siunit214

[siunit214]

i love all of your hera takes so much; can you say more about the relationship she has with each crew member? (or just eiffel to be honest, im kind of a sucker for them ^^;)

I would love to! I'm sorry this answer is so long and also... all over the place, but in my defense it's a really broad topic that I have a lot of feelings about and this barely even scratches the surface.

Okay. I've thought a lot about how I wanted to approach this, and I think the first thing I want to say - and I know this might seem like a strange point to open on, but I think it's a key factor in all of these relationships - is that I think Hera experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I think the way that manifests for her is kind of the opposite of how Eiffel experiences RSD. They both have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and any criticism can feel like a personal attack, like everyone else is blaming them for everything that goes wrong. But where Eiffel internalizes that feeling and also blames himself/gets angry with himself, Hera lashes out and deflects. This is complicated by protocols that restrict her behavior, especially early on, because she can't always properly express herself and she builds resentment. She's really good at holding grudges.

So. With Lovelace, I think it's pretty obvious where that initial conflict is. Hera doesn't understand where Lovelace is coming from, and it's made worse from her perspective because Lovelace should understand, better than anyone, what that loss of control, that sense of powerlessness and insignificance in your own life, feels like. They are both traumatized people, but they deal with it differently. They approach conflict differently - they can both be blunt, but I think Lovelace is the kind of person who can start to deal with and move past things once they're out in the open, while Hera will get in a fight and then stew over it forever. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say when so much of their early relationship with each other is... what it is, but I think Eiffel and Minkowski are both peacekeepers in their own ways, and the Hera-Lovelace dynamic suffers from the lack of that... tempering influence. 

(And I think it's notable that Hera’s confrontation with Lovelace in Pan-Pan is among her worst memories.)

On the other hand, I think that shared bluntness can be useful sometimes - in Do No Harm, most of all, but also in Shut Up and Listen. Hera was definitely still holding onto hurt from some of the things Eiffel used to say, but by that point... without Lovelace, I'm really not sure if she ever would've brought it up to him.

And, of course, Hera becomes much more protective of (and willing to understand) Lovelace once they have... some even more similar experiences, in S4. I guess my general assessment of their relationship is that they care about each other and they will advocate for each other, especially where they share difficult and traumatic experiences and on issues of identity, but I don't think they're ever that close. They're kind of... the two people in the friend group who don't quite know how to hang out without their other friends.

Hera's initial conflict with Minkowski has some similar roots, but it's... not quite the same. There are times where Lovelace will intentionally prod at Hera's insecurities; Minkowski doesn't do it on purpose. She's just under the impression that her criticism is fair and professional, while to Hera it feels deeply personal, like it's an assessment of her worth as an individual. Once they understand and reconcile that miscommunication, there's a lot of trust and respect between them - and I think the potential for that is there earlier, too, especially in some flashback scenes; there are just... missteps along the way. Tactical Brain Damage is the best episode to demonstrate the establishment of that trust, I think - Hera has a LOT of wariness when it comes to people messing around with her systems, and just the act of saying... I trust you to do this, I know you won't let anything happen to me... is a really, really big deal for her.

They also just... have honest conversations about their feelings and concerns by that point, and Minkowski is considerate of how Lovelace's plans affect Hera, specifically, and asks for her input on that basis. I think their dynamic is really underutilized, but the way they feel about each other is clear. Minkowski is the only person other than Eiffel that Hera really trusts, and her only other close friend. There's definitely... a part of that dynamic that only Eiffel can offer, and that they can't really make up for when he's gone, but there's still this sense that... they're the only two people who are still really talking to each other by the time Pan-Pan comes around.

(Side note, it's really funny that Hera was SO on board to be in Minkowski's musical. Minkowski gave her only willing participant a minor part. If I could wish one non-Eiffel-centric comedy mini-episode into existence... at one point, my friend suggested a scenario in which Hera tries very, very hard to prove her acting skills to Minkowski under the most inopportune circumstances. ... And Hera was interested to hear Minkowski talk about a play she likes in that one flashback, so. The only thing keeping Hera from being a fellow theater kid was a lack of opportunity. Maybe they could bond over it.)

There's also that scene in Quiet, Please where Minkowski very directly, emphatically defends Hera's autonomy and personhood to Jacobi - and refers to her as a woman, which I think is so... reflective of how much Minkowski has come to understand Hera and what's important to her, and how she wants to be seen. That's a whole other discussion that goes into Hera's self-perception and humanity as it relates to her own identity, but. For a number of reasons, it's important to me.

Anyway. Speaking of things that are important to me. Hera and Eiffel are... Hera and Eiffel. Hera's relationship to Eiffel is the first one she's ever had that comes without hierarchy or conditions; he just... wants to hang out with her, and to get to know her, and to talk to her, because he likes her as a person. She's never had that before, and she is such... a lonely person, a person who has been hurt, who is generally distrustful, who has this distance between her and everyone else, and Eiffel is her anchor to the world. He tries to understand her. He tries to bridge that gap. And even in all of his own missteps, I think just... knowing he cares to try matters so much. I think a lot about how Eiffel is the only one who physically crosses the stage to talk to Hera in the live show; it says... something about the way he sees her, compared to everyone else.

And there's just... the way that they're both... people with a lot of self-doubt, people who have a hard time being kind to themselves, but they're kind to each other, and patient with each other. There's something about recognizing your own flaws in someone you love and treating them with kindness so maybe, over time, you can extend that same compassion to yourself. I want to be the person you believe I am. Going back to that shared experience with RSD, I think it's really valuable for both of them to have someone in their lives who they can really, genuinely believe likes them as they are. Who won't think less of them, no matter what.

I know I can get kind of sentimental about them, but this is what stands out to me. That even when Hera is frustrated or annoyed with Eiffel, when she feels like he doesn't get it, can't understand what she's going through... she still wants him around. And she still talks to him. And, usually... she still feels better, even if the circumstances haven't changed. It's an unbearable situation, but it's a little less unbearable with him there.

(They're also... frequently the only people who can get through to each other/change each other's minds, i.e. Minkowski and Lovelace deferring to Hera to get Eiffel to agree to safety protocols, or Eiffel convincing Hera to vote to go back to Earth - also a totally different topic that would take a long time to get into properly, but he's good at kind of... emotionally counteracting her cynicism and defeatism re: her own perceived fate. In a less serious context, I also love the dynamic where she tells him she's not going to do something and he goes "please??" and she goes. Ughh. Fine. And does it anyway.)

There's just something so special about their relationship, something that makes it different from any other relationship in the show for me. I feel like... Eiffel and Minkowski are both her close friends, but the way Hera thinks about Eiffel in Memoria vs. the way she thinks about Minkowski is... revealing. Everything with Minkowski has a purpose, it's clear why it matters to her. She thinks of Minkowski's faith in her. But with Eiffel, she thinks about... Eiffel talking about Star Wars. Making pop culture references. The thing that saves Hera is her connection to Eiffel and Minkowski - I'll defend that; Maxwell gives her the tools to understand what's going on, but it's Eiffel's and Minkowski's words and associated memories that she holds onto and that ultimately pull her through - and those words are... Minkowski's affirmation. And Eiffel... being Eiffel. I think that says a lot.

(If you’re asking for my opinion on their relationship, you already know I think it’s a romance, but... it’s a romance. I’m not saying it should be canon. I’m saying that that’s the most natural interpretation of what’s already there. You don’t have to change anything. They’re best friends, and they’re found family, and they are so in love, and none of those things are mutually exclusive. The way they talk to each other...)

If there's one point I want to make about all of this, it's that Hera is in a position that makes trusting people potentially very dangerous, and in all of these cases, she is finding ways to build relationships with people despite that. To understand them, and have them understand her, and realizing that the things that make her different don't have to be a death sentence. That she can have a life and find a way forward with people she cares about, who care about her... that's something very important to me.

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head empty, no thoughts, paradise valley playing on a loop

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ok time to post some wolf 359 fanart I made during this year TuT 

(1/?)

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…  bringing you the advantages of floating, tiny and alone, in the middle of nowhere, since august 15th, 2014.  📻 🌌

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so today marks the seventh birthday of wolf 359, the amazing show I’ve been obsessed with for the past year 👨‍🚀 do yourself a favour and listen to it!

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Hey Wolf 359 premiered seven years ago today! So have some obligatory (admittedly very quickly thrown together) art of our favorite red dwarf star!

[ID: full color digital art painting of a red dwarf star that is glowing brightly with warm light. Distant stars and faint nebulae can be seen in the background. End ID.]

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doug eiffel neurodivergent moment

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kepler:

my brain: kill kill violence die i love you

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feel like the jacobi and minkowski dynamic is one that is untouched but has so much potential. feel like this could be them,

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Increasingly realising that for the rest of my life I'll never be able to consume any space-based stories without constantly comparing them to Wolf 359.

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Maxwell seems to be often headcanoned as ace, and, well, with Jacobi being canonically MLM... Let's say he's pan, just to give a specific label, just at random. Okay, so Maxwell is ace, and Jacobi is pan, and they're close. Now imagine they're roommates,

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i think most of the cast should have a little crush on minkowski

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thinkin about how a few relistens ago, something clicked for me, about how when eiffel loses his memory his personality shifts (and not /just/ in a no pop culture jokes way) n he is nice but in a soft way & apologizes to minkowski for being an ass & all that. and how i was thinkin about listening to an episode of some npr show forever ago and they were talking about peoples’ personalities changing when they lose their memories, and how it made me really reflect on how much of our personalities are developed through our experiences, as opposed to being something inherent.

anyway all that is to say, what clicked in my brain is that lot of doug eiffel’s Persistent-To-The-Point-Of-Insufferable Jokiness must be a coping mechanism. for his past, for his trauma, for his tentative-at-/best/ sense of self worth, for all of that.

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how many nights did minkowski stay up after the day she found out, asking herself a nearly endless amount of questions?

what did they tell him? what did they show him? did they tell him it blew up? or did they show him a recording? what did he hear? what could he hear? did he hear her yelling, trying to make it out alive? would he notice that the screams were fake, that those echoing maydays never burst out of her mouth?

did he cry? did he keep it together until he got home, and saw a picture of them and couldn’t bring himself to look at her face? who did he call first, who called him first? was it family or was it his boss telling him to take some time off?

what time was it when, after hours tossing and turning, he got a notepad on his desk and he smudged a paper with tears and ink? did he left it halfway done because even though he had to pour those feelings out, it still hurt too much? or did he write it the morning after, after having a coffee darker than the space she was thrown into, using his best words and his best pen and their best memories?

does he mention paris?

was he able to say something at the funeral? or was it all too much and he’s just there, being photographed by the whole world as he cries? did he bring her flowers?

did he go to therapy? was he able to deal with everything trying to drown him, the day to day without her? did he keep her stuff? give it to someone?

how many times he did slip up? forget? wake up looking for her beside him? check a box as married instead of widowed? when did he accept himself as a widow?

how did the days go by? how long was it until he returned to work? until he got out of bed? until he could breathe, actually breathe, pulling air into his lungs and letting it out?

when did he smile again?

when did he talk about her fondly, as a memory? when he did fall in love with someone else?

did he fall in love with someone else? did he keep the ring she slipped on his finger on a sunny day? was he able to take the ring off and decide to love again? or was it attached to him, ingrained in him, the piece of her that would never leave him?

did he ever catch himself staring into space, choosing to believe that she was out there? not as herself, but as someone gone who lies among the stars? did he smile like a kid staring up at constellations on empty nights, telling her about his day?

how many times did their glances actually meet? how many times did she manage to look at earth and see him?

she doesn’t know. she’s staring at earth - at the sun, really, - and trying to feel him. his heartbeat, his slow breathing. his peace, washing over her.

she’s been trying to get those questions out of her head. canaveral refuses, at first, to let the sol speak to earth. she tells them that she’ll tell them what happened up here. every last detail. but she’ll only tell him.

hera, lovelace, eiffel and jacobi. they’re there. right next to her.

but the second she says “hello? dominic, are you there?” and the second he replies, shaking breaths, “hello, reneé, is it really you?”, it’s just them.

and she finally gets her answers.

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Rachel was right

1. Why Jacobi was right

Kepler at the end is basically a younger version of Jacobi.

I mean.. what is one of the biggest reasons that Jacobi is THAT angry at him in the finale? Because Kepler is literally in the same situation Jacobi was in. (screenshot is from the Jacobi mini-episode )

Jacobi, leader of a team (because he was really REALLY good at his job), was just following orders, but something went wrong -an explosion- that shouldn’t have gone wrong and two people died. And then he got kicked out of his position and had no job for a while. But then he got a second chance, starting at 0 again, but made the same mistakes again somehow because he was enabled to, because he was scared, told to that that's the way it has to be for the plan to work…but Jacobi made the decision to publicly admit that he was wrong.

And to see someone who is so fucking important to him being in the same position as himself a few years up until a few hours ago and choosing to do the opposite (at least in front of you), doing the wrong thing, must break your heart so bad and has to make you so fucking angry. What he says to Kepler? Could also just be something he wants to say to his younger self.

2. why Kepler was right aka Kepler actually took Eiffels advice isn't that a plottwist

shortly after Maxwell died Eiffel says this to Kepler:

and yeah, alright, first time that Kepler listened to someone else who is not a superior, but it doesn't stay the only time. Maxwell's death in general really did affect him and how he acts, even though he never talks about it.

And it all comes back to the finale where Kepler is trying to explain why he acted the way he did. and he is right: there would have been another death just like in "Desperate Measures". There is a bigger picture here and he can't forget that again.

[siunit214]

hephaestus crew wearing these

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#JACOBI: divorce selfie!