seriesof-serendipity - Tumblr blog

[seriesof-serendipity]

ive noticed many people around me getting consumed by this depressive funk in the air. i wonder why when we are this close to sunshine weather and summer days. cant they feel the new life cycle coming into grasp? do they not feel the anticipation for spring as i do?

it seems that everyone keeps getting pulled further and further into the realm of distractions and instant gratification in exchange for hope and persisitance. why would anyone want to plan and aspire for the future if they can be momentarily satisfied by a tool of bloody minerals.

we keep asking ourselves why we are here or what there is to live for when the answers are right in front of us.

[seriesof-serendipity]

to you.

you are vindictive.

you are selfish.

you are pain.

you use people.

you use yourself.

you used me.

you hate the world

for what it blessed you

and saw it as a curse.

you wont face the truth

of you

so you spit it back.

everything you are

you label everyone else.

everything you hate

in yourself

is all you see

in this world.

i tried

i tried

i tried

but i cant help you.

i could never help you.

i am letting you go

in hopes

you will do the same.

you hurt me.

i hate you

because i love you.

youll never read this, but this is my goodbye

to you.

[seriesof-serendipity]

cg

strength

willpower

discipline

i miss you

i love you

three little words

can cause a storm

or open a door

i am not yet ready for

i cried over him

he made me feel worthy

but im not worthy of him.

[seriesof-serendipity]

split lips and burn holes

stained glass and ripped clothes

brick winds and pounding rain

who put you through the pain

killing them all

intrinsic instincts

until the last killer falls

and still the ship sinks

[seriesof-serendipity]

i hate you so fuckin much for making me want to show you ever new song i fall in love with. i hate how you make me want to do something ive never done and go places ive never been. i hate how you make me want to do all of this with you but you dont even want me. i hate you so fuckin much

[seriesof-serendipity]

i sit and replay that night over and over

trying so hard to recreate that feeling of your body craving mine

[seriesof-serendipity]

another time left behind

i was craving some sort of adventure today after a week of slim to nothing. i had the morning mapped out in my head and was 3coffees deep when we took off.

granted, i am a broke bitch. so the adventure wasnt anything grand or fancy. those arent even the best kinds anyway.

we went to the “crack shack” which is essentially an empty lot that used to have an abandoned building on it. the building got demolished and the skate rats of mtown decided to turn the rubble into a mini skate park. they did a pretty good job too.

the frame of the once standing building is still in place, just coated in rubble and debris. we trecked through the snow and cement litter to make it inside where we light up a fatty. completely illegal, but thats besides the point.

naturally, graffiti coated the frame. its got to be my favorite form of art these days. the act in itself is a symbol of uncensored rebellion. right there, you got my respect. i also just love the way most graffiti looks. its quick, free strokes holding undertones of nicknames and inside jokes, or representations of a new world order that we all seem to dream but never put in work.

the rain put a stop to that adventure and also to my productivity. i ended up back in bed for two hours aimlessly scrolling through pointless instagram videos. god, i hate when that happens. luckily, i didnt let myself stay stuck in that worm hole of social media. adventure #2 began forming.

my next expedition was to “flavor town.” trust me when i tell you, the name gives it too much credit. Flavor town was an abandoned barn that a couple of my friends use as a smoke spot. the barn was huge but filthy. also covered in graffiti but not as well put together as the crack shack.

its not a very common thing to do for me to visit abandoned places, one after another. i found it rather funny that this happen to be my theme for the day. a thought thats constantly scratching my throat at these places is the lives that carried on here before we.

i picture 10 years ago, probably still abandoned. angsty early 2000’s teens spraypainting their own slurs and tags. shotgunning beers and passing a spliff, just like us.

i picture 30 years ago, not abandoned yet, but on the brink. the owner is stressed, barely keeping life together. their kids are oblivious, and thats a good thing. lights a spliff for the lack of a lightbulb.

50 years ago, business is boomin. livin the good life, grateful dead blairing on the local radio station. sun is beatin down and merrimack is young and pretty. still lighting that spliff since the days wont be moving any faster.

i often wonder what i miss out on living now rather than then. sometimes i think the culture would bring me to naive behaviors. or perhaps it would be gasoline to my flames of anarchist hopes. either way, id still be smokin my spliff right with them.

[seriesof-serendipity]

take 2

Alright, we’re trying it again. A “blog.”

I’m on spring break and that funny notion won’t leave me alone again. I felt so certain of what the truth may be but the further u drift and the more distractions added, the less convincing it all becomes.

I know this probably makes no sense, but I know what it all means. Well- not really what it means, but I’m about 99% I know what it is. Just need some proof. Something more than a glitch sneakpeak. Tangible. But that’s asking a lot.

I’ve spent the past 4 or 5 days cooped up at my moms place. I’ve had the company of her, her mans, and his daughter, Cat. I like Cat, she’s a smart kid. Good conversations. But the best part is without company.

Spending time with oneself is a rather difficult thing to do these days. Stimulation is a necessity in our 21st century. Stimulation and distraction. I mean, how else could we manage our naive lifestyles in such a heart wrenching world?

I have come to a point in my life where my own company seems to be enough. Of course its not consistent, I had more than enough hours lost to my phone. But my mind has a lot to say and what else should I do other than listen? Good things too. Sometimes I feel like I can’t share these thoughts though. I’d spoil them.

Back on earth, I’m procrastinating everything I have to do for myself in a realistic aspect. Per usual. Hence why I am blogging. I never blog. Maybe that’ll change.