secretmiracles - Tumblr blog

[secretmiracles]

The guilt I feel is like a shadow that follows me. I wish I had spent more time with her cherished the moments we had and told her how much she meant to me. Almost three years have passed but the pain still cuts deep. I'm trapped and unable to escape the sadness. I'm haunted by her absence. This time of year, I can't help but feel the emptiness that her absence has left behind.

[secretmiracles]

I know I can't fight the sad days and bad nights

[secretmiracles]

When I see you again as a stranger or a friend

Could you give me a kiss from the past?

Make it soft, make it last like a lake in a glass

Like an endless reminder of us

[secretmiracles]

my summer has been so bad and sad:(

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Ronald W. Sousa, The Passion According to G.H.

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

:)

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

it's so weird to no longer have someone in your life. it's so weird to be left with all of this knowledge of someone else and have no use for it anymore.

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

It’s always there, you know. But the pain starts to you know, feel more like a scar than it does a scab. Like, sometimes something totally random will set you off and the pain just feels brand-new again. But everything goes back to normal. Eventually. Whatever the hell that means.

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

[secretmiracles]

There is emptiness where my heart should be…pain, sadness and anger these three things make up the person I call me. There is a cloud over my head, and a faceless demon lurking around my bed. The smile is fading and the weight of disappointment and failure is draining my soul. I feel like I’m suffocating and the bitter taste of rejection after rejection is taking its toll. All I want is to be happy but instead I find myself feeling crappy. How is it that I can laugh but still feel nothing? How is it that I blast my music and binge watch movies just to feel something? Why do I seek comfort and yet push it away at the same time? Why do I cry and cry and still say I’m fine? It’s so easy to post lie after lie on social media to the point people believe it…upload a picture of the biggest smile possible but behind it all I am wounded…I have been hit by my mistakes, my regrets, my unreachable desires… I never stop to think about the things I have acquired..no… I am masking it all whit this facade that everything is okay…that my life is alright and that I know the way but in reality I’m lost and trying to keep my head above water before I start to drown… I’m told I always have my head in the clouds and you know what? That’s right because I want to keep my hope and dreams alive as I fight against my doubts and inner demons at night. So to you, and to everyone else I will display a success story and act the part even if behind it all I am going insane and my heart is breaking slowly with all of this pain.

[secretmiracles]

You’re the one that seduced me, lured me in with your beauty, now I know that you used me. All you did was confuse me, you're no longer what I need, touch me slow, feel my heart bleed.