around so it's about her?" That was it. You blurted out your own feelings - There was no hiding how you felt anymore.

Leah smiled sympathetically and moved onto the sofa to sit closer to you, wrapping her free arm around your shoulder to comfort you, "I... I don't know kidda," she spoke honestly.

"So many people, so many people have told me-- They've warned me about her but I have... I never wanted to listen," You confessed, the tears openly rolled down your cheeks and you probably looked a right blubbering mess but you couldn't stop your emotions pouring out. "And now... Now I finally realise how it's always been. Why is she like that, Le?" You asked.

"I can't say I know the answer to that one kidda, I wish I knew," Leah replied, exhaling a sigh as she couldn't fathem herself how a mother could be like that with her own child, she felt so much for the girl and always wished she could make the situation better for her. "Listen, I know it's hard but you've got us. All of us girls here at Arsenal and you're so loved by all of us." she told you.

"I... I just want her to love me, and she just... she doesn't even care about my feelings!" You stated, roughly wiping at your tear stained cheeks angrily to the point that you made them red. "Why does she always throw everything back in my face? Everything that I have ever done, she's always made it about her... Always!" you cried.

"I know, I know it hurts... I know it does," You kept your head buried in the blondes' chest as you hiccuped from the sudden breakdown in the middle of the night. "And I am sorry that you have to go through this. It's not fair on you kidda." Leah added, biting her bottom lip.

All of emotion had led you feeling exhausted in the end, you fought it hard to keep your eyes open as you lay slumped against the blonde woman.

"Come on let's get you back into bed, yeah? I mean you're almost falling asleep on me here, kidda," Leah joked with you, hoping for you to even crack a small smile as she gently moved you back to your bed and tucked you in under the duvet. "I'm so sorry you have had to deal with the kidda but you know you have a family here with us. We may not be blood but we really love you kidda." You heard the faint words spoken to you as you felt your eye lids close, completely warn out.

Sure, the Arsenal women weren't family by blood but instead they were family by choice and that was more important. They were there for you whenever you needed them and you knew you felt safe with them around. You truly felt happy with your chosen family.

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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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I mucked up on this blog, creating it and not realising I couldn’t follow people so with that being said, I made a new one… I’ll keep this one up a bit but my new account is up and attached 🫣

@scribblesofagoonerr

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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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hard times | awfc x reader

arsenal reader struggles with PTSD and new year’s eve is a particular struggle… but the arsenal girlies are there for her even if she doesn’t know she needs them

warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mentions of violence, mentions of guns, anxiety attacks, mentions of childhood trauma

You don’t even notice you’re shivering and tearing up under your duvet.

New Year's Eve for most people is a night of celebration, a night of partying, a night of celebrations. For you, not so much.

New year's eve ranks pretty high up on your least favourite days of the year.

Instead of being fun and full of celebrations it was a night of terror and fear.

That’s how you’d gotten under your duvet, the covers of your bed providing a very small shield from the outside world.

It wasn’t a good fix to stop the current downpour of sound around you, you’d tried it all, airpods, earplugs, music, none of it worked.

So you’d settled for clenching your palms down onto your ears, it wasn’t providing any reprieve from the noise cascading around you, but for whatever reason it felt necessary.

This wasn’t even the worst of it, you knew it was only so long until the fireworks started, and as soon as that happened it was almost a guarantee that you would be thrown into a whole different level of stress.

It had been this way since you were a kid, new years eve was a nuisance, a figment of your worst nightmares.

You wished you could go out and celebrate, that you could be normal and be happy.

But ever since your childhood, since it all happened, loud noises and bright flashing lights have always been a big struggle for you.

So, every year, you go through the same routine of hiding under your covers until it’s all over. Normally, the loud noises coming from London strike up a pretty serious anxiety attack, so you don’t bother with hurting your friends with your presence, knowing that all you will be is a burden for them on a night that is supposed to be fun.

It’s fine, you’re used to it, this year though it’s a little bit harder.

With your transfer to Arsenal in the previous January trade period you had quickly found a new family amongst the Gooners.

It was so hard for you to decline the invite to the celebrations for the evening, especially considering that almost every other holiday over the year had been spent with one or a couple of your teammates.

That was the hard part of being the only person left in your family, it was the reason for your stupid fear.

It all simmered down to one stupid night that wrecked your whole life.

Just as you had begun to become completely absorbed with the thoughts in the back of your mind, you were taken out of your trance by a quiet voice and the mattress you were sitting on flexing downwards.

“Hiya honey, you wanna come out for me?”

It’s Beth’s voice, sweet, kind, lovely Beth who definitely should not be in your apartment right now.

It makes you wonder if you are potentially dreaming, sometimes when you get really anxious delirium is a side effect.

“Beth?”

You reach down to pinch your thigh, hard, and it hurts, enough for you to be sure that you aren’t dreaming,

“Yeah hon, I’m right here.”

Her voice is enough for you to pull the covers over your head, the duvet falling into your criss crossed lap.

Beth is perched on the corner of your bed, a smile mixed with concern and care reflecting back towards you.

“What are you doing here?”

Your words are murmured, and spoken downwards towards your lap, because you can’t quite find it in you to look at your older teammate.

“It’s new years, silly, we couldn’t leave you out of the celebrations, the girls that are in town are in the kitchen.”

It’s said so nonchalantly, like this is some organised plan that has been set in stone for weeks, even though this is the first you’re hearing of it.

Suddenly, a firecracker or something goes off somewhere in the distance and your body is jolting on the bed, fresh tears accumulating in the corners of your eyes as your whole face pinches shut whilst the waves of memories wash over your body.

“I thought you guys said you were going to South Bank to do the fireworks and celebrations.”

South Bank isn’t far from your apartment, a couple of blocks south, unfortunately for you, most definitely close enough for the fireworks to be seen and heard.

“Who needs fireworks? We’d rather hang out here with you.”

It makes your jaw clench and your eyebrows furrow, they’ve cancelled their plans to come to your apartment and you aren’t completely sure why.

“Beth, why are you here?”

It’s blunt, but with everything happening and your body in survival mode you don’t have time to beat around the bush, especially with the ticking time bomb which is leading to midnight.

“Less told us that you really struggle with new years, so we’re here for you.”

You know that all of the girls on the team, whether they mention it or not, know about your past, about what happened when you were a child, what led to you moving in with Alessia when you were 14.

Unfortunately for you, she’s spending her break with her parents in New York, so your normal emotional support for nights like these was unable to make it here tonight.

Something doesn’t feel the same about having Beth, and whoever else she’d managed to congregate being here with you, especially when you were significantly vulnerable.

“Beth, I appreciate it, but I don’t want to worry you guys, head down to South Bank, just leave me be. Tonight’s pretty hard for me and I don’t feel like doing much.”

Beth scoots her body up closer to yours, close enough that she can lift her hand up and set it down on your thigh, it doesn’t go unnoticed the way you slightly flinch away from her, the jumpiness running rampant in your body due to the anxiety.

“We’re not going anywhere, we’ve got you, let us take care of you yeah, you don’t have to do anything, at all, just sit on the couch and relax.”

You want to fall directly into Beth, let her give you a big hug and never let go, but there is still a part of you trying to obtain your self dignity.

“Beth, you don’t understand, tonight's really hard for me, and I don’t want you guys to have to deal with it, it’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”

Beth’s hand moves from your thigh, upwards until it’s gently sitting on your jaw, angling your face upwards so you are looking at her.

“Let us be here for you, between myself, Vivi, Leah, Lia, Kim, Laura, Jen, Lotte I’m sure we can all figure out some way to make tonight a little bit easier for you. You don’t have to explain anything, you don’t have to talk about it, we’re just here to show you some love and help you however you need, celebrations be damned.”

It’s hard to refuse when Beth’s kind, concerned and caring eyes are reaching deep into your soul. Tonight is hard, for you it’s like walking up mount everest, and it’s not exactly like you want to break down in front of your teammates but Beth seems pretty persistent about the fact she isn’t leaving.

“After the break in, after my parents and brother were killed, any loud noises resembling guns make me have anxiety attacks, it’s why I don’t like new years.”

Beth just nods and smiles, accepting the information but deciding to let you do the explaining instead of asking questions.

“That’s understandable, anyone in your position would feel the same, I’m sure it must be pretty tough, especially considering that you are still young.”

You bit down on your tongue, nodding to Beth, it is really fucking hard, especially considering that you don’t have anyone to talk about it with, because how could anybody understand.

“It’s why I freaked out a few months ago when you guys were popping balloons after Leah’s birthday party, I can’t help it, it just sometimes comes over me and I can’t control it.”

Beth nods immediately, feeling the guilt roll into her stomach at the memory of her and Katie popping all of the balloons, Beth now recollecting how you left with Alessia almost as soon as it happened.

“Y’know after my mom died it took months for me to be able to go anywhere near a hospital, Viv had to drag me to the doctors for my yearly check up. It’s funny what grief does to us. You want to know what works best for me?”

Beth is trying to find common ground, praying that it’ll work and exceptionally glad when you give her a little nod with your chin.

“I try to distract myself, whether it’s getting Vivi to talk to me or playing a game or watching the telly, helps take my mind off things, how about we try that and see if it’ll work with you, yeah?”

The idea makes you feel a little bit funny, but you are brutally aware of the fact that Beth is trying really hard right now to help you and you really want to be good for her and show her that you can do that.

“Okay, but I need it to be quiet, please.”

Beth just smiles and nods, her layed back demeanour shining through as she stood up from the bed, extending her hand to you.

Your hand is shaking furiously, but you manage to extend it out towards her, letting her own hand steady your as she pulls you up off the bed and gently tugs you towards the door of your bedroom.

To your surprise, when you exit the room the kitchen and loungeroom of your apartment are fairly quiet.

Lia, Kim and Viv are busy in your kitchen, pouring and distributing drinks and plates of pizza. Leah, Laura and Lotte are seated on your couch, a board game of sorts set out on the table, Jen is also joined in on the game, except she’s sitting on the floor directly in front of the table.

Viv, Kim and Lia all send a big smile your way as you slowly enter the room, it’s a spectacle to you, watching the group happily enjoying themselves in your apartment on a night where they could be doing far more than just lazing around.

“Do you want to go sit down on the couch, I know for a fact Leah will be cheating, you could go keep an eye on her, or stay up here in the kitchen with us, it’s up to you.”

The couch sounded nice, and you were aware of the fact that your body was quite tired and worn down from all the stress of the night.

So you cautiously stepped over to the couch, as soon as Leah saw you walking towards her she opened her arms up big and wide for you.

You didn’t second guess it, practically throwing yourself into Leah comfy and warm embrace, her body acting as a cushion to you.

The joint pressure and warmth from the hug did wonders at lifting some of the pressure off of your chest.

“How ya feeling?”

Leah’s voice is soft, whispered directly in your ear so that nobody else hears it besides you.

“I’ve been better, but having you guys here is nice, you don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

Leah just smiled, taking a break from the monopoly game they were playing to look at you.

“It’s nothing, we’re here for you whenever you need us, just trying to make the night easier for you however we can.”

You nod gently, Leah’s arm wrapping around your torso to give you a big hug and essentially bond you to her side.

“The fireworks are the worst for me.”

Leah nods, her eyes are so understanding, there isn’t any form of humour or disgust in them, just pure interest.

“Just watch the game yeah, don’t think about the fireworks, I know it’s hard, but just try. We could put on a show for you, how about the new episode of Love Island?”

It’s a offer that you can’t decline, so Leah gets Jen to chuck her the remote, turning on the tv and flicking it directly onto your favourite show.

You relax into Leah, your body falling limp against her and using her as a pillow whilst you intently watch the tv.

It’s all going fine, or as fine as it can be until you can distantly hear a countdown coming from somewhere outside your apartment.

Almost immediately it sets off alarms inside your body, your legs and torso jolting up from the couch.

Just as you are about to rush off, most likely back under your covers or into your bathroom, Leah’s arms grab a tight hold of you, bringing you flush against her body. In a matter of seconds, Viv, Beth and Kim are all surrounding you, somehow sheltering you from the noise outside.

You feel like a feral dog, thrashing against Leah, trying to get away from her, from your teammates, from the world.

As soon as the noises hit your ears though, you stop moving, both of your palms crushing down against your ears to try and drown out the cracking and popping sounds booming from outside your window.

Leah holds you tight to her chest, even as you begin to sob and the panic begins to overtake your body, every time it happens you feel like you are going to die, like this time it’ll be the last and inevitably you know that your wrong, that unfortunately you will live to see out the next year, but it doesn’t make the whole process easy.

Suddenly your brain is crowded with thoughts, memories, sounds.

The sound of your front door being broken down, nobody hearing but yourself, giving you the opportunity to push yourself out of bed and into one of the cupboards in your wardrobe.

Then the sound of heavy feet, doors creaking, and heavy, thunderous, cacophonous gun shots.

No matter how many times you relive it, no matter how many years go by that sound will never disappear from your mind, it’s unforgettable and haunts every single one of your nightmares.

It’s all consuming, until somebody is taking a hold of your face, and staring at you directly in your eyes.

“Y/n, listen to me, you’re safe, we’re all here for you, we’re in your apartment, safe inside, nobody is here to hurt you or anybody else, you’re at home and it’s safe here.”

Kim’s captain's voice is both soothing and terrifying, the Scottish players' words are strong and coated in directness.

Once she notices that you are hearing her she continues.

“We’re here for you, we’re safe, breathe for me honey, deep breaths, you’re here, not out there, don’t worry about any of that, just look at me and breathe.”

You nod at Kim, even as the tears are streaming down your face and you are struggling to breathe, you listen to her.

“Good job, keep breathing, remember where you are, we’re all safe in here with you, nothing or nobody is going to hurt you, I swear.”

Kim’s words do wonders to help you, and with her assistance, as well as Leah’s strong hold, Laura’s hands gently massaging your scalp, Viv’s strong fingers drawing patterns all over your arms, Lotte gently rubbing the tensed up parts of your calves, Beth holding the parts of you Leah can’t and Lia and Jen both flanking kim, looking at you with the same care and concern as she is looking at you with.

It’s a team effort, but you feel completely enveloped by your teammates love and care as you come down from the panic.

“Doing so well for us y/n, it’s all over now, you;re safe, we’ve got you, we’re not going anywhere.”

You look out to the window, temporarily removing your eyes from Kim’s and realising that your captain is in fact correct, all the noises, lights and pain has stopped, the world is quiet and you couldn’t be more grateful for it.

Slowly, as you become more aware of the world and your surroundings, one by one each girl gently removes themselves from you, until you’re left with just Leah, Beth and Viv, the three stragglers who are tasked with getting some food and water into you before sending you off the bed.

It’s a easy enough job, you’re spent and pliant, so Viv force feeds to a slice of pizza whilst Beth forces you to choke down some kind of electrolyte drink.

Once the two are done doting, they both leave you with a kiss on the forehead and gentle words whispered into your ear about how proud they are of you.

Leah is the one tasked with getting you into bed, and she does just that, getting you tucked properly on the covers before giving you a goodnight forehead kiss.

It feels weird watching her walk towards the door, like your being deserted, and you’ve been needy enough as it is tonight but you can’t help but reach out to Leah.

“Stay till I fall asleep, if it’s no trouble?”

Leah just nods and smiles like you’re asking her for a piece of gum, the blonde moving onto the empty side of your bed and leaving her hand flat against your back.

“You’re no trouble at all honey, we’ve got you, any time but especially on these nights.”

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scribblesofagooner · 2 years ago

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Family, not by blood but by choice instead | awfc x reader

I messed up on this blog so I made a new one which is @scribblesofagoonerr so I’m gonna be posting over on there instead now.