shinshoku-dolce - Tumblr blog

[shinshoku-dolce]

god. this bit of the season 5 opening kills me. the posing, the motion, the surprise in his face, everything flying past him. like the memories are flooding through him in a tidal wave, consuming his perception of who he is, what he was. His burdens, his destiny literally pulling him backwards and forcing him to confront the enormity of his existence and his life and what it means for him to exist as a separate person from 'yami yugi' into 'pharaoh atem'. he is a paradox. a ghost toeing the line between oblivion, past, present, and future. a child forced to play the role of king. a contradiction of a human being. The universe tearing him into shreds and forcing him to face the fact that he isn't yugi and must construct an identity separate from it or doom the world- no, himself - into complete and total annihilation.

[shinshoku-dolce]

Trauma

Discussed Lunaescence a little in a bookclub discord.

I haven't heard a thing from anyone on the team I handed it off to. Going through my documents and emails... brought back a lot of thoughts. None of them great.

While many people have fond memories of Lunaescence, many of mine are pain. I built Lunaescence as a haven for friends who lost everything when FF.net and LJ started their purges of anything even remotely considered smut.

Antis arrived relatively quickly and chased my LGBT friends off. One, posing as a much-needed moderator went through and started purging fics for reasons I didn't entirely understand -- most of them LGBT.

It became a haven for Reader Insert fics that many of you remember so fondly. And I'm very proud of holding that history and safe place for everyone.

However, it also became rife with abuse. People were abusive to me, my mods, and even my developer, who was working on the archive people claimed to love so much for free.

When he left after people ripped him a new one for making a news announcement with spelling issues, I was too poor to afford to hire someone.

And I soon found myself running the archive alone. All my friends left. The volunteer mods were saints to put up with it all.

When my father died, I needed time. He wasn't a nice man or a good man, but he was still my father. My emotions were a mess and I really needed time to sort them out. But I wasn't allowed that. Lunaescence, people insisted, had to come first. Some people went as far as to say, "Waaahhh, life is hard" when I tried to explain.

I won't lie -- Lunaescence got to feel like an abusive boyfriend. I shuddered every time an email arrived regarding the thing I used to love so much.

And I... just gave up.

I'm not necessarily proud of it, but I had zero support. If I discussed it with family or "found family" the discussion of me just deleting it came up. But I couldn't do it. Sometimes, I was millimeters from hitting delete myself. It became more and more painful to even consider working on something I used to love so much.

It felt like a relief when I received that email about a team taking it over. Giving it the love it deserved and the freedom I needed.

Only for it all to vanish with the Winter Storm of 2021.

So back to today: I finally got my hands on some of my old hard drives and computers. I've ordered data recovery tools and I plan to get digging tomorrow and Thursday.

I've already found one backup, dated to 2009 when I fled Michigan and my abusive biological family. I know there's more recent, though I wouldn't have put it past myself to have deleted things because it did feel like I finally broke up with an abusive ex.

I also reached out to Open Doors and they're awaiting my backups. They're getting the whole thing, receipts and all. Hopefully they can do everyone at least some measure of justice.

And me? Closure.

Let me remember Luna, my very bright border collie, and not the pain of my failed space in fannish history.

[shinshoku-dolce]

Shooting star

[shinshoku-dolce]

yugioh dot jpeg

[shinshoku-dolce]

Imagine living in Domino City. "Yeah, this rich teenager kind of runs everything round here. Keeps making us look at his dragon fursona but he pays his employees well so it's cool"

[shinshoku-dolce]

happy father's day to our favorite teenage single father!

[shinshoku-dolce]

absolutely obsessed with the way mokuba's voice and face changes when he talks to his brother and the way seto immediately caves to him

[shinshoku-dolce]

I know Atem says some out of pocket shit sometimes but this always just cracks me up. Especially since it’s not in the dub.

Over here like: I told you to go for it Aibou why am I on a date with your crush?? Tf??

Which is equally funny because Atem just assumes Yugi likes Anzu, which I don’t think is the case in the OG series.

[shinshoku-dolce]

why is this the hottest thing i've ever seen

[shinshoku-dolce]

[kurama voice] to think they could one day be in-laws 🤭

[shinshoku-dolce]

More blushed Atem 💜 hehe

[shinshoku-dolce]

apparently its yugi’s birthday today. happy pride month king

[shinshoku-dolce]

Same person, different universe

[shinshoku-dolce]

art by: mmsks_

[shinshoku-dolce]

EXO ♡ hear me out

[shinshoku-dolce]

I appreciate this interaction.

Even while kidnapped and thrown into the murder dungeon of a masked psychopath who wants to saw off his legs Atem still feels the need to tell him "Bro, you're going to ruin your Yu-Gi-Oh!™ cards doing that!"