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Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope.

Daniel Samohin

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I’m a bit torn about this. One on hand, she’s skating to super-dramatic music (Peer Gynt), and she’s a badass, so I kind of feel like she can get away with it. It’s different from the usual, and it looks pretty cool in rare moments like this where her arm was outstretched. Other the other hand, it’s kind of weird to only have a wing/curtain on one side, sometimes it flapped wildly and was distracting, I reeeaaaaally don’t want to know this much about her bikini waxing regimen, and I’m also secretly hoping that Will Ferrell makes another skating movie and incorporates ONE bat wing into a costume.

Elizaveta Tuktamysheva

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Submission:  Evgenia Tarasova/Vladimir Morozov at the 2016 Grand Prix Final

We all need to take a moment to appreciate that these two actually paid money to wear something that looks like a Frankenstein-inspired spacesuit in an elite international sporting event, and I cannot stop using italics. But as sad as the costumes are, what’s even worse is that this program is not an avant-garde masterpiece depicting Frankenstein’s historic manned flight to Mars. (Actually, that would be kind of amazing, but no! It’s *DISCO*!) 

I really like Evgenia/Vladimir and I think they have loads of potential, but they need better packaging, stat. 

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Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you sent this in, and I think your use of italics is spot-on! Although these were no doubt hundreds of dollars each, they came out looking so cheap. In general, I don’t like outfits that look like a mash-up of two (or three, or more...) entirely different things. I also have questions like, why is his shirt cut like a vest on the bottom but a tunic on the top? And why are her sleeves a completely different color and seemingly growing out of her armpits?  

Evgenia Tarasova and Vladimir Morozov

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I have sooooo many issues with this outfit and this program. I absolutely love “It’s Oh So Quiet,” but I cannot figure out what Alena is trying to do with it by wearing this. I understand Harley Quinn is really popular right now, but this is lame. Not only is it essentially a Halloween costume, it’s a pretty sad one. I saw umpteen million teen girls dressed as Harley this year, and a lot of them did a much better job.

Even the hair and makeup are half-assed, with a splotch of pink on one side and a splotch of blue on the other:

Yeah, that’s the kind of the face I made when I saw it too.

Alena Leonova

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Submission: Papadakis & Cizeron in Boston 2016

Submitter:  I am not sure if anyone submitted this yet

Fashion faux pas doesn’t usually occur to them but the broken blue condom on Papadakis is really an eye sore…. 

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I am dying at “broken blue condom” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Papadakis & Cizeron

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Submission: Attack of the Birds

Submitter:  Here is a photo of Shizuka’s 2002-03 SP costume. No photo perfectly sums up how disastrous this costume is, but this video does a good job: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yRkcOD2nIc

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I...am speechless...

Big Bird Shizuka Arakawa

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Submission: Elena Radionova

http://ohtheseskaters.tumblr.com/post/142205232333

Submitter:  it doesn’t look too bad in pictures but i’ll assume these have been touched up and tell you about the burning of my eyes at the TD Garden yesterday when she showed up in this. skating to Titanic. top was cute, shoulders could have passed on bows. bottom was also doable. just certainly NOT TOGETHER. AND DEFINITELY NOT WITH HEAVILY EMBELLISHED PALE YELLOW GLOVES.

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Hahaha, I’m dying to know what this looks like in person that it caused eye burns! There is just too much going on here, as usual when an outfit totally fails. Those bows are like NOPE. The crystals are random and terrible. The gloves I will never understand.

Also, I went to Google Images to find more of this outfit, and GIRL YOU NEED TO FIX YOUR UNDERWEAR SITUATION, STAT. I’m not gonna post here what I saw, because it makes me uncomfortable. Google it at your own risk, people!

Elena Radionova

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Submission: EGADS

http://mainetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/disney-bad-Hungary-Figure-Skatin_Acco-31-644x1024.jpg

Submitter:  Take a look at this one. It looked like a bad interpretation of royal garb.

Another great submission!

OMG is this Alena Leonova again?? She might be the queen of my blog by now. I gotta find her awful Harley Quinn nonsense outfit too.

Alena Leonova?

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Submitter:  Elladj Balde’s SP ombre onsie from the 2016 season. His FS costume wasn’t bad, if a bit boring, but this one… yikes

Thank you for the submission! I agree with you, and I also think this is really, really boring. Hello skating pajamas!

Elladj Balde

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Submission - Tahitian Carmen?

No idea what she’s skating to, but it’s an eyesore regardless. 

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I don’t know either, Kenny, but someone seriously misled this poor girl! Her boobs look like eyes, and the rest has to be made from clearance scraps of fabric loosely sewn together. Nope nope nope.

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Hi!

I just went through your page, this is hilarious, I laughed so hard.

Adelina as a fancy gateau

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Thanks again, Kinga! I have so many posts about Adelina that I almost feel bad for putting up another, but she’s built quite a large collection of terrible dresses for such a young skater. This one...this is insane, y’all. As with many failed skating outfits, there is simply too much stuff attached, and it’s very distracting. A fancy cake, indeed!

Adelina Sotnikova

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Nr2: Adelina with or without the costume?

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Thank you to submitter Kinga! I remember hating this (it’s unflattering, an ugly color, and lazy), but since I’m terribly unorganized and don’t know if I already posted, here it is for your viewing pleasure! 

Adelina Sotnikova

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Submission - Princess Jasmine

I’m a big fan of Mao, but not of this costume. Besides, wouldn’t it totally mess up the aerodynamics of her jumps?

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Big thanks to Kenny, one of my best submitters! I don’t know about the aerodynamics, and it’s a beautiful color, but it’s SO MUCH on her tiny frame. I think simplifying some of the large crystal work and changing the bottoms would have worked much better.

Mao Asada

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Submission - Snake Charmer

Eww it’s so unattractive- wait, where’s that snake going?! 

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A good question, submitter. I don’t think I want to know the answer!

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There are about 20 seconds of Beatles music in this program, and I guess that’s supposed to be enough to warrant these outrageous costumes. It’s not. 

Piper Gilles & Paul Poirier

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When Polina came out in this sad, droopy number, I had no idea what she’d be skating to. It turned out to be the grand, sweeping soundtrack to “Gone With the Wind.” I was not inspired. Look at Polina’s dress and then at the epic dress Vivien Leigh wore in the movie. Of course wearing the exact same thing (minus length) would translate into looking silly and overly-costumed. But someone HAS to make this stand out more. It’s too plain and half-hearted, and that bow makes me want to cry.

Polina Edmunds

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Submission: What is THAT?