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[sorryiexistbleh]

im so exhausted rn 

[sorryiexistbleh]

Sometimes you just gotta put music and stare at the ceiling

[sorryiexistbleh]

i’ve made it so far  i happily study i happily write im happy  and soon the hint of sadness  to it all will cease to exist  day 193

[sorryiexistbleh]

my controller 

“Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.”

― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

[sorryiexistbleh]

reminders to feel refreshed  before starting tasks

- drink water or a refreshing cold drink whatever that is for u  - do yoga or exercise  (get ur body going)  - eat one of those peppermints teachers hand out before big exams  - have a tasty fruit nearby - splash ur face with water  then do ur task what it may be best of luck ! 

[sorryiexistbleh]

okay but can we talk abt how auditory processing issues are just under discussed in general and how many times someone is going to yell at u for not understanding what their saying 

underdiscussed benefit of auditory processing issues is that I’m basically immune to catcalling because I fully. do not understand a single word of what people are saying. half the time I barely realise it’s me they’re talking to because it‘s not like I can figure it out based on content and context clues. there’s just Some Guys Yelling on the other side of the street, and it barely occurs to me to feel addressed because I am, at any given time, too busy thinking about the menacing duality of rhododendrons

[sorryiexistbleh]

Monthly Reset

Turn on some comforting music and get started. Do this at the very beginning of each month.

Clean out cameraroll

Get any receipts out of your bag/car/wallet and sort if they’re necessary to keep or not. Put them in a designated area.

Clean your bathroom cabinets and drawers out, wipe the mirror down and light a candle

Clean your closet. Get rid of anything you genuinely dont want anymore 

Clean your gmail 

Clean out your text messages

Delete any unnecessary apps/files you have saved 

Write down/type out the passwords to any accounts you made recently

Tidy up your jewelry 

Get rid of any random boxes / trash / unnecessary items in your home

Clean out your fridge

Skim over what goals you missed last month and add them to this months week one plan

Identify one to two bad habits and find good habits to replace them with 

EX: Leaving items laying in random places TO “put it away, not down”

EX: Procrastinating dishes TO doing the dish as soon as you’re finished with it

Use the journal prompt : What were some things that upset you last month? Do you know why they upset you? How do you feel now? Name some positive things you did last month. Name two things you feel you did a good job on last month.

Use an anxiety/depression/self help app to relax 

Write down 10 affirmations to start the new month

Change your phone’s wallpaper 

[sorryiexistbleh]

Okay but I'm actually kind of starting to hate mainstream neurodiversity social media spaces. I hate all those infographics that look like boring corporate power point slides. I hate that neurodivergent has just come to mean autism and adhd while other neurominorities are ignored or even further stigmatized by these spaces. I hate this constant focus on how autistic people can be super empathetic and have lots of friends and work in high paying professional jobs. I hate the demonization of people with low empathy. I hate the empathification of autism. I hate how my friend was called a eugenics apologist for saying it's okay to use the word aspergers. I hate the constant policing. I hate the pathologization of every trait. I hate essentialist understandings of psychiatric diagnoses. I hate the quirkification of it all. I hate the buzzfeedification of mental health. I hate tiktok psychiatry. I hate capitalism selling us back the traumas it's inflicted on us as products.

[sorryiexistbleh]

i could never be happier than when jus existing with u

[sorryiexistbleh]

as the colder months approach: i wish you all a healthy, calm end of the year. i wish you tasty cups of tea, comfortable clothes, warm beds, nutritious meals in safe homes, good music, new friends and unwavering health. you deserve good things now.

[sorryiexistbleh]

jus been chillin

[sorryiexistbleh]

i never know where i am at dont ask i will never know its not me trying to be rude or withhold some secret way i jus dont know

when people ask me for directions i’m sorry. i’m not that kind of girl

[sorryiexistbleh]

here but they’re not the same :<

pass the olive garden breadstick to your followers 

[sorryiexistbleh]

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

https://youtu.be/XONCO6dhh1I

we wait on motivation too much its completely irrelevant the doubts, the worries, the feeling of i dont wanna do this today when it comes to our goals when it comes to our dreams , we allow our spirit to override all that complacency, because were about to build the life that we want   °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

when we wanna live the life we love and love the life we live

our feelings will be irrelevant, how many times have we convinced ourselves were not in the mood

we let our feelings become fact

   °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

sit and think

how will u feel if u dont do that thing

how will u feel if u do accomplish it

^ then follow that feeling then simplify it

get rid of the mountain

take it step by step

realize i may have been distracted , procrastinating but i am not listening to my feelings keeping me

because i am lead by the spirit not by the flesh

begin turning it up a notch in your belief ,  in your consistency , in your discipline  take it step by step 

  °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .• applying this mindset as an artist

take a step (simply getting up , if ur an artist like me scribbling )

take another step (drawing shapes circles wondering what ur mind could be on play some music u like get in a vibe)

one more step then motivation kicks in (more than jus shapes u start seeing where ur going with some of this)

inspiration kicks in

turning it up a notch in my belief,i look for what i want this piece to say or if i want it to say anything at all maybe jus be smth silly that makes me smile

turning it up a notch in my consistency, i see social media stressed me out made me feel like i couldnt draw or paint or be the artist i am unless it was for that when its always been for me i delete social medias stressing me and say i can do this whenever however i want and feel it in my soul even if its jus a silly catgirl who cares its mine

turning it up a notch in my discipline,

i wont let this become something i cant enjoy doesn't matter how bad i do one some days i will not be discouraged , ive got my coffee and my music and my cozy environment all i need i dont need perfection thats not the purpose of my art and my art isnt my only purpose if i mess up or cant draw exactly what i see thats okay as long as i got up i sat at my desk and let myself feel and create the way i know i can , im alright

  °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

simply applying this mindset to my life

take a step

(simply getting up , grabbing some water or coffee  )

take another step (starting my morning routine with some music i enjoy )

one more step then motivation kicks in (journaling my to-dos, goals and priorities for the day putting things i enjoy in each thing so i dont need to dread whats next )

inspiration kicks in turning it up a notch in my belief, i can read the word how can i apply this to my life how can i let this lead me throughout my day ( having a study plan) writing it down even if its not something i can absorb right now i can have it for later,  turning it up a notch in my consistency, having routines not things i dread but things i need and enjoy , see what things stress me out the most figure out why, keeping having a coffee and a playlist i love playing in my ears or the background as i go through my day 

turning it up a notch in my discipline, im not gonna let the alarm in morning become something i cant jus go okay and get up and start my day because i know well my favorite songs abt to start playing, soon i’ll get on the phone with the person i love wish him a good day at work , im gonna have a cup coffee do my morning routine and be awake and alive in the morning because   what should stop me ? most certainly shouldnt be me 

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

notes, thoughts and engaging with how this video made me feel and wanna improve my mindset as an artist and a person  how you feel is irrelevant

[sorryiexistbleh]

(*^^*)♡lovin fall

let’s all go for a cozy autumn walk, where do y’all want to go?

[sorryiexistbleh]

very helpful! (*^^*)♡

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[sorryiexistbleh]

music is an escape